Do You Need Professional Help To Have A Healthy Relationship?
When we need to fix a broken arm, we see a doctor. When we need to fix a broken carburetor, we see a mechanic. When we need to fill a gap in our knowledge about something, we take a class taught by an expert in the matter. It is so normal, in almost every area of our lives, to recognize that there are trained professionals who are more knowledgeable on how to fix and improve upon things than we are, and we go to them willingly when something isn’t quite right. And yet, a lot of us resist seeking a therapist when our ability to carry on a healthy romantic relationship isn’t quite what it could be. Therapists can analyze your life and habits, and figure out what you’re doing wrong and why you’re doing it—just the way a mechanic can tell you what’s wrong with your car and why it happened. So, do you need to see a therapist before you can have a healthy relationship? Here are signs that answer is yes.
You’ve never seen a breakup coming
All of your breakups have taken you entirely by surprise. That isn’t normal—that means that you are unaware of harmful dynamics while they are happening, and not very good at reading whether or not your partner is happy.
You’ve never called someone your boyfriend
Whether or not you’ve ever dated someone for a long time, you have never called somebody your boyfriend. You treat labels like some sort of a disease that should be avoided at all costs.
You’ve never dated someone for more than a month
If you are in your thirties or older and have never dated somebody for even one straight month, something could be off. It’s perfectly normal not to have found the one yet, but not to have even found someone you could enjoy and get along with for four weeks says something…
You’ve been engaged several times
Becoming engaged is a huge deal and, if done correctly, only has to be done once. If you’ve broken off several engagements, that means you completely misinterpret whether or not someone is the person you should spend your life with. You should get some clarity on that matter.
You’ve lived with a lot of people you’ve broken up with
You have lived with a lot of partners. In fact, you’ve moved in with most of them. Then you broke up, and it was a disaster. What does it say about you that you can, at one point, think you’re so connected to someone that you should sign a lease together and at another want nothing to do with them? A therapist may be able to tell you.
You get tired of relationships around the same time
You have a pattern; all of your relationships end around the same time. Maybe it’s not a specific timeline (like three months or one year) but it’s around the same event or series of events.
Your relationships consume your mind
You think about relationships a lot, whether or not you’re in one. Often, the thing in our life that we know is “broken” or off is the thing we obsess over.
You won’t talk to your friends about your relationships
If you know, deep down, that divulging your habits and behaviors in relationships would raise a hundred red flags for your friends, then you should certainly seek professional help.
You’ve tried to make several adjustments
You have tried to fix things; you’ve read every self-help book out there, attempted different communication techniques and every couples’ bonding retreat available. It is beginning to feel like fixing this is beyond your capabilities.
You think you may stop dating entirely
You’re considering joining a convent because you just have absolutely no idea what you could do at this point to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
You’re very impulsive
You plan vacations with men you’ve been on one date with, you get engaged after three months of dating, you consider buying a house with a man who you’ve only been with for five months.
There has been abuse in your relationships
If there has been any type of abuse in your relationships—physical, emotional, mental or otherwise—you should certainly see a therapist.
People have stopped setting you up
People have stopped setting you up or even mentioning somebody they think you should meet because they think, “What’s the point? She’ll just do what she always does.”
Several exes have said you should see someone
Several exes, when you broke up, have looked you in the eye and earnestly said, “I hope you get help one day.” They weren’t being condescending; it was genuine.
You feel doom around the subject
You feel a sense of doom and anxiety around the subject of relationships. If someone asks you a simple, “When was your last serious relationship” you get nauseous.