7 Reasons He’s Not Ready To Tie the Knot

October 21, 2011  |  
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He’s clearly into you; your chemistry is explosive and your time together has ’till death do you part’ written all over it. You may even live together and have done the dog thing to get your “child” rearing basics up to snuff. All the numbers line up: friends, family, values and yet, he still hasn’t popped the question. It’s no secret you want to make this official. You’ve had conversations and he’s been receptive. So what’s the problem?

While I hesitate to call these reasons “good” at least you can understand where he’s coming from. It makes the hold-up more palatable and buys you a little time before you hit a wall and do something drastic like drop an ultimatum or worse–pop the question yourself.

Your support and understanding of these reasons can be effective in helping him take positive steps forward…to the altar.


His Parent’s Didn’t Make It

If your hubby-to-be has divorced parents, it may have affected him deeper than even he realizes. Whether it happened when he was a child or as an adult, it may have shaken his faith in marriage altogether. He needs to deal with those issues of uncertainty towards marriage. No doubt, this is a tough one to get around and ultimately, he will have to man up. But the first step is acknowledging the hang up, then purposefully moving toward a resolution.

He Has Goals to Accomplish

You’re the kind of woman that knows what she wants out of life and that includes a certain type of man-preferably one with ambitions all his own. It’s not that marriage isn’t on his radar, there are just a few things that come first in his ideal before he can take the leap. Maybe he needs to get to a satisfactory level in his career, make partner or live on his own for a while. A man needs to feel he can make his way in this world on his own first. Period.

“I Turned Out Fine”

It always goes back to the parents somehow, particularly where marriage is concerned. Even if his parents are happily together to this day, they may not have ever officially tied the knot. This will lead your man to ponder what the big deal is. After all, his parents never got married and he turned out just fine. But if you’re not going out like that, then you have to make it clear that you’re  looking for a more traditional partnership and children out of wedlock is not an option. If he doesn’t want to lose you, he’ll make it happen…eventually.

He’s Not Ready to Have Kids

If you’re a traditionalist and really on top of birth control, kids come after marriage. The glove comes off once a ring slips on that finger and that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid. Unless you’re in a rush, it’s never hurts to enjoy being a married couple sans-child for a spell. Start having that conversation and assure him that kids can come later but a ring needs to be coming any day now.

He Needs Better Role Models

All your friends are engaged, married or shacking up and all of his friends are still partying in Vegas. The last thing he’s thinking about is getting married if most of his peers are still happily single. The two of you may need to find a neutral (not your friends and not his) mix of people that are on the track you hope to be on.

He’s Not Financially Secure

A man’s confidence and sense of self-worth is often tied to his bank account. A strong cash flow puts his swagger on a hundred, thousand, million. Once he makes bank, he’ll start to feel like the only thing missing is a queen to share it all with. If he hasn’t hit that pinnacle, then he’s apt to hold out until things are “stable.” This isn’t a bad thing because it means he’s thinking about your financial security as well but the reality is, he may never be as rich as he always envisioned. That’s something he needs to accept but not necessarily a message you want to deliver.

“Why Change a Good Thing?”

With the divorce rate being what it is, plenty of people suspect that the institution of marriage, or at least our expectations toward it, are the problem. If you’ve been together for a while and things are great he may be thinking, “do we really need to get married?” The truth is he is worried that the act of getting married will somehow change things for the worse. If your answer to that question is a resounding “yes,” then you obviously have to make it known. But you also have to be prepared to walk if he has no intentions of taking the plunge.

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  • K west

    Because u shouldn’t make it so easy for him in the beginning. A man wants a challenge and if you give him everything so quick he feels like there is nothing excited about getting married because you have gave him everything already and left nothing for after the nuptials. So all in all ladies if you are looking to get wifed up before u get all dried out because you gave him all the goodies first slow your roll and just keep him guessing I wonder what kind of wife will she be stop playing wifey!!! 


  • E'standgelisa

    Get it together brothers! We as a race need to value family and family units more. It's enough of the one parent household. Children need stability and acceptance. Brothers shy away from marriage because, I believe, they are afraid of the responsibility of taking care of a family. True, we don't have family to fall back on or support us especially financially as other races. Hey, once upon a time (a generation before mine) family was important and family was there. It's a good thing to go home to mommy and daddy and find love and togetherness.

    • Sundoulos

      And sisters shy away from marriage, because after they've made the decision to change "Tyrone" & that didn't work, she carried that baggage to the relationship w/ the man that will really respect her & give him the attitude that she should've given "Tyrone". It just rests with the individual, which in all honesty, is non gender specific. Women are far from the only victims in this case. Actually, I like the list that was given. What women & men also have to realize is that marriage involves a lot of compromise & sacrifice from BOTH sides. You can't want him to commit & then you want to remain an individual; it doesn't work like that. HE is making a change as well, so you have to meet him there. You don't want him in other women's faces, frolicking & playing, hanging out with the boys all night every night & weekend, etc. Change has to come from BOTH sides of the marriage for the union to be progressive & successful….


    ThunderThighs and bossy you are all so right. I totally agree with you all. The media is making it seem like all women want is to get married as if all men are marriage materials. It goes both ways. Let’s put it this way: if he has not proposed to you after a while chances are you may not be what he wants as a wife. But if he proposes and she says no chances are she doesn’t see you as her hubby either. Some men aren’t just good enough to be called husband or father. Same goes for women but we only hear that all day long.



  • "One thing women fail to understand is you are whole within yourself". "You came in this world alone this doesn't apply to twins :)) and your going to leave this world alone". "A man know exactlly what he is doing if he can get the milk free without buying the cow,he going to do it". "One thing if you was not told as a child your "V J J" is the "PRIZE" and if you give it up before you are married,you lose". "Focus more on yourself and stop looking for a man to complete you"!! "ThunderThights I agree with you 1000%!!! :))

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  • Cassandra

    You forgot the number one reason, he’s doesn’t see you as a wife. No matter a man’s upbringing, if you are a wife in his eyes he will marry you. I have a friend who has been with his girlfriend for almost twenty years. I asked him when he,will marry her, his answer probably never. She’s good enough for gf, but he ain’t about to give her his last name. All those reasons you posted are excuses, and just another reason to blind yourself to the truth. You are not what he is looking for.

    • Guest

      20 years and she is ok with that?! Do they have kids?

  • Guest

    Whether he's ready or not………..once that time has expired together…………all you need to remember is to keep it moving.

    @ Msknowitall – – – – — I love your response! And it is so true.