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I give kudos and much praise to single mothers. They are raising a child (or more than one) on their own and still have to find time to be individuals. My mother was a single mom of three. My friend is a single mom of one with another on the way. Both women are hard working mothers – who have been betrayed by men.
Unfortunately, being hurt by the father of your kid(s) leaves a deep wound. A wound that even when healed becomes an emotional scar. Single mothers like my mother and my friend aren’t trusting of men. They are jaded and suspicious. So, they have trouble dating.
Is there a way to turn it around and happily date? Can single mothers turn to men again for love and companionship? Of course. I’ve seen amazing stories of single mothers who have found love and married amazing men. But first you must stop some nasty habits. Single moms, here are seven things you may be doing that are turning men off.
Always Talking About Your Kids
I am not a mother but many of my friends are. I love their kids but I don’t want to hear about everything Joaquin or Sienna did. I want to talk to you, woman! And so do the men you’re dating. When you are out on a date with a handsome man who is courting you, keep the kid talk to a minimum. If he asks, answer briefly. And put away the family photo album. Show him a picture or two on Instagram but that’s all. His eyes, after all, should be on you.
Defensiveness
Men aren’t all dogs. Really, they aren’t. Just because the father of your child hurt you doesn’t mean you need to fight all men. It’s important for you to be aware of your tone and body language. Don’t get snippy. Don’t interrogate him. Don’t eye him suspiciously. Don’t cross your arms as it is a sign of defensiveness. Be yourself and put down your armor. You’ll have a lot more fun and he’ll get to know you past your pain.
Trash Talking Your Ex
When dating, put away Bitter Betty. Yes, your ex and father of your child betrayed you, but your date doesn’t need to know every detail of the treacherous saga. Leave the trash talking for gal time and focus on getting to know the new man in your life. Or he may just become another ex.
Treating Your Date Like A Child
As a single mom, you always pick up toys, set rules, discipline, command respect, and more. So, you may not be cognizant of your tone or need to control. Or that you may be speaking to your date like a child. If you treat him with kid gloves, prepare for battle.
Being Dismissive
One of my cousins copes with the stress of raising three boys by being dismissive. They yell her name and she pretends she’s alone, sipping on a margarita on a beach. For single moms, it’s not uncommon to ignore the kids when they’re running amok. Just don’t take that approach with men, ’cause after a while they’ll just stop calling.
Never Spending Alone Time
It’s hard to find time for yourself when as a single mom and even more difficult to find time to date. For a relationship to flourish a couple needs to build intimacy. Intimacy cannot be created if you’re distracted by keeping the kids off the furniture.
Refusing to Introduce Your Kids
There will come a point where the man you are dating will want to meet your kids. He really does need to and they need to meet him as well. It doesn’t have to happen right way but refusing to introduce your kids shows that you don’t trust your new guy. Maybe you’re afraid that the kids will get attached, and if it doesn’t work out they’ll be hurt. But sooner or later your family will expand and you will have to make room for a man.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is the Love Guru for Exitos 93.9FM, a relationship writer and author of Love Trips. Get her relationship advice daily on LoveSujeiry.com.
