Nia Long Asked God to Have Baby Out of Wedlock

October 20, 2011  |  

I know everyone says we need to stay out of women’s wombs, particularly those of celebrities, but Nia Long’s is one I’m about to jump in. In the November issue of Ebony, the expectant mother, who already has an 11-year-old son, discusses her current pregnancy. While she drops some pretty solid introspection on what it’s like to come into your own as a 40-year-old woman, when she speaks of her bun in the oven she says: “I honestly asked God for this.”

I was just a smidge confused. She continues:

“The medical [profession] tries to tell every woman, ‘Have your babies before 40 because you shouldn’t have children after 40. Society tells us, ‘Get married before 30, because no man wants a woman after 30.’

“You are not half the woman you’re gonna be until you turn 30. You’re not even half of that woman yet,” Long adds. “So I think if we’d just take our time as women, and do what comes natural to us and for us, we would make fewer mistakes.”

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  • Guest

    It is not wise to have a child out of wed-lock. You can be the best mother in the world but think about how the child would feel growing up without a father. No amount of money could ever replace time. While a child out of wed-lock may be a blessing it can also be years of hell for the child.

  • NattaliaNYC

    Thank You!!!

  • Really my people?

    @ Guest…no one wants the black community to suffer however….there are so many children who live in 2 parent homes that were so blessed by marriage that are experiencing the same ills and frustrations as a child in a single parent home.

    Look closely and see how many times your grandparents have a child that is the exact same age within months as the marriage and then rethink..did God create that union or did the people end up pregnant and STUCK

    • guest

      if ppl dont want to feel stuck then they need to stop behaving loosely so they wont get pregnant or have kids with men or women they cant see themselves married to… the topic isnt about who lives in good homes and who doesnt…you all need to stop making excuses for why our ppl out of every race has the highest of single parent home rate…im sick of you all talking about other races are in the same boat…who cares we need to worry about our folk…they still doing better then we are…its because of women like you that black men think they can walk all over and disrespect all black women because a majority of you dont have respect for yourselves or value more..if he inst good enough to marry then why is he good enough for whats between your legs?…the whole divorce topic is another issue it has nothing to do with what is being discussed here…and if ppl took more time to get to know each other instead of jumping in bed so quickly then maybe you wouldn't end up having these kids with losers or guys who will never marry you…..and you know good and well most of our single parent homes arent from divorce so please dont even give that excuse

  • No matter how she decides to live her life, I hope for the best for mom and baby. Children are still a blessing regardless if they were in or out of wedlock. Also like the other readers commented on earlier, she may have a different belief system.

  • margeaux

    John 15:71

  • Sunshine

    no, i agree with you. we don't have black men in homes and we don't have black men marrying their baby mamas. if we as women continue to allow men to treat us this way, how can we get mad when they do the things they do? why are mores black mothers single than married? because we justify babies out of wedlock and don't hold our men accountable. babies out of wedlock will happen, but what's wrong with getting married before babies happen?

    • guest


    • Really my people?

      This logic is flawed and faulty since 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce for all races and then those children are also in single parent homes.

      The problem has nothing to do with marriage..the problem has everything to do with parenting skills.
      You can be married and be bad parents, you can be divorced, never married and commit to raising your child in a positive stable loving environment with high standards and aspirations.

  • Kayla K

    Wow. I agree with this writer. Praying for a child knowing you aren't married is asking for a child out of wedlock. If you are so "in love" and so ready to start a family, why not get married first and then have kids? It is embarrassing that Ebony would put her on the cover of this magazine to further perpetuate the stereotype that Fantasia, JHud, and countless other black celebs continue to showcase for black young women. Black women DO get married and have families after!! It's none of our business some may say but she is putting her OWN information out there to be digested by the reader….and this is how I digested it.

  • Kayla

    Just because she asked god for a baby doesn't mean he gave her a baby. God isn't a genie that's grants wishes. She got a baby because she had sex….. Nothing wrong with her wanting kids, but if she is going to want a a child, i would say leave god out of this because we all know how he feels about that.

    • JustAshley

      Thank you!

    • Really my people?

      SO GOD only grants blessings to people who never sin at all? Cause there is not one person alive who is free from sin and God grants blessings to those people all day every day…and flip that right around…what about all the people that pray to God all the time, stay all up in church and yet God dsnt answer a specific prayer for them…what then?

      U cant have it all or nothing..she prayed for a baby and God granted that baby! Yep- God even allowed her to have SEX.
      Now lets turn it on u..Kayla…still a virgin….are u a wife…I wonder just wonder if God still granted your prayers..LOL

  • oh please. people really need to stop. I thought a baby was a gift from God? Is it only a gift if that baby is born in wedlock? What about the people who are married, and miserable, and have a child anyway? you can't tell me that child is better off solely because their parents were married. The bible also says not to judge others. seems a lot of people are missing that point.

    • IllyPhilly

      Amen! As usual though. It never fails for the Judge and Jury to make an appearance on here no matter what that good book says.

    • guest

      whether we judge or not the black community is never going to change we like to give non sense like this a pat on the back then wonder why everyone thinks our race of women are nothing and we wonder why brothers are marrying out…if you show more respect for yourself youll see what you get back…and Chris Rock even said she was a hoe on the wendy williams show….nia sat right there and didnt even deny it…she wanted him to smash on her on the 1st date…yea shes marriage material alright

  • Nestafan2

    @Shan Nia has never been married. Everyone has an opinion about procreating out of wedlock, and I have my own views on that. Many people think that having money is a good enough reason to have children (with or without a spouse). While having money is helpful, it is also important to have some mental stability. Too many women have babies for selfish reasons.

  • let'sgetreal

    people, popping out kids without a ring doesn't get any hot-d*mn respect from anyone!!! then you want to include God in there as well,-gosh!!!

    no wonder black women get no respect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Scapegoat84

      What about Diddy!?? Bring his Black a$$ up for having tons of baby mamas without rings and even trying to NOT claim one his children! Or Goldie Hawn who has been with her man FOREVER with OUT a ring! Diana Ross and Berry Gordy and the baby she conceived with him while married (under your precious God's eyes) to someone else. This is nothing new and it's not just a black woman thing.

  • Guest

    You gotta be very specific what you pray for, although we know this child is a blessing:)

    • guest

      IF HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK IS A BLESSING then WHY DOES GOD AND THE BIBLE (HE WROTE) SAY ITS WRONG???….im sick of people bringing GOD into foolishness my GOD is pure and doesnt take pride in nonsense so please stop bringing HIM into things HE!!! said is wrong….i dont know what God yall are serving but you all need to go pick up a BIBLE

      • Smmmoke

        1. Chill out.
        2. Sorry that a healthy debate makes you sick; but if that is truly the case then why not just log off/sign out?
        3. Again…God did not write the bible. It was written by men then translated (by other men) into the English version that you most likely have read.

        That is all.

      • Esther


  • guest

    From the state the black community is already in Ebony should be ashamed of themselves for evn letting her talk about her pregnancy….out of all races we are the mostly to have baby daddies vs husbands and they did a feature on her talking nonsense..she is right she still has a lot of growing up to do…and you know what its because she has money…thats why Halle berry doesnt care about having a baby daddy either…these chicks have enough money to but boyfriends and future baby daddies

    • GUEST


    • guest

      yes she would but too bad she cant and will never be JESUS…

      • NatashaNYC

        Uh the above scenario would have actually made her Mary genius. LOL

  • Brodie


  • ChooseWisely

    There is nothing wrong with praying and asking Jesus for a child, in fact it is very beautiful. However, if you are unmarried then you should also ask Jesus for a sposue and while you are at it ask Him for a closer relationship with him so that your marriage will be a strong and healthy one that will support and bless the child(ren) that result from it. The bible is very clear, we make things complicated. The bible has a standard and the world has a standard, which one will you follow?

  • She may have asked God for it, but that doesn't mean he gave it to her. I mean, having a baby is something that's completely under someone's control (for the most part anyways). People want to say Christians are judgmental or hypocritically judging her and such, however, that's not it. She's basically saying that God's okay with something he said repeatedly in his book, is not ok. And that's blasphemous.

    I like Nia Long and all…but what she's saying is almost as much crap as what Fantasia said about her baby with that married man being a blessing.

    • Smmmoke

      His book??? God wrote the bible??? LOL

      • I didn't say that God wrote the bible. However, it is a collection of what God had said to the people who followed him, recorded so that men of future generations may know the word of God too. Therefore, it is HIS book.

        • Smmmoke

          Actually it is a collection written by a committee of men appointed by King James. Translation of it started around 1604, and the purpose of that was to provide one authoritative Bible for the Church of England. Among the King's requirements was that the language be of the best quality. Most of the people in the time of King James didn't actually talk the way the King James version presents the language. This made it seem 'god like'.
          You speak as if the bible's writers were taking dictation from God himself word-for-word. I realize that Christians are partial to saying things like 'HIS book' and you can have that…I'm not a Christian basher at all. Still, truth is truth and the truth is no one in history has actual proof that God's ever said anything. You don't even have proof that God is actually a he. What if God is a woman?

  • Poopsie

    The real point is that it is not all about her. It is about the child as well. There is a reason that it takes two to have a child, it takes two to raise one. Sort of sick of people bashing Christianity because of the choices that they make. There are exceptions where it ends up being a single parent, but it is not the rule. Nia Long did exactly what she is claiming to have achieved in this stage of her life; society dictating to her what she should be doing. It apears as though she is still being influenced; hence the surge of pregnancies in Hollywood.

    • Tony Sloan

      Good post. I agree with most of what you said here except that I don't think people are bashing Christianity here as much as they are condemning the many Christians who are super dogmatic and judgmental in their approach to situations such as these. Still, Long brought this kind of judgment onto herself but wording her statement this way. You really have to be careful what you put out there these days.

  • wedon'tlikeugly

    why can't n****s keep Christians outta their mouths????

    • Vandellish

      Because the word God was in the title of this post. That implies Christianity though it's not always the case.

    • Scapegoat84

      Because you're an evil religion built on blood and corruption! You blacks have a nerve to love a religion that boldly implied that you all don't have souls and don't belong. A religion that shuns you. A religion that suppose to be peaceful, yet causes chaos throughout the world. A religion that has pagan roots then talk about how Muslims are violent and godless. You "Christians" are the walking talking devil!!!

      • IllyPhilly

        Wow, sure hope that anger and hatred is not a part of your religion, whatever it is.

    • JustAshley


  • Cora

    She is misguided. As long as women keep having babies for men that obviously don't want to marry them, then men will never voluntarily propose.

  • She prayed for a baby; okay fine, nothing wrong with that but, why not pray for the husband too?

  • Rachel

    These self righteous people kill me. You make it seem like she should be ashamed for asking God to give her a child out of wedlock. Apparently her being married wasn't an issue in HIS eyes, now was it? I'm bothered by people who want to thump their bible when it comes to how someone else chooses to live their life, but are on their knees every night begging for forgiveness for one or many of their own transgressions. What difference does it make if the child was conceived in wedlock or not – when more than half of marriages end in divorce. As long as the child is loved and taken care of, that's all that matters.

    • IllyPhilly

      THANK YOU! For all the bible quoting about kids outta wedlock, people tend to forget that story about sarah or whoever she was husband having kids with the maid cuz she couldn't.

      • JustAshley

        Yup, Sarah gave her handmaiden Hagar to sleep with Abraham because she didn't believe in Gods promise and GUESS WHAT? Hagar's son Ishmael is believed to be the father of the Arabs. Ever wonder WHY the Arabs and Israelis fight like a big a$$ dysfunctional family? Its because THEY ARE family.
        And those are the long term ramifications of jumping out and doing things out of Gods order.

    • Kayla

      thank you. my words exactly. people try to twist what the bible says to fit their own needs. If you're gonna make the decision to have a child out of wedlock just leave the bible and god out of this

  • Vandellish

    I think it's silly of her to try to validate her reasons for having a child to ANYONE!!!
    As Lana above says 'not everyone are Christians.' Even if she is, she has her own interpretation to the faith as EVERY Christian does (everyone has their own take on their own religion believe it or not unless they are simply brain dead followers). So why the hell does she look to explain her reasons for doing this to anyone? As another poster here has said she should have enough $ to take care of the kid and we don't know the partner's involvement. He may become a great father. To put it short…IT'S HER BUSINESS and it should stay that way.

    Marriage itself is what's overrated. I understand why it is relevant because there's a certain security from a legality aspect. Still, it is merely the business end of a relationship. It is simply a representation of love though not love in itself. Think about this: in the beginnings of civilization before the state (government of any kind) got involved in relationships, were all of those people sinners???
    We all know couples who share plenty of love and are not married as well as married couples who are absolutely miserable. Of course there are plenty of married couples doing great too but it's the LOVE that should be credited and not some damn piece of paper.
    That's a big problem in our culture. We place too much emphasis on symbols and validation (Put a Ring On It, Put It On Paper, etc…) but the real thing that we need is love. If Nia or anyone else married or unmarried has found true love then that's what should be celebrated and cherished. Marriage is merely the insurance policy for that.

  • guest

    Its really not that serious firstly lots of women have children while married, then gets divorced, and many women have children of out of wedlock. People need to stop picking at every little thing its her life she has the means to take of her child.

  • Brodie

    She has the financial resources to do "what comes naturally" to her.

    • No disrespect

      Agreed! The only people that should think twice before having children are the ones that can't afford to care for the children. Just because you are a single parent doesn't mean you can't be a good parent. I don't get the big deal about having children out of wedlock when you have the finances to care for them. If you can't afford them, you shouldn't have them whether you are married or not.

      • Brodie

        You're right. Money makes a big difference.

      • Google

        You are an idiot and/ or a hoodrat…that’s why you don’t understand.

  • “I honestly asked God for this.” = I asked God to have a child while not being married = I asked God to have a child out of wedlock. I don't really agree with this writer (who works for me) in terms of the sinfulness of this act, but it is pretty clear that she did ask for this situation. What else could she be asking for?

    • Reese

      Not neccessary, if I pray for a child or ask for one from God doesn't mean that I want one without a husband.

    • Esther

      WHO SAYS GOD ANSWERED HER PRAYER? Becoming pregnant was exercising a choice God gave us. People pray misguided things all the time that their faith produces bcs God's Laws work by FAITH. Think of New-Agers who don't believe in God & get results, Rich people who give 10% & see the blessings, people who sell drugs & pray that God would let their deal be successful [ I personally heard someone say this. They came from a poor nation & thought their success was due to God wanting their children to have a better life…]

      BTW I UNDERSTAND NIA'S MISGUIDED PRAYER, & I UNDERSTAND THE WRITERS POINT. Nia has shared her story that bcs of the dysfunctional upbringing she could not maintain her marriage as there was no frame of reference. Love her & pray she develops her relationship with the Lord to break this iniquity of Black women having children out of wedlock.

  • Shan

    The title of this post is very misleading. I am not defending her having a child outside of marriage, I agree with your point there. But then you lost me. You clearly twisted her words. She never said "I asked God to have a child out of wedlock." There are many women who ask and pray for children. Also, don't forget that she had her first child, her son, while she was married.

    • guest

      nope that guy is also her baby daddy they never got married