Why Your Dating Rules Don’t Work

September 17th, 2011 - By SisterToldja

Knowing what you want in a partner is a good thing. Making up a bunch of crazy rules that eliminate 99% of the eligible bachelors around, however, is not. The more restrictions you create, the harder it will be to find someone. You could be bypassing a lot of good dudes because you don’t date guys who workout at the Y or because you won’t call a man until you’ve had his number for a week.

Your process of elimination may be the reason why you’re single, especially if you fall into these dating ditches…

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  • alan

    Bps black bla lower your standards enough and bla bla yeah whatever

  • lasha

    @ sharish hurd…why is inter racial dating listed as lowering ones’ standards? If a man has his act together why couldn’t he have a chance..

  • peter

    I find the trouble between the sexes in the black community extremely discouraging and dangerous even. There is simply no rule for finding "the one" nor should any one with an ounce of sense think being of "high quality" means having a certain lifestyle. I recall having these conversations about women not settling when I was an undergraduate student (many moons ago) and now as a college professor I hear the same conversation and it hasn't changed a modicum. The rate of black children being born to one parent households has only risen and the conversation between black men and women has only become more posionous. Much of this I believe is due to the explosion of misguided go-get-luxury imagery and thought in the late 90s-early 2000s before the recording industry imploded. The reality is that unemployment in the black community is astronomical and education and prior professional success offers no garuntees of gainful employment in this enviornment much less beach front condos, endless magnums of champagne and three times a week shopping sprees.

  • What You Say?

    If I settled I would not be happy. I have a couple degrees. I work out. I'm involved in my community but I'm still me. I don't want or need the pressure of someone trying to make me over. None of those things make me a saint. I do what I love and I'm good.

  • Why Even Bother

    Let's see….

    My mother always said when dating you should have rules because men will either step their game up and comply or walk away.

    Friends have said that my having rules will only run men away.

    My mother had rules and she's been married to for 30 years.

    My friends have no rules and a big chunk of them are either shacking up, booty calls, or baby mamas.

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  • Msknowitall

    I have reasonable standards. I ask of my man what i have to offer and nothing more, if that's considered too high, then the problem is not us and our "high standards", the problem is some of these men are just lazy and settle for mediocre lifestyles. In that case those men should pursue mediocre women and not pursue for high quality women( because if you are comfortable with your lifestyle, you should go with someone equally compatible) . Yup, it works both ways! I have a problem with men who have not accomplished 1/3 of what i have accomplished( not just Education) but want to pursue me, when i reject their advances and make it clear why, they complain we women have high standards. New Dating Rule: If you want a high quality mate you should also offer same high quality standards!

    • dih

      I agree to a certain point. Although, some men with high standards only date women with low standards so that they can feel superior than their mate. Some men cannot handle having a mate that comes to the table with the same standards as them. That is why alpha men do not date alpha women.

      • Msknowitall

        Dih, I see your point, however i define high quality more than just educational and financial achievements. There is still your personality, someone with a genuinely good character. If a person prefers someone with lesser achievements for the wrong reasons then he/she was never a high quality person in the first place. Also its an unfair generalization that high quality standards = Alpha personality.

  • myopinion

    No where in this article did it say lower your standards. The point was to eliminate some of the silly rules. No home ownership and financial stability are two different things. How many people own homes and are currently in the process of losing that home? The point was throw out those silly rules before you miss out on the man of your dreams. Now I would NEVER recommend that a woman date a bisexual man, but saying I want an African-American investment banker that is over six feet tall with a house in the Hamptons and three cars worth over sixty thousand dollars each just may be a little to specific. This is especially true if you only have a high school diploma.

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  • KISSING UP

    This article has some good ideas. Mr. RIght Now is alright but you need to keep looking. Material things are great but you want someone who's gonna be like family-
    http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/the-bes…

  • Elcy

    Forgot to leave you ladies with this great MUST READ article: Oprah's 25 Relationship Tips: http://www.theglamrus.com/2011/08/must-read-oprah… it'll serious change the way you view relationships.

  • Elcy

    Rules work if you are disciplined and have standards that you aren't willing to compromise.

  • nunya

    Rules worked for me! Eliminating 99% of the pool is just fine….because all I needed was 1 person.

  • L-Boogie

    Amen! I feel like half of these rules cause more confusion than help. May we please just take each individual for who they are? Please! Half the time after reading these articles I feel like I did something wrong all the time.

  • Anna

    I've heard this before…. Too many times… First… we're told to have standards… Then we are told to relax them… Then we are told to stick to our guns…. I don't feel like dating anymore! Too much damn stress.

    • Anubis

      You dont see the problem. You are listening to every body but yourself. sigh

      • Anna

        Yeah… That's why 14 people see where I am coming from…. sigh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sharieseh Shariese Hurd

    I am tire of articles saying that due to lack of men we need to lower or change our standards. I have seen in the last month alone saying we need to be open to dating bisexuals, men still living at home wth parents, education or interracial dating, Yes some of us are shallow, but that is true with all races. But why we have standards as well. I think we set the bar too low alot of time because of this bs about not enough men.

    We don't have to share, homeless, jobless, settle for one night stands or date bisexual men. Don't believe this. Maybe these writers are desperate.

    • Grace

      I agree! If I have a lot to bring to the equation, i.e. an ivy league educated physician who is involved in the community etc, why shouldn't I expect equal qualities in my mate?! While ruling out a man due to his hometown or fraternal organization is silly, home ownership and financial stability seems pretty reasonable to me…

      • MsKnowitall

        @Anubis, if the hood chick loves living in the hood, then she should not discriminate and start dating someone from the hood too( she wont be settling). Assuming she is not a college graduate, If she wants a doctor( phd or MD) she better be pursuing higher education.

  • Stanley

    These articles put a bit too much pressure on the ladies. I think there's only one rule everyone should follow: YOUR INSTINCT.