9 Reasons Why YOU Think Chivalry is Dead When It Isn’t

October 12, 2011  |  
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Men aren’t stupid. Even fatherless, Trick Daddy-looking clones know what they are supposed to do.  It doesn’t take a Harvard MBA to open and close car doors. What it does take, however, are seemingly desirable qualities.

Chivalrous behavior is no longer the norm, because it is not required. Gone are the days when women expected men to open, hold and close doors for them. Many would rather do it themselves to demonstrate their “independence.”  Others (due to absent fathers and/or negative experiences) don’t know where to set their expectations; consequently, not setting any at all. Men adhere to what is demanded of them, which is the reason some women are professional jump-offs while others keep getting wifed.

Wondering why men don’t court you with class? You may be guilty of the following:


You’re aggressive.

Most men can appreciate an assertive woman, but aggressive women come off like dogs in heat—horny and desperate. It’s OK to make your interest known, even spark conversation; but don’t be pushy. No one is going to go out of their way for a girl taking whatever she can get. Men actively pursue women they are interested in talking to. If he doesn’t ask for your number, it is usually because he doesn’t want it.

You’re overtly sexual.

Men generally don’t have much respect for women they perceive as easy and/or sleazy in appearance. Leave sex out of the initial conversations or that is what he will come to expect. Balance out your outfits. Once you get thrown into the smash box, there is no coming back. Men don’t see the need in wooing women who wear mini-skirts without panties and see-through leggings.

You’re loud.

Speaking loudly in public is not classy. In fact, it’s often closely associated with being hood. Guys typically don’t feel it is necessary to try to impress uncouth women.

You pop your gum.

Among other things, like smacking your food. That amounts to an F in Etiquette 101. Brothers don’t expect you to expect them to open your door. So, they don’t.

You’re militant.

That whole angry, black woman thing? Yeah, not so feminine. Men don’t know if you’re going to lecture them on feminism for assuming rights to the bill or coyly oblige. You could be really sweet, but it doesn’t matter if he can’t see it.

You don’t give them a chance.

You’re so used to do everything for yourself that, naturally, you take charge before guys get the opportunity to be chivalrous. Nothing wrong with being independent. Just be sure to leave room for him to spoil you a bit.

You complain, constantly.

A woman who complains regularly is deemed insatiable. Men eventually give up trying to do things to make a woman feel special if she never seems satisfied.

You curse like a sailor.

It’s easy for men to treat you like one of the boys when you sound like them. And, guys don’t buy roses for their friends. So…work on that.

You don’t speak up.

Thanks to the low and/or non-existent standards of enough women, the rest have to be more vocal regarding their expectations because so many allow men to do little to nothing to show they have and know what common courtesy.

I’m not saying it’s your fault men don’t open doors for women like they used to. I’m just saying it’s your fault if they don’t do it for you.

LaShaun Williams is a Madame Noire contributor and columnist whose work has appeared in the New York Times and across several popular sites, such as HuffPost Black Voices and the Grio. Visit her blog Politically Unapologetic for more on love, life and culture, or follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun and Facebook.

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