Do First Dates Fill You With Anxiety Or Excitement?

December 28, 2016  |  

My sister went on a first date a couple weeks ago. It was a dude she’d met on a dating app. And though they’d spoken on the phone, she didn’t know him in real life. My boyfriend, who I occasionally believe is more concerned with my sister’s status than anyone else, asked me if she was excited. It wasn’t exactly a weird question but since I often make the mistake of believing my sister and I share the same mind and spirit, I gave him the answer that applied to me.

“I mean…I don’t know if she’s excited. Most of the time when you go on a first date with someone you don’t know that well, it’s more of an anxious, curious feeling. And hell, even cautious.”

Because we all know that any time a woman makes the decision to be out, alone with a man, particularly at night, she’s taking a risk. But that’s another story for another day. I told him, women go on dates because of the possibility. the potential of what could happen. I wouldn’t necessarily call that excitement. Excitement is for when you know the person a little better and like them a bit.

He disagreed.

“Everyone is excited to go on dates. The planning, the conversations you might have, it’s exciting.”

Basically, the conversation ended with my boyfriend calling me weird. I shrugged and chalked it up to him being a bit more romantic than the average person and not ever being able to relate to the fear women carry with them whenever we leave the house.  I knew though, that when I got home and asked my sister about her level of excitement she would agree that it was relatively low. But after my sister sat on my bedroom floor and recapped the evening, I asked her, “When you were getting ready for tonight, would you say you were excited?” And with a slight smile, she betrayed me. “I was.” That made me wonder if I really was the hardened weird one who was so jaded I couldn’t appreciate the magic of a first date.

The conversation came back to my mind when I discovered the woman on Twitter whose dating story went viral. It was about a man who cancelled. And the woman was so disappointed in his cancellation that she decided he simply wasn’t worth her time. She didn’t want to see him anymore. I couldn’t help but wonder was it because of the dashed excitement.

Not willing to concede to being weird in this particular area, I asked my friends/coworkers what they thought. The conversation, via G-chat, went like this:

Me: when you guys go out on first dates with people you don’t know all that well, would you describe your feelings as excited?

Brande: negative lol

maybe nervous excitement but more nerves, anxiety…

idk if there’s a word for hoping sh*t don’t go left

Victoria: yeah, nervous for sure

Apprehensive Brande?

I gleefully called them a controversial term of endearment before I explained where the question had come from and how my sister had let me down with her own perspective. So now, as things stand, my sister and my boyfriend are in the minority. But I want to open the question up to you all. When you go on a first date with, and this is key, someone you don’t know all that well, how do you feel? Is your stomach in knots thinking about the possibilities or are you just praying this date is not a waste of time or a threat to your life? Do tell!

Image via Shutterstock

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

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