Is This Petty? I Caught My Husband Wearing Lingerie

August 19, 2016  |  

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If you came home from work one day and found your significant other walking around in a pair of your underwear, how would you react? Would it be immediate grounds for the dismissal of your relationship? Or could you go with the flow as long as he kept this practice within the confines of your home?

As shocking as such a discovery might sound, it’s more common than you would think.

“I’ve been married for 12 years to a man I love. Some time ago, I discovered by accident that he likes to wear women’s lingerie,” a woman shared in the UK’s Independent.

“I arrived home early one night to discover him in some of mine, and was very taken aback. Initially, he said he was just experimenting, and was a bit embarrassed. I didn’t believe him, and challenged him to tell me how much and how often – and eventually he admitted it was something he’d been doing for some time in secret.”

As the woman would go on to say, when he showed her how he looked in a pair of her tights, she had to admit that he didn’t look so odd after all. She “reluctantly agreed” to bear with his lingerie fixation on the grounds that he never tell anyone about it or “overdo” it. She found that his “heightened arousal” actually improved their sex life (which seems to be the familiar result — more on that later). But once he started asking her to pick up some new lingerie for him in specific colors and styles, she became uncomfortable.

She ended up wondering if his fascination with women’s lingerie, a.k.a., cross-dressing, was something that would pass or if it would become something that could no longer be hidden. For her, she was more worried about others finding out about his love of lingerie over time than anything else.

As I scrolled through the Internet, from Dear Wendy pages to The Experience Project, I came across more and more women who were trying to figure out what to do about their husbands wearing their panties and pantyhose. And one of the women giving advice actually said that women should try and be open-minded, and that such kinks, as she called them, could improve their relationships.

“If you can reserve judgment and just listen to his explanation with an open heart, hopefully your husband will trust you enough to share his feelings and you will find that this is really nothing more than a kink — and a pretty harmless one at that — and doesn’t have to have a negative effect on your marriage. It could even have a positive effect.”

One man, in the comment section, even admitted to doing it and also said that it improved his sex life with his girlfriend: “I am a guy who wears panties everyday. MY girfriend [sic] was frist [sic] freaked now she buys me nightgowns, and panties she loves me in stockings, We have an AMAZING love life
Be open, guys like soft things to [sic]. I am a guy who ride [sic] Motorcycles, plays sports and a manly man >> no one but me knows whats underneath”

Reading such accounts left me wondering what those around me would do if they caught their spouse in women’s underwear, specifically their own. The consensus? A pretty contorted face. One of my girlfriends did say she might make it work if they were married and had been together for quite some time (“Like 30 years…”). Another emphatically said she couldn’t accept it.

“I just don’t like the idea of a man being very feminine,” she said. “I don’t even wear silk slips, what I look like coming in and you’re wearing one? Plus, it’s a slippery slope into other things. If you want to dress up like a woman, where do we go from there?”

But is it? Experts remind us that cross-dressing, being homosexual, and even being trans, are not the same things. As the man above pointed out, he could appreciate women’s underwear but still be a “manly man.” And a man could wear your stockings and drawls and very likely do so without finding himself sexually attracted to the same sex or, as “Dear Wendy” put it, “feeling like he’s a woman in a man’s body.”

Still, I don’t know what I would do. Some kinks really are harmless, but I feel like such a discovery would make me more uncomfortable rather than open-minded. But at the same time, you telling your partner that you don’t want them to do such things probably won’t keep them from looking through your lingerie when you’re not home. If they’re passionate enough about it, it’s going to happen. It’s all about what you truly feel you can deal with and what things are just a little too outside of the box for you. And I’m sorry, but me seeing my significant other in my underwear as he changes out of his work clothes every day would just be a little too much for me, child…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is a man in women’s underwear a harmless kink or something you couldn’t see past? 

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