Woman to Woman: Stop Functioning in Dysfunction

October 15th, 2011 - By Rashana A. Hooks

I think it’s safe to say that we all like a little bit of drama here and there to keep us entertained and pre-occupied with someone else’s mess besides our own. We secretly enjoy listening to or watching how someone else deals with an outrageous situation rather than deal with our own issues sometimes. It’s normal, we’re human. Yet there are many of us that are dealing with so much drama in our lives that we’ve become accustomed to the abnormal.

It’s so easy to become complacent with chaos. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you are living in a drama filled world until you find yourself emotionally and physically drained. That man that you have been seeing off and on for the last five years with nothing to show for it – that’s dysfunction. The toxic friendship that you’ve been holding on too for way to long – that’s dysfunction. Dealing with your man’s baby mama drama – that’ dysfunction; similarly always having some sort of man problems – that’s dysfunction. Consistently dealing with the same issues over and over again without any effort or plans to change it, is called living in dysfunction. While doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is called insanity.

The truth is you are what you attract. If you thrive off negativity, negativity is what you will get. If you have a positive attitude, positive results is what you will reap. Stop blocking your blessings by living your life in mess and mayhem. Just because drama is successful on reality television doesn’t mean it should be your reality. Woman to woman, you deserve a drama free life – stop functioning in dysfunction.

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  • Rastaman

    There is increasing socialization of the culture to revel in drama, conflict and dysfunction. Anyone who refuses to buy into this thinking is labeled boring and uninteresting. Increasingly reflected in the proliferating reality based programming that makes celebrities out of the worst behaving. People who exercise discretion are portrayed as weak and seeking consensus or quite resolution is often viewed as being too appeasing.
    The celebration of this negative behavior and the increasing state of conflict so many are being raised in lending to too many embracing being difficult or overly dramatic as empowering. Unfortunately in the black community that is too often the truth. I think in the mind of those 2 women who got beat down in the NYC McD their jumping ugly with a cashier was them representing. Obviously unaware that discretion is the better part of keeping it real.
    Women don’t have the monopoly on this of course but more often than not they seem to revel in it and on a personal level it is a huge turn-off. I am one man who will never find the appeal of always coming home to drama and conflict after being exhausted at work. And the worst mistake any woman can ever make is to call me at work to start some ish. She may as well end the relationship prior to making that call.

  • Cici & Coco -The Besties

    It’s a little bit of both. Ashley & the author are both correct. all depends on the individual. You’ll be surprised at strong the mind is. Ppl treat u how u let em treat u. Thats why its called self worth.

  • Queenforever

    You are on point!

  • 1king

    It's plainly called self responsibility and self accountability. Recognizing the role you play in the problems of your life. Most people foster negativity and don't acknowledge it. It's always some body else or they blame god for putting them in this situation. Some things you can't control but most things you can if you develop a correct self love and discipline. Most people have instincts that warn them but if you choose to ignore them then you are the cause of your problems. See the game early. Learn from others mistakes so you don't make them. Don't let the television dictate to you who you should be if it isn't positive. All black people have the natural capacity to be geniuses but you have to believe it. This place doesn't love us so we have to love one another correctly. That is the only way we are going to progress as a whole.

  • oraclelearns

    Having self respect and high standards for yourself can and does end this insanity. Water seeks it's own level, meaning we should associate with those whose values and standards we share. Attempting to get along with the wrong crowd is a waste. Three rules to live by:

    1. What you want
    2. Nothing
    3. What you do not want

    Number two protects you from number three.

  • BlackAnastasia

    People fail to realize that most women aren’t looking for love.They’re looking for financial support then pretend its love.

    • L-Boogie

      Um, speak for yourself.

  • L-Boogie

    I do not like drama. Like peace and quiet. Just peace and quiet.

  • KottonKelli

    Great point @JustAshley!!! Life is not that simple.

  • JustAshley

    Why do people apply this magical thinking stuff and spout it off like its science? I mean, EVERYBODY knows a good guy or girl whose had an effed up relationship right?? Everybody knows a guy or girl whose a total a$$ but has the most amazing partner right?? So why do people pop up with magical slogans like, "You are what you attract?"
    *
    If WE ARE who we attract than that would mean bad things only happened to bad people and good things only happens to good people. The reality of it is BAD SH*T HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY!! That's why their are things like unrequited love and injustice in the world.
    *
    When you are brought up in a society that reinforces fairytales and "happily ever after" fantasies for little girls WHILE at the same time teaching little boys "Don't love dem hoes" you are PERPETUATING dysfunction! Its not rocket science. I understand being positive, but no amount of "magical thinking" is going to guide you to a good partner. You have to take the steps to learn what a real loving relationship feels like and looks like. Only then will you be able to find the relationship you've dreamed about and keep it.

    • womenar4

      I don't believe it's magical thinking. I believe in action. I chose not to associate myself with drama riddled people anymore. There is a quote I used on my blog that really made me think by Jim Rohn "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." I agree that just saying mantras and phrases is not enough. People seem to forget that action follows words. Check out my blog post and see if it is similar to what you are saying http://www.womenaregamechangers.com/?p=146.

    • dee

      I agree as well. So long as part of the process of learning what a loving relationship feels llike includes learning to love yourself as well. When you love yourself completely you can appreciate, feel and welcome a loving relationship. I haven't always loved myself completely and have settled for what I got, whether good or bad. We are all made the way we are for a reason. To grow, make mistakes,, learn from them eventually (if youre lucky). I've been in loving relationships — but I didn't appreciate them , or treat them as such because I wasn't satisfied with myself , so I in turn wasn't satisfied with the relationship. Having positive self image, good sense of self, self esteem in check , confidence in check… perhaps I can have a healthy relationship that lasts.

    • Kai

      @JustAshley…..your point very well stated. Life rains on the just and the unjust. Plus, bad things do happen to good people. Therefore, the law of attraction (we attracted our destiny) "can" be true and "can not" be true….which one is it really?

    • TamTamz

      You are 110% what you attract. If you really don't care for a person are you going to help them? How are you going to treat them? How are you going to speak to them? Poorly right? Well, a self-loathing individual with little to no self esteem has that self-hating dialogue running in their mind constantly. They aren't going to treat themselves well. If you really dislike someone how many times will it take for someone else to change your mind about that person? Once, twice, never? Well, telling someone they can do better is like telling you to suddenly like the person you hate. You think of all of the reasons why you should not. When you do not love yourself, you will not treat yourself well–cue the dysfunction, and being attracted to negativity.

      Positive thinking is not magical thinking. Positive thinking is having a positive outlook on life and yourself. It's not wearing rose-colored glasses, it's merely assessing your situation in a way that will provide a good outcome. I have been on both sides of the fence. I lived a life of utter dysfunction and I'm here to tell you; it was all self-induced. Since I have changed the way I think of myself for the better I don't have any more of the problems I used to have. The most drama I have to deal with now is what to pack my kid for lunch. I changed my thinking, and it changed my life.

      Getting hit by a car is bad thing happening to a good person. Being accused of a crime that you did not commit is a bad thing happening to a good person. Living a life in dysfunction is not a bad thing happening to a good person; it's just not happenstance. It's a symptom of a much larger problem, and the two are incomparable.

  • Jackoe B.

    loved ur toplcs!

  • womenar4

    If you check out my blog, I show you how to remove those toxic people and situations out of your life. Only if you are truly ready to live a less drama infused life would the suggestions and tips help you. Check out http://www.womenaregamechangers.com Trust me I have a lot less drama in my life and I am helping others do the same.