20 Things That Only Bother You When He’s Not The One

July 28, 2016  |  
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It’s amazing how all of the little problems that were present in your previous relationships melt away when you find the right person. If you haven’t figured it out yet, most of those problems were just symptoms of the fact that those guys weren’t right for you. When you know, deep down, that you’re with the wrong person, you constantly look for things to criticize. Being aggravated by every thing they do is your subconscious’ way of saying, “Get me out of here!” When you were in those relationships, you probably rationalized to yourself, “All couples have these problems” or “I’m too picky.” When you find the right guy you realize that, while all couples might have those “problems” they don’t really feel like problems in a good relationship. Here are 20 things that only bother you if you’re with the wrong partner.


He has a wild past

With the right guy, you feel so certain that he’s devoted to you now, and that his wild days are behind him. You can even see how those days benefited him, and what he learned from them.


He has questionable exes

If you think your boyfriend is wrong for you, you nit pick at his choices in past girlfriends. Honestly, it’s your weird, twisted way of realizing that he chooses the wrong partners for himself—including you!


He has questionable friends

Everybody has some odd friends—some troublemakers, if you will. When you’re with the wrong guy, you feel deep down that he doesn’t have your best interests at heart, so you don’t trust him being around a wild friend. With the right guy, your partner can befriend who he wants—you know you’re a priority.


He won’t try your hobbies

If you know in your gut your partner is wrong for you, then you look for evidence that he isn’t invested in you. It infuriates you that he won’t try your meditative healing yoga class with you. With the right guy, you let him show you he cares in the way he wants to—and you know he will.


He gets really drunk when he goes out

If you subconsciously do not trust your partner, then you won’t like it when he gets drunk. But the problem isn’t that he makes poor choices for your relationship when he’s drunk; the problem is that he makes them all of the time.


He’s too quiet

When you’re in the wrong relationship, silence can be panic-inducing. You’re left with your thoughts, and they go something like, “What are you doing here? You don’t feel happy. Right now. You feel unhappy.” So, naturally, you get mad at the wrong boyfriend for being too quiet.


He talks about himself too much

You only notice if a partner talks too much about himself if he’s wrong for you. When you’re with the right person, the conversation just ebbs and flows naturally. You don’t even know who talks more; you just know you feel valued.

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His social life dominates yours

Here’s another thing you only notice with the wrong person; whose social life always comes out on top. If you feel like you and your boyfriend always hang out with his friends, that may be true—but you mostly notice it because deep down, you just don’t think he puts in enough effort with you in general.


He doesn’t feel like having sex

In the wrong relationship, sex can be a distraction. Sex is one of the few times that the wrong relationship feels right (sort of). So, when your partner doesn’t feel like having sex for a week, you’re left without your usual distraction from the fact that this is all wrong.

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His communication with an ex

Exes can be a very sensitive subject if you’re not with the right man. Him keeping his exes around is like him keeping a reminder around of what you will soon become. Exes usually only feel threatening if you don’t feel secure in the relationship.


A lag in texts/calls

Exchanging dozens of texts a day can be like slapping a dozen bandaids on a giant, gaping wound. It alleviates the throbbing pain of the fact that this thing is dying. So if you don’t get those texts, you get mad.


He forgets his wallet a lot

If you feel, in a great sense, that your partner takes advantage of you, then you’ll notice it every time he forgets his wallet or asks you to pay for something. With the right partner, nobody can remember who paid for what.


He’s bad with money

You know if a man doesn’t see a future with you, or isn’t willing to do the things he has to do to secure a future with you. And when you know that, you notice every time your partner mishandles money—it feels like a direct hit on the future you could have had.

new relationships don't last

He never plans real dates

You need plenty of distraction when you’re with the wrong partner. You need to go to movies, go to concerts, go on booze cruises, go to fancy dinners, go on vacations, etc. You’re essentially running from the truth that, when you don’t have much to do, you don’t enjoy each other’s company.

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He forgets about you at parties

If you believe that your partner doesn’t keep you in mind enough, then it drives you nuts when he wanders off at parties. When you know your partner adores you, you don’t need him by your side all of the time, and you don’t take it personally if he wants to socialize with other people.


He’s always a little late

Small, rude behaviors like running 10 minutes late are no big deal when you’re with the right partner. But with the wrong partner, you feel like it’s a personal insult to you.


He doesn’t try hard with your parents

The truth is, you’re mad at yourself for wasting your parent’s time by introducing them to this man who you know is wrong for you.

A troubled wife turns to Reddit for advice after struggling to forge a relationship with her new husband's ex.

He has a lot of female friends

Jealousy is almost always a sign that you don’t feel valued or prioritized. Other women aren’t the problem; the problem is that, overall, you don’t feel that you have your partner’s attention.

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His personal health habits aren’t great

When you are head over heels in love with somebody, you do not care whether or not they’ve brushed their teeth or are freshly shaved. When you’re wrong for somebody, your body tells you by being repulsed by their body.

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He isn’t assertive enough

So you’re dating a man, and a stranger at a bar insults him. He ignores it. If you love this guy, you see it as mature. If you aren’t fully committed, you see it as weak.

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