Our Apathy: Amber Cole and the Disvaluation of Black Girls

161 comments
October 18, 2011 ‐ By Christelyn Karazin


Last Sunday, potentially millions of people committed a felony when they so cavalierly passed links all over the internet of 14-year-old Amber Cole allegedly Performing \’Brain Surgery\’ on her boyfriend while two other boys recorded the event that took place outside of their high school. All of the typical lowest-common-denominator websites gleefully distributed what could be the worst mistake this child has made in her short life. Kids and adults both clucked their tongues, called the girl a Slore, said that she was stupid, and that she deserved what she gets.

Well, I’m here to tell all the people who clucked, I hope you, in turn, get your comeuppance too, since several guardian angels have reported distributed links of this CHILD PORNOGRAPHY to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, because guess what? Distributing child pornography is a crime punishable with jail.  Blogger, “Anna Belle” has organized an online militia dubbed #AmbersArmy to shut down the sites that hosted the videos and rained down a hail of emails to Twitter and Facebook to halt the distribution of this incident.

Hats off to “Anna Belle,” a woman who took up for this child. But I’m wondering when any black-identified or feminist organization will take up the charge to defend Amber and see to the policing and  prosecuting of the perpetrators.

Black Men, Where Are You? This is Your Daughter, Your Sister!

I am honestly so hurt and outraged that today on my Facebook wall, not one African-American man expressed any outrage over this. As men, you are to be our protectors. How things have changed. I was born in the 1970’s and I remember when we would police our own, and if any boy did something like this to a girl he would have gotten a well-deserved tongue lashing, or worse. It wouldn’t have even had to be the father or the brother. Someone would have stepped in. Now, there’s silence. Stop telling girls they should keep their legs closed while simultaneously patting boys on the back for their sexual exploits.

We are watching you, men. We are watching you as you do nothing.

While many are bashing Amber and her actions. Dr. Phoyenx Austin, a physician, writer and media personality had this to say about Amber’s self esteem:

“[Amber's] actions clearly display that she is so desperate for ANY form of male validation and love that she would degrade herself to this degree. As for the boy, or boys, who are no more than parasites, I sincerely hope that they are dealt with by karma’s hand — and maybe even a male relative that decides to step up to the plate. This is not boys being boys. Their actions were cruel and sick. And you can tell everything about an individual’s soul based on how they treat someone they don’t have to treat well.”

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  • Joyce

    Personally, I stand firmly behind the Amber the child.

    She was so desperate to win back her ex boyfriend that she subjected herself to this type of humiliation is proof that she had no self esteem.

    Every girl should be raised to know that she is beautiful, that she is special.

    And yes she needs to hear it not just from mom but ESPECIALLY from DAD!!!

    And that on a regular basis!

  • -Lyrics!

    I personally feel like if Amber was old enough to perform oral, she was old enough to decide that's what she wanted to do. The fact that she's trying to have the boys take must of the blame for it isn't right. She should take fault for her part in it to, nobody forced her… It was her choice.

    The youth from PEMG (a youth mentoring program out of Staten Island) actually made a song speaking on their views of the Amber Cole situation. Views similar to my own… It's worth a listen.

    "Dear Amber" f/ Lyrics & Big Nay – http://soc.li/GFHqbjD

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  • Anna

    1. You're misreading: By "caught" I mean put in a similar situation. And if this girl WAS you, your daughter or whomever is close to you wouldn't be on that high horse.

    2. And whose fault is it that to win the affection of her boyfriend she had to get on her knees while his boys documented it? If there was a better society around her, maybe she would have developed the self-esteem and pragmatical sense to WALK AWAY. My mother made the conscious effort to tell me that boys and men will use any tactic to make you do things that you may not want to do, so why does Amber have to learn the hard way? Why shouldn't she be as lucky as you and I were?

    So you're saying Amber should be punished because she was denied the very education that she is being punished FOR? Do you not think that she lives in a world where assuring the affection and love of a boy she has to get on her knees while his friends document it? This may be what she witnessed the women around her do and no one has, had, will or wants to make the effort to make her see otherwise. And because of this, the cycle will continue.

    COME THE HELL ON!

    You are an obvious apologist to the boys and the society that Amber was born unto. You probably blame the victims of rape because of what the victim wore, where they went, how much she drank and whom she was with.

  • revel

    I feel sorry for your kids.

    • revel

      This was @Kayla

  • Tas

    No I haven't because I was taught to think before I acted. I knew to consider consequences and I knew better than to conduct myself in a manner that I might regret later

  • Guest

    The boys do not need jail time. they are just as unguided as she is. afterall they are the same age as she is

  • r u serious

    Okay yeah but did you do those things in public behind a public school.

  • Marcus

    I guess I've been under a rock, but I literally just heard about all this about 30 minutes ago, and have been bombarded by all the opinions intelligent, ignorant, and otherwise. My take as the father of a 14 y/o girl, is that I recall a conversation with my daughter on her birthday a few months ago. Here's a little background: I have two daughters; ages 9 and 14. Both live with their moms…I pay support, and try to interact as much as possible, but honestly, its never enough, and I feel as if I have a lot of room to improve as a dad. That said, I was at dinner with my baby girl, and part of what I said was this: "Look, you're in high school now, and you are going to start socializing outside of school….you are going to see some things that were not taught to you in my or your mom's house. We ain't rich; all you have in this world is your reputation that took you your whole life to build, and you can lose it like *that*. You may even already know of some girl who is still trying to live down something that may or may not even have happened at some party….don't put yourself in a position to be that girl. Is it fair that boys don't have the same burden? No it isn't. Is it equal? Is it right? Nope. But try explaining that to the girl who is going through hell right now. I love you more than all of your friends put together, and I will be here for you long after they are gone. Worry about what I think, not what they think. " I feel really bad for Amber, but I would be lying if I said she has no responsibility in this just as my daughter has responsibility for her actions…the key difference is my daughter has had responsibility instilled since early on. She has had accomplishments that let her know she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. And she knows for a fact, that ALL Black men are not walking around with their jeans sagging, trying to degrade her. I just wish Amber had the same advantages….

  • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

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  • Guest

    LOL! whatever. If she had the sense not to give head in a public area none of this would have happened.

    • kenneth20748

      Because she put the gun to the head of the person who held the camera. Troll harder lmao

  • Madeline

    They just did an update article, the boy was arrested. The girl is STILL POSTING ON TWITTER like her freaking life wasn't nearly ruined by the internet. WHERE ARE HER PARENTS?!

  • Madeline

    Update: Still trying to figure out where the eff this girl's parents are that SHE CONTINUES TO POST ON TWITTER AND HAVE REGULAR ACCESS TO THE INTERNET after all she's been through. REALLY?! I am all for justice but DAYUM! SOMEONE has to have some common sense about this if the girl isn't old enough to do so.

    Deactivate her twitter, fb, and give her access to the net only for school purposes, wtf! She is talking like she has a new-found celeb status. SICKENING!

  • guest

    i dont feel a bit sorry for her. she done created a facebook page and all. she feel like she have fans. she is laughing at yall talking about yall feel sorry for her. lol . yall so dumb

  • guest

    lol. that girl dont feel bad for what she did. she know exactly what she was doing and proud of it when it all boils down. she is eating up the attention. TRUST ME.

  • iRoqq

    This isn't my fault. Protect her for what? Next time she will just have to check for cameras. Lesson Learned.

  • tim

    well whats the big deal? i know she's 14 but this is not the first time this happen. i just got out of high school things like this happens all the time in school the only thing is that this was put on the web and know all you guys are tripin over nothig so stop ok.

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  • Aaliyah McLean

    I believe the age of knowing right from wrong was 6-7. I’m 14 and a freshman in high school, and I consider this full out stupidity. Who cares how her family raised her or her environment, it’s her fault that she doesn’t value her body and her mind is too far in the gutters to value her future. I wasn’t policed by my parents and I have gone into highschool with my own set values, I don’t even plan to have a boyfriend anytime soon. As for her she has already seen what the gods given him and it’s sad that you are blaming men for not stepping in when you should be blaming her mother for not taming her. No she is not an animal, but the size of her brain to their’s is relatively similar. For me, I don’t feel that she deserves any sympathy because of her reason for this truly was to get a boy back, she deserves every bit of embarrassment coming her way.

  • Tony

    Oh please. The black boys who ran the train on the Latino girl in Texas were not killed. Look how many white people came to the defense of Roman Polanski and what is this fantasy lipstick thing that was covered so much that I and most folks have never heard of it? You will get folks to support your black male hate on Chris's blog, but you will be called out here.

  • ChaCha White

    so everybody be quiet, kause im pretty sure alot of you who are commenting have done it before !

  • ChaCha White

    a lot of you guys sound real retarded. i live in memphis & attend school down here also. most of you douche bags are blowing the situtation way out of proportion. i mean the difference between Amber & your daughters is that she got caught on tape . i mean damn stfu. its all on my facebook & twitter wall. i mean how you think you got here? your mother did the same thing to your father ! ughhh

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisamignon82 Lisa M. White

    thank you, Ms. Tonya!!!! it makes me angry too! I was raised to take responsibility for everything that I did when I was 14. My mother said that I had to because in 4 years, the world would see me as a grown woman and I would no longer be a child. I am forever greatful to her for teaching me this and helping me become who I am today. Good luck with all your studies!!!!

  • Guest

    You'll never hear an answer to any of those questions…lol

  • Jade

    The issue can go on and on, but the fact still remains that there's no one to blame for this but her and the parenting. Seriously.

    I don't condone cyber bullying at all, especially with her being so young. Personally, after this incident, I wouldn't let her have a Fb, MySpace, or twitter, but that's just me.

    I hope that she learns from this and moves forward as well as anyone else. But what do you suggest we all do, besides nip it in the bud at home?
    It seems to me that now everyone has to play the mentor and mama in this situation bc hers didn't. Hmmm…

    Unfortunately, we all know that this isn't the first time something like this has happened, and it won't be the last time. Be that the child is black, white, yellow or purple. its just sad knowing that kids think in order to get a boyfriend or be cool, you have to give head or worse, in public or to multiple people.
    I'm sure things like this were going on while I was younger, but the morals and values that were instilled in me by my parents, grandmother,aunts uncles anybody around with common sense, made me know better to do such things…

  • Jade

    Somebody please tell me where this young lady's mama is? I would love to here from her… Really!

  • Jade

    Its because she sees it as a way to get what she wants and to be accepted. Its worked for her in the past and it'll coninue to work for her. After all this dies down, (and it will), she'll probably learn one thing….DON'T GET CAUGHT THE NEXT TIME! AND OH YEAH…IF YOU WANNA DO THIS WITH ME.. YOU AND YOUR BOYS CAN'T RECORD ME. Its ashame, but it's the truth. As much as people hope she learns her lesson, she's gonna be famous as the girl who gave head behind the school,and all it'll take is another guy to talk her out her draws again.

    So sad, but so true…smh.

  • LorMarie

    Wonderful article and writing as usual. However, I must be honest. Asking or expecting black men to protect black women or even themselves is like asking a person with an IQ of to compete intellectually with a member of MENSA. they generally are only cocerned about themselves. Thus, any black woman who is "down for the brothas" is basically a fool.

    • Tony

      And of course, being the honorary Aryan that you are (a designation you accepted), you would feel that black are genetically low in IQ. When will your baby daddy marry you?

      • http://Lormarie.com lormarie

        My "baby daddy" will marry me after your father asks your mother why you have the mailman's eyes.

  • amber

    Kayla,

    She is a CHILD, a CHILD. She is not 21, 31, 41 or 51. She is a 14 year old little girl.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lisamignon82 Lisa M. White

      Children don't give head outside their schools. the minute she chose to act like a grown woman, she stopped being a child. I'm so tired of hearing "they're just kids and they don't know any better" BS! In this day and age with all the technology and what comes on TV; these children know so much more than these so called "grown-ups" give them credit for. But since these kids only think about what's going on in the right now and their parents rely on outside sources to teach them right from wrong, this ends up being the end result.

      • revel

        I'm not really trying to be mean, but I can't understand how an obese person could be so judgemental. I would think that you of all people would understand that sometimes people don't know any better or just feel out of control of a situation because they don't feel empowered.

        • revel

          comment above @Lisa M. White

  • eugeniamb

    STFU, I'm tired of reading your stupidity. Go somewhere and stab yourself in the thigh. You're stupidest thing walking. SMDH.

    • Guest

      Kayla is not stupid. She spoke the truth and you know it too. No one forced that girl to behave that way. She did it by her own will

  • SheSpeaks

    So nobody see anything wrong with the little boy being on tape. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want my son being put out there like that either. I am getting so tired of this image of the oversexed black male that can't control himself. Black men don't reprimand each other as a matter of fact he getting daps and wonder why black men get no respect or people seem to think you are animals with no self disciplined unless its time to throw a football. I'm not saying this to crap on black men but damn it ain't y'all tired of being seen as the pervs always violating woman and it don't help when some idiots act like they proud of these foul acts. Where the hell would we be if MLK or Malcolm X and other leader took pride in getting sucked off by some ignorant young little girl that is not a good look for the young boy or young girl. I most certainly don't want my son putting this much pride in a sexual conquest and the influence that's out there that exactly how most young men think. I don't believe they will grow out of it you have to teach discipline and morals early its not something you grow into or out of.

  • lisaua

    Ms Kayla,__Don't be so self-righteous. You should have some compassion. How would you feel if that happened to you? Are you better than Amber or did God give you the GRACE to not make such mistakes in your life. Some of us forget that it is by God's grace that we don't end up on drugs or doing other evils that other people do to themselves.

    • Kayla

      she has no respect for herself so why should anyone have respect for her? She is old enough to know that we are deep into the computer age and something was bound to come outta that.

      • revel

        Excellent post! Anyone who assumes this child should know right from wrong is an idiot! Values are subjective and self-esteem is instilled and nourished. We don't know if she was modeling behavior that was taught to her in her own home. But its obvious by her behavior that she is lacking a sense of self-worth and this situation is the tragic consequence. She needs help, not condemnation.

    • Guest

      No by not being idiots we don't end up like her. Personal responsibility!

  • Enuffisenuff

    The bc was so quick to forgive R. kelly, Chris Brown and Michael Jackson. I wonder if it will extend the same forgiveness to Amber Cole.

    I wont hold my breath on that one.

  • Joyce

    And once again its people like you who are ok with it going on what if this was your daughter/neice/grand-dauhgter God forbid will she have deserved it. Will all the bad things that are being said will you still have no sympathy and dont say oh that would not happen to mines but your not God you dont know what your child would have done. YOU DONT KNOW SO PLEASE IF NOTHING POSITIVE SHUT UP

  • Joyce

    Yea cause they got butt holes like you think the way you are thinking. We as a community needs to teach our young girls not dog them and slure the person who you claim they are these are our wonderful black babies. If we take a minute and become a community again, if we take the time to be parents and not friends, if we start really caring about our children wellfare this kind of thing would not happen. Pray for our kids not inform them thats what they get for doing wrong. You are the reason we have so many of our children in prison when theres no one in there corners telling them ok you did wrong but this is how we are gonna keep you out of here naw not you kayla I'm gonna ask God to have mercy on your poor, sad and lost little soul. Get yo mind right huh.

  • reese

    Nobody is blaming bm. She is saying why aren't they speaking on it.

    • Guest

      Why should they speak on it? What people need to ask is why her mother is not speaking on it. Why didn't Amber's mom teach her any better?

  • Guest

    I think you're using way too many words that are bigger than you are. You let that get away from you.

    I didn't read anywhere where the author is placing the blame squarely on black men. She's calling attention to the fact that black men have either been silent, or are placing the blame on this little girl. She's calling attention to the fact that not many, if any, black men have spoken out against the male children involved in this mess.

    If you're barking about the bold font in the middle of the article… well, a hit dog will holler.

    • Niceman012

      Hmm, I base my claim on her saying that BM didn't come to the defense of Amber Cole on her facebook page.FB page ..Yes FB page really!? :/ .Its clear in the article trying to put the blame on BM the overall tone of article blame BM we don't care for BW..Really?!?Like I stated over I feel sorry for Amber Cole but she need to take some responsibility herself she's not immune to any criticism..
      PS
      "I think you're using way too many words that are bigger than you are" :/ …Trying to make you point by insulting others..wow… : /

  • Anubis

    Black men where are you those are your daughters sisters……. HA HA HA HA HA. Black women. fake mothers of the earth. the gate keepers. The ones that say you can raise kids by yourself. Why didnt you see this coming. You are strong. why cant you prevent stuff like this. why cant you protect any one. stupid b.i.t.c.h.e.s

  • marcus

    black women need to stop playing the victim card! y’all only want black men as protectors when y’all are being exposed!

    black men are done protecting black women! we are only going to be down for those who are down for us. you tell the world you want white men, that there’s no good black men, and that you don’t even NEED a man.

    So don’t act surprised that your men are no longer there for you! yall are the ones who turned your men into the villians.

    • Guest

      You're funny, in a very unfunny way. Black men are done protecting black women? Black men have NEVER protected black women. If ya' had, this little black girl wouldn't be in this situation, and those little black boys INITIAL instinct would have been to protect this little black girl, not take advantage of her. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

  • Tas

    So what rendered her incapable of knowing that it is not a good idea to give head in a public place?

  • Tas

    Thank you! another thing we have to take into consideration is the fact that not all these girls have to be coerced to do certain things especially sexual acts with boys or other girls. They will do it willingly. I know this because I work with children from dysfunctional homes

  • Kayla

    Not true. You have full grown adults who ask just like children…

    • Kayla

      act**

  • KayPee

    I'm Gonna say it again: PARENTS PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR CHILDREN ARE EQUIPPED WITH SELF ESTEEM, WHETHER BOY OR GIRL.

  • http://kissthedragon.tumblr.com/ KissOfDanger

    Exactly Chris that girl is a CHILD. She isn't thinking like an adult, neither does she has what she needs to be fully functioning.

  • Jennie

    I read the news everyday and hadn't heard this story.
    I sincerely hope the young lady has learned a lesson about discretion and self-respect.
    While the boys are not the victims here, they are children too. The same way the girl's actions are excused because of age, the boys' age will be considered as well. A lack of maturity abounds in all the parties.
    Hopefully the boys' parents are talking to them about why their behavior was so wrong.

  • Shawn

    This idea that black men are not saying anything is the simple fact that we try but our opinions get rejected, when we even try to get black women to hold accountability because it’s not always black men u say we’re bashing u. So why should we say anything? We told u many of ways, of what’s going on and what would happen but you were too stubborn to listen. And this is why things like this happen. And if you’re asking “well what did u say black man?” Then that is exactly what I’m talking about, u didn’t listen.

    • Guest

      You just talked in a million circles and still didn't manage to say sh*t.

      • Tony

        Yes, he did manage to say plenty. He is right. Men/black men have said plenty throughout the years, attempting to guide women and girls away from absurdity and in response, we are ridiculed, called lame and square, called chauvanists and misogynists, etc. Then when the sh*t hits the fan, you are mad because we don't rush in for the rescue.

        • ugh

          She is saying the girl needs to be DEFENDED by Black men not prosecuted! Trust there are enough men doing the latter.

          And if you have to prosecute someone, use you role as men to say something about the boys involved! Some of you will never get it. I don;t know why this pisses me off so much but some men are seriously clueless..even the ones that think they're good have no idea *sigh*

  • Kayla

    Im not saying she has to think like a full blown adult. But at what point did giving brain outside of school, while having guys tape her. did the little light in her head go off, indicating this was a bad idea?? is that too much to ask of a 14 year old. But I guess not, lets sweep it under the rug and use the excuse "that's what kids do" or "Kids will be kids".

    • Anon

      We don't even know if she actually even consented. From details I read, there were three boys, all friends. That's pretty nerve wracking, to be alone with your ex-boyfriends and two of his friends when you're a 14 year old girl. And then even IF she wasn't coerced, she didn't deserve to have it taped and posted on the internet by one of them.

      Also: it's okay to be put all the blame on the 14 year old girl, but nothing about the boys who POSTED the video? About the boys who may have FORCED her? So you're okay blaming her but just shrugging your shoulders at the boys, saying "well boys will be boys" and sweep THAT under the rug?. Nice. Hope you never have daughters or sons.

  • Kayla

    how do you know this girl is raised in a bad environment.??? She very well could have been raised in a good environment raised by both parents. You have many people who were raised with no parents that turned out better then this girl?? If you keep excusing bad behavior because "that's what kids do".. Then soon she will be bringing home a baby then what? Will you brush it in the rug then as a simple "mistake"

  • Lovessoldier

    Imagine if this were two boys. Would their be a great shame washed upon the community. We are so quick to throw away our daughters and sons, do you realize that the magnitude of the actions we take today, will ensure we have no beautifully, healthy (mentally, physically & spirtually) children? Who will your daughter or son marry if they are all diseased and forgotten tomorrow? Love all of our children the determine how our world we will be.

    • applepie

      I agree! We cannot forget about our children.

  • Kayla

    ikr. she could have been raised by crack babies doesn't matter. At what point would it click in this young girls mind to give brain(POW) ……outside of school(POW)…….while having another dudes around(POW)….. and having someone film it(POW)…………… that is no other person fault but her own. she very well couldve been raised in a perfect household setting

  • Kayla

    funny we basically said the same thing, but yet i get so many thumbs down. LOL -thumbs up for you-

  • In All Honesty

    Theoneash20 has the best comment in here. The nerve of Christelyn Karazin, of all people, to address Black men is beyond me. The writer's not even a part of the Black community. You don't even promote Black relationships, so get upset at "rainbeau men". Don't act as if you know me, or other Black men in general.

    • In All Honesty

      I have no issues at all and who cares about Black love? It's so nineties. I just call BS out when I see it. If you were telling the truth about her, the term "rainbeau men" wouldn't be necesarry. Color is THE point of her message. So she needs to be on the case of rainbeau men about it because THOSE are the men she promotes. I'm not crying. But, I do refuse to be manipulated as a Black dude.

      I know you'd look at Lil Wayne crazy if he complained about dark skinned girls not coming to his concerts. Same thing. I'm looking at the writer really crazy when she brings up Black men.

      • In All Honesty

        I didn't even notice the profile pic. Good observation. Now it REALLY makes sense.

        @eugeniam – ROFL! If you were a BM, you wouldn't make it past 20 (especially in the States, and here in the UK). For the future, save those insults toward Black men for your father. That's the only Black dude that you know like that.

        You (and Christy) burned your bridges to BM, but expect them to show up whenever you ask them to? Where dey do dat at? Even women of other races aren't that entitled. LOL! That's why NWNW flopped this year and will continue to.

        I hope BM boycott the lot of you over on that site. The reaping of fruits has begun. Everything you say has consequences and I'm glad to see BM understanding their worth.

  • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

    Agreed… Thanks for calling it out…

    • Alana

      I just posted a similar comment. One black girl meesing up is not black men's responsibility.
      We as women need to teach our daughters better.. Whether she has a father figure or not.

      • Niceman012

        BM don't get passes from NO ONE.. what inaction are you talking about??Please elaborate…There are BM who are very much outage about the Amber Cole situation..AGAIN, What inactions are you talking about?

  • Niceman012

    You think if she had father figure in her life this would be any different BS It would've been the same outcome..When you 14yrs old your would rotate around your BF..so please stop using black men as escape scapegoats..

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

      I disagree… A strong father keeps a son out of streets & her daughter off the pole…

      But black fathers are not valued in our community

      • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

        his* daughter

      • DAYWALKER

        Dude, you know that sayin that in front of all the feminists in this bytch is akin to jumping off of a ledge, right??? The fall doesn't kill ya, but the sudden stop DOES….

    • guestII

      Another BM trying to side step responsibility, nothing new to see here…

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  • theoneash20

    And…?

    • Angie

      Annnndddddd?????? What of it?

      • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

        basically what does that mean

  • theoneash20

    co-sign

  • theoneash20

    CK is out of pocket on this one….

  • Brodie

    Bull. You deal with stereotypes because people are prejudice. This girl, and women who "deserve shame" aren't response for the someone choosing not to see you as an individual.

  • Brodie

    *no idea of their potential…..

    I proof read twice and still, damn.

  • bob

    this women is a retard

    • Guest

      As evidenced by your spelling? When you figure out the difference between the singular and plural form of the word Woman, then you can comfortably call someone retarded.

  • aqquippless

    Dear Author.Please refrain from using blackmen as your scapegoat.This site on a daily bases Tells blackwomen that blackmen are not to be considered of any importance unless they are catering to b/w.So now miss hot in the pants CONSENTS to being taped performing a sex act is now the blackmans issue, because she is facing consquences for her actions.Typical black feminist b.s.Where were the parents? Ask that question.Remember b/w have been publicly telling the whole world that the black man is NOTHING for four decades,yet you expect them to protect you from the con sequences of YOUR CHOICES.

    • theoneash20

      THANK YOU

    • Jade

      I KNOW THATS RIGHT!

  • http://twitter.com/Iamablackguy @Iamablackguy

    Wait a minute…how is this my fault as a single black male? She isn't my daughter…she knew what she was doing? How am i responsible for these hoodrats? seriously?

    • theoneash20

      Thank you… & Thank You

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

      Why are black men even in the conversation…?

  • AMOMWHOCARES

    SORRY THE LAST POST CAME OUT WRONG!!!!
    @EUGENIAMB YOU ARE SO RIGHT A WASTE IT WILL BE SHE NEEDS TO GET A HEART INSTEAD!!!! SORRY ABOUT THE LAST POST!!

  • amomwhocaresDEETEUEUGEUEUGENIAMB!!!! She needs to GET A HEART!!!!

    Say that one more time

  • amomwhocares

    Vinnie she didn’t committee suicide but the way everyone is talking about her that’s what am afraid of for someone to say you a lost cause WORDS HURT AND SHE IS 14 AND YES SHE IS A KID!!!!! Her mom has taking her out of school because of this.

  • eugeniamb

    Thanks Anna Belle it's a shame that a white woman is doing what the black community should be happy to do. A few weeks ago w/ the Troy Davis thing you couldn't get black ppl to shut up, every Poverty Pimp ever known was up on his soapbox. A young black woman gets exploited and now it's her fault and all you hear are crickets. SMDH

  • eugeniamb

    Wow and you're going to be a waste of a degree.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cuccikutta Vinnie G. Zillah

    In all seriousness, this is another DC sniper incident. I didn't feel outraged because I had no idea this chick was black. I mean, your talking about the devaluation of black women, but the value of white girls is so low that I had every confidence that this was about a little white girl when my high-school-aged cousin to me about it. Today he said she committed suicide and I was certain she was white.

  • http://www.facebook.com/christelyn Christelyn Russell-Karazin

    Well, if it takes a white woman to stand up for a little black girl, it is what it has to be. Thank you, Annabelle, for doing what my own people should have done. And we all should be ashamed.

    • Anna Belle

      It is mostly African-Americans on AmberArmy now. I am so gratified to see that. People want to help, they just did't know how. We are killing links left and right, now!

  • amomwhocares

    Lost caused That’s Just Being Mean! You wouldn’t want someone to call you that….And when you done she is still a KID!!!!!! And i dnt feel noone is a lost cause i dnt care what they do!

  • Cora

    Right! I learned about the frontal lobe in Psych class! No wonder some things you just don't "get" until you get older!

  • http://twitter.com/annabellep @annabellep

    Sorry for the double post.

  • Guest

    You are not sinless……Remember, all of the crap you have put out…….you will reap what you sow Kayla………

    • Kayla

      but i've never given brain outside of school, I'm smarter then that..

      • AJO

        Smarter THAN that….idiot…You clearly don't have a brain INSIDE your head either….

        • Chloe

          You're a complete moron. THEN denotes time. THAN denotes a comparison. LAWD!!! A freaking moron you are!

      • https://www.facebook.com/sarita.alexander Sarita Alexander

        right. it was INSIDE school then. gotcha.

  • whowantstoknow

    people did worse and got away because they weren't digitally recorded and spread around the world in a day

    • Anna

      Nope… but don't let the school gossip know or see… cause chick will play Chinese Telephone and by the time the last bell rings, Mom will be outside with a belt.

  • Brodie

    So pissed right now.

  • Lee

    What a wonderful article you wrote, especially on the double gender standards in our black community; it is so sickening that so many of "us" still think like that, I think it's time black women take a different approach to rearing their baby boys into men, so this does not keep happening to young girls and grown women too

  • guest

    i think some of you, the majority in fact are missing the point that it was a CHILD & ignorant people posted this all over because for some reason you thought a CHILD'S bad decision took precedence over THE LAW. absent t father, poor judgement, peer pressure WHATEVER the reason SHE IS A CHILD & IT'S AGAINT THE LAW! I report who ever I saw posted a link after I heard it was a 14 yr old & what it was about, I hope YOU ALL who did post, retweet or shared that link get prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

    • DAYWALKER

      Why?? Because someone posted that shyt up there, and an unsuspecting person opened it??? Well, we can all see why your emotional azz ain't a judge, now can't we???

      • eugeniamb

        You know what if you did unsuspectingly too bad, you dumb ass shouldn't have opened it. If you did and watched it that's easy to prove too. What planet are you ppl living on? This is now in the hands of the FBI. I hope you didn't open b/c they've done these sorts of arrest before. I won't be losing sleep if you get arrested.

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

      hard to prove that…

  • whowantstoknow

    The amber cole incident is just another example of what happens when a child is not nurtured in the right way,leaving sufficient room for wrong doers to infiltrate their psyche and do as they see fit to an innocent mind and body … truly sad.
    The girl will be forever f&%ked leading to microscopic self esteem while the young man will be scrutinized in public and praised behind close doors. AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.

    ______

    A BEAT'N DEM BLUTCLAAT YUTE YAH WANT…STRAIGHT!

    • DAYWALKER

      Yeah…..It's always those ne-er do well BLACK MENS' fault, ain't it????

      • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance @MOTRenaissance

        I don't mind BM being blamed for the ills of the BC… But what are our roles… One minutes we are not needed & not worth the skin we are in…

        Then we are a walking wallet, sausage & a bodyguard only when needed

  • Brodie

    So pissed right now.

  • LKJ

    I am not sure how the writer of this article can lambast black men for not stepping up to the plate to be our "protectors" and then turn around and criticize the black community for "clinging" to archaic Biblical gender roles.

    It is not the job of men to rescue this young woman from this situation but all of us as a community. Also, I dare say that the attitude that depending upon men to teach us our true value is part of what led to this tragedy in the first place. This girl does not and didn't need for men to "stop telling her to keep her legs closed." What would have benefited her is to have learned that value does not come from sex, freely given or otherwise and that it is NOT bestowed upon women by men.

    • Fatty

      black men can't lead worth a damn either because black women constantly and consistantly do better than you…it's a known fact

  • marla walkwe

    I appreciate your writing this article. It renews in me the drive to teach our young black people the true value of self-worth.

  • guest

    loving the sarcasm…lol

  • Nadine

    Yes, I thought this was a great article as well. This CHILD needs compassion (and most definitely needs to be grounded/reprimanded) and not condemnation. She’s obviously missing something in her life, just like to many other black girls. Further, these young men also need to be reprimanded. Who are their role models??? It’s sad that today, these young boys do not have too many REAL MEN to look up too… This is a sad story… But becoming a common occurrence… Stay strong Amber Cole…

    • http://www.facebook.com/AlyssaHunt40 Alyssa Hunt

      Not just black girls but girls in general! It's sad.

  • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

    I feel sorry for her, I would be heartbroken if that was my child. But like an above commenter stated, it is a lesson that she had to learn the extremely hard way…if you're going to behave like a "big-girl" than you have to realize what can come with the territory.

    I am a believer of the notion that out of every dark situation, there's always a light. Maybe this incident will serve as a determent to other little girls that want to be "fast" and make them think twice about behaving this way, that these little boys who claim to "love" them just to get some, maybe don't REALLY love them. I mean we can tell these girls that these little boys aren't serious about them and warn them about giving up the goodies too soon until we're blue in the face…but maybe it actually takes something like this to make them REALLY slow down and think. Just my opinion

    • http://kissthedragon.tumblr.com/ KissOfDanger

      So you are putting ALL of the responsibility on the women!? That is PART of the problem! Men need to step it up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    I look at her and think how I would hurt for my daughter if this happened to her. No matter what values or morals you have instilled in your child, you can't teach them how to be strong in respects to relationships. It takes time and sometimes heartache to build up the strength to make better decisions when dealing with the opposite sex.

  • womenar4

    Today was my first day hearing about this. I have posted comments on other groups fb pgs that I thought this was sad. I do hate that no one from our community has nationally spoken out against this. My heart breaks for her because she doesn't understand the implications of her actions yet and I do hope those boys understand one day what they did to her. As always love http://www.womenaregamechangers.com.

  • OnceUponaTime

    For the person who said she got what she deserved, you have no idea what that feels like. In high school i lost my virginity and unknowingly, my ex taped it on his phone. I was 15 years old and the entire school saw it. I was the good girl who had only kissed and been with him, but that did not matter. I was ridiculed and humiliated, I did try to kill myself and I lost 30 pounds during that year. So did I deserve that? H*** NO!!! and neither does she. I was fortunate to not have it for the whole world to see and only my high school. I was able to get over it and move on with my life, 5 years later I am a college student at a big ten school with amazing grades and high self esteem. I forgave my ex for doing that to me, and kept my brothers from killing him….I hope you wise up as well as anyone else who thinks this is okay.

    • http://twitter.com/RacheljRobertsn @RacheljRobertsn

      No-one deserves to be treated in such a de-humanizing manner. It disgusts me that you were treated badly by your schoolmates, he should have been the one ostracized and penalized for his actions. He is lucky that your brothers didn't kill him, very lucky. Society needs to punish the evil (and illegal) acts of men and boys and stop the pointless condemnation of female sexuality.

    • DAYWALKER

      So basically, what you're saying is that you want sympathy for being a hoe, and you're coming to the defense of other hoes as well……GOTCHA…..

      • Lovessoldier

        Do you read? She said he was her first!! I feel sorry for you. You can not possibly be proud or have any self esteem since all you seem to do is down others from behind a computer screen.

        • Lovessoldier

          I feel sorry for you because you can not contribute to the growth of our race with such an attitude towards women. Of any race. I hope that you are a child and not an adult. If you are an adult you should seek immediate counseling for self hate/degradation. When you intentionally hurt someone with words you are hurt. Heal yourself so that you may help someone else. Peace, love & blessings.

          • http://www.facebook.com/AlyssaHunt40 Alyssa Hunt

            What a beautiful response. Bless you!

      • amber

        Satan, I rebuke you.

    • YNE

      Seriously, I can only wonder did anyone ever say 14, 15, and 16 is just too young to be having sex… Did she get what she deserved?No, but both kids need to realize that what they did was very inappropiate at that age regardless if it was on or off camera. I think its a mixture of bad parenting, the sexual media being displayed, and kids with cellphones, twitter/ facebook accounts. Parents are losing that connection they should have with their children because of the technological advancements of social networking-yet parents buy these items for the child. Now I'm not sure if parents just don't care anymore or have simply failed to understand the capabilities of a 2011 cellphone and laptop.

      • http://www.facebook.com/AlyssaHunt40 Alyssa Hunt

        Some parents do their best and the youth still do what they wish. The parents can be lied to and manipulated even with the greatest of guidance, punishments and rewards. I did silly things and even had sex younger than I should have. The finger points to the choices the person made- not at someone else regardless of age!

        • amber

          I would also question the parents of her ex-boyfriend and the losers who recorded the scene. Definately not JUST HER.

    • revel

      Thanks for sharing such a personal story and bringing a first person perspective to the discussion.

  • Jayda

    Honestly, I don't really think race played a major factor in this one, but maybe it's just me. When I learned about the story this morning, and didn't even think of her race, and I don't recall it being mentioned until reading this. Anyway, I think we are becoming immune to these types of situations because they are happening each and every day. She's yet another young girl who hasn't discovered just how worthy she is.
    What I want to know is why it so important to read a statement from the National Organization of Women? As if a statement is going to help with anything… We can talk and make statements about this all day everyday, but what actions are we going to take – not just as black women – but as women PERIOD (or men; Heyyyyy, fellas).

    • amber

      Because Jayda,

      The NOOW represents someone who is SPEAKING out about what happen. They are protecting her. I know as BW, this may be a little foreign to some of us. If nobody speaks out, then this too speaks volumnes. We must protect this LITTLE GIRL.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001795554046 Natacha Gelin-Lisaint

    I did not even know about this, but I wish her well. I have a 9 year old gosh, I wouldn't know what to do if i was that girl's mother. I feel very sorry for her. Great article. I hope she held her head up high, I know it's not going be easy, I also wish she had say no.

    • Brodie

      "I did not even know about this"
      Me either

  • Madeline

    This is the BEST article your site has ever featured! BRAVO! PLEASE continue to make light of these issues! I weep for this entire generation of attention seekers. I won’t play the blame game, there’s enough to go around. Instead I just ask that God have mercy on this earth we roam!

  • MJB

    No one deserves to have something like this follow them forever. What if that was your child. Or you. "I'm sure there is a dick or two that you regret." Atleast the world doesnt know about it.

  • lisadgomez

    What a brilliant article! You raise extremely valid points and it is definitely time for people to recognize and change this double standard!

    • DAYWALKER

      WRONG…That article sucked, and basically called young boys "parasites" for no good reason…Yes, they should have made better choices, (BOTH THE BOYS AND THE GIRL) but from what I personally, understand, that girl wasn't forced to do anything….SHE DID IT ON HER OWN….With that being said, your feminist views and ANTI-MALE agendas fail right here because it's obvious that the author's whole point is to attempt to "SHAME" men into protecting females that wouid just as soon spit in a BLACK MAN's face as opposed to complimenting him or helping him build a community….In short, EFF THAT BYTCH…..

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