“I Am Not At Peace”: Kid Cudi Checks Into Rehab For Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Rapper and actor Kid Cudi took to social media on Tuesday to share a pretty revealing note about his mental health. Using his Facebook page, Cudi, born Scott Mescudi, stated that he’s checked himself into treatment to deal with struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. As he put it, “I am not at peace.”
Its been difficult for me to find the words to what Im about to share with you because I feel ashamed. Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I’ve been living a lie. It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.
Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges.
I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I wouldve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. Theres a ragin violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I cant make new friends because of it. I dont trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me? I guess I give so much of myself to others I forgot that I need to show myself some love too. I think I never really knew how. Im scared, im sad, I feel like I let a lot of people down and again, Im sorry. Its time I fix me. Im nervous but ima get through this.
I wont be around to promote much, but the good folks at Republic and my manager Dennis will inform you about upcoming releases. The music videos, album release date etc. The album is still on the way. Promise. I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.
If all goes well ill be out in time for Complexcon and ill be lookin forward to seeing you all there for high fives and hugs.
Love and light to everyone who has love for me and I am sorry if I let anyone down. I really am sorry. Ill be back, stronger, better. Reborn. I feel like shit, I feel so ashamed. Im sorry.
I love you,
Cudi has spoken openly in the past about overcoming suicidal thoughts. As the 32-year-old told Arsenio Hall in 2014, “I dealt with suicide for the past five years. There wasn’t a week or day that didn’t go by where I was just like, ‘You know? I wanna check out.’ And I know what that feels like.”
He continued: “I know it comes from loneliness. I know it comes from not having self-worth, not loving yourself.”
According to the rapper, the loneliness is the most dangerous aspect of depression.
“I’m just really just trying to guide people and help people because loneliness is a terrible, terrible thing, man and if you don’t know how to conquer it, it can eat you alive.”
I think it’s great that Cudi decided to be open about this journey he’s preparing to go on. It’s important to see someone with such a large fan base and level of fame using their platform to be open and honest about their own battles with mental health. It’s more common than people think.
The more we talk about it, the more people will feel less shame about seeking help for it.