6 Good Reasons to Date “Other” Men

November 1st, 2011 - By jaebi

Black women dating white men

Today’s world is an increasingly different place than it was even 20 years ago. But as a whole, our mindsets are far slower to change than the very ground beneath our feet. This is particularly true for women, whom society seems to make responsible for a significant portion of our moral underpinning, particularly when it comes to ideas surrounding dating and sex. Most women go by the rules to protect their reputations.

But do the same socialized limitations apply to the type of person you are willing to date, or more specifically, that person’s ethnic background? Or is there something else keeping you dating within your racial boundaries? Ultimately, it boils down to your own preferences — but you don’t need a Census-scale study to note that a black woman is far less likely, or even willing, to date outside her race than a black man. It’s time to change all that.

I’m fortunate to have the audacity of exercising my options. The fact is, when I step out with a lady who has an “other” background, I’m not worried about what her parents may think. But I am watching for other black women out the corner of my eye, concerned she might view me as a traitor, or go Sister Soulja and make a snide remark. Deep down, I’ve got this nagging feeling she doesn’t understand, nor does she know what she’s missing. Rather than feeling angry, jealous or betrayed, she should join the team.

So from a brutha to a sistah, here are the reasons you all really need to consider trying “something new.”

More from StyleBlazer
More from MommyNoire

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

  • Joe

    White guy here. I have been attracted to black women from time to time. The black woman I was most attracted to was successful, confident, funny easy going and all in all a good person to be around. Not to mention she could drain a mean jump shot having played collegiate b-ball in her early days. I found myself quite attracted to her dynamic personality and I didn’t give second thought to the fact that she was only 5′ and 200 lbs while I am 6′ 200 lbs and athletic. What stopped me in my tracks was the fact that she was some guy’s “baby mama”. I didn’t care about skin color or weight or athleticism. It was values. She was raised in a traditional home with both parents and successful siblings. I am from a broken home with unsuccessful family members but I desire for myself and my children what she was raised with. She chose a direction that took her away from her upbringing and despite that great connection we had her decisions took her away from a potential relationship with me. The problem in any culture or race is the breakdown of the family and traditional values. Modern america has this problem across the racial spectrum. Some races may be doing better or worse but it is a people problem not a color problem. The club or bar or hip hop scene is not conducive to family values (generally speaking) and is the reason we see so many baby mama’s and baby daddy’s running around. 40′s, blunts, XTC and the like are degrading our mindset. Good men and women with solid futures are found working their butts off in universities, offices and workplaces. You can find a soulmate with the same values in places like this or at your local congregation praying to God. I met my wife at church and she is Asian. Our cultural differences present some challenges but can be worked through since we have the same set of values. Color is irrelevant but values mean everything. My father takes issue with the race difference and has not come to visit over the past 6 yrs but I don’t care. I wake up next to my wife everyday not him. His opinions matter very little. Good luck everybody.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ladyscorpio10 Nikki Newton

    I am of mixed race, but all people see is black. I’ve been dating outside of my “race” since I was 13 I am now 34. The last time I “dated my race” I was 21. I’m not into the “baller” “thug” like of a man. I’m more a “clean cut” type of woman. Someone who we can work real well together and support one another, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I live in Colorado and not to many “real men” here, so I even look outside of my own state.

    Note: LATINO MEN LOVE ME! They are my favorite.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shanifiu Shani Bernard

    I love who loves me and European men treat me like a queen. I’m just saying ;)
    European men will marry the ugliest black women. They love us!

  • http://www.facebook.com/michelle.wearren Michelle Wearren

    tried to read most of the post, hope that my comments are not repetitive. while i respect the author of the article, i have to say that imo he’s being somewhat superficial. i’ve read the statistics, and been through the experience (good/bad/indifferent) of being with a black man. and what i have to add is this. i am a black woman deeply rooted/invested in her community. i care intensely about “my people”. i am active and interested in all things “black”. so what happens when i date an “other”? is he going to dig in and participate with me? and if so, doesn’t that endanger my credibility with the very people i’m trying to help? i may be shallow, but i often wonder when i see a bm with a ww, if he’s as involved with his people as i think he should be. it’s not all about me, but about the model i present to my family and community. what am i telling my black son when i marry a white man? maybe i’m telling him it’s okay to think globally, or maybe i’m telling him that irregardless of the problems facing our men, irregardless of the needs of my people to have my FULL attention, i’m gonna do ME. this post is not meant to be offensive, i don’t care who anyone falls in love with, but i know that as my brother Haki said “black women have not been loved enough”, and neither have black men.

  • disqus_5Sr0j7k2Rw

    I need to move, or I will 4ever be single.

  • Torontochick

    My good friend is a beautiful and successful black woman who is into black men, whereas I am a good-looking black woman who is into white men (and it’s a type within a type within a type), and she doesn’t really “get” my preference, and I don’t really “get” hers, but who cares? At the end of the day, I’m happy and proud to see this beautiful fellow black woman experiencing love and success and I know she feels the same way about me. I support black women, regardless of who they date!

  • Sylence

    Ok so did they include that the “other” category usually have an issue with dating black women themselves…it is VERY rare that I go out and get hit on or talked to by another race. In my opinion, they’re intimidated…afraid of the unknown. And if you’re the old-fashioned type (like I am), preferring for a man to take the initiative, you’ll probably be left waiting for your “Prince Charming” to come and sweep you up on his white horse.

  • IChoozWlth

    I am so glad to have found this article, so that I can voice my own personal opinion. I would never say anything bad about Black women dating outside their race, but I am Black and have for the most part of my adult life dated white men,(Black men, just didn’t seem to notice me) and now that I am older and way past dating and way past thinking about getting married.  I have promised myself that I will never  date any more white men.  As I look back, the majority of them seemed to be so emotionally unavailable, cold, unfeeling and empty.  They knew how to have sex, but were emotionally not there.  Good luck to any of you who can make a real relationship with them. No longer my choice!

  • simplyme

    These types of articles confuse me. The Black women that are interested in dating ‘other’ men are already doing so. And those that will eventually choose to expand their options will do so organically, not because someone online told them to. It just doesn’t work that way. You may meet one person who changes your view…and it goes from there. But no one is going to read this and say “Ok now I’m going to date a Hispanic guy.” It just seems wrong. I’d say just keep a relatively open mind and stop worrying about other people’s dating habits. 

  • http://twitter.com/rewith85man Ernest DeBrew III

    Of course, you have to worry about discrimination, prejudice, rejection, and other problems if you date someone outside your race. But, I guess it depends on who you are. Interracial couples that mostly everyone knows that they belong together are Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, Heidi Klum and Seal, etc.

  • observer

    I’m a mixed white/asian male and I’ve been lucky to date a variety of women… black, white, brown, mixed, you name it. Except strangely I never dated anyone even partly asian for the longest. I didnt find them interesting, dont ask me why.. Until one day I ran into an asian girl who was one of the funniest, most confident, must unconventional and kick-ass women I’ve ever met. And we clicked. That relationship went a couple of years and ultimately didnt work out but in my history I’ve dated another asian (half) since. That too surprised me since supposedly “asians arent my thing”. Ultimately who knows who I’ll end up with but honestly I value the great girlfriends I’ve had white black brown yellow or otherwise, it doesnt matter to me where they came from – only that we clicked and had great experiences together. I’m on good terms with pretty much all of them.

    The moral is that no matter what my preconceptions were, every single girl I’ve had a great relationship with, it had NOTHING to do with the race. It really didnt. I’ve learned a hell of a lot more by not limiting my options and just going with what feels right and what makes me happy and fits with me – no matter the race.

    It’s hard enough trying to find the person for you in this lifetime, without then having to restrict the field even further because you or somebody else has a problem with race and you start cutting out this race or that. Life is short.. spend it finding the person that clicks with you in terms of personality, sense of humor, guts, brains, character qualities, etc and forget about who says what about race. In the long run race wont be the determining quality that keeps your relationship solid or keeps you fulfilled or lands you the right partner that will be there for you etc.

    Everyone is free to choose their own path but in my opinion no matter if youre a guy or a girl, if you restrict who you think you can date racially you’re doing yourself a disservice. Live a little :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EK4X4EHJ6EEAKARNNTO3SE4OEA Baito

    i am black man who only date black women i am not racist i just ain’t dumb lol

  • reese

    And also read some of the Asian blogs. Asian men are having the same conversations because their women marry out more than any. There are articles about chinese men marrying african women. The trend of asian men with white women. The increase of asian men with on asian women. You can look it up on Youtube.

  • Sallibshelli

    This article was interesting. I'm a 27 y/o black female. Educated, strong, independent, loving, caring and many other things. I feel almost as if the writer of this article is saying "I do it so you should do it too." What you do and who you do it with is your business. However, I can't count how many times I've heard black men say that they date "others" because black women are X, Y, and Z. That's the mindest behind a lot of black men that date "other" women, which means that their reasons for dating out of their race are ingenuine! Those are the ones I have a problem with. You have a black man raised by a single mother and than when he gets older he not only refuses to date black women, but also speaks poorly of them. In my book that equates to disrespecting your own mother.

    • Rell

      Deep. I've seen these patterns. This, too, is very unfortunate. Those men who scrutinize and generalize negative things about Black woman are simply showing their misinformed nature. It goes back to being responsible for the kinds of people we surround ourselves with. We can each chose those with good character qualities or the ones who have poor character and end up with poor relationships or good ones depending on our choice. So, these dudes who complain about the Black woman are simply crazy. There are flaws in some white women too and the man who fails to realize this is in denial and blind with self hate.