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About a month ago, one of my good guy friends from college got married. I’ve always loved weddings but I was particularly excited about this one because it was basically like an alumni reunion or attending one of those HBCU homecoming events that those of us who attended a PWI rarely get to experience. Yeah, I’m a little salty about it if you couldn’t tell.

Anyway, the entire day was beautiful. The ceremony took place outside in a valley. So you can see mountains towering over is in all of the pictures. My friend, the groom, quickly wiped tears from his eyes when he saw his bride walking down the aisle. They poured three different colors of sand into a jar during the ceremony to represent the fact that their marriage consisted of the bride, groom and God. And that the three parts were inseparable. I usually don’t remember wedding ceremonies but I’m sure I won’t forget this one. That’s how remarkable it was.

And then came the reception.

I was sitting at a table with my best friends from school and one woman who I knew from back in the day but didn’t really hang out with. You could call us loose associates. Even though I didn’t and still don’t know her all that well, she always struck me as a kind person. Her husband, who she met in college, is also really close to the groom. As the MC for the night is introducing the wedding party, I notice things have gotten noticeably tense  between this associate and her husband. Now, I’m not one to be all up in married people’s business. I believe it’s important for couples to handle their disagreements privately. Still, that notion went out the window with each terse whisper, folded arm, roll of the eyes and then finally her husband’s decision to quietly leave the table and head over to the bar.

Once he made his exit, the rest of us tried our hardest to avert our eyes and save this woman just an ounce of dignity in a situation that was becoming increasingly awkward by the minute. Finally, as a bit of a rationale to explain what we just witnessed, she leans over another friend and starts speaking to us about what just went down.

“Y’all are going to have to excuse him. He’s in his feelings right now because he couldn’t be in the wedding party.”

My friend held her face completely still while she muttered an “umm hmm.” Something wasn’t being said here. Again, normally I wouldn’t pry; but since she was actively inviting us into it, I decided to satisfy my curiosity.

“Why couldn’t he be in the wedding?”

“Oh girl, cuz I don’t play that! I know what weddings do to people. I don’t want him walking down no aisle with nobody but me and I certainly don’t want these thirsty, buzzard women to be scoping my man all night while he sits at the bridal table.”

Now, it was my turn to attempt to hold my face straight and expressionless in the face of this foolishness. It was no small feat since my friend decided to kick me under the table right at that very moment. Any person with good sense would have concluded that they were talking to an insecure fool and decided to tap out. But the food hadn’t been served yet and I had time.

“So, you don’t want him walking down the aisle or sitting at the bridal table because of how other women might respond to him?”

“Well, yeah.”

Let me set the scene for y’all. Most of the women there were women from school, women he’d known for nearly a decade at this point. If he ever wanted to get with any of them, he would have tried by now. And hell, I don’t know their history. Maybe he had. But like I said, that was ten years ago. And he’d chosen to marry her. I would think that would be enough of a self confidence boost. Apparently not. Furthermore, I remember being around him at the time when he and his wife were dating. He was notorious for being faithful and committed. In the moments when his now-wife wasn’t around him, he was always getting clowned by his boys for being “p*ssy whipped,” which was really just a term for faithful and monogamous. I don’t know what had happened since then, but I doubt he’d suddenly changed his stripes and starting stepping out on her. Still baffled, I asked her another question.

“So…how did he respond when he said he couldn’t be in the wedding?”

“It was a big to-do. We went over it back and forth. The groom (She said his name but we’ll keep it cute.) tried to call me and convince me to let him do it. He offered to let him walk down the aisle with so-and-so (She said her name too.), who I know is not a threat. But I still wasn’t here for any of it. I put my foot down and that was the end of the story.”

That’s when I’d had enough. I raised my eyebrows and nodded slowly, making mental notes of what my friend and I would discuss later. I swear I don’t understand women like this. Seeing as how there are more women than men on this planet, your husband will always be around them. And quiet as it’s kept, some of them will be looking at him with lust in both their eyes and hearts, whether he’s wearing a tux or a grimy sweatsuit. But unlike a wedding, you won’t always be there in the same room with him. He has to go to work. He runs errands. They have children so I’m sure there are times when he’s around other mothers, some of them single and some of them not entirely satisfied with what they have at home. If we’re honest, there are always opportunities for a man to cheat. And you can’t be there 100 percent of the time to make sure he doesn’t. At that point, you have to trust that you married someone with integrity. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life attempting to monitor a grown man.

But that’s just me. Maybe I’m the crazy one who just doesn’t understand how these things work.

Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think about this situation? Is it wrong to keep your spouse from participating in a wedding party? What would you do if your husband or wife tried to keep you from doing so?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” 

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