Our Apathy: Amber Cole and the Disvaluation of Black Girls

October 18th, 2011 - By Christelyn Karazin

Feminists, Where are You? Is She Not Your ‘Sister,’ Too?

If the National Organization of Women has released a statement on this, please let me know, because as of this post, there’s nothing. I can’t help but wonder out loud how much energy and effort would be directed to this disaster if the girl had been blonde and blue-eyed. I have been critical of certain aspects of feminism in my writings, and this is a prime example of why I don’t stand with you. You ignore a girl who could literally be my daughter when she has been violated in the most vile way.

The Gender Double Standard

While Amber Cole’s life will forever be affected by her decision and this video, the boys will be able to lead a relatively normal life. After all their names are not trending on Twitter. Kendyl Cherry, a Facebook friend of mine, had this to say about the young men who were involved in the incident and the double standards of our society that celebrate this deplorable behavior:

“Yes, these boys obviously lacked guidance and direction. And in that way, they too are ‘victims’ of the dysfunction we all recognize as the cause of this mess. But the difference is, THEY will not pay the ultimate price for this ‘dysfunction’. That girl will. And since black folks, choose to CLING like a life raft to sexual double standards, female hating religious dogma, hypermasculine ideals of manhood, and the overall denigration for all things feminine, it is not ‘society’ that is to blame, but US. We refuse to accept equality in our relationships and parity in our ‘roles.’ We promote biblical ideals that are based on the submission and sexual restriction of women, all while glorifying male dominance and aggression.”

I think about the mistakes and missteps I made in my teen-aged and young adult years, and by God’s grace, You Tube and Twitter had not yet been invented. Are you still laughing? For all those who will dismiss this event and blame only the girl, I hope a new circle in Hell will be invented, just for you.

Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (to be released April 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.

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  • Joyce

    Personally, I stand firmly behind the Amber the child.

    She was so desperate to win back her ex boyfriend that she subjected herself to this type of humiliation is proof that she had no self esteem.

    Every girl should be raised to know that she is beautiful, that she is special.

    And yes she needs to hear it not just from mom but ESPECIALLY from DAD!!!

    And that on a regular basis!

  • -Lyrics!

    I personally feel like if Amber was old enough to perform oral, she was old enough to decide that's what she wanted to do. The fact that she's trying to have the boys take must of the blame for it isn't right. She should take fault for her part in it to, nobody forced her… It was her choice.

    The youth from PEMG (a youth mentoring program out of Staten Island) actually made a song speaking on their views of the Amber Cole situation. Views similar to my own… It's worth a listen.

    "Dear Amber" f/ Lyrics & Big Nay – http://soc.li/GFHqbjD

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  • Anna

    1. You're misreading: By "caught" I mean put in a similar situation. And if this girl WAS you, your daughter or whomever is close to you wouldn't be on that high horse.

    2. And whose fault is it that to win the affection of her boyfriend she had to get on her knees while his boys documented it? If there was a better society around her, maybe she would have developed the self-esteem and pragmatical sense to WALK AWAY. My mother made the conscious effort to tell me that boys and men will use any tactic to make you do things that you may not want to do, so why does Amber have to learn the hard way? Why shouldn't she be as lucky as you and I were?

    So you're saying Amber should be punished because she was denied the very education that she is being punished FOR? Do you not think that she lives in a world where assuring the affection and love of a boy she has to get on her knees while his friends document it? This may be what she witnessed the women around her do and no one has, had, will or wants to make the effort to make her see otherwise. And because of this, the cycle will continue.

    COME THE HELL ON!

    You are an obvious apologist to the boys and the society that Amber was born unto. You probably blame the victims of rape because of what the victim wore, where they went, how much she drank and whom she was with.

  • revel

    I feel sorry for your kids.

    • revel

      This was @Kayla

  • Tas

    No I haven't because I was taught to think before I acted. I knew to consider consequences and I knew better than to conduct myself in a manner that I might regret later

  • Guest

    The boys do not need jail time. they are just as unguided as she is. afterall they are the same age as she is

  • r u serious

    Okay yeah but did you do those things in public behind a public school.

  • Marcus

    I guess I've been under a rock, but I literally just heard about all this about 30 minutes ago, and have been bombarded by all the opinions intelligent, ignorant, and otherwise. My take as the father of a 14 y/o girl, is that I recall a conversation with my daughter on her birthday a few months ago. Here's a little background: I have two daughters; ages 9 and 14. Both live with their moms…I pay support, and try to interact as much as possible, but honestly, its never enough, and I feel as if I have a lot of room to improve as a dad. That said, I was at dinner with my baby girl, and part of what I said was this: "Look, you're in high school now, and you are going to start socializing outside of school….you are going to see some things that were not taught to you in my or your mom's house. We ain't rich; all you have in this world is your reputation that took you your whole life to build, and you can lose it like *that*. You may even already know of some girl who is still trying to live down something that may or may not even have happened at some party….don't put yourself in a position to be that girl. Is it fair that boys don't have the same burden? No it isn't. Is it equal? Is it right? Nope. But try explaining that to the girl who is going through hell right now. I love you more than all of your friends put together, and I will be here for you long after they are gone. Worry about what I think, not what they think. " I feel really bad for Amber, but I would be lying if I said she has no responsibility in this just as my daughter has responsibility for her actions…the key difference is my daughter has had responsibility instilled since early on. She has had accomplishments that let her know she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. And she knows for a fact, that ALL Black men are not walking around with their jeans sagging, trying to degrade her. I just wish Amber had the same advantages….

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  • Guest

    LOL! whatever. If she had the sense not to give head in a public area none of this would have happened.

    • kenneth20748

      Because she put the gun to the head of the person who held the camera. Troll harder lmao

  • Madeline

    They just did an update article, the boy was arrested. The girl is STILL POSTING ON TWITTER like her freaking life wasn't nearly ruined by the internet. WHERE ARE HER PARENTS?!

  • Madeline

    Update: Still trying to figure out where the eff this girl's parents are that SHE CONTINUES TO POST ON TWITTER AND HAVE REGULAR ACCESS TO THE INTERNET after all she's been through. REALLY?! I am all for justice but DAYUM! SOMEONE has to have some common sense about this if the girl isn't old enough to do so.

    Deactivate her twitter, fb, and give her access to the net only for school purposes, wtf! She is talking like she has a new-found celeb status. SICKENING!

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