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When you really like someone, being called a “friend” by them (and not on some cutesy, my “special friend” type of stuff) feels terrible. It’s especially troublesome when they introduce you to others as just a friend. But it can’t punch one in the gut harder than being referred to as a friend in front of someone who has been what you want to be at some point: a former significant other (without the “former” part).
A young woman I know through friends found herself mortified by such a situation. She met the friendzoner at the bar while hanging out with her sister. He was flirtatious, and so was she. They exchanged numbers and started hanging out a few times a week, even during work nights. They had been getting closer, their dating “situation” lasting almost three months. And then, one evening, while heading out for drinks, they bumped into his ex-girlfriend. The former flame called his name after recognizing him on the sidewalk, and that’s when things went downhill.
“He didn’t even introduce me at first,” she said. “I was like, really? But what was really hurtful was that once I spoke up and introduced myself, he was like, ‘Yeah, this is my ‘friend.'”
The look on her face as she told me the story, I imagined, was much worse the night she was pretty much given a ticket on the express train to friend territory.
When she brought up the “friend” label to the guy after they parted ways from his ex, he stated that she was, of course, more than just a friend (he didn’t say anything about her being a girlfriend, though). However, it was the first thing that came out of his mouth as he was flustered by the appearance of his ex. And not just any ex, but his very last girlfriend. And while homegirl has tried to take his word for it and not be upset by the fact that she couldn’t get more love in front of his former flame, she is now wondering if it means he’s just not that into her.
Granted, only that man knows how he feels about her. But if the run-in with the girlfriend was the first time he identified her as anything less than a “special someone” or something sugary sweet, I told her that he might have really been flustered. Running into someone you once had a strong connection with while walking arm in arm with the new romantic interest in your life is likely a nerve-racking experience. You probably do end up stumbling over your words and behaving awkwardly. Hell, it is an awkward situation.
But unless he left that situation feeling or acting as though he wants that old thing back, I don’t think calling her “friend” means he’s not as interested in her as she thought. Besides, she did admit that they hadn’t really had “the conversation” about what they were and what they had planned for one another down the line, so maybe he didn’t know what to call her. And while some men are okay with referring to a woman they’re into as their girlfriend even if there never really was a conversation about it, others don’t go as far. But if he hadn’t given her previous reasons to fret when it comes to his interest, and he hasn’t acted particularly funny since the encounter, she could be making a mountain out of a molehill…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? If a person you were interested in referred to you as a “friend” in front of their former significant other, is that a major red flag?
