Introducing Your Boyfriend (of Another Race) to the Family

June 29th, 2010 - By Danielle Kwateng

Just when you thought your tasty Mac-and-cheese was best thing to bring to family dinner night.

There have been many amazing milestones for race relations in the U.S. in the past six decades. In 1954 African Americans were given the legal right to an equal education by integration in the school system.  Anti-miscegenation laws were deemed unconstitutional in 1967 by the Supreme Court. And in the same year Sidney Poitier answered the question to “Who’s Coming to Dinner?”

But with all the change, legal reform and integration many American homes are still very traditional… traditional in whom they bring into the family at least. And while some women feel comfortable bringing any man of any race to meet their parents, some cringed at the idea.

Rebecca Bigler a psychology professor at the University of Texas-Austin, who also has a child from an interracial marriage, understands the issue with the baby-boomer generation having a hard time accepting their children in mixed relationships. “It makes us feel racist if we acknowledge race, so we try not to, and we end up being color-mute. Children learn from their parents that you don’t talk about race,” she told USAToday.

The thought of bringing any man home means you’re committed enough to take that next step. The issue is having to break the serenity between you two, by bringing in other parties–other judgmental parties–who may not embrace him.

Here are some great tips to ease the tension when bringing Mr. Right home:

1st- Let your parents know ahead of time that he’s of a different race. Trust us, it’ll just make things easier when he gets to the door. Don’t want one of those “he must be the cab driver who dropped you off” situations.
2nd- Bring him to a small family gathering first then work up to larger engagements. This way the family members can spread the word (because you know they will) and he’ll feel close to people he’s already met at smaller gatherings.
3rd- Be super open about how you met and who he is. The more they know, the more they can trust him.
4th- Take him to the side to make sure he’s comfortable once with the family for a while.
5th-Don’t be so sensitive! He’s just of a different racial background– not an alien

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  • DiplomaticDiva

    My mother and sisters are against interracial dating but im not.I also have two girls and I encourage them to date outside their race if they find love in another race so be it my oldest is crazy about asian guys so i’m praying for a good son inlaw lol.b.t.w im recently divorced and looking for a GOOD MAN (notice i didnt say color)

  • Ayman

    I understand the mothers when they want a same race husband for their daughters.
    They just think that the best for their babies is a man or woman for the same culture……….
    But if anyone else thinks interacial dating is not good for cultural reason…… are racists.
    The cultural reason is so stupid, they act like marry a man from the same race makes the marriage peacfull.
    Bull**** i know a woman who married her cousin( we can’t do more close) this disgusting man cheatin’ on her and ruin her life………. So it gonna be a hard work to teach our parents, friends…….. that a man or woman from the same race dosen’t makes problems disappear.

  • Elle

    Courtney, I feel your pain. Been there, done that.

    My ex-fiancé had a history of dating interracially. So I thought it derived from a culturally open minded upbringing. Wrong!

    His family didn't really mind while we were dating. But when marriage was on the horizon, they all started giving him speeches about how and why they were against us getting married.

    This pressure from his family ended up being the main reason (at least I think so) for him calling it quits.

    What should you do? I don't know. You've likely talked to him about your past and your hesitations, so I assume whatever he said didn't really help making you feel a little less scared. The only thing you can do is try to find out how strong willed he is and if he would be willing to put himself in the position of always having to defend your relationship. Some guys will, some guys won't.

    Personally, I now make sure that the man I date doesn't just appear open minded to other races but that his family has a history of actually practising it as well and that his circle of friends is colorful. My family is wildly mixed with all races. So is my circle of friends. I seek this pattern in potential dates. And if a guy has only white/black/hispanic/asian friends and family members I steer clear of him. It's only going to cause trouble in the long run.

  • Mimi

    Well, since the age of eleven years old, my mother always told me that she believes that I am going to bring an Asian man home, so it is no big deal if I do bring a man (of another race/culture) home to meet my parents.