Are Some Styles Just Too Permanent for Children’s Hair?

September 27th, 2011 - By Victoria Uwumarogie

If there’s one thing I’m not looking forward to when I have kids (which I’m hoping I’ll be blessed to do), it’s putting a comb through my child’s hair. I’m of Nigerian background, and my Texas-born mother has a pretty thick head of hair, herself. So my hair, along with my sister’s mane, has always been big, full and hard to handle. I’m assuming whatever my child’s gender would be, their hair would be somewhat similar. And while I would hope to go the whole twist, braids and beads route for my child, I’ve noticed a number of parents out there who are putting dreadlocks in their little one’s hair. Since moving to New York, it seems to be very normal.

I love dreadlocks on people, especially black folks. And while it is indeed cute on most kids, I often wonder if doing something like that is a bit too…permanent for a little one. Having and growing dreads seems to be a huge commitment, what with the hours of sitting in a chair getting strands re-twisted and what not. And a lot of people don’t like to feel stuck with one style (a la, creatures of change). Kids might adore dreads during their pre-teen-meets-middle school years, but what if by their teenage years they’re hoping to experiment with their hair? Will their only option be to go through the tedious process of having them opened, or will they have to cut their locks off and start anew? I’m sure being a teenage girl with little to no hair because of a big chop is a lot to deal with or take on during high school, your most emotional and teen angst-riddled years.

But I know what you’re thinking. The same thing can probably be said about throwing a kiddie box perm (a la, Just For Me) in your little girl’s hair. It’s equally as permanent and can have pretty bad consequences (hair possibly breaking off for example) if you don’t keep up with touch ups. I’ve heard many women say (hardcore naturals trolling blogs) that they would never EVER under any circumstances, put a perm in their child’s hair. But what if that’s what your little girl wanted? Could parents be doing more of what works for them when it comes to their children’s hair rather than what works for the little one?

At the end of the day, I’m not trying to push any way of thinking on people or their children–do what you do. However, I’m just simply wondering if by throwing permanent solutions and styles onto your child’s hair because YOU possibly like the way it looks and the more manageable it makes your child’s hair, does that mean it’s the right way to go? At some point they might look in the mirror and be fed up with their look. In a way, I think asking your child what kind of look they would prefer could be a good start to managing kiddie hair woes. But what do I know, I have no kids! That’s why I’m wondering what you think…

But until you and your child can figure out what they want, how are we feeling about those twists, braids, and beads…?

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  • guest

    I am white – and I stumbled upon this conversation. Nobody has mentioned curls. I saw a child who was black and white with a head of the most fabulous tight red/blonde curls. The entire head. I was totally enchanted by this kids hair.

  • Mandi

    It's hair. It grows in, falls out. Do what you feel makes you happy, pertains to your lifestyle and is a good representation of you. Why do we make it such a big deal?

  • Rosanna

    For a boy, it's not so major because a cut wouldn't be so drastic if he ever decided he wanted a change. But, for a girl, locking her hair is unfair. That means if she ever wants a change, she'll have to cut off all of her hair. Also, locs have to be properly maintained. I think it should be left up to the child once they are old enough (at least mid teens) to maintain their own hair and make that type of decision.

    • Guest

      1) You can comb your locs out. I have locs and when I didn't like how a few of them came out, I combed them out and re-loced them.

      2) Relaxers have to be properly maintained too. I've had relaxed hair, braids, weave, track, an afro and locs and I have to tell you – chemically treated hair is the hardest to maintain. The time and money commitment is much more than with natural hair. I've gotten my hair done in a salon a couple times (less than 10 times in the 7 years I've had locs), but I usually twist and style it myself. When I wake up in the morning, my hair is already done!

    • guest

      Can’t be left up to the child when the parents still have to pay for what is going to get done. The parent still have the ultimate say there until they are working or learn to properly care for their own hair. Most of the time  they don’t know how.

  • Donna

    She doesn't like to put them up in pony tails nor wear bows, she is very in-tune with her femininity and appreciates the compliments and facts surrounding the difference between her natural hair state and those of her friends with relaxers. I think she was made for them and we both look forward to her future hair abilities with the locs!!! She is my 10 year-old Nubian princess. I haven’t had a relaxer in a year either—I’m not locked up, but I didn’t want her to be natural alone. I love my shoulder length bushy hair–It’s cute and I feel free! Her 17 year-old sister (my eldest) still gets relaxers and weaves. Different strokes for different folks because every individual is different and it-is OK. Regardless of our hair, me and my girls are beautiful black females!

  • Donna

    My 8 year old (at the time) asked to get her hair locked. We did texterizers, kiddie perm, braids, straighten, etc. Her coarse, very kinky brownish red hair did nothing but continuously break off. She said she wanted long hair and really liked the way women with locs looked. Her father (living separately from us) had began locking his hair about 9 months before she asked. He said he did not approve nor think she was old enough. Again (living separately from us) I knew it was up to me to make the final decision. Like Lisa said earlier, my daughter and I discussed it and I told her what we'd have to do if she changed her mind. She said she would never cut them off even before we began. She has always been a little more open minded than children her age so we went for it. She looked absolutely gorgeous with the short hair locs in the beginning and they are shoulder length now.

  • Simply Blessed

    Every one is aware that locs do NOT have to be chopped off, you can take them down and still be left with a head full of hair! FYI My daughters are aged 9 and 4, and they are loc'd, come March 2012, it will be three years. I do many styles from curling them to making them crimpy to up dos. They LOVE their hair, and when they see the "white girls" with really long hair which is rare because of my neighborhood, they say to me: My hair is going to get long like that isn't it Mommy? and I laugh and say yes. They are FOLLOWED, by other AA girls around stores…At least one or more girl in ALL of the extra-curricular activies they participate in will tell them they want locs put in their hair. Locs to me are not a permanent style since there are sooo many different ways of styling whatever you do with loose hair I can do with locs, to me they are just larger strands of hair, healthy and long. They are natural and if your hair is left alone will form on their own, why?, because that is the way the CREATOR intended for us to wear our hair. They do not nor ever will resemble snakes.

  • SuZQ

    Another natural…I don't judge people who wear their hair straight- it's a choice and preference, but we have to remember that relaxers also have health implications including carcinogenic substances and some tenuous links to higher rates of cancer in AA women, and the long term effects relaxers can have such as alopecia. This is the main reason I would not knowingly expose my child to these under-studied chemicals.

  • miss k.

    *ALERT* UNPOPULAR OPINION:

    I feel the SAME way about people who pierce their baby's ears when she is barely a year old. It's an innocent act to most people, but to me its a form of altering a child's body by puncturing her tiny ears before she has any say in whether or not she wants holes in her ears for the rest of her life (or unnecesary scars if she chooses to let them close later on). Aren't piercings and tattoos very similar for that reason?

    I got into a big argument with my sister and brother-in-law about this issue (they plan on piercing my niece's ears before she is 1). I figure, why not just WAIT until she can decide to do it herself? They firmly believe that it's THEIR aesthetic preference for little girls to have pierced ears.

    As a side note, I have long beautiful locs and I DO NOT plan on locking my child's hair (unless they ask). I do not want to be a hypocrite.

    • Get Real

      Her child, her choice. You shouldn't have argued with your sister about what she does with her child, it's not your business really.And If the ears are pierced correctly they wont scar if she decides to take them out.I've had my ears pierced for years and when I remove the jewelry the holes aren't even noticeable. Ear piercing isn't a life changing, horrible experience like you're making it out to be.

      • della

        if someone is doing something wrong then why not speak out? and i agree with miss k ALSO i think its wrong for people to baptise their children as well!

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/mslaurenlovee Lauren

    I 100% agree with this post! Good article

  • IllyPhilly

    Like Chris Rock said, hopefully what's under the hair is what kids, especially young Black girls should know matters the most.

  • Annette

    LaLaLa, I don’t think anyone said dreads are the only natural style. Also, I believe the person who said you should “have a small head with a cute face” was talking about chopping off almost all hair and going with a very short afro. She wasn’t even talking about all natural hair styles. I think some people get very defensive when talking about hair and don’t even closely read what’s being said.

  • andonnai

    Can’t the same be said about parents that perm their children’s hair? Kids are 3 now days getting perms. I say take the time and do the kids natural hair until they are old enough to decide.

  • xhellel

    I would not even consider having a little girl with dreads only because there are many arousal out there and the big chop is a very emotional process. Now for my son I would because cutting his hair wouldn’t harm him too much.

  • http://twitter.com/xDecadent @xDecadent

    Nothing is permanent with hair. Its grows every day. If at any time my child did not want locs anymore I would simply cut their hair.

    I see what the author is trying to say but I do not agree. I'm not a mother yet but when I have kids I will do with their hair what I feel is the best/healthiest option. A perm is in no way, shape or form a part of that equation. As parents it is your responsibility to instill values and morals into your child. I dont care what everyone at the school is doing – at my house it was that I followed what my parents said and nothing else. I couldnt come home saying I wanted what my girlfriend in class had. My parents wouldve looked at me like I was crazy. Different strokes for different folks. As the parent you set the trend and you keep it going as you see fit. Its more than just hair – you have to teach your kids to love every single aspect of themselves and how to shield their growing minds and bodies from the ignorance of others.

  • http://twitter.com/MoonReflectsSun @MoonReflectsSun

    (sorry comment was cut off) I love to see kids with locs, they normally come from a family that has deeper spiritual or cultural beliefs and the children know and understand the semi-permanence of their styles. As a parent, we are in charge of our children's well being until they become of age, so it IS our prerogative to choose what styles work best for US until they are old enought to care for or pay for what they feel works for them. In the end, it's JUST HAIR. It grows back. This is why our society is failing, too much time being spent wondering about what is on the head instead of what is INSIDE the brain.

  • http://twitter.com/MoonReflectsSun @MoonReflectsSun

    I am a natural mother, I wore a relaxer most of my life, and decided to go natural in 2007. I have sons, who both wear their hair long, one has cornrows, the other alternates between a mohawk and two strand twists, they have both toyed with the idea of 'loc'ing their hair.. The most flack I catch is for not 'making' them get a hair cut. They are 7 and 10 years old, and both very headstrong and independent, I feel that hair, while important in regards to Who We Are is not All We Are, I see no harm in allowing them to decide how they want to wear their hair, as long as it is well kept and not outrageous. I think as long as you teach your to love themselves and the hair/skin they are in, the rest is inconsequential.

  • Lisa

    my seven year old daughter is incredibly tender-headed and hair combing became a nightmare for us both. i asked her if she wanted to give locs a try and hang up the hair comb. she is thrilled with her hair! before we made the decision i let her know before hand that if she ever decideds that she doesn't want locs anymore that she would have to cut all here hair off to start over and she was cool with that. besides, she has me for a role model and i have grown long locs only to cut all my hair off to wear a low cut and start my locs over again. she has seen me beautiful with long hair and beautiful with no hair. my daughter knows that it is she that is beautiful and that it really doesn't matter what she does with her hair.

    • Rosanna

      A 7 yr old is making permanent hair decisions???

      • PosterGirl

        …with her mother's guidance. As it should be.

  • CRISSY

    being dread is not a style its a culture a way of life symbol of religion and spiritually

  • M.T.

    I totally agree with this post. I have been saying this for years.. I feel that the people who decide to go natural are some of the most arrogant people I have ever met. If thats's the look you want to go for , good for you. People who decide to go natural tend to want to judge everyone who is not. I myself hate dreads and if you dont have a small head with a cute face, pleassse do not cut off all your hair and start over. I feel bad for kids when I see them with such permanent styles. I feel that most girls , especially young girls, tend to change their hair with the season. For those parents who decide not to give their children a chance to express theirselves. Shame on you.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      I think that you're confusing being "natural" with "locking" or dreadlocks. I'm natural, meaning my hair ir not chemically treated or altered in any way. I wear it the way it grows out of my head, which right now is in the form of an afro.

      Dreadlocks require some altering (though not chemical) to the hair, mostly twisting, interlocking, etc. In SOME cases, yes, can be damaging to the hair, if not done and maintained correctly.

      Though both are considered natural, they are very different in nature. All "naturals", myself included, do NOT wear dreads.

      Lastly, I don't feel that having "a small head with a cute face" should be requirement for wearing your natural hair that God blessed you with. I hate to keep doing this but just flip it…do white, hispanic, asian etc. women need a "small head with a cute face" to wear their natural hair the way God gave it to them? No they don't.

      I can't speak for the natural people you may have come in contact with in the past, but we are not "arrogant" as you say…we're just a little on the defensive side because it seems that the world loves to come down on us for doing what feels, well, NATURAL for us to do ;)

      • dotty

        DID U READ HER POST AT ALL?!?!?! "I feel that the people who decide to go natural are some of the most arrogant people I have ever met." SO UNLESS YOU KNOW HER PERSONALLY SHE WASNT TALKING ABOUT YOU!

        • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

          um, Dotty? Was it your post I was responding to? Then why are you hollering (aka all caps)?

          Calm down, sweetie…it's not that deep ;)

          • dotty

            if it wasnt that deep than you WOULDNT have responded!

    • Kim

      Some women with relaxers, weaves, wigs will bash women who are natural or want to go natural, just like some natural hair women will bash women with realxers and fake hair on their heads.

    • i know that

      wow, ignorant much? how is anyone to take you seriously when you make ridiculous generalizations? if you want to put caustic chemicals in your hair (and that's not a judgement, it's fact), weave it, braid it or leave it as it grows from your scalp…do it. no one is putting a gun to your head forcing you to do otherwise. also, you claim that natural haired folks are arrogant and judgmental, but turn around and try to impose your ignorant opinion about locs?! gtfohwtbs

      btw, it's hair. if you cut it, it will grow back.

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