Where Do All The Good Men Hang?

246 Comments
October 8, 2011 ‐ By Erica Renee

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The idea of finding love in the club these days isn’t as far-fetched as it once was. While a sad thought, it may have something to do with the mere fact that most women consider there to be a shortage of good men to compliment each good woman. While numbers don’t lie and statistics show a drastic difference in the black male to female ratio (that’s another story), there are still a few good men, ready and available for a relationship.

Some people suggest that a good man is right under our nose. While I beg to differ, due to the fact that I have yet to smell my Mr. Right, I do believe that there are a few good men scattered throughout the places we frequent or even places that we least expect. So, where do all the good men hang? Check out our list of places….

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  • Asia

    That’s Dormtainment!!

  • AlmondJoy

    No it sounds like she Lives In Las Colinas next to Valley Ranch where the cowboys practice. I LOVE that area! In the Dal/Ft. Worth area there are soooo many places to meet single professional or artsy young brothas. I'm no Amber Rose but I see and meet guys all the time around these parts. Whole Foods…live music venues…the gym…college campuses…any book store…comedy shows…poetry sets…concerts…bars. I've met and dated about 6 guys since August

    • AlmondJoy

      in addendum…I really don't "look for guys" it kind of just happens. When I decided to just do me and not put soooo much energy into being with someone…and also when I got it out of my mind that I wanted a guy to take care of me and sweep me off of my feet and started to realize that I CAN do it myself BUT I want a partner to exchange genuine love….I kid you not…the started gravitating towards me….peace!

  • britneykiss

    ==(( Mixеdmαtching.СòM)—-==My friends told me about — Mixеdmαtching. C’ 0- M —–told It’s the best place to meet black white singles to- me-et bla-ck, whit-e, gorgeous, bea-utiful for rom-ance and- enduring relation-ship-s ! – it's the best place for s'eeking int'erracial lo-ve. which gives you a chance to make your life better and open opportunities for you to me-et the at'tractive s'ingles and treat you like a king or Queen. Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your frie-nds.

  • Cookie

    THANK YOU!!!! This list is crap.. what kind of women are looking for men like this?? It's so desparate..And please don't go looking at church. I can't even believe this was put o the list. I wonder if Men's blogs and magazines have this kind of crap (probably not)!!..We are making it so easy for them.. just chill and when they come, they come..

  • robertbraggs

    You must be looking in the wrong market dear.

  • 1king

    Where do all the good women hang? All I see are half dressed low self esteem having I got a degree so I’m better than any man so when I come home instead of comfort I am going to compete with him for head of the house hold. Lolol. For real tho a lot of the females really need to look at themselves and see that they are not perfect. Really stop and look at what you have done to aid or create some of the things that go on in your relationships. Maybe it’s the type of men you choose or financial decisions you make. It all can’t be the mans fault all the time.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @1King Good point.

    • Big Mike

      The point that a lot of these women are missing is that the "role" they want played, men are are not down to do that. If you are an 'alpha' type female, you are not going to get an 'alpha 'male. It just goes against human nature. What you will get is a man that doesn't mind being submissive – the EXACT same guy these same women complain about.

      I wish there was an easy answer for these women, but there isnt one. the Women's Lib Movement was great, but the end result is that it has put certain women in a box that they can't get out of.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @1King Good point!.

  • kyss

    Darlings, who told you that you weren’t good enough for the best? Who said you should accept mediocrity and be happy with it? Was it you?

    Ladies, lets stop settling for the things we know we don’t deserve. There are too many of us who are scared to speak up and demand that we get treated better because we are battling with our own insecurities and shortcomings. It’s so easy to accept something rather than to try and change it – but you can’t fall victim to this easy way out. Stop being afraid to be alone; stop assuming that you wont’ find anyone else; stop allowing your so-called physical flaws or current circumstances to hold you back from receiving what you deserve. The reason why so many women settle is because they feel as if they don’t have any other options. Once you limit yourself to your immediate surroundings, you’ve automatically be dissatisfied.

  • kyss

    I know you can not be serious about number 12.. It seems to me you need a lot more grooming in you attempts to find a good black women. And it appears that you have not one clue about being equally yolked..not yoked..we not doing eggs altho some women land as chickens but.. lets be real.. are you half of the things you are looking for in a woman? I'm very selfless and your needs are no greater than mine. boo boo!! You contradicted your self here!

    • InnocentTruth

      Don't use my comment to explain why you can't keep a man.

  • Bklyn_9

    your list is stupid, very very stupid

    • Brodie

      Navy?

  • ohio_lovejones

    The probem @ MsDdre is your frame of mind. No man of substance wants to deal with a sista that thinks like that. But im sure you have no idea the impact that your frame of mind carries. If i had a negative persona about sistas (I dont),why would I assume they should accept that and deal with me. By the way,lets not act like "good women" are just so plentiful. the dating/relationship world isnt an exact science.

    • MsDdre

      Oh get off your soapbox.

      I don't have a problem, I'm simply answering the question.

      If there's this plethora of 'good black men' then where are they, huh?

      Why so many articles on this if there's sooooooo many good black men around? Answer that before you try to read me….

      and p.s. : nobody said anything about the women being the epitome of 'goodness'.

      That's just you projecting.

      • bhillboy37

        Women are writing the articles because they are having trouble finding them. Doesn't mean good men aren't out there just that the woman writing the article has a problem finding them. Could be the company she keeps or the types of places she hangs out in. A lot of women don't socialize much to begin with. They stay at home on Friday and Saturday nights while socially aggressive women are out actively looking for good companionship.

  • xquisite.dee.lyte

    YA KNOW WHAT!!!

    I'm boycotting this site and bossip!! Lo0o0oL!
    Seriously, I'm tired of the back and forth bickering that goes on between AA men and women on these comment boards.
    It makes me upset to read these comments.

    As a 24 years young black woman, I wonder when this bitter spirit of self hate, that continues to clench and stifle our community by neck, will end.

    Maybe it was the way I was raised and where, but I've never really encountered such deprecating attitudes among AA men and women in real life.

    But it seems to be in the last 10 years or so, there has been this all out agenda to destroy ourselves from within. What happened to US?

    How come we can't find the good in US anymore? How come? Why is there such a lack of BLACK LOVE??
    And I don't mean that just from a relationship standpoint.

    It is so sad that we don't trust each other.
    Why do we only see ugly, stupid, ruination, leechers, takers, and empty souls when WE look at each other.

    From the comments I've read this is what I've surmised:

    Black love is so rare. It is so precious and beautiful, yet so dame rare. It seems like it almost extinct. Like it will be an annotation in a history book.

    I encourage everyone to see the GOOD IN OUR COMMUNITY!! If you want change. Be the change. Be the driving force to break this destructive groupthink!!

    It starts with me.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Xquisite Dee Lyte Preach it!

  • guest

    Yeah, the biggest hypocrites are in church…..with their jumpoffs.

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    @Michelle I agree with every point you made especially the part on the problems of the AA communty (the point I was trying to make in a previous post) A woman should always focus on enhancing herself whether it be accomplishing personal, professional or spiritual goalsl. Everything else (a relationship) will fall into place when God is ready for you to have a "good man" come into your life.

  • Bianca

    You are crazy. A man is suppose to put his wife first, dumbass. And you sound like a sexist when you say a woman needs to know her place in the world. This is 2011 not 1912. Most women today are doing better than men. And I'm not talking only about black women. This has nothing to do with race now. Women are evolving to be superior to men because some men can't seem to hold their ground as a man.

    • InnocentTruth

      Bianca, what you have to say is pointless because we both know you are fat and ugly. Furthermore, the Bible says a HUSBAND comes first, even over the children! Good day, fatty.

  • Bianca

    This is pathetic. You can't always meet good men in these places. I have meet the worst men in churches.

  • bhillboy37

    Now this sounds like one together sister. Funny how she isn't getting patted on the back by any of the other sisters on the board. They aren't even engaging (commenting) on this post. Goes to show, for many women, they actually enjoy being bitter and unhappy.

    • Brodie

      Actually, because she is a "sister" her comment will be respected and taken as a different and appreciated perspective. A man offering the same perspective-being civil and respectful to black women as well as focusing on community improvement would be called a "simp" or "mangina" by his brethren, even accused to coddling ghetto children. Here, unless she was being ridiculous, she doesn't have to worry about her thoughts being shouted down or being called names. Maybe you want to see her and another black woman engaged in a disgusting back and forth for your amusement but it's not going to happen kiddo. How about you figure out what you can do to help other black men get to the next level instead of trying to instigate an unnecessary conflict between black women.

      • Guest

        You noticed that too, huh?

        Black males are the main ones that cause strife between black women. They do their own version of divide and conquer in the failed black community

        • Brodie

          Unreal right? I would say divide and conquer though. Trying make this sister a martyr when she is not trying to be, maybe. I don't fall for it and I hope she keeps posting her experience.

        • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

          @Guest I agree with you.

        • bhillboy37

          Right…black men cause other black women to hate on other black women when they walk into a room. Black men cause black women to critique other women's hairstyle and clothes. I'm sooooo sure black men are the reason a lot of women say they don't even like hanging around other women because there's always some drama. You got to be kidding me. You are delusional.

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        @Brodie very good point you made and you summed it up perfectly.

      • bhillboy37

        I gotta call you dumb again. Damn…Brodie you can't nothing right. I said I wonder why nobody else was patting her on the back not arguing with her. She was pleasant and constructive and nobody gave her a thumbs up or commented on her post in 2 days while you all went back and forth with innocenttruth. I never once said women should disagree with her or shout her down. Did you not notice that I said nobody was patting her on the back.

        It's funny that you all missed a chance to pat her on the back so you could talk sh!t to me. Not one woman said "Good post"or "Thanks" or " I agree." You just want to argue with men not uplift the sensible sisters around you.

        Plus I didn't see any man on here calling another man a mangina or simp or dogging anybody out for being a positive in the community. Please point out where on the board this is. I'm calling the bluff.

        • Brodie

          I don't care what you call me, I'm don't have a vested interest in your approval. One excellent reason is because I don;t know you.

          What I find odd is that you're asking me for specific instances of black men disrespecting each other on this site, you and I both know there aren't any. But just like you bring your personal observations and information from outside of MN, the census data for example and vague percentages (85% LOL), I'll bring mine.

          You're doing it again, trying to make Michelle a martyr, or better yet a decoy so we'll keep the focus on her and not you. You have an agenda-nothing wrong with that-but pulling women who have not addressed you formally to instigate drama is silly. . "Pat on the back" ? This isn't sports, its a forum for discussion, something I'm sure she is aware of, and I don't have to "uplift" anyone especially not women who I know are capable of holding their own. I don't dumb down black women and this is no missed opportunities, except the yours to make a mess.

          • bhillboy37

            1.Since you and I know there aren't any examples of black men disrespecting each other , why did you say there were? I thought we were talking about comments on the site.
            2.You must have some interest in my approval. You keep replying to my posts. FAIL.
            3.The stats aren't vague. 85% means in a random group of 100 people on average 85 fit the criteria. That's 4th grade math, for real.
            4. As far as martyrs and decoys. I wasn't trying to make her either but it sure did work so I might have to remember that the next time.
            5. The fact that you don't feel the need to uplift black women but have taken the time to try to tear down the black man (me in particular) says a lot about your attitude.

            YOU LOSE-Haha!!!!

            • Brodie

              1. Fine
              2. Oh come off it. This was the best you do?
              3. I laugh at the 85% because it is random and nothing more. Trying to create the illusion that your vague percentage is the source of our difference in your intention with your post under Michelle is another example of railroading the subject. Cut that out dude.
              4. No it didn't because the focus is still on you, not on her even though you're still trying it. Another dead end statement like #2.
              5. Prove this. You're still trying to make this about more than you.

              • Brodie

                2. There is no reason for that conclusion. I address you because you are the person I'm haing the exchange with. That doesn't mean I require your approval.
                3. Excuse me then 80% based on a futile attempt to drawn a connection between this site, that caters to black women, and your limited exposure to humanity. You went to college right? You should already know that method is faulty.
                4. Not the focus is on you rand what you said and not what you wanted; a black on black cat fight.
                5. You haven't proven anything. Draw the connection between what I said or under this article period that "tear down the black man".
                "The Black Man" LOL. You think you, one in millions, can truly represent the diversity in black men? No, this is about you, not the black male demographic. I would never associate you with the black men I know personally. They don't know you and really would appreciate you not putting words in their mouths or riding their coat tails. You stand alone and that is how I address you.

                So you tried to turn Michelle into a decoy AND tried to underrepresent black men as if they exist in a single monolith. And don't make too much of the percentage mix up. My post that follows this one shows just how easily it can be done, even with you and your concept of time.

                • Brodie

                  Typo-4. "Not that the focus ever left you and what you said…"

                  And while I'm at it my attitude shouldn't be a concern to you. Again we don't know each other and our paths crossing anything soon will likely never happen. Plus you're a married man-even more of a reason for me to not care if you like what I say or.not.

                  • bhillboy37

                    Like a retarded kid double dribbling. I'ma have to let some sh!t slide with you. I could do the back and forth but you are obviously a mental lightweight when it comes to this sh!t.

                    • Brodie

                      Notice how in the entire exchange you threw insults repeatedly. You were trying to make this personal so that I would react with emotion. But because I'm not invested in your personal opinion of me, its really easy to keep things above the belt on my end, you on the other hand came with one attempt after another to get me to where you are, emotionally invested in how you are perceived by the a stranger on the internet.

                      Take these lines for example
                      -"……..says a lot about your attitude".
                      -"I gotta call you dumb again."
                      -"Damn…Brodie you can't nothing right."
                      -"Like a retarded kid double dribbling"

                      You had to frame me in a way that made you feel better about losing your position. Most people would agree that these are ad hominems. Why you held on for so long I don't know but in your final attempt to save your image, again for someone you don't know, you created the illusion that you grew tired when the truth is no one is buying it.

                    • bhillboy37

                      I never lost one position and I called you dumb because, well… I think you're dumb. That's not a reflection on how I feel about black women but how I feel about you as a poster. But nevermind that. We're still arguing on someone elses comment. That in and of itself show's you're more interested in arguing than talking constructively about the topic. At least I patted this poster on the back. You didn't even do that much. All you talked about was my supposed attempts to start a cat fight. If you don't agree with her post you don't have to respond therefore–No fight. I was calling on the sistas with sense to pat her on the back, If they felt like it. But I guess going back and forth, conceding that your facts were faulty and consistently replying to someone who called you dumb and compared you to a retarded kid, is worth it.

                      It's not like you could be doing something better with your time, like I don't know…let me see…TALKING TO A MAN…IN PERSON. Well hey at least you made your point, I guess.

                    • Brodie

                      Yeah you did. The moment you couldn't prove I was "tearing down the black man" you lost it because that was the angle you tried to use after instigating drama didn't work.

                      This:
                      "Now this sounds like one together sister. Funny how she isn't getting patted on the back by any of the other sisters on the board. They aren't even engaging (commenting) on this post. Goes to show, for many women, they actually enjoy being bitter and unhappy."

                      is inconsistent with this:

                      "I was calling on the sistas with sense to pat her on the back, If they felt like it."

                      Now you're on the deduction tip (you post down there too) to solicit a reaction, again. The back peddling, the inconsistency, the ad homs, and now you're just going to the last word. I've proven my point (s) and I'm off to another article that looks pretty good to me. I'll never know how you took this and hopefully you won't be so ego-driven that you feel the need to address me on other discussions. Bye kiddo.

                    • bhillboy37

                      Oh, you're back and you are reading this…DUMB, DUMB, DUMB- I said "Tearing down the black man (me in particular) —–I AM A BLACK MAN, I FEEL AS THOUGH YOU WERE ATTEMPTING TO TEAR ME DOWN THEREFORE…….. You were tearing down the black man ( me in particular).

                    • bhillboy37

                      I reread the whole post and it's funny how out of 3 sisters posting in the comment section only one of you bothered to even talk about the merits of the post. Not only did the running argument detract from the fact that I think the post is awesome but it illustrated how a focused sister is connected and aware of her own world and how to navigate that world while a bitter sister just sits around and starts arguments and blaming others for her status in life.She just likes to shift the blame from herself to others. Sorry you have to be that person Brodie but have not fear there is always an animal shelter with many orphaned cats for you befriend.

        • Brodie

          Oh wait, you said I went back and forth with IT. Where? And you better get it right too LOL. One more thing, look at the times I made my posts, Michelle's follows mine. My oldest post is 16 hours old, hers is 10. So pray tell how did the ladies on this site pass up a 48 hour opportunity when her post was only 6 hours old when you read it?

  • Jenn

    @InnocentTruth: I agree with your criteria for a good black women, as long as the man is also able to meet some of those same criteria. Regarding items 1 (no kids) and 9 (low amount of sexual partners) some men expect this from women, but have a double standard and don't think it should apply to men.

    This is coming from a Good Black Woman who's been happily married to a Good Black Man for 12 years.

  • guest

    the dormtainment dudes!!!! first page!

  • Carl C.

    AT CHURCH…

    • guest

      …the gay ones, at least…

  • Gwen

    Any black woman that sits and worries about finding a good black man has already lost. Look at all men. Dont just worry about black men. They already think that they are doing you a favor by dating you. You would be better off not worrying about black men. Best thing you can do for yourself! This is what black men do. They dont worry about you the way you worry about us. They did us a favor by dating and marrying so many white and other women!

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      Exactly!

  • bhillboy37

    If you are a black woman that thinks there aren't any black men that are equal to you, you've already lost the battle and if you don't get your mind in a positive place you will lose the war.

    • xquisite.dee.lyte

      *FROM

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Xquisite Dee Lyte you are a wise young lady for your age. I had read one of your other post on here which I was very happy to read. I am going to take your words of advice and try to be as positive as I can. Thank you for writing something uplifting its good to see.

    • Reese

      I think that is just part of the problem. I think the media is promoting that bm are not succesful if they are they want non bw.

  • Gwen

    The best way to find a man is to stop worrying about finding a black man! Stop talking about black men. That is when you will be better off!

  • Reese

    No, you miss understood I think. But if I make 120,000 a year why do I want to date a janitor making 30,000 a year. That is true with every race. Why is the bw asked to marry lower?

    • bhillboy37

      First off…do you actually make $120K a year?

      • Reese

        No, I did at the time before I was promoted. Now I make more.

        • bhillboy37

          The content of a person's wallet doesn't equate to the content of their character. If you want to date or marry for income, do so. But if you want character, put aside the notion that a person who makes a arbitrary amount of money lacks character. That's the issue I see coming from the male posters on the board.

        • ohio_lovejones

          I find it interesting that you would come on to a website and broadcast youre alleged income. yearly salary is a personal thing,but that just "might" say more about you as a person. If you made $30K would you come out and broadcast it?I bet you would have no problem being with a man that makes $120K + if you made $30K. Thats one thing I cant stand about "some" women. When they are making serious money, they think they are just too good for some brothas. At the same time,if the brotha is making serious money then they think are just too good to not be with.

          marrying lower has nothing to do with income my friend. It all goes back to that frame of mind that a person has. "bm left us first" that sounds like something you hear on a playground,not from a grown woman lol.

  • Dee

    I've never engaged in on line "chat",but this comment is dead on with truth and substance! Thank you for turning the lights on this "back & forth",it's time for me to deal with self……

  • KISSING UP

    I think the toughest part about finding a "good man" is finding one who's ready to commit exclusively to you. Not being ready doesn't make a man bad but it may string you along when there's no point. Good women have to be ready to call "friends" and move on to the next candidate. Without sex, without hard feelings, without false hope.

    Good men who are ready to exist — you just can't think every sow's ear is a silk purse you can cherish forever.

    Long live Black Love!

    THE 10 DATING COMMANDMENTS are here: http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/10/09/the-ten

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  • L-Boogie

    My goodness! This truly saddens me. The good guys are waiting for the good girls like the good girls are waiting for the good guys. However, between waiting sometimes you find that person that really messes up your world. But do not hold on to the hurt. Let it go and release it so that the person who is meant for you will appear. Everything happens for a reason. All in due time.

    • guest

      Everything happens for a reason is just something optimists say to justify when things go wrong…..no basis in fact.

  • real rap

    ladies, i think part of the problem is that far too many of you have a difficult time distinguishing a nice guy/good guy from a guy with no backbone. far too often brothas who are respectful, supportive, considerate, and have an aversion to fighting over bull ish are perceived as soft and therefore are often passed over or disqualified by you. you need to understand that those qualities dont necessarily equate to soft. until you all can distinguish between a good guy and doormat the perceived shortage will always appear more drastic than it truly is

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      Preach it again because that was the point I was trying to make in one of the previous posts.

  • Truth_Hurts

    If you have to ask 'Where are the good Black men?', chances are they're hiding from women like you….
    Remember that a part of being a good man is avoiding no good women.

    • numero uno

      + 100. I've been tore down, now I rebuilding.

  • Cora

    I love this!

  • Cora

    I wouldn't have friends of friends in my house. I don't know where yall live, but the ppl in KC are crazy. If I don't know you myself, you will not be invited into my home. Finding a man ain't that serious.

  • bhillboy37

    That's funny that you all would call him bitter, broke, or in need counseling but if a woman said this about a black man on this site none of you would jump your happy a$$ in here to chime in about how wrong or in need of help she is. You black woman on this site are the most hypocritical on the web. Let a black man say he doesn't date black women and you call him ugly, loser, sellout and everything else. Let a black women say she no longer dates black men and all you get is "go head girl" or you right, I'ma date a white man too and pat her on the back. It's tragic because you all are so self absorbed you can't even see when you're being contradictory. This site alone is why I disqualify 80% of the women I meet of the rip because of their attitudes. You love dragging your single girlfriends and black men into you lonely, bitter web. I just hope more brothas decide to hold you to higher standards in regards to your attitudes and personality than we have before because you women are in serious need of an attitude adjustment.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      Well if you feel so strongly about this why even waste your time coming to BW website such as this one.

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        @bhilliboy37 Oh and to add it sound like you are the one that is "bitter and angry" with alittle chip on the shoulder……maybe consider adjusting your attitude…what do you say?……..NOT!

        • bhillboy37

          I do have a chip and I am angry with women who contradictory to a fault and most of the men on here feel the same way. The way some black women talk on the website doesn't end there it manifests itself into how you act towards people in public. It's a drag having to deal with alot of you on a daily basis. Plus, the web is an open forum. Wherever the black man is a topic, I will be in attendance.

          • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

            Ok if you have issues with BW I can respect that you are perfectly in your right about that however if you are going to express those concerns you do not have to be derogatory and hateful. Don't lump all BW into the same group because they are not all the same as you have stated in your posts. Be straightforward as you have done but you can present it in a tone where is is not overly abrasive. The last thing we as black people need to present to the public on the worldwide web is fussing, fighting and tearing each other down where non black people get amusement out of this……This is all I am saying.

            • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

              @bhillboy37 I would like to add that I understood some of your points however sense you like to represent BM regarding topics of relationships I hope you do offer positive suggestions, advice, feedback etc…to both BM and BW. You never know how your words may have helped others.

              • bhillboy37

                I don't see where I was derogatory or disrespectful to black women. Feel free to point that out to me. Secondly, many of the men offer positive suggestions but get shouted down by the bitter black woman brigade anytime we bring a suggestion up.

                • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                  For example calling someone "dumb" in a post. But you know what I am finish you have a nice evening.

                  • bhillboy37

                    I called her dumb because if you can't read a graph when I point out where to go in the graph and summarize then you say a made up statistic out of your head that is wrong when I pointed it out to you in black and white…..you are prolly dumb.

                    When black women have no argument they say "have a nice evening" You can't debate on the facts because the facts aren't on your side. You're saying that women outnumber men 2:1 based on emotion. But the fact is that it's closer to 1.2:1 Maybe the emotion that you see women with men and you wonder why you can't get one so it must be that there are too many women. Maybe the pretty women outnumber you 2:1 that's why you feel like you can't compete.

                • guest

                  Why do you think black women are so bitter? 'Cause I can think of plenty of reasons!

    • Reese

      I have never said that. But you know that alot of us don't even appeal to bm because we ain't light and bright. If you look at my posts I have always said stop worrying about bm and who they date and marry. So don't judge us by what some other women have said. Black women see that bm no longer want us so what else are we going to do but date outside the race. Black men have been doing it. I say stop worrying about them and find your own man particularly if you are a dark bw. And what is said on this site is nothing compared to what the bm say about us on the other sites. Bm left us first. So ofcourse we are moving on. Yall have made your preference know with Kim k., Jaylo and other women so why would someone want to be your 2nd choice. We want someone who will appreach us.

      • reese

        Again it is where I live. And you say it isn't anywhere else, but I have friends in Lousiana where it is worst.

        • bhillboy37

          Man you twist things around… Reread what I said. What I didn't say—–It's only where you live. Didn't say that. Most black men have average complected wives. Is it other places, sure. Especially Louisiana where they have a history of racial mixing but to think that a sista Michelle Obama's color could get no love all over the US and even where you live is ridiculous. There are brown skin sistas that meet and marry great men. It just seems like some black women only notice a couple when it's interracial than when it's just a regular looking/dressing black guy and his regular looking/dressing date.

      • ohio_lovejones

        @ reese you act like we all are all the same person smh

  • bhillboy37

    Maybe she's just nuts!

    • guest

      He married he, didn't he? Clearly she wasn't that way from jump!

    • Reese

      He picked her. Why is it when we pick the wrong man it is because we are bad too or sorry man. If you believe that apply it equally. Didn't he pick the wrong girl like yall tell us we are doing. And he has more women to pick from with the higher rates.

      • guest

        Amen! I love these people who make the seemingly wrong choice but want to complain about it later.

  • Please get real

    It never fails, that people seek advice from people who are all still single. Funny u all that and a bag of chips yet u ain’t got a woman? Something is wrong with that picture maybe u ain’t all what u think if u can’t keep a woman! #justsaying. Anyhow people are single because they seek advice from others instead of doing what works fir them. Oh I make more than him so he not on my level, that don’t mean he isn’t a good man who will treat u like a queen! Oh wait this man no kids money in the bank, great career wait I want him because he’s a good man. Then when he go upside your head u will see things, and materials don’t make a person a good mate. Having a college degree doesn’t make a person a great spouse m. It looks good for the people on the outside looking but If that person wasn’t raised right they can still be a low down looser. Stop looking at your list and start looking at the potential a person has to be a good husband/wife money comes and go and u can always get a degree but u can’t change grown folks who are stuck in there ways.. Good luck because maybe your the reason you don’t have anyone & still looking . And people can loose wieght stop being do damn sallow

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Preach it! I was just discussing this very point with a friend of mines explaining that just because a woman meet a college educated man, with a good job, nice car/house, fat bank account don't make him a so-call "good man". Those things are good but should not be the driving force for you to pursue or get involve with a man. I have met these type of men before and some of them were utter "garbage"but others were very nice. The bottom line is that they came all wrapped up in a pretty package.

      What need to be looked at first and foremost is the man's "character and substance". Furthermore a good man is going to be one that is going to constantly uplift you, support you with achieving your goals, as well as, helping you to be the best you can be. Make sure the man's words and actions are always corresponding because that is a very important quality..I just advice don't be mislead by the materialistic aspect when seeking a mate because it can be misleading.

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        Sorry I meant to add I was agreeing @Please get Real.

        • guest

          Yup character counts for a lot. A lot of cheaters have no character or morals to speak of. The actions never line up with their words no matter what they are peddling. Someone should uplift you and make the world a better place for you always.

          • guest 2

            yup cheaters have no morals

          • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

            Exactly! I had to learn the hard way but it paid off because it was meant for me to go through those experiences. I took those experiences to help learn about myself and to grow as a person. Now I could have been the so-call "bitter BW" as some of the "gentlemen" here on the thread has described but I chose not to take that path. I mean why waste energy and tears on what I term "garbage". Take a negative situation and try to turn it into a positive. Of course its not easy but it can be done.

            • guest

              It def is a daily struggle not to succumb to hatred. You see these cheaters and losers bring that out in us. Why not be honest from jump? You can never get time wasted back and we women also have to worry about wasting our biological clock years on a loser….very unfair.

              • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                @Guest so true.

        • Reese

          But my problem is that everyone is telling bw we cannot have a standard. He is saying lose weight and stop being shallow. Why do we have to always confirm to what they want. They want skinny and I want education. The biggest divorce rates are reflected when women are the major earners and men aren't. So if you are making 200k and your man is at 18 k yall are almost doomed. It doesnt make him a good man, but it is a starting point. My issue is they tell us to change are preferences that leave most of them out, but are unwilling to do the same for us. They don't care that most bw don't have long nature hair, light and bright or what ever else so I am keeping my standards. Aloot of bw are overweight. So why should I care that most bm don't measure up to mine. It is a definate double standard and the fact that so many bw are willing to jump to theirs. See look at the tone of the articles it is all what bw need to do. As if there is no improvement that the bm could do. Really are they perfect. No we both have faults to work on, but if the only focus is on improving bw. I don't even want to be part of the conversation.

    • Marisa

      Well said!

    • Reese

      It is funny that we are told to lose weight and never seen us. And the same breath stop being shallow. Cannot a fat woman have the good qualities a man looks for. I am not fat and have a good non bm who does have the qualities I listed. My question why can't bw want and educated man if bm can want a slim woman. Why are we told to adjust to your standards. Why not tell bm to get an education?

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    LOL

  • numero

    Here I am!

    • numero

      LOL…well these old women that I work with tell me it just about everyday, strangers, friends, exes, family, the list goes on.

      • numero uno

        ..cheater, liar, manipulative, unattractive…

  • jm73

    I love you. :)

  • girliusmaximus

    So did the guys if you hadn't noticed

  • Rya

    Are you in to women, by chance? You sound quite adventurous. I'd like to invite you to a private tasting and view my great art.

  • Kayla

    i agreed with everything you said till i got to number #12. if your coming to the table with this "Me first" attitude. then your not really selfless yourself

  • dih

    the same saying goes for men as do for women…. "u are what u attract".

  • guest

    The worse dating experience I had was with a church going loser. He was the biggest cheater and liar known to mankind. The ones in church are usually the ones to avoid.

    • JustAshley

      Preach. I know several women who have had the same experience as well. Its so sad, because it shouldn't be that way, ya know?

      • guest

        It's a joke. He even brings his baby by his jump off on a regular basis along with the entire family like they are something special. God is not fooled though and you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. lmao!

        • JustAshley

          I'm scared chile! It sounds like we're are speaking about the same dude!!!

          • guest

            Lol! Are you in Boston? If so, then it probably is!

    • reese

      my childhood friend was killed by a man she met at a church. He stalked her and killed her before he killed himself. Not to mention all the downlows hiding there.

  • crystallineentity

    I think there are plenty of great guys out there! It's just a matter of what you're looking for. What I consider pure awesomeness in a guy another girl may not like. The guy maybe good but just not good for you. Ummm..nothing wrong with that. And why shouldn't someone actively seeking a relationship and life partner not feel like they deserve the best. Again the "best" differs from person to person. I found that a lot of the things I like to do and am interested in- not many black guys were into. For example i really love sci-fi (I blame my Dad) and not very many black guys like that kind of stuff. But lo and behold- I found a great man who's a huge geek and loves many of the things I do. He's smart and considerate and ambitious and loving and funny and just across the board brilliant. Of course there are things that I compromised on in a sense but they were all physical and in the end unimportant. Now i just have to get him to go to Comic-con with me :)
    As far as the whole needs thing- part of being in a relationship and loving another human being is caring about what the other person needs. So no one has to come in last.

    • girliusmaximus

      Preach sista

  • G.O.T.Y

    Don't know about the other good men. But you can catch this single good man in a gym, bar coffeshop, church library musem. Mostly home !

  • Mynda

    I feel you one hundred! I've been married ten years and I met my husband when I was on my lunch break at work, minding my own business eating Cajun Grill. I had stopped looking for a man and started working on me, taking care and me and mine, and focusing on a future that would be fine WITH or WITHOUT a man.

    I have found that men are most attracted to content women. Women who are content with themselves and content with their lives, yet working towards acheieving their goals.

    Best believe, if you are running around town looking for a man, men can smell your desperation. It smells like Victoria's secret, lonliness, and fear.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Mynga Yep so true!

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        Typo: Mynda

  • jbk

    I'm a single woman in my mid twenties and I think your advice is very sound! I'm currently trying to optimize my free time with fun activities and enjoy being single as opposed to being fixated on when I will meet the right guy.

  • JustAshley

    Oh and that "Finding a Good man in Church" thing is a myth. See these same wolves roll up in church in the hopes to find a "good girl".
    *
    I was attending a church and met this young "saved" brotha. He spoke a great game. He knew the bible inside and out. He was even the preachers son. He wasn't that fine, but his "alleged" desire to walk with God and his positivity drew me in hook, line and sinker. It was all fake. Yeah, he was the preachers son, but he was one of those people who was only "Christian" on Sundays and livin' for Satan the rest of the week. I was devastated when he showed me his true colors. I was even more devastated when I learned about the grip of dysfunction that ran rampant through his "preacher" father and wife. That relationship hurt me like no other because it had never occurred to me that NOT EVERYBODY in church is trying to get "better" like the article says. Some people are in church for selfish motives and reasons. So don't think that JUST because a man OR woman is sittin' in the church pew talking a good game – that they are of God.
    **Remember that Satan used to be an angel too, and I'm sure he knows the word of God just like we do.**

    • guest

      Amen! My experience also.

  • Kayla

    try college

  • Brea

    Sounds like your soon to be ex-wife is not the only bitter one…you need counseling brotha.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      LOL Yep!

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    @Kellie that is exactly what I was bless to happen to me when least expected.

  • JustAshley

    I agreed with the entire list until #12. Hate to break it to you but marriage is about compromise. He is to be selfless JUST as I am supposed to be self-less.
    *
    That's the problem with alot of you men. SELFISH as all get out. Wondering why you haven't met Mrs Right when the truth is, you've probably met her already and scared her off when she realized you'd chuck her a$$ under a bus to save yourself. LOL SMH.

    • InnocentTruth

      lol, I have nothing to say.

  • be my guest

    unemployment line

  • WOOSAH

    So you want a good black man? Well you've already generalized that there aren't any, first major mistake. Then when you find the potential in one, you search for negatives trying to dig dirt only to be misinformed or find what you think you are looking for, second mistake. You contrast and compare, third mistake. Then you make your life picture perfect, we see your issues and accept it for what it is. After being rationalized and criticized, you still have the audacity to ask that question?

  • Whitney

    I feel as if the list is 50/50. I have all my closest friends tell me not to look for love it will find you. I follow the advice to a certain extent. I'm a 24yr old single woman and at this point in my life I have too many goals and so much that I want to achieve. So before I can entertain the thought of having a man, I want to have my life some what together as I would want my mans life to be together also. Now I'm not saying that I won't date, but right now I barely have time for it. So I say that women should embrace the single life and just enjoy it while you can before Mr. Right come and snatches you up. Ladies its OK to be single, I see it as a learning process. Find out who you are before you allow someone into your life. Have fun with it. As far as the sports bar, well I am a huge sports fan so if I'm out at sports bar and a man is trying to approach me more than likely he will be disappointed because I'm more interested in my game. Ladies don't go to a sports bar looking for a man, go just to enjoy yourself, watch the game and have a few beers.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Whitney you are a very smart young lady with the right attitude and I wish all the best with accomplishing your goals.

    • Cora

      lol that's interesting…..besides the only thing that fades isn't beauty…we don't have all our lives to have babies..

    • Brodie

      I meant to add that this is his, Dad's, way of explaining the compromises people, WILLINGLY, make when they really enjoy having the right "someone" in their lives. I know a few guys try to use the "Youth &Beauty" reasoning but they're trying to turn voluntary, romantic relationships into a business strategy. You don't want to bring men like that home to your parents.

  • Abm1

    I think the best way to meet a good man is to work on yourself. Unfortunately, a lot of women are looking to find a man to complete them. You have to be complete by yourself, a man should only compliment you. If you are not secure with yourself and love yourself first you will never truly be happy. Once you do that you will naturally attract people to you and you won't have to go out looking. Just do whatever you and enjoy and you will find the right person.

    Now I would like to respond to some of the posts by the men above. I think your list is a little outdated. Judging by the tone of your post I wonder what qualities you would be bringing to a relationship. I think if you even found someone that met all of those "qualities" it still wouldn't be good enough for you. There are good women out there who aren't bitter or desperate and just deserve to be treated respect. To me you sound like the bitter one…

  • PrettyPhilly

    @InnocenceTruth: I agree with everything you said,but number 12 and 7(submissive),but everything else was on point. My man has to be from the east coast(DMV going on up to NY),I can’t marry a southern.

    • blackinthehat

      What's wrong with submission? Submission is a trait of a good woman. There can only be one leader in the relationship (male) so obviously the other one has to submit.

    • InnocentTruth

      LOL, you hit it on the head where I'm from, DMV.

    • Reese

      I don't have a problem with submission, but leadership isn't given because you are male. You need to be a leader and we have to respect you. If you have non of these qualities it is a wrap.

  • ATLPhilly

    Excuse my typos I meant to say I wouldn’t go looking for love in church,sports bar,or the club because they are nothing but trouble. I like men(black men) who are ambitious,no kids,trustworthy,god fearing,family oriented,handsome,and good credit. Is that too much to ask for if you are 21?????I don’t think so.

  • girliusmaximus

    How about you can meet men where ever men are? I guess that would have been too much like right to put on the list….

  • BlackAnastasia

    Most of these women are not looking for a partner,they’re looking for a man to financially support them.Basically,they want you that pay them for the Vajane and pretend everything is kosher.I’m not into buying a woman Affection,nor I care for Indignant attitude have Blackwomen like the Psycho I just left and will soon be divorcing.

  • ATLPhilly

    I just turned 21 and me personally I would go looking for love in the club,sports bar,or church. I agree with Rya,girl you spoke the truth.

  • NycStreets

    They put these articles up once a month it seems. I think women trade advice about men with one another and most don't know what they are talking about. I believe the more outgoing you are, the more eligible men you will cross paths with. It's not just women looking for a mate either. I have a bunch of male friends with a career, no kids, young,( 25-30) who can't find a woman. They say the demands of women up north are so high they cant find a consistent partner. I guess that why some , myself relocated south to get away from the northern grind to a more homely atmosphere.

    • girliusmaximus

      I can agree with you on the being more outgoing part….

  • Reese

    The list is not for everyone because we all don't have the same ideal of a good man. I would say work can be there too. If you work like I do for tech company MS or IBM it is like 75% men and most of them have carreers that equal your own.

  • JustSayin

    Kellie, you are so right. However, I don't know if this single crowd will pay you any mind. I made a statement about marriage on another article, and single women were all over me stating I had no idea what the dating market was like these days. A few even suggested that single women should not take advice from married women. WTH?!?

    • girliusmaximus

      Lol. Sounds like hating if you ask me. I'm no longer allowed to give my single friends advice either since I'm married. I agree with both of you, stop looking and whatever you want will find you.

  • JustSayin

    Innocent, I was all with you man until #12. The best advice given to me before I married – by my mother who was married to my dad for over 30 years before his death- was to never attempt to stop my husband from dreaming and reaching his goals AND never let him stop me from doing the same. What this means is that couples should look out for one another and want the best for each other. Sometimes my husband's needs/desires come first and at other times, my needs/desires come first. It is definitely give & take. If you go in with the attitude that you always come first, I'm afraid you won't be married very long.

    Like I said best advice ever. My husband and I will celebrate our 20 yr. anniversary this December, and I look forward to the next 20.

    I also take some issue with #8 & #10, but that's a whole 'nother topic. :-)

    • InnocentTruth

      it's cool.

    • reese

      It's his criteria. I get mad when people say mine is too high too. If you think it is too high ladies and men don't apply.lol.

  • Danny

    I dont like the list. These may be possible placesto meet men however I think finding men at places like political and charity fundraisers or even sporting events that aren't so popular with the groupie types are good places. Sports like Hockey, golf, or baseball. I went to a polo event and although I was one of a handful of black folks there, the selection of men was off the chain. Think outside of the box.

  • Deeana

    How about a school? that should be on this list. DOn't really agree with the sports bar part.

  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

    @MsDdre so true.

  • Rya

    The good men hang at "caring" career conferences and events. You know: teaching, education, civic responsibility, mentoring, fathering, gang-intervention, community involvement. That's where you'll find your husbands…if they're not already married or boo'd up

  • Just a question……

    This question is for anyone. Is having no kids a symbol of a bad woman or is it a woman who decided against an abortion??? I know plenty of women who have no kids, but have had like 3 or 4 abortions. Are you men more comfortable with the unknown. Will you really never get to the bottom of a woman’s number of sexual partners?

    Your thoughts please.

    • Reese

      Or could be divorced.

    • Brea

      Having no kids doesn't mean you have had ANY abortions…some actually practice safe sex!

      • JustAshley

        Thank you Brea!!

      • MyHubsDoesThis&More!

        Not necessarily. You know this.

      • Cora

        or abstinence

    • crystallineentity

      Umm…birth control pills. They're a pretty well tested form of contraception. Again the mentality is all messed up there.

      • MyHubsDoesThis&More!

        I am not denying there are ways to prevent pregnancy, I am just syaing that having no kids does not make any woman a diamond in the rough. Having children does not make a woman ineligible to find a good man. And among the women I know, it is like 60/40 when it comes to people who have killed their babies vs having them. Just a thought.

    • Guest

      "Will you really never get to the bottom of a woman's number of sexual partners?"

      Why does this question even need to be asked?

  • wssugirl07

    I actually agree. I tell my friends all the time, you may want a man with a career, money, morals and etc., but what are you bringing to the table? To me, whomever you're with is a reflection of you, so why in the world would a good man want a woman who brings half of what he's bringing to the table. I just moved to the DMV area, and from what I can see, both men and women want the opposite of what you stated lol. (My personal observation) This may make it difficult for a woman like me, due to stereotypes or etc., but that's only if I personally make it difficult.

    • Reese

      But that is typically not the case. We are the only ethnic group that women on average make more than male counterparts and more educated. So the problem my friends and I have is the bm we meet are not at our level. Most of them we meet don't even make have our income or have are education. And I own my house, attractive, and have plenty of money. So it isn't typical that bw makes less or is less educated than bm. The opposite is true.

      • InnocentTruth

        On average, according to government statistics black women do not make more money than black men. Perhaps this is the case in your own personal group of friends, but all together this is not true for AA women in general. I say this because the poverty statistics for 2010 show that more black women live below the poverty line than black men. The poverty rate for black women is close to 35% whereas it's only 17% for black men. I think you may want to rethink your theory that black women are out earning black men. Dollar for dollar this is not true.

        • guest

          How can that not be true when college educated people make more than those that aren't? More black women are college educated than black men, so by default it is absolutely true that bw make more than black men. You may want to verify your stats 'cause they make no sense whatsoever.

          • bhillboy37

            A college education doesn't necessarily mean a higher income. A lot of women who get degrees get them in social work, the social sciences, and education. All very worthy pursuits but none of them will lead to a black woman breaking the bank. Men who get degrees usually get them in business, law, engineering, and medicine. They are usually math intensive and have a higher salaries and more upward mobility. -I'ma send this one out to you to for good measure- http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/IPCharIterat… . MANY of you black women have "Drank the Kool Aid" in regards to black men. The fact is a lot of you aren't half as successful as you claim to be. You aren't half as nice as you say you are. And you aren't half as attractive as you think you are. If you showed some humility and said "Hey, I'm not rich but I'm doing Ok." " I try to be a good person and working on being better." and "Hey, I'm not attractive enough for the men I want so I'll deal with the men I can get." You wouldn't sound so shrill and bitter. You'd have more meaningful relationships with men, be a better friend to your girlfriends, and not be so lonely.

            • Reese

              Have you seen the statistics about bw in college and bw. The new stats show that bm are decreasing along with almost all of minority men with exception of some Asian groups and Native Americans. The new stats showed that the last few classes coming in have alot more bw than bm. And you are talking about % and not numbers. You are not including all bm in your studies because 1/3 of them are locked up. What are they making? And what about the numbers difference. Those studies that you quoted doesn't take a look at bm/bw who are in jail or prison.

              • bhillboy37

                Those aren't my stats. Those are the government stats and it doesn't discount for those in jail. It didn't say percent not in jail. The % is of the total of all black men. Don't try to clip it to make it your own.1/3 of black men aren't locked up. That just shows how bad you women are at math. I showed you my stats why don't you show a link to your stats to prove it.- WINNING-

                • guest

                  You site the government stats like they are never wrong. Isn't the government the same group that pays social security to millions of dead people annually. The stats you site sould flawed at best. Losing! Also, none of us bw in college majored in the social sciences or education.

                  • guest

                    Well, I have a master's as does most women in my family. Furthermore, most of my colleagues are educated bw and while a few are teachers, etc., most are attorneys, doctors etc. The teachers by the way, teach on a college level. Therefore, your point is a stretch at best. Btw, in terms of Generation X and Y, young bw outearn their male counterparts who are either in jail or didn't even go on to college.

                    • bhillboy37

                      Not another one…listen, great you have a Master's and all but if you think black women are the only ones graduating from college, your college days must be far behind you and hazy at best. Most black men aren't in jail and many graduate from college. I swear, I don't know whether a lot of you black women are just operatives for the White Supremicists because you really sound just like one. It's bad enough that I have to hear black men being misrepresented by racist whites but now black women are starting to sound exactly like them.

                    • guest

                      No one said black men don't attend college or post-graduate studies…they just don't do so in the numbers that bw do. You say racist whites misrepresent black men, yet you misrepresent black women. All I am saying is no one is bitter for the sake of bitterness, usually some man made her this way and the cycle has perpetuated itself. It isn't about income, but how you are treated and a lot of times, we do put out quite a bit only to get nothing in return. Who wouldn't be bitter?

                    • bhillboy37

                      It's really a drag to have to explain away a woman's bad choices. I'm on to the next topic.

                • reese

                  http://newsone.com/nation/thegrio3/where-are-all-

                  30% of black men have some kind of record or locked up. About 1/3. This study found 3 good black men for every 100 bw.

                  • bhillboy37

                    Same study didn't subtract any black women based on the same criteria. That alone is a FAIL. This is the most flawed study ever. Keep talking mess and give you more reason why the numbers in the study are off. Plus I really shouldn't have to because the fact they didn't subtract any women based on the same criteria the subtracted men with is a FAIL to begin with.

            • Bianca

              Maybe I am meeting the wrong men. I have done exactly what you said. I have admitted to men that I have dated that I was broke and guess what they did……RAN!!!

          • bhillboy37

            And to add on to my post. Even when a man doesn't have a college education he can do jobs that you won't do or are physically unable to do like construction, roofing, carpentry, electrician, plumber, laborer, truck driver, etc. Just because a woman works downtown and dresses up for work so she can answer the phone at some company where men make real stacks doesn't mean you running sh!t. I worked at a company that had 2 black women pushing paper and answering phones while me and 4 other black guys made real money as Account Executives. All this black women are doing it big and black men are loser sh!t is way overdone. If you don't know an average, educated, well paid, black man, that's your fault that you run in janky circles. I do know this much, if you come at me and the professional brothas I know with that "know it all/ bitter black woman" attitude, you won't be hanging with us for long.

            • Reese

              Stop without looking at the numbers bw out number bm 2 to 1. And take away about 20% of bm in ir relationships. You know even if all bw were perfect and we aren't. We all wouldn't get a bm.

              • bhillboy37

                I think they changed my link overnight. Now you have to go to fact sheet and check black alone.

                Did you not look at the stats? You are dumb. I'm calling you out for not being smart. The percentage of black men to women is 48% to 52% – That's not 2:1. It's in the census data on the link. "Can you not read the info that is coming out of your computer" The real numbers on men to women is 1.2 women for every 1 man. That ain't 2:1. You are FAILING

              • bhillboy37

                It's not about every black woman having a black man or any other nonsense. It's about women and men being with who they want to be with and not dogging out all of the other gender to explain why one woman can't find a dude. All kinds of black women have men in their life so what really trips me out is when some get on here and say how they can't meet one good guy. I have a ton of black women friends who are married to black men. I don't think any of my friends from college or on facebook have a white hubby and none of my friends from college or facebook have a a white wife. What's the women on madamenoire's problem. Why do you all have so much trouble finding a man to date and women everywhere are happy and in relationships? Does it have something to do with YOU or are you going to blame someone else for your life. When are you all going to take some responsibility for your own dating woes and understand other women are winning and they aren't all white or mostly white. They all aren't better looking than you or more educated than you or richer than you or lighter than you. Maybe they know something about dealing with men that you have yet to grasp. Why not learn from them and men that are trying to talk some sense into you?

                • reese

                  We don't. I have a boyfriend. But 42% of bw won't get married. That is almost half of us. I am saying for bw do date outside to give themselves more options. So don't act like it is a rarity of bw not being married or race doesn't play a role. And act like the majority of people in ir relationships are black men.

                • reese

                  When I say 2 to 1 I am talking about eligible black men who have graduated high school, never been incarnirated, employed. I am trying to help other bw. And in my state of Washington the majority of bm are married to non black women. And it is not the only state that way so what is going on in your place isn't happening here. The majority of ir relationships are in the West Coast and the majority are bm. In fact 70% of ir between involving black people are with just bm/wm.

                  • bhillboy37

                    See….This is where adding your personal situation to a discussion about facts goes wrong. You live out west, in Washington State. Sorry if you haven't lived other places but in the south and midwest it isn't a big racial free for all like California, Oregon, Washington and Arizona. It's your own fault that you live in a place where black men and women don't get together much. I lived in Memphis 3 years and saw fewer than 5 interracial couples the entire time I lived there. I lived in 4 cities in the last 5 years and only in one of them was interracial dating really acceptable on a large scale. The rest was black on black love baby.Washington is not like the rest of the states back east. Here you can actually meet black people with jobs, education, and are actually fun. My cousin just moved up to Bellevue, luckily he dates any race. He'll have many opportunities in the mulattoish state of Washington.

                    • reese

                      You might be right about just being the area we live in. My family is from Texas and they say they regret bringing us up here. And say that in some places bm still like bw. I have a couple of friends who left and went to Ohio and were married withen 6 months. I have a gf who went to Virginia and got married really soon. One who went to Atlanta who married a Doctor. But this is what the reality is where I live.

                    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                      @Reese you said you have friends in Ohio because that is where I am from. Now i am just stating my own personal experience and those around me. All of my friends are not married and most of their friends (who I know of) are not married either. I don't know what part your friends reside in but I am only speaking of the Cleveland area. Very interesting information you shared.

                    • bhillboy37

                      I grew up in Cincinnati and lived there until 2006. I went to the University of Cincinnati and know a lot of Clevelanders from college that are married plus counting all my Cincinnati female friends that are married, it ain't Ohio that's the problem. Like me and a lot of the brothers on here are saying, maybe it's not where you live but the company you keep. Most of my female friends are in their early 30's and only a couple of them aren't married.

                    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                      @bhillboy37 Yes that is always a possiblity too.

                    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                      @bhillboy37 No sir I am over 30 and married and "No" I am not going to jump down your throat with your statement. I agree with what you said its a good possibility that may be the source of the problem for the people I associate with.

                • reese

                  Honey I am happy with my life. If you read my other posts I tell everyone that I am engaged to a Native american who is a mechanical engineer. I am a IT. We both make good money and own homes. He has treated me better than any bm I was ever with.

                  more bm in prison than college http://stopthedrugwar.org/chronicle-old/252/jpist
                  and not including who have been in jail. When I say 1 in 3 I mean that has had some kind of record. You can act like it doesn't affect nothing the number of bm in prison, but it does. So bw can date nonbm if they want. I am marrying one so I know it can happen so get over it. We do have other choices besides fighting for straps. I will find the other stats too, I just saw them about 1/3 being locked up in some form, being on parole or having a record.

                  • bhillboy37

                    AHAAAA!- You misrepresented your stat. What you stated IS NOT A FACT. 1/3 black men are not in jail as you stated. But may be on probation or parole meaning the were in jail once and is now released or are supervised by a probation officer for a short time instead of going to jail. That's not the same, at all, as being locked up where you can't get to one.

                    Now on to your happy life…It doesn't matter to me. I'm married to a Dr./MD that is black. She's an AKA, graduated from one of the top colleges in the nation and went to an all black high school. Where 4 of her best friends went and they are all Dr.s/MD's as well. She has natural hair, is great with our 3 year old and can recite some of the filthiest lyrics 36 Mafia every recorded. "Now that's a bad bad chick." I graduated from college and own 2 businesses. We own homes in 2 states and don't want for shiiiiiiiiit. So if you think throwing your Native American fiance in my face like I could ever be jealous is delusional.

                    • reese

                      No, not trying to make you jealous. I was stating my motives are not because I am bitter or have some problem getting a man like you said. I am glad you and your wife are married and happy. But you seem like you cannot grasp how a person can feel the way I do without being angry or lonely. I hope you all the happiness in the world brother. I am just tryinmg to show where I am coming from.

                  • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

                    @Reese Congratulations on your engagement.

        • bhillboy37

          Since you said "PLEASE" here is the census data to back up innocentruths ridiculous claims- http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/IPCharIterat… – go to black alone and the census data for 2008 comes up.

          To summarize: 3/4th of the way down the page it clearly states that the mean income of black males is 44k while black women's is 37k and the medians are 36k for black men and 31k for black women.

          You and the bitter black woman brigade FAIL. There are also some other interesting facts 1/3 rd down the page- 18.5% of black women have a bachelor's degree or higher while……15.7% of black men have a bachelor's degree or higher. The difference of 2.8%. So in a room with 50 women and 50 men you have 9 women with degrees and 8 men with degrees. That's not a landslide sweetheart.

          MANY black women are severely delusional and me and the rest of the brothas are really tired of arguing points that black women are clearly are wrong on.

        • Reese

          It is mainly because bw have the children. And bm are alone. So bw with children need more money to raise them. They are the biggest group hit by it.

      • ohio_lovejones

        I hear what you are saying,but those things dont make you a good woman. Its much deeper than that. I dont know you,but you just might be a heck of a woman. The thing is,if you meet a man that makes 5 times your income and have a phd or jd,but that doesnt dimish the person you are. People have to be looked at in their entirety. at the same time,that doesnt make him a good man

        • bhillboy37

          Right! A man who's a surgeon doesn't come at women like "She gotta make at least as much as I do." And yes, I do know a couple of black surgeons. The PERSON isn't defined by what they do for a living or how much money they make. Women seem to equate being a good man with having a higher income than them. If a woman makes $13/ hour they say "I need a man that's at least on my level." The same as when some women who make $150k a year say that. It's just not realistic. Some people make more money, some less but that doesn't make them any less of a man or woman.

          • reese

            I can only speak from my experience. Men have the problem sometimes when you make more money. I was dating a guy. My son had just got into the Video Game program at EWU. I was very proud of him and bought him a car. He was enraged about it. He was like I am struggling and you didn't buy me a car. I shouldn't have too. He would also get mad if we went shopping and I bought ribeye steak instead of chuck. He would try to regulate my money that I made. He didn't have money to get a car but had closest full of Jordans. He wasn't my husband, fiancee or we didn't live together. But he wanted to control my money. See the problem comes in if you are more educated, make more money and he wants to be in control of your household. You cannot request that I be submissive to you and have your hand out at the same time. Some men are envious of your success.

            • Reese

              No, I am not advocating bw give up on bm. What I am saying is to be open to other men of other races. I haven't been turning down these type of brothers. In my case more non black men approach me for whatever reason. I am just saying look for a good man and stop letting everyone tell you to lower your standards. If you look at some the black sites like Hellobeautiful. They have been saying to not worry about if the guy lives with his mom, bisexual doesn't mean he can't be a good man, ok if he is not working. An

              • bhillboy37

                I haven't seen any man say anything like "don't worry about if he lives with his mom or if he's bisexual." The only thing I've seen from men on this board is black men telling women to date quality black men only not guys who are into guys and live at home. I didn't see any man say that on the board.I think where black women are missing the point is that they equate a good man who has is sh!t together as being a white or non-black man by default. We advocate black women dating good black men. PERIOD.

                • Reese

                  I agree with that. I aprreciate you and alot of the brothers on this blog because alot of bw feel brothers no longer want us. And think that if they are successful they go for nonbw. So for sisters who want bm to know that you are still out there and some of you appreciate and want bw still.

        • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

          @Ohio_lovejones You are absolutely right.

  • Guest

    Do you happen to live in Arlington, TX? Those areas that you described sound oddly familiar.

    • thatonegirl

      Disregard that last message that sounded kind of creepy now that I've thought about it, lol.

  • IllyPhilly

    Articles like this make us sound desperate. Life should not be spent trying to find a man!! After reading some of these posts, I can see why they think most of us are bitter, arrogant, and entitled to something we didn't earn.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      Exactly! first and foremost a person need to focus on themselves (meaning personal, professional or spiritual growth) whether male or female. If its meant to be it will happen when God is ready for it to happen.

    • Bklyn_9

      I dont think the article makes anyone sounds desperate, it only addresses a common need. There are many women who are seeking suitable companions, which is totally natural and this article gives some women ideas about where they may be able to meet a man who may be ideal to have a good life with.

  • InnocentTruth

    Typical bitter black woman on the internet complaining because her lazy, unattractive, baby making azz can't find a man. You should have thought about your dating future when you were busy laying on your back letting Antoine push your stuff in. Please stay away from area's good brothers hang out because we don't want anything to do with your type. Thanks.

    • wildflower

      Honestly, Stop calling us, "typical bitter black women" there is no need for name calling. I have been single for three years partly due to my career and several other things. Now, i have dated several guys i personally thought were a good match for me however, it never worked out. From my dating experience i have gone to church to find the lord and Mr. right and ended up with an over emotional convict living in a half way house to other extremes such as (my last experience) meeting a career oriented guy who was a player. I'm not here to give you my horrible dating stories because it will take forever and a day. I would just like you to know from a women's perspective on dating that in most cases men are only after one thing and secondly, for the guys i commonly meet they want to move too fast without getting to know me better. I know this seems strange but a guy i only knew for two weeks asked to marry me and another one even asked to call my mom for consent to have my hand in marriage. suffice to say, Dating is horrible but please do not condemn someone as a bitter black women based on her experience. I am 24 years old and i'm single and currently looking for a relationship however a majority of the guys out there are either moving too fast or just want sex.

      • InnocentTruth

        For starters, all of us are not like the gentlemen you described. I know plenty of eligible black men, including myself that are relationship oriented and looking for a respectable black woman to marry. Unlike older black women, Wildflower, you are 24 and still young enough to learn from early mistakes. While I admit that dating can sometimes be difficult, especially considering the limited picking on both sides of the black community, I would encourage you to keep your head up and stay positive. Good black men are in society. We are single and looking for good women.

        • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

          @InnocentTruth I agree with you on this and is good advice to Wildflower.

          Note: i had responded to your previous post about the "bitter BW" but Thanks for giving encouraging words
          because I did not see this post when I had responded to the other.

        • wildflower

          Thanks Innocent truth!!!!

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        @Wildflower I understand your situation and been there too but I have found (like someone else told me) that you have to sometimes go through a bunch of bad apples before you get to a good apple. So be patience and continue to focus on your personal and professional life because when you least expect it that is when the right person will come to your door. You will know it!

        • wildflower

          Thanks girl!!! I'm glad someone understands how hard it is to date after sometime it becomes difficult and tedious.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @InnocentTruth why do you have to come on here and be so negative and make derogatory comments about BW? From your response I don't expect for you to praise BW however if you have concerns about BW please offer a more tactful and decent way of expressing yourself. Offer advice or suggestions in a more constructive manner not tear people down with poison.

      • InnocentTruth

        True, I admit I sometimes come off as rude and a tad mean. But I prefer to keep it 100% with woman as I find offering comforting words usually doesn't get my message across.

        • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

          Thank you for acknowledging this. I hope you will continue to be open, honest and straightforward regarding this topic but with caution. Its appreciated

    • MsDdre

      Oh, I'm far from bitter, trust :)

      But I'm d@mn sure don't care where the 'good black men' are at this point in my life…

  • yeh

    so tired of women coming to church and thinking they can find a man look everytime i go to church with my bf i see these women wearing little clothes to attract men just seems desparate to me

    • IllyPhilly

      Ha! Yes and that's sad that church was number one for finding a man. Is that what church has become- a dating club???

  • girliusmaximus

    Well Em, what exactly is a woman supposed to think she's entitled to? The bottom of the barrel? I think it's something wrong with a person who doesn't have high expectations for what they want… Do you go into a relationship saying, oh I'm just gone take whatever ole mess comes my way and be grateful for it? I hope not dear. I think people confuse high expectations with entitlement. Don't people have a right to have certain requirements and guidelines met? Yes they do. And on the flip side, people need to be able to admit to not meeting the expectations. People (not singling out one gender) in relationships should be more realistic about whether they are holding up their end of the bargain. It takes a mature ADULT to sit back and say, I'm f**ing up. I'm in a relationship with someone who has certain expectations of me, and I'm not living up to them. Either I need to fix it or walk away because this is not for me. Simple as that. A lot of bs and a lot of heartache could be eliminated if GROWN UPS could exhibit this behavior.

    • InnocentTruth

      Do you live up to your same expectations? Most of you don't, so your comment is a waste of time. Most people think they are better than what they really are. This explains why so many women are single and unable to figure out why! You want a man like Morris Chestnut but you look like Precious. You want a man with money, but you're broke. You want a man with a big house, but you live in a one bedroom flat. Lady, get real! I'll be glad when women mention what they bring to the table. What do you bring to the table? Itemized what you bring to the table for a change because I guarantee it doesn't match your expectations.

      • girliusmaximus

        I don't look like "a Precious" as you so "eloquently" put it first of all…. Second, this comment was not for you. I've had the pleasure or misfortune I should say of reading all the negative and unhelpful comments that you post against women. Men and women alike do their fair shair of good and bad but people don't act like grown ups when it comes to having needs met – where ever you meet them. My point to EM that you clearly missed is that you need to have standards and expectations and if you're with someone who isn't meeting them then tell to fix it or bounce. Stop categorizing women under one umbrella trying to say we all come at men incorrectly and other bs. Not all of us do. And yes I do live up to my man's expectations I'm married by the way. I was working with my own crib and no kids when I met him too…

        • guest

          Good for you! I loved what you wrote. If women had higher standards we would spare ourselves so much heartache. I had a house, made 3 times more than a blue collar brotha I met and by the way, always helped his broke azz out of one bind after another. Know what I got in return? Cheated on constantly and I was the last to know. I will def have highter standards going forward…now I know why people date on their levels.

      • girliusmaximus

        Thank you for noting that. Innocent Truth is one of the first to get up and say that women are bitter and angry and blah blah blah, but will cut someone down and be derogatory with the quickness of lightning and it's unnecessary when making your point. It's like all he wants to say is I'm right and you're wrong and doesn't make a real point. If you want to intelligently debate and call out women who do bad I'm all for it but be a grown up about it please stop with the name calling and generalizations please.

  • http://darknitesnmarilynmonroe.blogspot.com/ MarilynGemini88

    is it even proper for a woman to approach a man? i get wisdom from older men in my family and i'm constantly told "you are a prize to be won, let the man god wants you to have find you…in due time; when a woman approaches a man it shows that 1. she may be desperate and 2. she may be easy"

    i interact with men sometimes that i say "hmmm, i'd like to get to know him more" but i don't want to be precieved as fast or easy because i'm out here trying to get the attention of a man. any men or other women have any insight to that?

    • InnocentTruth

      Anything in life worth having is hard to obtain. If you want love you need to get off your behind and find it. This idea that women are special and worthy to be courted is outdated and lacking practicality. Women want equality and now you have it! Men are no longer interested in chasing women around any further. Either you approach us and show some interest, or we can interview the approaches of non black women who don't have a problem approaching men. It's really up to you.

    • Deeana

      A lot of women think they shouldn't approach a man. Which is why many women are doing it instead, and leaving these other women without a good man. As long as you're not desperate and stalking a guy I don't see a problem.
      I see "a prize to be one" meaning getting to know and respecting a person before jumping into the nears bedroom.

    • TruthHurts_9

      No disrespect to your folks but that advice is outdated. A closed mouth dont get fed, its that simple. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating a conversation or expressing interest in a man as long as she respects herself

    • bhillboy37

      My wife approached me in the club. In fact, she approached me in the club then I saw her in another club then we met for real at a John Legend listening party. And she's not close to being skanky. She saw me and wanted to know more so she approached me. It works.

    • Guest

      "when a woman approaches a man it shows that 1. she may be desperate and 2. she may be easy""

      Or how about 3. She's confident and assertive? Within hours of having met my future husband, I was pursuing him. We're both nerds, and I courted him by giving the prequels to a series we had both read. Over the next week, we conversed everyday – first about the books, then about life in general. Within a few months, we were living together and seven years later, we are happily married. We had an amazing wedding in East Africa and our families were there to witness our nuptials ;-).

      If I had listened to such antiquated advice about approaching men, I never would have met my amazing, loving, quiet, shy husband.

  • Prissy

    I wish this list were true.

  • Ern

    Plenty of good brothers out here, too many basic females thinking that they’re automatically entitled to a good man. We arent intimidated by your accomplishments, we are fustrated with your sense of entitlement. Our goal is to grow in order to support and provide, while our counter parts use this simply as tool to weed out potential suitors

    • InnocentTruth

      Preach! Preach! Preach!

    • IllyPhilly

      So damn true! Watch some us us jump down ya throat for being right! I totally agree though!!

    • guest

      There are a lot of bitter women out there who were none of the above and ended up with liars and cheaters and just plain users. Ever thought about that? No one is angry just to be angry….usually a reason behind it.

      • guest 2

        And their arent good men who ended up with women who have previously dealt with liars and cheaters and just plain users.Ever thought about that? There is also a reason behind why manh good men get turned into everything that they are not

    • Brodie

      You automatically put yourself under the "Good Brother" banner. As if you have any say in how women perceive you.
      Talk about "entitlement".

    • Jenn

      @TomFoon: I agree that some women fall into your aforementioned categories, but so do some men. IMHO, some men are:

      1. Disrepectful to women (the words b**ch, hoe, and c**t should not be in a true gentleman's vocabulary).
      2. Not physically fit (Fitness is not just limited to "pumping iron," it also involves nutrition. Some men are too quick to have a hissy fit if a women suggests they try wheat bread instead white, skim milk instead of whole, whole grain pasta instead of regular, etc.)
      3. Arrogant and lack humility
      4. Have too many babymamas
      5. Do not take care of or spend adequate time parenting the child/children they have.
      6. Do not want to be a PROVIDER and PROTECTOR to their future wife.
      7. Have simply lost the art of being a gentlemen.

      And this is coming from a Good Black Woman who's been married to a Good Black Man for 12 years. You can best belive I know how to submit to my husband when appropriate and conduct myself like a classy lady. And my husband most definetly knows how to protect me, provide for me, and conduct himself like a superb gentleman..

    • robertbraggs

      I definitely understand this perspective!

    • hanifdsd

      My friends told me about — H0TB lackwhite. C’ 0- M —–told It’s the best pla;ce to meet bla;ck wh;te s;ingles. Come in and stay a while. Complete your profile. Post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the photo galleries. Give it a try, you will find someone you like there… ;)