The things you think about when you watch Love and Hip Hop…
I often let the TV play in the background while I work. Sometimes I find myself filled in on breaking news I can write about, but most times, I’m just listening to old episodes of classic comedies or reality TV. Earlier today, the first few episodes of the newest Love and Hip Hop New York season were playing. Within 30 minutes of one particular episode, I heard two women say pretty much the same thing to their men: “I trust you, I just don’t trust them.” You know how LHH is with these love triangles, child.
In one case, Sky, the girlfriend of New York’s DJ Drewski, tells him this after feeling less than secure about the women he surrounds himself with in the industry. (Rapper Bianca is pushing up on the popular DJ pretty strong, though.)
In the other case, Kimbella, the long-term girlfriend of rapper Juelz Santana, says the same thing to him (but more of, “I trust you, I just don’t trust those hoes”). The comment was made in reference to him having women in the studio while he’s supposed to be working. She made the statement knowing he has a history of stepping out on her.
Sure, I know it’s just reality TV and a good chunk of it is anything but real, but their trust comments definitely got me thinking. I’ve heard women say these types of things in everyday life, and they do so with confidence as though it makes sense. I’m wondering how, or even if it’s possible, to truly trust someone if you don’t trust what they could get into when they’re not in your line of vision?
But when I asked a few friends about the idea of trusting someone to a certain extent, I found that when it comes to such confidence, it’s not as black and white as I originally thought.
According to my co-worker, “I trust you, not them” sounds like an insult to your partner.
“I think it all says he’s weak-minded,” she remarked. “He wont initiate any wrongdoing, but if tempted by the wrong people, he’ll fall prey.” But she also felt that it’s not so off to feel this kind of way, especially if you trust your partner around most people, but not around someone in particular. One of my girlfriends agreed, but said it’s not as much about trust as it is about being honest in the ways in which people can have a negative effect on others, even as adults. Sometimes we are different beings around certain people.
“I mean, people take for granted how prolonged exposure to certain people can change you,” she said. “Still, I feel like ABSOLUTE trust in most situations is a myth anyway. I can’t always trust myself.”
I think you can be wary while still trusting someone. But there’s a difference between that, and telling another adult they shouldn’t be around someone because you don’t trust that person. If I trust you here, I should be able to trust you there.
Now, if your boyfriend or girlfriend messes that up and breaks the trust that has been built, then you know they aren’t to be trusted and you can make the necessary decisions going forward. But to me, you can’t claim you trust a person if you put conditions on it. I trust you, just not around women. I trust you, just not when you’re with your boys. If it’s real, I should be able to trust and respect your judgment wherever you are, just as I expect the same trust and respect.
I get that in the cases of these particular women, they’ve been betrayed in the past, hence their conditions. But such is the consequence of getting back with someone and saying you can forgive them when you’re not so ready to forget.
But what do you think? Is this common saying of “I trust you, I just don’t trust them?” nonsensical? Or is there truth to the idea of being able to trust someone while not trusting the company they keep?
Images via Shutterstock
