Reality Check – Not Every Man is on the DL

June 29, 2010  |  


Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.

As I was reading through the comments on last week’s post, “Real Men Like Real Hair – Why Weaves Don’t Work,” I noticed an old conversation come back up. A brother who goes by the screen name MrHealingHands chimed in his thoughts on women who don’t upkeep their weaves. No biggie, because in essence I wrote the same thing in my post.

In response to MrHealingHands’ comment, though, two separate women called his sexuality into question. “You sound gay or a little metrosexual to me,” said one, while the other, basically implied he was on the down low (DL).

The idea of men being on the down low is nothing new; women have been throwing the term around for longer than I can remember. Now, while I don’t deny that there are in fact men out there leading secret lives, I really don’t think the issue is as serious as some paint it out to be. Just because some book, magazine article or even a blog (how ironic) says DL brothers are everywhere doesn’t make it true.

Still, a lot of sisters are having a field day calling any and every brother under the sun gay or bisexual. Part of me understands why more women’s gaydar is going off these days, though. With “metrosexual” becoming a fashionable term and some guys spending more time in the skinny jeans section than the ladies, it’s no wonder some folks have doubts about which men are playing for the other team.

While I’ve  given the ladies a hard time during my short span here on MadameNoire, I’ll point the finger at the fellas on this one as well. If you’re a guy that likes guys be real with yourself and your woman. I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone to come out of the closet—male or female—but playing with people’s emotions is not cool.

Sure, the average man may fantasize about having a girl that’s into girls for the ultimate ménage trios, but if I found out someone I was dating was more into being with chicks than me, that would hurt my ego a bit. Besides that is the fact that it would just be dishonest; and who wants that?

The reason people date is to get to know each other in hopes of building a solid relationship, but that’s virtually impossible when the person you’re going out with is lying about their sexuality. I’ve always operated under the belief that honesty is the best policy. So if you’re a man (or woman) on the DL but are still dating people of the opposite sex, do yourself and straight folks like myself a favor by being upfront about what you’re looking for. Maybe that way there’d be less women wasting time trying to spot DL brothers instead of keeping an eye out for the real ones.

For more on NWSO’s relationship advice and bare-naked truth, as well as his popular weekly erotica series, Wet Wednesdays, be sure to check his daily blog, Naked With Socks On, here.

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