6 Good Reasons to Date “Other” Men

172 Comments
November 1, 2011 ‐ By jaebi

Black women dating white men

Today’s world is an increasingly different place than it was even 20 years ago. But as a whole, our mindsets are far slower to change than the very ground beneath our feet. This is particularly true for women, whom society seems to make responsible for a significant portion of our moral underpinning, particularly when it comes to ideas surrounding dating and sex. Most women go by the rules to protect their reputations.

But do the same socialized limitations apply to the type of person you are willing to date, or more specifically, that person’s ethnic background? Or is there something else keeping you dating within your racial boundaries? Ultimately, it boils down to your own preferences — but you don’t need a Census-scale study to note that a black woman is far less likely, or even willing, to date outside her race than a black man. It’s time to change all that.

I’m fortunate to have the audacity of exercising my options. The fact is, when I step out with a lady who has an “other” background, I’m not worried about what her parents may think. But I am watching for other black women out the corner of my eye, concerned she might view me as a traitor, or go Sister Soulja and make a snide remark. Deep down, I’ve got this nagging feeling she doesn’t understand, nor does she know what she’s missing. Rather than feeling angry, jealous or betrayed, she should join the team.

So from a brutha to a sistah, here are the reasons you all really need to consider trying “something new.”

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  • poolgamer

    This is just another advertisement to diminish, get rid of and or eliminate the BLACK race. Every where I look even commercials are featuring Black and White couples. Since white people can no longer kill/lynch or legally steal the Black men away from their family..they have decided to link Black and Whites together in so many subliminal messages so that can lighten the race or eliminate the total black package. In essence, they are trying to build Hybrids! The sad thing is, is that the BLACK male is falling for it straight out of the GATE! It’s the Black women who stays with her race(for the most part) and the Black women who raises the BLACK children…. Black men are the ones who jumped shipped, No longer fight for justice or their rights…no longer Mandingo minded and extremely self indulged and afraid of their own roots and Blackness! So in reality, the Black Man (some) who need their heads examined because they(some) have totally lost all sight of their past and future! You have allowed the European society brainwash you and still your souls! Thank God for the Black Men who stays true to their heritage and continues to keep the race in tact!

  • Joe

    White guy here. I have been attracted to black women from time to time. The black woman I was most attracted to was successful, confident, funny easy going and all in all a good person to be around. Not to mention she could drain a mean jump shot having played collegiate b-ball in her early days. I found myself quite attracted to her dynamic personality and I didn’t give second thought to the fact that she was only 5′ and 200 lbs while I am 6′ 200 lbs and athletic. What stopped me in my tracks was the fact that she was some guy’s “baby mama”. I didn’t care about skin color or weight or athleticism. It was values. She was raised in a traditional home with both parents and successful siblings. I am from a broken home with unsuccessful family members but I desire for myself and my children what she was raised with. She chose a direction that took her away from her upbringing and despite that great connection we had her decisions took her away from a potential relationship with me. The problem in any culture or race is the breakdown of the family and traditional values. Modern america has this problem across the racial spectrum. Some races may be doing better or worse but it is a people problem not a color problem. The club or bar or hip hop scene is not conducive to family values (generally speaking) and is the reason we see so many baby mama’s and baby daddy’s running around. 40’s, blunts, XTC and the like are degrading our mindset. Good men and women with solid futures are found working their butts off in universities, offices and workplaces. You can find a soulmate with the same values in places like this or at your local congregation praying to God. I met my wife at church and she is Asian. Our cultural differences present some challenges but can be worked through since we have the same set of values. Color is irrelevant but values mean everything. My father takes issue with the race difference and has not come to visit over the past 6 yrs but I don’t care. I wake up next to my wife everyday not him. His opinions matter very little. Good luck everybody.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ladyscorpio10 Nikki Newton

    I am of mixed race, but all people see is black. I’ve been dating outside of my “race” since I was 13 I am now 34. The last time I “dated my race” I was 21. I’m not into the “baller” “thug” like of a man. I’m more a “clean cut” type of woman. Someone who we can work real well together and support one another, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I live in Colorado and not to many “real men” here, so I even look outside of my own state.

    Note: LATINO MEN LOVE ME! They are my favorite.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shanifiu Shani Bernard

    I love who loves me and European men treat me like a queen. I’m just saying ;)
    European men will marry the ugliest black women. They love us!

  • http://www.facebook.com/michelle.wearren Michelle Wearren

    tried to read most of the post, hope that my comments are not repetitive. while i respect the author of the article, i have to say that imo he’s being somewhat superficial. i’ve read the statistics, and been through the experience (good/bad/indifferent) of being with a black man. and what i have to add is this. i am a black woman deeply rooted/invested in her community. i care intensely about “my people”. i am active and interested in all things “black”. so what happens when i date an “other”? is he going to dig in and participate with me? and if so, doesn’t that endanger my credibility with the very people i’m trying to help? i may be shallow, but i often wonder when i see a bm with a ww, if he’s as involved with his people as i think he should be. it’s not all about me, but about the model i present to my family and community. what am i telling my black son when i marry a white man? maybe i’m telling him it’s okay to think globally, or maybe i’m telling him that irregardless of the problems facing our men, irregardless of the needs of my people to have my FULL attention, i’m gonna do ME. this post is not meant to be offensive, i don’t care who anyone falls in love with, but i know that as my brother Haki said “black women have not been loved enough”, and neither have black men.

  • disqus_5Sr0j7k2Rw

    I need to move, or I will 4ever be single.

  • Torontochick

    My good friend is a beautiful and successful black woman who is into black men, whereas I am a good-looking black woman who is into white men (and it’s a type within a type within a type), and she doesn’t really “get” my preference, and I don’t really “get” hers, but who cares? At the end of the day, I’m happy and proud to see this beautiful fellow black woman experiencing love and success and I know she feels the same way about me. I support black women, regardless of who they date!

  • Sylence

    Ok so did they include that the “other” category usually have an issue with dating black women themselves…it is VERY rare that I go out and get hit on or talked to by another race. In my opinion, they’re intimidated…afraid of the unknown. And if you’re the old-fashioned type (like I am), preferring for a man to take the initiative, you’ll probably be left waiting for your “Prince Charming” to come and sweep you up on his white horse.

  • IChoozWlth

    I am so glad to have found this article, so that I can voice my own personal opinion. I would never say anything bad about Black women dating outside their race, but I am Black and have for the most part of my adult life dated white men,(Black men, just didn’t seem to notice me) and now that I am older and way past dating and way past thinking about getting married.  I have promised myself that I will never  date any more white men.  As I look back, the majority of them seemed to be so emotionally unavailable, cold, unfeeling and empty.  They knew how to have sex, but were emotionally not there.  Good luck to any of you who can make a real relationship with them. No longer my choice!

  • simplyme

    These types of articles confuse me. The Black women that are interested in dating ‘other’ men are already doing so. And those that will eventually choose to expand their options will do so organically, not because someone online told them to. It just doesn’t work that way. You may meet one person who changes your view…and it goes from there. But no one is going to read this and say “Ok now I’m going to date a Hispanic guy.” It just seems wrong. I’d say just keep a relatively open mind and stop worrying about other people’s dating habits. 

  • http://twitter.com/rewith85man Ernest DeBrew III

    Of course, you have to worry about discrimination, prejudice, rejection, and other problems if you date someone outside your race. But, I guess it depends on who you are. Interracial couples that mostly everyone knows that they belong together are Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, Heidi Klum and Seal, etc.

  • observer

    I’m a mixed white/asian male and I’ve been lucky to date a variety of women… black, white, brown, mixed, you name it. Except strangely I never dated anyone even partly asian for the longest. I didnt find them interesting, dont ask me why.. Until one day I ran into an asian girl who was one of the funniest, most confident, must unconventional and kick-ass women I’ve ever met. And we clicked. That relationship went a couple of years and ultimately didnt work out but in my history I’ve dated another asian (half) since. That too surprised me since supposedly “asians arent my thing”. Ultimately who knows who I’ll end up with but honestly I value the great girlfriends I’ve had white black brown yellow or otherwise, it doesnt matter to me where they came from – only that we clicked and had great experiences together. I’m on good terms with pretty much all of them.

    The moral is that no matter what my preconceptions were, every single girl I’ve had a great relationship with, it had NOTHING to do with the race. It really didnt. I’ve learned a hell of a lot more by not limiting my options and just going with what feels right and what makes me happy and fits with me – no matter the race.

    It’s hard enough trying to find the person for you in this lifetime, without then having to restrict the field even further because you or somebody else has a problem with race and you start cutting out this race or that. Life is short.. spend it finding the person that clicks with you in terms of personality, sense of humor, guts, brains, character qualities, etc and forget about who says what about race. In the long run race wont be the determining quality that keeps your relationship solid or keeps you fulfilled or lands you the right partner that will be there for you etc.

    Everyone is free to choose their own path but in my opinion no matter if youre a guy or a girl, if you restrict who you think you can date racially you’re doing yourself a disservice. Live a little :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EK4X4EHJ6EEAKARNNTO3SE4OEA Baito

    i am black man who only date black women i am not racist i just ain’t dumb lol

  • reese

    And also read some of the Asian blogs. Asian men are having the same conversations because their women marry out more than any. There are articles about chinese men marrying african women. The trend of asian men with white women. The increase of asian men with on asian women. You can look it up on Youtube.

  • Sallibshelli

    This article was interesting. I'm a 27 y/o black female. Educated, strong, independent, loving, caring and many other things. I feel almost as if the writer of this article is saying "I do it so you should do it too." What you do and who you do it with is your business. However, I can't count how many times I've heard black men say that they date "others" because black women are X, Y, and Z. That's the mindest behind a lot of black men that date "other" women, which means that their reasons for dating out of their race are ingenuine! Those are the ones I have a problem with. You have a black man raised by a single mother and than when he gets older he not only refuses to date black women, but also speaks poorly of them. In my book that equates to disrespecting your own mother.

    • Rell

      Deep. I've seen these patterns. This, too, is very unfortunate. Those men who scrutinize and generalize negative things about Black woman are simply showing their misinformed nature. It goes back to being responsible for the kinds of people we surround ourselves with. We can each chose those with good character qualities or the ones who have poor character and end up with poor relationships or good ones depending on our choice. So, these dudes who complain about the Black woman are simply crazy. There are flaws in some white women too and the man who fails to realize this is in denial and blind with self hate.

  • kaya

    First off lemme start of by saying Jimmy swaggered “shhhh” I dont even know what kind of attention you’re trying to achieve from here. But back on topic I dont understand why these “kinds” of articles are written. Even if a black female only dates black men i would think as a human-when a non-black guy is interested,cares and loves her and she return finds herself attracted and begin to care and love him she will be with him! She might have to fight internal demons because she’s not use to interracial relationship but if she decides her happiness is worth more than people hate i would like to think she will be with him. We dont HAVE to have articles that tell people that tells us AA females to stop waiting and limiting your happiness with black men and date outside. What about if I find myself only be attracted and interested in black men am I to be deemed pathetic and lonely because I am not interested in other races? And you know what if a guy comes whose non black and can give me what I’m looking for and more no question ask im opting for happiness. But see im confuse why is then an issue? I feel when i read articles like this, its basically telling me not to care who im attracted too just date outside your race because alot of you black men is doing it. I always thought it was just a preference and who in the end you end up loving not purposely going out of your way to not date your own race. eh whatever

  • Drea

    I'm currently dating out of my race, and I love it! My boyfriend is of Mexican and White ancestry. He's very kind, compassionate, intelligent, patient, understanding and just fun to be around. He's an adventure that keeps me interested and in a craving for whatever he as in store for our relationship daily. I'm glad that I took the chance to explore outside of my race. I am a Caribbean American with mixed heritage which inspires me to seek out what's in the world that will make me happy. I believe that this eagerness to explore other races stems from how you were raised and what kind of positive or negative diversity you experienced growing up.

    My 5 reasons:

    1. Happiness: Being comfortable and satisfied liking whatever you are attracted to, and being delighted to have that person.
    2. Possibility for financial security:
    3. Acceptance: Being loved for being me and nothing else. He never has tried to change me.
    4. Exploration: I love learning about other cultures, languages, and customs and adopting and incorporating them with my own.
    5. Less insecurity: He's not afraid of a strong willed, outspoken and successful woman. Within my household growing up, my father wasn't very accepting of this. He was insecure because my mother earned more financially than he did, so he was bitter when it came to contributing financially. So I promised myself, that I'd find a man who wold be more respectful of my opinion, thoughts, and well being. Also, I can't stand the "man of the house stigma" where the man has to have the only say in household situations.

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    Thumbs down because I love my wife? Nice one Madame Noire!!!

  • Richard

    As a resident of Washington, DC (and a white make), as of lately I’ve been seeing a LOT of black women with other races and it makes me smile.  After seeing movies like “Jungle Fever,” “Waiting To Exhale,” among others, it’s refreshing to see we’re slowly moving forward from the 90’s way of thinking.  “Would it be better if she were black? “It would be better if YOU were black.” – Waiting To Exhale:  That quote definitely encompasses a lot of opinions people have of interracial dating.  It’s nice to see that we’re progressing.   So I say go for it!  You’re no less proud of your heritage.  As said previously, the big cities are full of culture.  Date who makes you happy.  You would be surprised at what you’ll find!

  • ray man

    i wonder how many black women are raising their black boys up to say its okay to date out side of their race and then complain that it is no men for the sisters to marry sounds weird well i caught my sister telling my nephew that its okay to date outside your race and then she complains about brothers not being with sisters maybe she feels that since its her son that his number don't count towards being a future husband for a sister or maybe my sister is typical woman who i know for a fact has attitude towards other women for no reason like my mom has and they don't want anything good for another black women period even if its her son being a future husband for a black women the nonsense has to stop you can't say to your child it's okay to love any race you want and then turn around and say were are all the black men at for black women you can't be for and against the problem either teach your child to be a suitable mate for their own race or stop complaining about the shortage when you have power to influence who your child connects with

    • Jimmy Swaggered

      Punctuation should be a friend, not a foe.

      • ray man

        tru dat

    • Marie

      but where are black women complaining at?
      i see where black men say that we complain about them dating other races but they can never come up with a solid answer when i tell them to direct me to where!
      What i do see is any time the subject comes up regareding black women and other races black men usually react with name calling like sellout and other such names(you tube,topix) or in reality if they see a black woman with another race they really behave badly sometimes even to the point of violence(like the black marines that killed the ir couple in san diego). i never see black women act like this towards black men with nbw. black women are used to seeing black men with nbw..it's the black men who's having a hard time dealing with black women dating others
      but try to make it look like it's the black woman. that's why you have so many black men here giving their opinion..if black women were to do this we would catch hell and called jealous.

  • candice

    i'm married to a white man and we laugh about each other all time. half the time i think he's more black than me! he loves the black culture. he is hilarious!

    • Soldier

      So a White man who acts Black is "good enough" for you??? I'll bet that he's Black in your eyes; isn't he??

      Do you believe that the sky is green too???

      "half the time i think he's more black than me! he loves the black culture." Are you kidding me?!?!?!?

      You CAN'T be serious!!!! *_*

      • IminCali

        You sound so ridiculous and bitter!

      • IminCali

        You sound so ridiculous and bitter!

  • SickOfThisShhh

    I am sick of these types of articles. Give it a rest Madame Noir seriously. We will date who we wanna date period.

  • Jay

    Terrible article and I see that we have yet another idiotic writer and editorial piece written by some ghetto n3gro.

    This idiot was talking in generaliztions and what he said can be found in all walks of life.

    I really dont get what Rap music and hip hop have to do with blacks dating. I dont get how rap music has made blacks and people liking blacks global. Rap music has done more to harm black peoples image than being a positive trait. Rap music is a selfish, violent and arrogant music genre that came from African Americans who dwell in the inner cities. Rap music is not a flag or something that identifies blacks as being liked or global. Just because people enjoy that art form does not make it a good relationship setter and should not be a valid and cogent reason to date someone. Blacks invented Rock and Roll, Jazz and most of the modern music that we hear on the scene, not just rap music.

    To state that rap music is an entity that identifies blacks or identifies reasons for a relationship with blacks is insulting and ridiculous. This is probably why most of the relationships involving blacks don’t do well because many are built on false or silly pretenses. Too say that blacks are global because of hip hop means that you devalue your own race globally.

    This article is a fail, just like this website and many of its writers and its owner.

    • http://www.facebook.com/douglas.pendleton Douglas E Pendleton

      Actually Jazz was global and blacks that was doing it was accepted world wide rap is mostly crap.

  • ms.kelly

    Black women should be open to dating other races because when you know your beauty is admired and appreciated by different types of men, it’s powerful and you grow from the variety. if you have pride in being black, I can’t imagine how you would lose love for black men. I find that I love them more because the connection is less distant than other types of men. Maintain your friendships with men, he will come, stay open.

  • numero

    Wow at this article.
    I'm broke at times are you rich? I have problems, are you perfect? Regardless of who you are with white, black, asian,…if you cant trust in yourself you'll never be able to trust someone else. I'm sick of being victimized because of the bastards that these women have dealt with. I have never thought white women or other were better than black. There are many hoodrats, h–s, baby mamas, loud mouth, no good black women, BUT I have not equated all black women to these things.

  • Candy

    I like dating people of other cultures. Variety is fun. An really, my family has everything but middle eastern in it. It's all about finding someone that you love and is good for you. Don't just ignore black men, but if you have the choice between a Brazilian man that wants to worship the ground you walk on and a black man that's got two other girls he's 'talking to' you better do the right thing (right person?) for you.

  • In All Honesty

    So, you got a Black dude who dates IR giving BW 6 reasons to date IR for themselves? ROFL! I'm thinking that more Black men should follow the writer's lead in that regard. It's brilliant. I'm starting to like this site a little bit, now.

  • Free Ur Mind

    I'm a black woman. When I was single, I dated mainly white guys, a few Latinos, a couple of black men, but no Asian (even though I was asked out by two). I mainly dated white men for several reasons: those were the men in my area, I was mainly attracted to them, and had things in common. I didn’t grow up around a lot of blacks, and the few black men I did like were too busy chasing after non-black girls. There was one black man I truly had a connection with, but the timing was always off, so we became friends. I was never really into Latinos. Their culture doesn’t appeal to me, and deep down inside a lot of them are prejudice towards blacks (and/or their families are).

    It’s interesting to see how obsessed black people are about interracial relationships. I grew up in a diverse environment. All my life I knew interracial couples (some are even family members), so this topic is not that thought provoking to me. I feel privileged to have grown up without any restrictions about dating based on race.

    • truthhurts

      From one sister to another, let’s be real. Without restrictions? You either ignored them or just didn’t recognize them. But it’s ok. Just letting you know. More power to you hun. ;)

  • Brodie

    The hell?

  • Bre

    I agree 100%

    • bre

      this article is nonsense and stupid

  • LTG

    Why is it always "if you can't get black, get the "other color"? Stop dating by color and date who is interested in you FOR YOU and half the game is already won. Whether you admit to yourselves or not for most black, white, and others, black women are the consolation prize, "Not to insinuate that Mister was a man any women would want" but in many situations we are these brothers' Celie "moment" They really wanted Nettie or Shug but Celie, who wasn't what he wanted, is what he had to settle for. And ladies if you think back to some of the relationships you've been in, you'll easily recall whether or not you were his Celie or his Shug. Now that times have changed and brothers have what they consider "better options" they have bounced and aren't looking back. So ladies stop waiting on that mythical black knight to scoop you up and sweep you off of your feet and find love with a man who first and foremost considers you his first choice and not his last resort.

    • cpbeautyqueen

      SO TRUE Thanks for posting this.

    • truthhurts

      AMEN TO THAT!!

  • lisa

    having dated out of color a few times i find no difference. Same hang-ups, fears, delights has everyone else.

  • Dawn

    I married a Hispanic man. We just celebrated our 20th Anniversary. I married him because we fell in love….that’s all!

  • Free Ur Mind

    When I was single, I dated mainly white guys, a few Latinos, a couple of black men, but no Asian (even though I was asked out by two). I mainly dated white men for several reasons: those were the men in my area, I was mainly attracted to them, and had things in common. I didn’t grow up around a lot of blacks, and the few black men I did like were too busy chasing after non-black girls. There was one black man I truly had a connection with, but the timing was always off, so we became friends. I was never really into Latinos. Their culture doesn’t appeal to me, and deep down inside a lot of them are prejudice towards blacks (and/or their families are).

    It’s interesting to see how obsessed black people are about interracial relationships. I grew up in a diverse environment. All my life I knew interracial couples (some are even family members), so this topic is not that thought provoking to me. I feel privileged to have grown up without any restrictions about dating based on race.

    • Rell

      Right on, Free Ur Mind. I can identify with you on this. I also understand, firsthand, what you meant by Latin cultures (and/or their families) behaving prejudice towards Blacks. As a Black woman, when I've spoken Spanish to them, there's this shock factor and the question of why or how I know Spanish. I tell them I learned it from my parents. Also, there are some who can only speak Spanish, but not even read or write it. So they're beat via intelligence & color-less love.

  • IJS

    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein #IJS

  • chocolatasbunni

    Im sorri but i dont see many white men with black women!! I see more black men with white women where im from. No!! i am not living in a box either…i am a darkskinned sista in college, well traveled, and very open. The only black women that i see white men with almost look exactly like them light skinned, mixed, or latino.

    • Really?!

      That's not true at all. I actually think white men who choose to date inter-racially are more likely to go for dark-skinned women. The whole point of dating outside your race is to try something different. Therefore it makes more sense for them to date someone with dark skin than someone who looks almost white. I see a lot of white men with women who have natural hair too. Not that they don't go for light-skinned women too, but in a way it defeats the purpose (as far as looks are concerned).

      • reese

        That is what I have noticed too. They are black for sure.

  • eugeniamb

    Well once you decided to just bm you've already sold yourself short, when you decided to not get the best for you no matter what race, the one that give you the kind of life you deserve, respect you, the best of the best whatever that may be you've sold yourself short.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1377963013 Kellie Hopson Gray

    I figured all men were the same…. Right..

  • homie

    What people fail to understand is that most white men
    don't want a black woman, they usually date asian women.
    I don't care what color the man is as long as he respects me
    and treats me nice, but let's be real— most white girls who
    date black are the white man's rejects, either fat or ugly and
    the dumb black guy thinks he has gold.

    • Disappointed in Us

      Not true! I'm an African American woman. I've had a white boyfriend who was deeply in love with me. He couldn't hide it if he tried. Not only that.. I've had many many white women hit on me too!
      White people are attracted to Black. Pure and simple.

      • Soldier

        Key word in all of that: "had".

    • reese

      What does it matter even if what you say is true. If non bm are approaching us. Some of us get more approached by nonbm than bm. So we shoudln't date them because of what most wm do?

    • GUESS

      Your statement is TRUE. Most white men want white woman followed by Asian women. But plenty do date and marry BW. Black women and WM relationships and marriages are significantly on the rise. And black women / white men marriages significantly outlast BM / WW marriages. This is due in part because many BW/WM relationships share couples on the same level. Also there is a rise in white woman shunning dating BM because they are now realizing that too many BM are not up to snuff. Problem is too many deadbeat BM are giving good BM a bad name and instead of BM fighting to deter this, they are blaming sistas for the stereotypes.

  • Grown Man

    As a Man period I just would like to say to black women seek a man that is right for you regardless of race. But be smart and look at his (other) psychological makeup. There are different type of white and latino men just like there are different type of black men. Some white men some are no dam good and we all know it. Income should be second or so down the list. Face it what woman black or white woman wants to be married to a man with 6 figure income and he is never home cause he got to work 16 hours a day. 8 at the office and 5 or some hours in the evening and weekends to keep the dam mansion over your head, but you want your cake and eat it too. Not happening. So be smart and look at the trade offs. Be smart my beautiful black sisters because deep down all men on this planet desire you but some white guys will never marry you, because of there family, some will marry you and treat you bad cause they have been conditioned that they are better than you. America is 14% black 60% or better white and the prison system is full of latino and white men in prison too.

    • Anonymous

      …one thing i get really tired of is bm like yourself giving advice/warnings and trying to speculate what you think wm will be like in a relationship with a bw or how his family will feel etc…it's tiring and a huge fail because the numbers for bw/wm seem to be increasing. if bw come to a majority bm site saying half the things bm say to us about mixed dating and marriage we would immediately be called jealous. bw are adults and most of us can really take care of ourselves.

      • Trutysayer

        Actually black women do come to majority bm sites and say what they feela bout this and that. In facts it so common that it’s a movie sterotype. Second of all what he said can be applied to the relationships of Bm and non-bm women as well. Most families would accept a BM before the would accept a BM. And that’s a fact

        I am sure there are plenty of BM that can’t care of themselves and others, however there are plenty that can’t (and of course that applies to black men as well to an even larger degree) as we have witnessed when ONE black man has had 30 children by 11 different black women.

    • Rell

      What an awesome and intelligent comment Grown Man. Thank you. From a Black Woman( of Latin heritage with family origins in Panama, Central America).

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    Would you date a white man? How about a homeless man? How about a homeless molested white man?

    THIS WEBSITE IS AWESOME!!

    • eugeniamb

      This isn't even about white men, wow you're a needy, cowardly man, no matter what color you are. No woman should give a punk a chance. Ugh.

      • Jimmy Swaggered

        They already did.

  • carter

    Jewish is not a race!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Ashley

      yes it is. It is a religion as well as a race.

      • Bree

        No it's not. It's considered an ethnic group, though.

  • London-Milani

    Thatswhatsupnow.com staffs are all up for change, but where can you find these brotha I mean really? Most women we meet or our girlfriends are still holding back afraid. The under -cover broth syndrome doesn’t help either.
    We don’t believe for women it’s about bank or the color of a man skin, but it is truly about love if there is still such as thing…’Just saying!

  • GUESS

    Im a black woman and my husband is white. The best part is that he is from Europe. I recommend dating non-American men, as well (if possible). For me, I dated white men exclusively for about 2 years before marrying my husband. I did this because I saw many black men in my surroundings (family, work, friends, associates) were not capable of providing what I wanted in a mate (mainly, marriage). Most of my black female friends and female family members are single mothers or in relationships with boys dressed as men. And all are miserable. I knew single parenthood and non-matrimonial relationships were not for me, so I decided to date "others". And I will never look back.

    • Guest

      Or just date men black included who want to get married. There are black men who are responsible and want to get married. I wouldn't tell my friends to date only white women because black women are fat and bossy. Stop applying stereotypes. You only know a small amount of men.

      • Feist

        *yawn*

      • Guest

        The majority of the black women I've dealt with have been immature, superficial and have messed up families. So am I to conclude that white women are better, or that I won't be fulfilled until I exclusively date white? Of course not, because I've met less than .1% of black women in America. You're being very irrational as you know less than .1% of black men in America. I also went to a nearly all white private high school so I already know what white people are like, and they have just as many problems as black people. People are people regardless of color. It seems the people who believe this race nonsense have had limited dealings with white or other people. White and other men are not better than black men. And white and other women are not better than black women. We're all equal. You are not more likely to be a better/worse husband or wife just because you were born white/black. Once again irrational.
        I don't need to have a woman support me. I'm an engineer and I went to school with and work with many black engineers who are married to black women. So yes there are black men who succeed and yes they also like and happen to marry black women.

        • GUESS

          So should I have waited another 4-5 years to meet my black engineer. Im not a fool, look at the devastating rate of BW marrying; look at the rate of children born OOW. Forget stereotypes, Im talking about the state of BW, the group I am a part of… Of course I only came in contact with less than .1% of black men – Im just one girl so thats to be expected. But most of that .1% was not much to brag about.

          Also, I know plenty of well educated BM who are family orientated, but I came across much more who either werent family-orientated or didnt have what is needed to maintain a family (decent job, goals, strong upbringing). Hell, I can bet most BM you know dont even have that.
          And just to be clear, like I said earlier, I expect my man to be on my level (decent job, money, family values, no kids, and goal-oriented (and more))
          At the end of the day, I am happier than ever and have no regrets.

          • Guest

            I’ve know equal amounts of quality black men and women.  Black women share equal blame for OOW children and low marriage rates.  Being born a woman doesn’t automatically make you better than black men. Many women thing that having a career or education automatically makes the marriage material.  It doesn’t.  They can still be immature and annoying.  Most black women that I know wouldn’t meet my standards.  But it would be racist for me to assume that another race is better just because some black people have problems.  My best female friend growing up married a great guy who happened to be white.  But she doesn’t think hes better than a black guy like me.  Promoting another race as being inherently better is the definition of racism.  So yes you’re being racist.     

          • Guest

            I’ve know equal amounts of quality black men and women.  Black women share equal blame for OOW children and low marriage rates.  Being born a woman doesn’t automatically make you better than black men. Many women thing that having a career or education automatically makes the marriage material.  It doesn’t.  They can still be immature and annoying.  Most black women that I know wouldn’t meet my standards.  But it would be racist for me to assume that another race is better just because some black people have problems.  My best female friend growing up married a great guy who happened to be white.  But she doesn’t think hes better than a black guy like me.  Promoting another race as being inherently better is the definition of racism.  So yes you’re being racist.     

            • guess

              1) I think black women are more at fault for OOW births than black men.  You think both are equal.  I think the women hold more blame.
              2) You are way off base, to assume that I believe that being a woman makes me better than being a man.  (I dont know what hat you pulled that out of).  But I know that I’m not a dummy and that I see what is going on in our community. BM aren’t holding us down. No matter how hard you try to say different, deep down you know it is true.
              3) I have an education, career, family values, morals, goals…I exceed in everything I do. I embody plenty of characteristics that make me marriage potential (hince: Im married) And I expect the same in my mate. Like I said before, I dont adopt the Tyler Perry concept regarding relationships.
              4)You may think Im racist, but I think Im smart and damn smart, at that.  Your friend may not talk about it, but trust, she knows that made the right move.
              5) And yes, I encourage my friends to date outside of their race. 

              • GUEST

                I’m all for interracial dating, but to imply that white men are better is simply racist.  I’ve been around good and bad white and black people.  I went to school with a white man is on death row for raping and murdering his grandmother.  Eventually, I went to a private school where the kids mostly went to schools like Yale, Harvard and Middlebury College.  So yes, being white does not make you automatically good or a better marriage mate.  Being a good person is about the choices you make.  My friend is happy not because she found a white man, but because she found a good man.  
                You claim black men aren’t holding you down, how are white men holding you down?  How many black women do you see in their magazines?  Weren’t white men the ones who said you couldn’t eat in their restaurants?  They marry more Asian women than black women despite that fact that there are fewer Asian women overall.  So all this stuff about white men being better is irrational, which is the opposite of logical or smart.  You should focus on the character inside and not outside skin color.  How would you like it if people assumed that you were not marriage material just because you were a black woman? After all black women are more likely to have STD’s, be obese, have out-of-wedlock children and be unmarried than white women.  All the negative stereotypes you use against black men can be used against black women.  Do you see how unfair and racist you’re being?Side note:  Please stop proclaiming how smart you are, especially when you can’t write coherent sentences. “I exceed in everything I do.” Exceed?  I think you meant succeed. “(hince: I’m married).” Did you mean hence?

                • guess

                  Again you are wayyy off base. I never said white men are better marriage partners. I said that due to my experience that I decided to step outside of the box. And by doing so, I obtained my dream – a strong mate and a reliable MARRIAGE partner. My personal experience (which includes coming from a single parent home and witnessing many family and friends end up single mothers) turned me off from black men. I saw too many black men turn from their responsibilities. And before you say that BW are also to blame, I believe we are more at fault for OOW birth than BM.  You may have a different experience, but that doesnt have anything to do with me.
                  I will tell BW to go outside of their race to find what they are looking for because black men aren’t, AGAIN, holding us down. (I cant say WM are holding me down, but I can say that my white husband is – security, loving relationship, honesty, finances, future planning for our family,etc).

                  Yes, BW are more likely to be obese, have STDs, OOW children, unwed, but that doesnt apply to me.

                  I decided to open doors to non-black and by doing so I have security, happiness, and peace. And I will continue to promote dating “others” being that it has worked so well for me.  But in all honesty, many BW see what I have and are deciding on their own to date WM. Good for them.
                  Yes, WM are marrying Asian women at a greater rate, but the rate of BW /WM marriages are on the rise.  And these marriages are surviving at a greater rate than BM /WW & BW /BM marriages.
                  No, I meant “EXCEED” and hince was a mistake.

      • Marie

        Just like I wouldn't tell all my friends to only date white men because all black men are lazy and in prison..stereotypes really shouldn't be applied.

    • homie

      I agree with you because most black men aren't going to ever
      get married, why should they????? All black men aren't boys
      so many have no problem being a single mother then complain.
      We as a people have a long long way to go.

    • Kellie

      Well said. I have a friend in the situation you just described. She's 33, has two graduate degrees, a good job and is forever single. She wants the Reggie Bush baller fantasy man and won't settle for less. I've told her time and again to be open to other options, but she refuses. She complains all the black guys where she lives date whites and latinas, there aren't enough black men on "her level", yet she won't broaden her horizons. I just shake my head when year after year she is still single and wonders why.

      • Soldier

        Sorry to say Kellie, but your friend sounds like a gold-digger to me and is bitter. I wish her well on her find. I hope she comes to and takes your advice.

  • KISSING UP

    You have to date whoever makes you feel good, beautiful, safe and loved.

    But here's some red flags in the Dating Game-
    http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/5-dates

  • Kim

    Many sisters are willing to work with a brother….NO MATTER his situation…which is a problem because we're not requiring them to do better. If the black man doesn't want to up his game to match the black woman, he will never be able to really lead the black family to anything greater than what it is…which is not that great these days (and worse in this economy). Black men need to stop just relying on labor-like jobs…soon there will be no one left in Mexico…so of course those jobs will gone because the Mexicans are mostly in the same boat in terms of education. Go to school, college or learn a trade…I digress…

    In my experience I'm convinced that a lot of black men want you to take their raggedy a$$ as-is and get a platinum membership to the Work-With-a-Brother Program. And black women are tired of it and the black community is suffering because of it.

    • https://www.facebook.com/calandrial Calandrial PhoenixRising Afriyie

      lol @ Work-With-a-Brother Program.

    • guest

      a lot of the Latino immigrants such as the Mexicans are actually going BACK to Mexico. Go figure.

  • Kim

    If there was an overabundance of "quality" black men out here, this wouldn't even be up for discussion continuously…lets be real here. White women NEVER have to have this discussion because the majority of them are able to find men of equal or greater caliber than themselves. Black have a lot of issues…the unemployment, the lack of education (which leaves most of them to settle for jobs that rely on their physicality…what does that sound like?), lack of ambition & a plan, prevent unwanted pregnancies and honor the commitment to the children they do have, preoccupation with a$$ and boyish things like clothes, music, cars, and just not desiring to settle down with one woman because there are so many of us out here who allow them to run through us like Drano.

    • disappointed

      guest im not sure why your first choice of response is to abuse and judge those that chose to have an opinion on the subject. A womans actions does not influence whether the guy she chose to sleep with is a good dad or not. Why do women always have to attack one another? its a shame

    • Kim

      Homey…you got the wrong one. My father is MARRIED to my mother. They have only 3 kids TOGETHER…no other kids. He has been in my life ALL MY LIFE. He was the main provider in the household while my Mom either took care of us or held an odd job. My Dad is the best man ever…which is probably why I am a little hard on men. And my Dad only had a high school diploma but we had a single family home; went on vacations; went to private schools…had a really great childhood. Now that that is out the way…

      I don't totally disagree with you that women are part of the blame too. Like I say above "…so many of us out here allow them to run through us like Drano". Yes, Black women are part of the problem too…but at least we are taking care of the kids we bear…we are getting an education so we can have a job better than the job our grandparents held. Black women are "carrying" the Black community right now and we just want help from our men. That's all. Is that too much to ask?

      Why aren't you holding the Black man accountable for his actions as much as you are holding the Black women?

      • Guest

        Black women are not "carrying" the black community. Why would anyone trust women who can't make wise choices to carry the community? Really both sides have dropped the ball. There are problems in the community that have made both genders less than "marriageable." You can't change men who are bums, its better to just not deal with them. Instead you should be spending time with people who are actually doing well in their lives. They're out there. You just have to find them. There are equal numbers of male and female losers. If a woman decides to have kids with a loser than what does that make her? She's just as dumb and irresponsible as the man. I can't make men change. I can't make women change. But there's no reason to be angry at all black men or women.

      • zin

        well said. some of these people are so ignorant on here with their comments

    • Candy

      All of us are angry and bitter? I'm not angry or bitter, there's no time for that. And my parents have been married for 28 years now. It sounds like you're a little bitter.

    • Anonymous

      why are you on a bw's site anyway?
      what a loser you must be to stalk around here than have the nerve to complain when you're not even wanted in the first place!
      the only angry bitter one is your pathetic azz!
      this subject has NOTHING to do with you but apparentley you feel threatened so you feel the need to make stupid pointless comments.

  • Sacred soul

    There is NOTHING OUT OF POCKET concerning income! If you want a certain quality of life and are willing to work hard for it then why not seek a partner close to your income level or higher? It's not gold digging to me. For me it's about security and benefits that if managed right will last me well into old age, not to mention the community benefits and my children. The manner in which this country is going now, I need all the money we can get, if it stills holds value. Think big and stop thinking that every time a black woman is seeking a man who makes that cash is a gold digger or trying to imitate the damn Kardishians cause that is not always the case.

  • JustAshley

    I see nothing wrong with interracial dating, although I admit black men tend to be my preference. I absolutely believe in keeping my options open. I had chats with other women who have dated white and they seemed very happy and comfortable with their marriages and relationships. We'll see….

    • ohio_lovejones

      I dont have a problem with women dating outside of the black race. they found happiness because they found the right guy,not because they are of another ethnicity. Things wont change just by exploring options. the selection process used to evaluate,select and keep a man is what needs to be looked at. that goes for both men and women regardless of ethnicity.

      • JustAshley

        I apologize if you misunderstood, but I wasn't even implying that they found happiness because they found a white man. I'm saying just the opposite. Because of preferences, I've been guilty of having the mindset that I could never be happy with a white guy. I'm saying that based on these women alone, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

        • ohio_lovejones

          i wasnt saying that you were nor was I disagreeing with what you said. I was saying that because there are too many women who constantly choose the wrong kind of man. So some of those women will quickly co-sign on your statement. with all of that being said regardless if one ir dates or not,the right mindset, perspective and ownshership of your choices is highly important.

          look at this way,if you spend wildly at target or walmart,you'll end up with a bunch of junk. if you actually think before you purchase at target or walmart,you might leave with more quality. The type store isnt the issue,the saviness of your shopping is the issue.

      • HARDMIKE

        Thank you, if you think changing skin color is going to improve your situation, that says more about you than black men.

      • Anonymous

        who cares if you DO have a problem with women dating outside the Black race?
        why must you bm troll and interfere in everything bw are talking about?
        this really doesn't concern you dude

  • terri

    Do other races even like black women? It is very rare for me to see a man of another race to be with a black woman.

    • JustAshley

      You must not get out much. Just going off my family alone I could pull out at least 6 interracial relationships (white black, hispanic and black and even asian and black) off the top of my head.

    • GUESS

      Walk down the streets of NYC, BW/WM are in large numbers

    • Feist

      I have no issue, but I do live in a big city.

    • eugeniamb

      Terri, no only do other men besides black or white men like black women, they love them. I know many bw dating or married to Asian, Arabian, and Latino men. So maybe you need get out whatever all black enclave you're living in.

    • Disappointed in Us

      Yes they do. I've dated more White than Black.

    • Reese

      I see it all the time. 4% of black women are married to nonblack men.

    • Candy

      Where have you been? You could get any race you want if you just go for it.

      • Sam

        One thing…the other race actually has to be willing…

        Im not trying to be negative, but we have to be realistic.

    • Sam

      I actually agree. Unfortunately we are seen as simple, oversexed objects in many cultures. How many men of Europen, Indian and Asian descent will bring a black woman home to their families and say "this is the woman who ive chosen to marry"….

      Lets get real ladies.

      • Marie

        I think that's what you black men want to believe but there are plenty of nbm that really love bw…bm have a need to tell us that when we are dating other nationalities to warn us away but fortunately a lot of us don't listen and stay in the realtionship anyway, Indian and Asian are one thing but as far as white men go a lot of them are way past caring what the family thinks so what you are saying is correct on one hand but very wrong when it comes to an increasing number of white males.

      • reese

        Mine did he is Native and we are engaged. My sister is married to a white man. One of my gfs in married to Phillipino. I know alot of bw married to nonbm.

  • Kori

    Not another one of these!!

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    I just say explore your options and do it for the right reasons (For example, love, compatibility, trust, understanding etc…)….if you choose not to do it then it should be respected by others.,,,everyone must choose the path which they feel is right for them.

  • msknowitall

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with interacial dating. I strong encourage my friends to do it everyday. Personally, I can’t do it because of the attractive thing and that’s just me. I’m attracted to black men only, I have Latin and white men trying to talk to me, I just can’t. Maybe if the the guy was mixed with black , I can probably give it a shot. I’m addicted to chocolate men.

    • http://www.MyOneWomanShow.com Deanna Fry

      I totally agree. I am attracted to black and latino men ONLY! No offense to my other brothers. But I don't attract any other races either.

  • Ashley

    I agree with everything except for the money part. Of course we as black women should be open to dating others but why does it have to be about money.That is just another attempt to emasculate our black men. what a shame. when we will begin to celebrate them instead of perpetuating negative stereotypes?

    • let'sgetreal

      do they celebrate us?

      • ohio_lovejones

        There are some of us that do.Since all of you are different,some will be celebrated and some wont.

      • Kim

        But there are just as many, if not more, who don't have their shyt together. And why did those mothers have to be "single mothers"? First thing we need to do as women is stop ENABLING, which is what you are doing. We have to stop that because it's not helping them nor our community. Unfortunately, this is how it goes in the Black community:

        -It's acceptable for a Black man to be active in the healthy development of his sons and daughters… and it's "Unacceptable" for a Black man to abandon his children.
        -It's accceptable for a Black man to contribute in a "meaningful" way, to the financial well being of his children, and it's "Unacceptable" for a Black man "not to".

        This has to stop.

        • Feist

          Co-Sign!

        • Anonymous

          Everything you say is right on point, im so sick of these mouthpieces for bm, women like her will turn their backs on everything the bm does to OR doesn't do for the black race & blame bw
          women like this are pathetic in my opinion.

      • Cali

        Never and it's going to only get worse.

      • Cali

        Maybe those single mothers have a point.
        I guess Black Men need Black Women like you -the co dependent,enablers excuse makers, the ones whose skirts they run under when the real truth is told. Good luck with that girlfriend status.

        • Ashley

          What you are not understanding is that there are bad men in every ethnicity… but ONLY black people allow that to be the only picture of black men to be shown.

          • Kim

            Look…we not talking about other races. We are talking about BLACK MEN. We are not talking about the Black men who got themselves together, we are talking about the bunch who are struggling because of THEIR life choices. BLACK PEOPLE: we can't solve the problem until we admit there is A problem. Yes, my Dad, my brothers, some cousins got their shyt tight, but we need to stop turning a blind eye to a problem that's affecting the majority of black people. No one is saying ALL Black men are this or that. I know there are good ones out there. But we not talking about them. I'm talking about the ones (who in my guestimate is the majority) who don't have their shyt together.

            So until we are ready to talk about it…we can't be about it.

            • Ashley

              But that is precisely the problem, when you make sweeping generalizations you are talking about all black men. To your early comment "Maybe those single mothers have a point"… how are we already assuming our children are going to fail? That is my issue. There is an expectation for black men to be unsuccessful so when they are they are in fact successful they are considered the anomaly. We have to change our mindset. We have to say we as a people are strong and successful and that individual is unsuccessful and needs to get it together.

              • Kim

                I never said ALL Ashley!! My point with the single mothers is why are there SO many single black mothers period? Why do they even have to have that kind of conversation with their child? Because many (not All, but I will say majority) black children are growing up in single mother households.

                And…it is an anomaly. Maybe you hang with the best of the best too much that you don't see the reality of it all. I'm not saying successful black men do not exist, I'm saying there are more who are not. Where I work…there are more black men pushing trash cans than there are behind a desk. They need to go beyond the "I need a job" mentality and think "I want a career". Because like I said here today too…Mexico will be empty soon. So if they come here with no education but just their physicality…yet they are bi-lingual…how will the black man who doesn't get an education or learn a trade compete with the Mexicans? Yet, we continue to use excuses to justify…the white man, the black woman, the ghetto. When does one look in the mirror and become responsible for their own actions?

                • Ashley

                  "Mexico will be empty soon"?
                  I pity you.

                  I'm sorry you can only see the present but I'm looking towards the future. Maybe it's because I'm younger and I see black men working hard every day trying to get their degrees but I don't understand you. Sure, there are more black men in prison than in college but just in case you didn't know, only 32% of Americans get their bachelors before age 25… it's more than just what you see around you. the world is bigger than your town. Celebrate the black men in college, help the black men getting out of jail transition back into society, and mentor the youth so they know the right way to go.

                  And since you see such a problem, what are you doing to help?

                  • Kim

                    Girl you are dillusional. What America you live in where you do not see the Hispanic community growing like grass? I am blessed and more than fine…but I do pity you hun.

                    Yeah, where you live because what I see in the DMV is more black men in jail than in college and if you want to quote stats…they agree with what I'm saying. Maybe it is because YOU are young and I am not that I do understand and see the bigger picture. Your stats are not about Black America but all of America…that's a problem youngin'!!!

                    I volunteer with a group monthly at a homeless shelter. Would love to do more but I have a 18 month old son who is my primary concern and do not want him to be a statistic. But I truly believe we have to teach others who are ignorant…(…)

                    And what are you doing youngin…who thinks all is well in Black America?

                    Look…finally…last word to you…I celebrate great black men every day…my Dad, brothers, cousins. But I don't have rose colored glasses on to think we don't have a problem in the Black community. So if you don't see it after all of this…you don't see it. I'm done young Ash! Take care.

                    • Ashley

                      You are crass, that is why I pity you.
                      I wish you and your son the best. I hope your poisonous attitude does not spread to him.
                      Clearly you disregarded my comment to you earlier explaining that I do not live in a fantasy just as you disregard anything positive.

                      I hope your once a month band-aid volunteering is helping someone. I live for community engagement. This is what I do, along with working two jobs to put my self through school I go on numerous service trips, volunteer weekly, and I'm currently developing a non-profit to support the black boys you have thrown aside.

                      You may see my age as a weakness but I see it as a strength. I am not jaded or bitter, I wish I could say the same about you.

                      Take Care.

                  • Anonymous

                    What are they doing to help bw?
                    not a got dam thing ..hell naw…bm could care less if we live or die and go out publicly and say so ..women like you are such a set back for bw i just wish you bootlickers would disappear.

                • Marie

                  The Bible also says Men should be Men, take care of their families, and be head of the household, and have a wife but we all know that's just not the case when it comes to black men.
                  Stop being losers and trying to screw everything that moves, stop having so so many kids by different women and that will stop all the kids out of wedlock too. Until you take your position as Men and value your family and community you too will not be respected.

      • Feist

        The million dollar question that some black women don't wanna admit to themselves.

        Forget that 'our men' mess.

    • Kim

      When will black people stop drinking the same kool-aid? "Perpetuating negative stereotypes"…honey, it's not a stereotype any more. The black man's situation in America is sad. Part of the problem is that black people don't want to admit there is a problem.

      • Ashley

        Maybe the black men you know but it's not all black men. I'm not saying we don't have a problem but I'm saying that we need to stop beating each other down.

        • Kim

          See my reply to you above…

        • Kim

          Starting to think you are a nut. Never said "all"..never made "sweeping generalizations". I support black men too crazy and give credit where it's due. As you said, you are young and maybe just don't get it.

          Ok…here's the response Ashley wants to see…"it's not all black men, let's celebrate and have a party because black folk are getting it in! Yeah! We are ok! Unemployment is not a problem…lack of education is not a problem…single mother households is not a problem. It's like some of us who are like doing well, so like, why are you guys talking bad about black men? I mean, like they are not killing each other…isn't there more black men in college than jail??…there isn't?…Oh, well let's celebrate any way because not all black men are struggling, just most…but lets celebrate that 10%"

          LAWD!!! LMAO!! I'll pray for you tonight Ashley.

          • Ashley

            All you are doing is complaining about it! Until you get up and do something to change it you should sit down and be quiet.

          • Ashley

            And what is with all the likes? You assume that because I'm in college I must speak like a valley girl? Ignorance.

    • GUESS

      Mentioning money is not another attempt to emasculate black men. Many black men have failed in this department b/c they choose to not further their education or take steps to obtain and maintain decent or well paying jobs. What is emasculating is the number of BW supporting BM.

      • successfulblacks

        The problem with Black America especially those areas that are predominantly populated by blacks is that they all live by the same theory- "The white man keeps me down", and the sad thing is that this notion is passed down from generation to generation. By thinking you can't do something you have already failed before you have began. There are plenty of opportunities out there that we need to take and run with- but instead we prefer to blame someone else instead of trying. Don't get me wrong there are some that try and those that do succeed. We are smart capable people we just need to exercise it. I mean look at those blacks that emigrate from African countries into the western world- You will not find these people living below the poverty line because they value education and hard work hence they succeed. There will always be something or someone trying to hold you back but you have to persevere.

        • Kim

          So what's your solution?

          • Kim

            Funny because of the following:

            – Most of the models for black boys are their mothers because the fathers are not there
            – Majority of blacks in college are black women not men
            – Black women own most black businesses than black men
            – True about the history
            – True also, but most black households are headed by women…where are the men

            I say this to you not to "talk bad about black men" (which apparently is a sin to you)…but to make the point that we as a community need to focus more on our boys because we are losing them.

            • disappointed

              i agree with you here Kim. The black man does need to step up his game. There some out there that do have the stuff together..the problem is that e need that few to grow to many and meet those women who are up there

            • Dwayne

              You make me so sad. If this is the pick I have of black women then I am very worried. I get what you are saying, yes black men need to do better but since when did pointing out all their flaws actually change anything? If I sat here and did the same thing to black women y'all would have killed me. Please get your life together and as Ashley said, do something about the problems in our community.

              • bhillboy37

                Agreed!

              • Anonymous

                there's no need to be worried because you DON"T have to pick a bw at all..you should get your life together and stop depending on women to fix the problems in our community..as far as Ashley is concerned she obviously has blinders on so we really can't take "her" seriously..and all you have to do is open your eyes and go to any black website to see all the horrible shiit bm say about us …at least be truthful.

                • Ashley

                  "her"?
                  Are you questioning whether or not I'm a woman?

                  • Anonymous

                    Im not questioning it at all , I know exactly what you are…so do you!

                    • Ashley

                      So I must be a male impostor because I'm not a man-hater?

                      The fact that it's so foreign to you for a black woman to not be bitter and not want to constantly bash black men is astonishing to me. Good luck to you sweetheart, I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you when I have an amazing, educated, sweet, thoughtful, loving black man waiting for me every day when I get home. You might have one too if you weren't so bitter.

        • HARDMIKE

          no you read up, what was done in africa was also done in europe under the name of serfdom, or indentured servitude,the only thing you can offer is more pathetic man-hating error ridden garbage.

      • https://www.facebook.com/calandrial Calandrial PhoenixRising Afriyie

        Amen! Black men would do better, if they didn't have crutches to use. The crutches are their moms who don't let men act and behave as men should vs the little boy she had who is now grown. The crutches are the girlfriends, women, and wives that support his extensive "finding himself" period. You can find yourself and be employed at the same time. Women do it 24-7. Also, that bit about growing up in a single home is crap. Plenty people were raised in single homes and have their acts together. It all comes down to personal choice, self-motivation and responsibilities. Unfortunately, many men and a lot of black men lack the motivation necessary to be responsible and make the personal choices that will propel them upward in life. They simply go with whatever happens instead of planning or making a decision.

        • HARDMIKE

          You would have a point if you didn't use sweeping generalizations.

          • https://www.facebook.com/calandrial Calandrial PhoenixRising Afriyie

            What sweeping generalizations? Men are living at home and never leaving. Mothers, girlfriends, and wives etc are allowing men to just go through life aimlessly and support it. Please tell me what was generalized? DO you want me to pick on just black men, all men, no men?

          • Kim

            HARDMIKE is one of those Black people who look at themselves and his 3 friends and say "we not like that"….and think so most other black men are not. WRONG. Look, we are dating y'all…so we know…are you dating black men? We know what's out there. Not to mention, every day I hear info about unemployment, single black households, black men killing other black men, black men in jail vs black men in college…where you live and you don't see what is right in your face…South Dakota??

            NO ONE is saying good black men do not exist. What we are saying is that there are a lot more who are losing at this thing called life and we need to stop being in denial.

            • GUESS

              Kim, you have been so on point in all of your responses. You clearly are NOT in denial. Neither am I. I live in the world of how things really are, not how things should be. Our community should be full of men who protect, provide, love, teach, etc. But truth is, too many BM dont have what it takes to be the protector, provider, lover, nor teacher. Why sit around and end up the 50% of BW who will never marry or raise one of the 70% without fathers??
              Take off the blinders, Ladies

            • disappointed

              agree with you kim

    • toni

      i was thinking the same thing with that topic

  • IllyPhilly

    "The only failed relationship is one where you don’t grow as a person." The best part of article. I hope Black women do try the "others" but do it cuz you want to and not because you tryna compete with Black men who date outside they're race.

    • miry

      wow every week there's an article here pressuring black women to date ''others'' LEAVE BLACK WOMEN ALONE They'll date whatever they like you don't have to keep pushing them in stop. It's OK we get it we have less chance of marriage than other races but why do you have to have a weekly post about it.

      • Cali

        HELLO!!!
        The marriage thing IS the reason so many people are pushing for Black Women to cross over- Black Men certainly aren't rushing to wife us up!
        Please get a clue!

        • Joe

          Why do you need constant banter about it, you date who you want to date. She has a clue and that is a very good clue. To say that you need to keep up with black men who date out is ridiculous because this isnt a race or triathlon to who can date out the most.

          Get a clue trick, their are plenty of black men who date black women. Its sad that instead of dating African men, black women will devalue all black men. African Men marry black women are are adults.

          Dumb African American women need their head examined.

          • ohio_lovejones

            cali is just pure sadness. the way she comes across,she's definitely not on anyones list. by the way,women that complain about bm never share all of the details. you'll never hear about the quality men that they overlooked or just plain ignored. we always hear about who doesnt want them. If you are a woman(in general) thats about something,you will have men coming after you. Those includes men that arent about anything to those that are about something. somehow men get penalized off the bat for being too nice or too short lol.

            • Cali

              Get a violin and a cubicle because no one wants to hear this whining.

          • Cali

            You're just angry because you know the more articles like these the more
            bw will consider it , i notice whenever this subject comes up you clowns get really defensive and start making insults but that just goes to show how weak you are if you feel threatened by a little competition. When you truly want to find a trick call your daddy- if you even know who he is.

      • Caydence James

        Actually I remember when we got lectured and told in magazines to only date black men…even if we have to date “down”, lower our standards or pick someone who’s less than loyal, we should do it because…..hey he’s black, right? If we want more then we were accused of “wanting too much” or being “unsupportive” and many of us bought into it. You see how well that’s going right? LOL!
        So this is kind of the opposite and even though I highly doubt that this was written by a black man (frankly I think it’s an experiment to see how we’ll react to this artticle written by a supposed man instead of a woman but…..) even if it is, at least we are being encouraged to expand our horizons and go for everything we deserve than to be told that we should really be ok with marrying a guy who’s a garbageman even though we’re making 6 digits – just so long as he’s black.

        So I’m good with it. At the end of the day, life is a series of yes and no’s. When we say yes to one thing, we say no to another and that yes usually lines up with what’s most important to us. If saying yes to a person of another race will get what you couldn’t get with a brotha and it’s the most important thing to them then of course they should take it! It’s becoming pretty obvious that if a woman waits around for a black man to answer that prayer she will end up in an old folk’s home – ALL ALONE, UNFULFILLED and FULL OF REGRETS! So if a fulfilling relationship is more important then anything else then far be it for us to stand in the way of that. After all, it’s pretty clear that if we don’t watch out for ourselves no one else will. Especially black men.

    • Caydence James

      It’s “their” race.

      And if they want to do it because they are being rejected by their own men yet still feel the urge to have a family before they leave this earth then they should be able to do it for just that reason. After all, Black men have done it for less and haven’t cared nor let anyone stop them so the reasons why black women do it should be no one’s business but her own.

  • Guess

    Let’s settle this… You are obviously the type that gets defensive and off base when you are offended.  I never applied my examples of black men to YOU. YOU dont have anything to do with my views on life, relationships, marriage, family, etc.
    And I never generalized; I MADE IT CLEAR that my experiences dictated my decision to exclusively date non black men. I never blamed you or all black men for my decisions. You read my comment and took it to heart. You are a BM that has to prove yourself because of the actions of other BM who refuse to step up like you. So instead of recognizing and acknowledging that too many BM are failing our community, you insist on coming down on me for stating my view, my opinion. Oh, and yes, too many BW are to blame for our predicament, as well. 
    Yes, I come from a single parent household.  I knew at a young age that I WOULD NOT be one myself.  And I figured late in my 20s that too many BM dont share my same family values, so I looked else where.  I don’t believe all BM lack family values. But I see, from my experience, that too many are (jobless, have  too many children, lack of education, and don’t value the traditional family). Obviously, I had no choice but to venture out of my race in search of men who overwhelmingly shared my values.
    You are insistant on labeling me a racist because my life dictates my actions.  Sorry, Im not going to give BM a biscuit when too many of them are not completing their education, ending up in jail, avoiding their parental respnsibilities, etc.  I know more who fail than rise.  Concerning BW, I know more who rise than fail.  That’s my view; my life experience (which doesn’t include you). And let’s make this clear, you are right, it is due to the actions of a few black men (like you said, I have come in contact with less than .1% of the black population) that I feel this way.  That is sad, but life!
    It wa’s my choice to use my views to exclusively date non black men.  And it worked out. 

  • GUEST

    I agree with you that more Black people fail than succeed.  I’m also not going to defend irresponsible black people. But for you to automatically exclude all black people IS racist.  Would it be fair for an employer to automatically exclude all black job applicants just because blacks have higher high school drop out rates?  No.  I think even you would agree that’s racist.  But really you’re doing the same thing. 
    And yes you did apply your examples to me.  By saying that you refuse to give ANY black men a chance, you include me as well.  You would exclude someone like me just based off my skin color, without giving me a chance or getting to know me.  So of course it will be offensive, even though I know you don’t mean it to be.
    And I’m glad that you’re doing well.  I can also admit I felt the way you did when I was younger.  But I learned that I’m not the only exception to stereotypes.  I grew up with mostly white people, but I learned to judge all people as individuals and not let negative stereotypes determine how I felt about any group.  Many white people didn’t want to give us a chance, now it makes me sad to see black people like yourself who have succeeded write off all black people in a similar manner.

  • truthhurts

    GUEST – it’s important that you understand her point of view because in every post you miss it. She did clarify that her decision to date who she did was based solely on her experience with black men. Unlike many black men, she made that decision based on principle: her desire to have an intact family. Historically, family takes precedence for black women; and most of us still desire and fantasize about the “strong, beautiful black family”. Like GUESS said, we have paid dearly trying to obtain it – with our lives even. Black women have very few choices in general – the least of any group of women. I agree with GUESS – when options present themselves, we need to take them. We actually do love our men but that love has been severely tainted by their collective bad behavior and shortcomings. And Guess is right – much of that is our fault for many reasons that are for another conversation. She did acknowledge that. You have to see our problem for the bigger picture that has created black women like GUESS. One source stems from the systematic and persistent denigration and dehumanization of black women by the Jewish controlled media (For another conversation to keep this short).

    I am so glad you are NOT one of them and I hope you don’t let all the media whitewashing of the black community and surrounding prejudice prevent you from pursuing black women because so many of us are not how we are portrayed on TV or described by people black or white.