We can all respect a man who is hustling hard to make his dreams come true, but do you have the patience and understanding (and money) necessary to date one?
I have a girlfriend who has been seeing a guy for a few months now. They initially met while at a media event and hit it off. He can hold a good conversation and seemed to have a lot to offer, not to mention that he is cute. The only issue is that he’s in between jobs trying to find his footing. The guy is a writer and burgeoning photographer who recently left an unsatisfying full-time job to (unsuccessfully) try to start his own business. It hasn’t been the easiest of times, and he’s even found himself struggling to keep up with rent.
He’s been hopeful that my friend will continue to be open to getting to know him through these setbacks, but it hasn’t been easy for her either. They were able to go on a few dates together, but once money got funny, they started meeting up less and less. From there, it went from one extreme to another. All of a sudden he only wanted to talk on the phone, or if he wanted to meet up, the conversation leading up to doing so centered around money. He asked if she could cover certain costs or be okay with doing things for free, including splitting drinks at Starbucks or going for walks (it’s cold outside, so the latter was a no). And because they haven’t known each other that long, she doesn’t feel comfortable inviting him over to her apartment or sitting in his.
After a while, it actually became a bit much for him. He told her that if he were to invite her out, he wants to be able to cover the costs of whatever he’s interested in doing fully. From there, it seemed like his pride had taken a hit. He didn’t want to physically go out with her if he wasn’t in the financial state to do so. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to keep getting to know her and talking to her on the phone. They could still build something, right? Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to find herself getting cabin fever from sitting in the house waiting for him to get his ducks in a row so they could spend time together. She’s also not interested in doing a lot of talking with no real plans to do anything else. At this point, she’s not sure if she wants to move forward.
So, is one is ever too broke to date?
No one wants to be alone because of their financial situation, but sometimes, said situation just isn’t stable enough to bring another person into. I have another good friend who tried to date a guy who was going through hard times. Every time they talked about meeting up, he wanted to have a pow-pow about the cost of doing whatever it was they were interested in. Instead of just being a dating prospect, the guy turned into an accountant. Before she knew it, she was sick and tired of talking about money 24/7 with him, especially since he didn’t have it. She wasn’t trying to spend frivolously or expecting him to go all out on her, but rather, she just wanted them to be able to talk about something else for a change. They weren’t a married couple for goodness sake. But can you blame him? When money is what you need and the only thing on your mind, how can you really talk about and focus on anything else?
It’s not that person’s fault. Sometimes it just is what it is. In a dating relationship or marriage, people have been with one another long enough to have seen the good, so they can be open to withstanding the bad. But when you’re just getting to know someone and one party is coming out of the gate in the clouds of financial strife, they can’t possibly put their best foot forward. Financial strain takes a toll on more than just your wallet, folks. It’s tough. But I think it’s best to be honest about the situation and give a person trying to get on their feet the space to do that — alone. Who knows? Maybe down the line a spark can be rekindled. But until then, there’s no use in faking the funk. His focus is best applied to his financial situation — not dating…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Can you be too broke to date? Is it petty to not want to continue dating a man who is not presently in the best financial position and can’t really court you?
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