How Beyonce’s Pregnancy Is Being Used To Look Down Upon Single Mothers

155 Comments
August 30, 2011 ‐ By TheEditor

by Charing Ball

There is an interesting theory behind what caused the most recent East Coast earthquake, which is that when people, mostly black, first heard the rumor that Will and Jada Smith had separated, the energy and vibration from the collective groaning caused the earth’s fault planes to shift. Of course, this is only a joke but judging by the near apocalyptic reaction some folks were having to the rumored split, I am willing to give this joke some attention.

As a society we have this weird thing of relating to celebrities and their triumphs, mistakes and pain more easily than to our own friends and neighbors. I took notice of this occurrence again on Sunday night when Beyonce announced her pregnancy live on the VMA’s red carpet. I wasn’t watching the program; I was doing dishes and mopping up water, which leaked from the ceiling during Hurricane Irene. However, my Facebook page lit up with stories about the announcement, along with congratulatory well-wishes, questions about the due date and long threads about what they should name the baby. One person in my network even reported that she had shed tears upon hearing the news. My own reaction to the news was much more simplistic, “Oh that’s nice. I hope her baby is healthy.”  Then I went back to mopping the floor.

Immediately after Beyonce and Jigga Man tied the knot, there was constant speculation about when we might expect a bun in the oven. “When?! When?! When are they going to have a baby??!” Seriously, people were asking the question before Beyonce and Jay even had a chance to consummate their marriage. And when Beyonce finally addressed the speculation in an interview that a baby wouldn’t be in her cards – not in the near future anyway – folks responded with outrage and made charges that she was being selfish for denying herself, and more importantly, the world an off-spring.  Like, why else would anyone get married if it’s not to procreate, right?

The tide has obviously turned for them. Many of the same folks, who once chastised Beyonce for waiting for motherhood, are rushing to sing the praises of how the couple, but more specifically Beyonce, “did it the right way.”  You know, the correct order of things: dating, marriage and then the kid. Never mind that her better half is a 41 year old man, who still grabs his crotch out in public and wears his hat turned backwards. But more to the point, this whole “look at the positive role Bey is setting for young women” conversation, which is now happening around the blogosphere, reeks of Slore-shaming.

Beneath the celebratory “she did it the right way” discussion is an underlining message, which seeks to shame and stigmatize women, who for whatever reason, go in on motherhood alone. Some bloggers see Beyonce’s pregnancy as some sort of triumph over single women, who have gotten pregnant before or outside of marriage. And as such, Beyonce’s baby bump and wedding ring have now become kindling to further flame the existence of these unwed women, who by virtue of their singledom, are obviously failures at motherhood and are incapable of rearing a child with morals and values worthy of society.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=8633338 Jessica Pharm

    Children before marriage is not only wrong but dumb. 

  • Brownbomer2

    Wow, this article is funny. The author of this article is giving too much power to celebrities. Maybe what they should have been writting is how PARENTS can be a role model for their own children. The author must be a single mom or was raised by one to be on the defense about Beyonce having a child in her marriage. Sounds like some jealousy to me. In 2010, 73% of all African American babies were born to single mothers, so this has become the norm in the black community. Yet, when some blacks chose to stick to traditional norms they are now criticized for it. No one is judging you for having children without marriage, and if you feel looked down upon, then those are some guilty feelings you have to work out for yourself. NO ONE  person can set the total value or moral measurement of the black community. We all have our own system of belief, values and morals. WE must learn to respect one anothers choices even if they are different than ours without belittling they ideas and beliefs.

  • mixedsingle_com

     

    A__fantastic__place__for__interracial____singles.”MIXEDSINGLE^com’

  • Pingback: In the News: Politicising Beyonce. « The Early Bird Catches the Worm()

  • TT

    Wow, the writer of this blog is REALLY reaching. How can someone else’s pregnancy be used to look down upon single mothers?
    Beyonce’s pregnancy is being CELEBrated because she is a CELEBrity, and that’s all there is to it. We all aren’t sitting around talking about and celebrating all the people you named above (unmarried, gay, etc) because we would be celebrating everyone in the world (FYI everyone on earth was produced by some man and woman, we can’t and won’t celebrate them all).
    I wish you would have continued to mop, dust, or vacuum instead of taking the time to write this nonsense.

  • Prettybaby345

    No you are wrong. Getting married and then having children is the way the Lord intended for it to be plain and simple. You can’t rationailize having a baby out of wedlock as something that is the new norm. For couples who are married who adopt that perfectly fine,but you cant give young girls the idea that they don’t need to be married to have baby. That’s why the Lord created men and women with the organs to produce children because it takes both partners. Any single woman who says she doesnt need a man is fooling herself.

    • username

      so are you saying it’s ok to look down on single mothers because it’s not what the “lord” intended? this doesn’t have anything to do with religion anyway. not everyone is religious. if you are that’s fine, but not everyone has the same beliefs as you.

  • Jey H.

    What are you talking about? Single parenting was here before you and me and will be after us….The girl was lucky and just who he wanted to marry..but trust me they were having mad sex….before..marriage…now did she really do it the "right way"…As a single mom I just wanna say.. you and nobody else has to bear my stress..I am a taxpayer and dont come to you for money or the government….this unfortunate seris of events regarding parenting can happen to anyone..it's Murphy's Law..DAMN?

  • Jey H.

    Preach! As a single mother of 1 I feel so encouraged by your words of wisdom….

  • CaliB323

    No one knows all of anyone's situation so it's best not to judge. Do what you feel is right for you and your family and let others do the same. Anybody who takes on the task of raising a child and puts there all into it should be commended because there are choices to not raise those kids. Let's support one another with love as opposed to pointing out whose right or wrong or who's better than who. At the end of the day the kids are here and they need to be loved. From hood rats and baby mamas to single mothers and married mothers if you are good to your kids and are raising them with love and teaching them to be the best and are striving for the best yourself, then kudos to you!

  • Kaydee-P

    This post is on point. I am so disgusted with the comments about the "right way." So you are saying that being a single is mother is wrong. Now, I GUARANTEE you alll those people shaming single mothers would have been screaming murder if those women chose to have an abortion instead. Such hypocrisy! At the end of the day, I'll take a single mother raising her child right over a dysfunctional two parent home. Two parent homes doesn't mean EBT isn't coming in either. All these stereotypes about single women- specifically single black women- does nothing to improve the quality of life of the children involved. Should we be taking a hard look at the situations where women are not adequately protecting themselves, or are willfully ignorant of protecting themselves? Yes, yes yes! But do we need to generalize every woman who has ever brought a child up without a man around. NO.

    I see these commenters calling women fools and ignorant, nasty comments about people's names(because they had a choice in being names, of course), when I've seen a FRACTION of that hate and ugliness directed at the MEN who were involved in creating these children as well. I thought it takes two? I thought doing it the right way meant having Mommy and Daddy around? Once again, we let black men off the hook, force women to take all the responsibility for a two person scenario. "Their stock has dropped." Sorry, am I a commodity now? YOUR stock had dropped BECAUSE YOU BUY INTO THE SAME IDEAS OF SHAMING WOMEN INSTEAD OF WORKING WITH AND PRAISING WOMEN. IF ALL YOU HAVE ARE NEGATIVE COMMENTS, YOU'RE JUST AS WORTHLESS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE. People swear they care about the kids…please! You just want to put in your ignorant two cents and continue to fuel prejudice and sexism.

    Finally, come now. Times have changed. Just because a woman didn't ravage her savings to have a wedding or "wait until the time was right-" because right, there's a standard age for maturity- doesn't mean the father is not in the picture, equally active in raising a child. We need to move the hell away from the idea of marriage being a cure all, a closer toward independence partnered with collective responsibility. Two people can raise a child without being legally tied together.

    If you're doing it right. the child is the only thing you need to keep it together. Not the ring.

    I'm so disgusted. There are people in this thread who are way older than me, and are supposedly the ones who are to lead by example, teach me, pass on lessons. The only thing I've learned from this is that you aren't anything if you can't think for your damn self.

  • Guest

    Let's applaud any couple who are committed to each other enough to become husband and wife. They take that committment to another level bring children into this world. Marriage or parenthood are not easy jobs. Let's not comment on people who DO IT THE RIGHT WAY! They are fine because they are doing the right things. It's not looking down on single mothers, what we should stop doing is glorfying these young bringing babies into the world without a good support system. It can be same sex, family, etc. Let's not rain on Beyonce's parade. I am very happy for her and her family…….

  • dliteful

    How shallow some of you are….I have a friend who has had multiple abortions for fear of public shame of being a single parent. I guess as long as people don't see your mistakes it's ALL GOOD. I don't think the average women desires to be a single parent. I think a reasonable person agrees that two parents are always best for a child. Before you shame or judge others

  • http://atlantapost.com Season

    I'm just so tired of news like this, meaning less.
    Black women are having hard time raising kids single true enough. An because it so many single black women with children it seem as if black men are not doing their part. True enough we have segment of black men that are not holding up their end due to various reason. For those who say money doesn't matter STOP LYING. EVERYTHING COST!!! To type this sentence is costing me the laptop, the internet connection, and the electric. BEYONCE & JAYZ have enough money to take care of their kid together or separate. I figured either she couldn't have children or was too busy. I wish them both nothing but the very best.

  • Dliteful79

    How shallow some of you are….I have a friend who has had multiple abortions for fear of public shame of being a single parent. I guess as long as people don't see your mistakes it's ALL GOOD. I don't think the average women desires to be a single parent. I think a reasonable person agrees that two parents are always best for a child. Before you shame or judge others, you need to reflect in the areas or your life you've fallen short of God's Glory or societal norms. Nobody is perfect, even if it appears that way on the outside.

  • ohplease

    JUDGEMENTAL MUCH………………

  • Jay

    Ppl are taking Beyonce's pregancy to serious. She is out there making her million & not thinking bout yall. I am a single parent and refused to be marked, looked down on or have any negative views on MY FAMILY because someone feels I did it "the wrong way". Life happens & if I could have done it the traditional way, that would have been great but Im not going to bare the cross of a man's choice to be a dead beat father. You dont know what anyone's situation is. Get pregnant->had my son->his father left->became a single parent= Im looked down on. But if I got pregnant->had an abortion=I'd still be looked down on. Unless you can helped or fix someones situation, your two cents on the right or wrong way doesnt matter!

  • str8diva

    the author sounds bitter, negative, and jealous

  • Perfect Ponytails Home Salon

    People pay too much attention and put too much importance on what other people are doing, and what they say. LIve your own life, raise your babies and the only judgement that matters is God's.

  • TamR

    I am a single mother of four. That being said, Beyonce being pregnant by her husband has nothing to do with how people treat me. Society frowns on single parenting in general. I think the author is overreacting, and is a busy body starting an argument for no reason.

  • Guest

    The single parent thing is not working out for the black community. Every single indicator shows this. It should not be celebrated. Children who come from two parent families do much better than kids who don't. Pretending this is not true won't make the community any better off. It's not about trying to put anyone down but we can't pretend things are good because we have lost hope that they can't get better. We have to do everything we can to make it better for ourselves and our children. It starts with telling ourselves the truth.

  • http://www.nicegirlnotes.com Roo

    Wow. This article is so judgmental, it's ridiculous. How dare Beyonce wait until marriage to procreate. Doesn't she realize she's making single moms feel badly?

  • Angela

    I think she did “do it the right way”! God designed marrige to be monogamos between a man & a woman, then to multiply. They are an awesome example to us!

  • Stacy

    http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8353911/… Urban Music and the Rise of the Independent Woman- an article on how hip hop culture glorify independent women are better.

  • Farrah Beverly

    well written article but I don't agree. If any single mother feels shame because of Beyonce that's they business. The beautiful think about Beyonce being married and then getting pregnant is that she sets an example for the many who can not look to their parents for the same example. I'm sure 100% of single mothers don't wish the same fate on their children and probably appreciate the example that Beyonce set. Single mothers set a whole other, equally important example. Strength, endurance, perseverance! Also I think what ppl are missing most about Beyonce is the fact that not only did she get married first, but she was established in her career first! She show's that it doesn't have to be either, that women can wait a while before starting a family and more important that once you get married your dreams and career aspirations don't have to disappear. So yes i'm gonna celebrate the example Beyonce has set for me as I am a young women just getting started in life. I appreciate Beyonce and appreciate my single mother even more and have taken lessons from them both.

  • Michaela

    I respectfully disagree 100% with this article. If you really believe what you wrote then that says more about how her pregnancy announcement made you feel than what reality really is. By the way, I am a single mom and I still can't relate to your article.

  • homie

    My mother had me when she was 18. She told me she wanted to get married, this was over 40+
    years ago. My father is a good for nothing poor excuse of a man– never has spent 1 dime on me.
    After all these years he called and sent me a 400.00 check–it bounced. I've never reached out
    to him never asked for anything.My point is children suffer and I have first have first hand knowledge.They
    never married. I don't blame my mother, she was a baby. After all these years it still hurts. I wrote him
    a letter telling him to leave me alone, this brought out so much hurt that I didn't even know was still there.
    We live in a cold world, but your own flesh and blood could care less? I forgot one more thing he lives in a 674,000 house– so that makes it worst, a bum godbless but money?

  • Jah's daughter

    Some of these comments are ridiculous. Why the hell are you so happy for someone you dont even know? How the hell are Beyonce and especially Jay Z role models? Jay Z? Are you serious. Oh let me guess because he has money we can now forget about his past, right..Those of you talking about black hoodrats having babies with thugs.. man wtf do you think Jay Z is ? He's a hoodrat and a wanna be thug too. His paper is just longer than the average. Beyonce's sister and Jay-Z 's momma both got pregnant "out of wedlock " right. So all the negative comments apply to them as well. The idol worship is truly pathetic and some folks are gonna be burning in hell right next to the hoodrats, babymommas, etc that they despise so much.

    My love and prayers go out to ANY parent/guardian whether you be married, single, gay, whatever.

  • sholla21

    Beyoncé did it the right way.
    Anyone who has a problem with people celebrating her for it, should look at their own lives.
    If you're happy with your choices, own them and be proud of yourself.
    Don't get mad at those of us who think she did it the way it's supposed to be done.

  • Tipper fa Life

    I have some work to do. Once I finish that work and get a good night's sleep, I will explicate your article and explain why it is complete drivel.

  • eyesis

    Wow reading these comments I can tell where many of you are in life. If you live in the hood, being a babymama is normal to you I can see why Beyonce being married have a career and planned her pregnancy you cannot relate too. Maybe in your world women are all babymamas with babydaddy’s with EBT cards, welfare and section 8, well not everybody wants that life some people want more. Don’t hate on Beyonce for doing it right because you didn’t. Be happy living in the hood, on welfare with three baby daddy’s you hoodrats made your bed now lie in it! I am a black man who is sick of black ghetto women I wish I could meet someone like Beyonce.

  • Mrs.Chaney

    Its saddens me that single parenthood among young black women have become so the norm in American Society that someone would seem "offended' by someone following GODs Plan. I am not going to get all religious but I do believe in what the word says. I think its important our young people(especially since sadly they idolize stars more then their parents) see more Black Couples in stable marriages and having kids within those marriages. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a single parent however I feel there is to many black women trying to raise men children on their own because they thought "having this baby will keep him" and in the end she loses and more important the child loses. You have young women with no father at home to teach them about men, they end up making bad decisions in relationships and choosing the wrong man. .

  • allison

    omg really??? i hate how common folk ride on celebrities as if they actually know these people!!! you know what the media wants you to know, what THEY want you to know, and as far as all of these smoke and mirrors go, this could be her third child. hell being black is synonymous with aborting pregnancies, just saying….

  • Jamie

    Good luck to you sweetheart, you reap what you sow and from the sounds of it you should be in for a harvest. You show that this issue isn't so black and white, there's some shades of grey.

  • Mrs. Calloway

    I understand how this might be portrayed by single women, but Beyonce did do it right. She got married first then had a baby. Unfortunately not enough females are taught growing up the values of being married. Sure a divorce is always possible but at least you tried. Hands down to Beyonce for being a career woman, wife, then a mother, the order sounds just right to me. I was raised by a single mom and had 2 stepdads, but who knows what would have happened if my mom stayed with my pops. They were married but divorced none the less.

  • Tee

    The point of the article is a big stretch, clearly an over-thought opinion and the logic does not flow. The family should be celebrated, period. Also, I'm sure women who have had their babies out of wedlock are not feeling shamed because Bey and Jay are having a baby.

  • Robert

    No they would not, what you said makes too much sense. They would rather justify their ignorant self destructive lifestyle then admit that there should be rules and morals in the Black community .

  • http://www.randomtandem.com RandomTandem

    If single mothers are offended thats their problem. I dont think Beyonce's pregancy is used to look down on single mothers so much as it is being used to encourage young girls to go about these things the right way.

  • ohplease

    I am a black single mother of 2 sons whom happen to be well mannered. I own my own business plus I have a regular job. I have never been on government assistance. I also have a B.S. in Criminal Justice a B.A. in Political Science also a Masters in Public Adminstration from Grambling State University. I can't stand when people tell me that Iam a failure because I had kids out of wedlock ( I was born out of wedlock also to a mother who is an attorney) my kids are just as legitimate as the so called marreid couples. Many people are discussing being married but are the marriages healthy? I rather be a single mother than married and being physically and mentally abused. Some people need to STFU and get a life!!!!!

  • ohplease

    News Flash: It takes two to make a baby. You want families back to “the way they were,” in our parents' (and for some, our grandparents') generation, i.e., a nuclear Black household? Then all the people who constantly place the onus of single motherhood need to stop all the woman-bashing and take the time to look at the fathers of children who chose not to put a ring on it, too. It's not like droves of men are asking for marriage and women are saying, “Nah… I’m just gonna do me!!

  • Remi

    Congratulations to Jay & Bey for doing it the 'right way'.
    Gosh, can't we just be happy for them without finding subliminal messages?
    We complain so much about how we want our daughters
    to find good role models and when they finally do it's a big hoo-haa?
    Let me pull out a chair for you so you and all that can SIT DOWN.
    It's very rare nowadays to find black people taking the traditional route to
    having children. And I give props to Bey & Jay for doing so. There's a time and
    place for everything. If you can help it, never bring a child into this world if you're
    not willing and able to take bloody good care of it.
    However, this is not to take away from the good parents that single-handedly tackled
    parenting. Power to all the single parents that raised well-balanced, responsible children
    that are contributors to their respective societies.

    At the end of the day, married or single, it all boils down to parenting.

  • november

    The saddest thing I have noticed about these posters are that they are ADULTS! Aduls who live this fantasy world that Bey and Jay are perfect and refuse to believe otherwise. They absolutely refuse to believe that Jay and Bey have issues to BUT they have handlers to make sure their problems aren’t made public. Smh

  • Ebony

    But please people need to stop taking away from other peoples happiness (famous or not)! Its like we strive on it! She did do it the right way and we should honor her for that just as much as we should honor a single mother for raising her 23-year-old daughter to be an amazing, outspoken and smart young woman! But don't make it seem like Beyonce's way of doing things takes away from everyone because it doesnt! But it shows people that there is a way of doing it that MIGHT make life a little easier for EVERYONE! And no matter what we always have to find negative in a positive situation! It's just sad…

    -E

  • Ebony

    (Last Continuation)

    But please people need to stop taking away from other peoples happiness (famous or not)! Its like we strive on it! She did do it the right way and we should honor her for that just as much as we should honor a single mother for raising her 23-year-old daughter to be an amazing, outspoken and smart young woman! But don't make it seem like Beyonce's way of doing things takes away from everyone because it doesnt! But it shows people that there is a way of doing it that MIGHT make life a little easier for EVERYONE! And no matter what we always have to find negative in a positive situation! It's just sad…

    -E

  • Ebony

    (Continuation)

    I love, honor and respect SINGLE MOTHERS to the fullest. My mom was one and I know too many to name and I love and respect my mom and make sure she knows that all the time. But in a society where on TV stations you see young teen moms glorified and celebrated I don't think it's wrong to acknowlegde the more PROPER way to do things. I work with young girls who love Beyonce and seeing that she did what she did the way she did it may be good when trying to convince them that its ok to go to school and follow your dream rather than settling and having children first! Just a thought

    And lastly…Of course we don't know what goes on outside of the cameras and the PR! But why should we use that to take away the means of happiness! We all should want to be happy, happy doesn't mean perfect and I'm sure The Obamas, Smiths and Carters will use their wonderful publicist to make sure the world knows that but seeing them happy makes me want that happinessness…Not perfection but happiness. And if anybody thinks anyone is perfect than thats their fault!

  • Ebony

    This blog post is horrible and I totally disagree…From one blogger to another I respect your opinon and your outlook on the way things are…But the fact that the title is "How Beyonce's Pregancy is being Used to Look Down Upon Single Mothers" is ridiculous….

    Let me state I am not a single mother, Im not a mother at all…I am a 23 year old black woman who works hard and is focusing on my career. When people ask me why I don't have kids or why Im not dating it irritates me because I believe that people too often believe that I'm wasting my time or my life! My clock is ticking DUH…But my answer is always I don't date because too many of my friends who have dated for say a year end up pregnant, at home, with no promising future and I also always say because I haven't found a husband yet. So does that mean that I'm taking away from Single Mothers (my friends) because I want to be courted, married and loved passionately before I bring a child into this cold, cruel, unloving world! I THINK NOT!

  • ProudSingleMom

    You can plan and live your life in the "right" order that this society says you should and still end up a single parent. Most Marriages don't last and some end before the children are adults. I got married and waited to have children after and my marriage ended in divorce,sadly. Now I'm a single mother who barely receives any help from my ex-husband who was the cause of the marriage ending in the first place. It takes a strong woman to take on this responsibility that both parents should share. My sympathy to all single parents. I cannot believe there are so many people on here that are bashing single mothers when most of us were raised by a single mother. I can admit that there are women and men that shouldn't have children. But what about the mothers who get up everyday work very hard and that take care of their children, break their necks providing for their children and keeping a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, doing all of this on just 4 hours of sleep a day!

  • Chile Please

    to quote the article, "young Black adults in particular look to mimic values associated with our parents and grandparents generation"…

    Ladies and Gentlemen, there is NOTHING new under the sun. The "Queen" herself Aretha Franklin had two children outside of marriage BEFORE SHE TURNED 18. This was back in the sixties folks. And quite common too. This is nothing new, it's just not as chastised or hidden as much as it was back then.

    So for all those who keep trying to glorify "the good ol' days when girls/women had morals and decency and got married first", go sit down somewhere please and shut up cuz you're not fooling anyone with that mess.

    • vivi

      Majority DID !!!

  • regal

    No, we should not celebrate single motherhood or anything like it, because we have to learn that we cannot do everything white people do!!!!!!

  • regal

    It should because she did everything the right way, unlike these hood rats that do it to keep a man or money!

  • Peaches

    Whoever wrote this article should have done their research because while she is praising beyonce who doesn't need praise for living her life the way she wants too. The article is ignoring the fact that JayZ has at least 2 children by 2 different black mothers that he REFUSED to marry , so what is her point other than hating on single black mothers and she didn't even mention other races of single mothers. Guess she must drink a lot of hatorade as well as the rest of the narrow minded idiots who posted negative on this site. And we don't want to mention how prejudice, judgemental and sterotype these narrow minded people are. Seems like u all are the ones uneducated or have low self esteem about yourselves!!!!

    • Vivi

      The Point made once again,Peaches. The other women had children out of wedlock!!! BEFORE HE PUT A RING ON IT !!!

  • Truth

    The writer failed to mention that the persona of Shawn he spoke of is his entertainment persona. He also is a savvy business man who has lunch with Warren Buffet and the ear of the POTUS. I'm sure in those settings, which few of us can venture into, there is no crotch grabbing and hats turned backwards. Please show the total person not a point biased view.

  • Noname

    Here is my simplistic answer to this article..It has nothing to do with how I see myself.

    The Obamas – It's nice to see any educated couple in power that seems to be happy and who want to genuinely want to do the right thing.

    The Smith's – It's just nice to see any couple these days still married and presumably happy.

    The Carter's – It's actually nice to see a women not termed baby momma but instead Wife, and Mother in that order.

  • Bk2icon

    not bad but there is nothing that warrants her talking about jay-z's crotch or chose of attire. get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Ashlee

    How is the way he dresses hurting anyone? Seems like U have ur own “right way” yourself cause he’s an EX drug dealer. Birth control is 99% effective. Am I supposed to believe it doesnt work for 70% of black women

  • ChevyChick

    OMG! Some women hv husbands, some don’t, single moms hv been around 4-ever! Married ones too! Yall can’t let Beyonce set the bar, come ON, do people hear themselves, people are obsessed with this girl. WOW. I like her too, but to a point. Yes she’s having a baby, ok she’s married, I’m married too with kids, one of which came before my marriage! If the nxt girl gets pregnant without a husband, is she supposed to feel bad about herself? NO! U take. Care yo biz. This article was honestly unnecessary and pointless.

  • Ashlee

    The right way is GOD’s WAY..if ur a christian which (which most blacks claim to be) =love, marriage, baby carriage. MISS Bell please stop. Noone is berating the financially stable women who decide to adopt or the divorced with offspring. The right way was directed at the babymama phenomenon which is highest in the black community. Depending on tax payer resources to support their irresponsibility.

  • Jennie

    It isn't a hit on single mothers to say that Beyonce did it the right way. In a perfect world, I'm sure most single moms would prefer not to have that status. It was not their chosen circumstance.
    There is something to be said for living your life on purpose. Shrugging your shoulders and saying "things happen" is a attitude that keep you reacting to circumstances instead of creating your circumstance.
    If you feel convicted by the phrase "the right way, " perhaps you should. Take stock of things you've done and see what the right way would have been for you.

  • Devrae McCants

    There is another factor that people forget to talk about as well. Stop downing black woman because they decided to keep their baby. Other races (particularly white) have abortions at a much, much, much higher rate than we do. They get pregnant just as often if not more. We are not the only ones taking off the condoms. Though I believe in the right to choose, make no mistake, we are not the only ones being irresponsible, it's just that we are more willing to handle our responsibility. While all the black families in Hollywood are doing it the "right way", white Hollywood is doing it the way they feel like it and plenty of times that means without marriage or a marriage that last 6 months. Congrats to Beyonce and JayZ but they don't speak for the things I've seen and researched in my own life. Come back to me when they are twenty years strong.

    • Gezzt

      No. No. Actually, they don't. Black and White women have abortions at about the same rate, with Black women having slightly more abortions. Your statistics are really just wishful assumptions. And everything is not a comparison between race. And it isn't about keeping a baby or not keeping a baby. It's about not being filthy enough to get pregnant in the first place by a man you're not married to. And bringing a child into the world that you are unprepared and unable to care for is NOT "handling our responsibility". It's actually the opposite. Both Black and White Hollywood families are doing it the right way. And Bey and Jay are 10 years strong, so miss us with that. You sound racially insecure.

  • Devrae McCants

    Good article. This talk about the "right way" is so misguided. Especially when 60% of marriages end in divorce. A divorced family's children are more in danger of a poor quality of life than a single parent home. I can be the first to agree with that. My parents divorced and the havoc it brought to our lives is immeasurable. While marriage can be good, most people go into it lightly thus creating a toxic environment for everyone involved. Just cause you do it the "right way" doesn't mean that it is right. Only 40% get it right. That number is not high enough and we are all in danger.

    • Iguessso

      Not only that, you can have a two parent home and that two parent home can be very dysfunctional. Can you say Caycee Anthony? Lindsay Lohan? Two parent family is what's best, but only if both individuals are mature, emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy. If they're not, it's just dysfunctional.

  • lisa

    So I guess they must think Solange is a bad parent. I really dont think so.

  • lisa

    OH please, Beyonce has been getting it in from before she was married.

  • Huny

    I tried to do it the "right" way. He didn't. My husband went out and had affairs ( I later found out) and chose to have a girlfriend at work. Their Damn son is 9 months now. After I went to that B*itch's house (yes she knew about me), I went home and put everything on the sidewalk. They didn't even stay together for long after that. That B*tch chose to have not one but TWO children by married men. Now they are home with just her dumb single azz. I am now over 40, want a baby, and he made this decision very hard for me. I don't want to get past my child-bearing years and never have a child, but now it's all so complicated. People make comments like, "I'll do it", but this is really tough for me. I didn't want to do this without a husband. You ain't lying Renae, Life damn sure does happen!

  • Shortcake

    I don’t know why Beyonce’s news of her pregnancy would bring shame to other black women who made different choices it shouldn’t, if you are happy to have a baby by a man you weren’t married to than be happy with your choice. Beyonce worked nonstop for many years, got married they had some years by themselves then planned their family, because she worked so much she got enough money to sit at home without working for many years. Instead of her strategic planning making single black women who are mothers feel bad it should be their blueprint for how things are done. Maybe those single black women don’t have positive influences in their personal lives to see that waiting and planning is the best way to do it. It is the difference between having stability and being a broke on welfare single parent.

  • tasha

    The right way, there is no right way, you mean the white way. It sickens me that black people feed off of everything they hear and see on the news or what they read somewhere. There’s no right way to have a child what would they write about if she was pregnant when they got married. What are they going to say if it happens that the baby isn’t his, come on its hollywood. Get real everything these people do is for ratings, stop trying to live through stars its pathetic, you have no clue what happens at home, you see what they want you to see.

    • r u serious

      You are so correct but the majority of people will not and can not understand because they are too caught up in having someone to look up to and admire. You can tell by the way some people on here are commenting. The majority of people are so lost and dumbfounded, especially the ones who claim to be soooo educated, they believe and co-sign to anything that attacks regular everyday folks but uplifts these same celebrities who are spreading out to the world thru their music to be hoes and pimps. Yeah Beyonce did it the right way but she is teaching young girls thru her music to do it the worng way. People want it both ways.

  • r u serious

    People are really strange these days. Now everyone is seeing Beyonce as a role model for women. Life is funny, people are funny and this world is blind. One day hopefully people will wake up but I doubt it we are too caught up on the IMAGE of our celebrities. One minute they are this and the next minute they are that. The media and everyone else is going to ride this pregnancy like no other women in history has ever had a baby. I'm not trying to be negative but many people need a reality check.

  • Ursula

    I enjoyed reading this article. Not all single mothers started out single, in the sense that they may have been married at the time of conception. Children do not make or break up households. Unengaged, unhealthy relationships break up households. I give props to anyone who chooses to bring children into the world–married, single, or otherwise because it takes a lot of sacrifice to raise children.

    Our perception of public figures can definitely mislead us.

  • Louise

    In my opinion no one is bashing or belittling single mothers they are just commending Beyonce for ‘doing it the right” as society had implemented such (right/wrong) Beyonce did what works for her and everyone else should or have done the same. Being a single mother was never im my plans so I did what works for me. My husband is 41 like Jay and I am 29 going on 30 in Sept like Beyonce and we just had our 1st child in July. People should just do what works for them and not let society define them and there is no need to get mad or be envious of people who “do it right” per society

  • calidreamn

    yall are killing me! If she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock then she would’ve been setting a bad example. The woman waits until she’s married & has accomplished a few more things before she gets pregnant & now she’s stigmatizing single mothers. ??? Give her a damn break!! I was raised in a single parent housejold but waited until marriage to have children so does that mean I’ve stigmatizedvor placed a negative light on my mother?

  • DEEZ

    Cosigns with Kisha

  • Jennifer

    That don't means that they are happy are going to stay together forever just because of a piece of paper!! Most single moms were married or in long-term relationships that just did not last forever(white,or black) Just pray for that innocent child that he/she won't be exposed to the troubles of that industry!! God Bless!!!

  • tiredofyouall

    why must my comment be "reviewed" and not posted?!!?
    it wasn't derogatory …..

  • doingittheRIGHTway

    this author sounds bitter they're probably single with a bunch of kids running around or _ay

  • TheeTruth

    Very happy for anyone that has the strength to bring a child into this world &raise it. But let’s be real we really don’t know these celebs &as nice as some seem we never know how many “slip ups” or abortions they have had so what seems like “the right way” may not be. Ppl should just stop judging everybody else situations & get themselves together because we never know when our time is coming. Everyone deserves to be celebrated &uplifted a little more instead of being put down & maybe this world we live in wouldn’t be so F$$KED UP! Congrats &Cheers to everyone! #SpreadLove

  • Nicole

    Stupid…. how is a married couple starting a family the right way!! (Notice how it takes two to make a child) downing single parents who did it the wrong way. If that how single parents view it when the see it done right then so be it.You did it wrong I hope it bothers you sooo much that you don’t bring another bastard child in this world it a damn world it’s killing the black race mot

  • http://www.aprillefranks.com Aprille Franks-Hunt

    I don't know what to say about this article– this right way stuff is killing me because we don't even know this woman….! Who said it was the right way, we don't know what she's done before. People buy into appearances and the media too much. Am I happy for her….I guess- sure, it's exciting and I am as excited for her as any other stranger i'd see in the mall with a baby bump. But this single mothers are worthless crap is just a play the media is spinning…this coming from a former single mother now happily married 30 something –>>unsubscribe button activated from this nonsense.

    • Iguessso

      Thank you, that's exactly what I was saying. Just because Beyonce didn't have a child, did not mean she was never pregnant and I'm not saying that to throw shade or to hate. But the truth is, we're not around this woman 24/7 to know what's truly going on in her private life, especially when she really doesn't even speak about it. My thing is, I'm happy for her because being a parent, I know the joys of parenting. But to act like she's the only black woman to do it in the right order is ridiculous.

  • MissKayasha

    I love the authors reaction when she heard the news much like my own, im happy that the couple is happy for their new edition but that’s about it. Though, I can understand why some people are praising her for doing it the “right way”. Nothing is wrong with being a single mother, my mom was a single mother and i turned out just fine-however because being unwed with kid(s) is such an huge issue in the black community, not because of a stigma of ‘oohh a single mother’, but because more than 50% of a black household is being brought up without the dad full time in the picture. So now the stigma is being a black woman unmarried with kids, other races already “thinks” or “expect” us to say we have 1 or 3 kids in our pocket. And of course not all people, i don’t speak for all but you better believe people and a lot of them do think that way. The media always coming out with articles and reports about how black woman are undesirable and is hard for them to marry ontop of reports of black females being unmarried with kids were constantly get look down on, so its natural for some people to uplift Will and Jada or the Obama’s relationship and prides Beyonce for being already married and is now expecting, they want to change the image of us and hope that we would want to wait to have kids until after you’re marriage. This isn’t the dark ages, if you don’t want to get pregnant their is so many ways now to avoid doing so- where condoms fail birth control makes up for. So, many schools and clinics just give them out for free you don’t even need to spend your money.

  • T

    Will and Jada did it the right way too

    Kalis and Nas did it the right way too(now they r divorce)

    Tia and Tamara mowery did it the right way too

    Michelle Obama did it the right way too

    Falisha Rashad did it the right way too

    Denzell Washington did it the right way too

    There are several people that hv done it the right way, young, old, rich, poor, famous and infamous

  • IJS

    I think it's interesting that people (as one poster did) often refer to successful marriages as a "fairy tale" ending. This ridiculous notion is part of the problem with relationships. Successful marriages take work. All of the lasting relationships that I have seen were not fairy tales. They had their fair share of ups and downs. What made all the difference is that these couples remembered their commitment to one another and made a decision to stick it out, despite the bad times. Having a child should solidify that couple's commitment because now there is an innocent party that stands to be damaged should the relationship fail. If either partner bails because the going gets a little rough, then what's marriage worth anyway?

    Children often become in a relationship what they see at home. The problem I have with men and women who voluntarily become single parents is that the child misses out on not just the benefit of having both parents present AND active in their life, but also misses an opportunity to learn how to be the "other half" of a lasting relationship. Raising kids is difficult. So why anyone chooses to do it alone is beyond me. Of course, you can't always account for what your partner's actions will be in a relationship, but often the signs are there, and some of us choose to marry that person or have children with them anyway. One poster hit the nail on the head, stating that some single mothers "expect sympathy when the man they KNEW was no good beforehand isn't around to help."

    If two people can establish a good healthy marriage FIRST, having children, will be an enhancement and a blessing to an ALREADY solid relationship.

    I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. But if I could choose just one thing, it would be the example that my parents (38 years) and grandparents (66 years) set by having marriages that were rooted in God first, and by honoring their commitments to one another. My dad's parents were married and my mom's mother was a single parent and their experiences growing up were very different. My own marriage has not been without it's struggles. And my husband and I know that we are not yet ready to become parents. But when we do, I know that being sure we have a strong marriage will have made the wait worth it.

    If there is one thing in my life tht

  • Kingleo

    You sad, dumb, tramp. Like the large bulk of black women now, you are so ran through that you cannot fathom doing things the right way, at the right age, in regards to having children in the right situation. You spend you whole youth chasing drug dealers, scrubs, and thugs that you don't understand people who do things the in proper manner like, I don't know…getting to know each other for a couple of years, getting married, and THEN having children. That it is truly sad….

    • ohplease

      Troll

  • lovebug

    Let’s remember that a babymomma and a ex-wife is two different ppl.Them babymama know exactly how her kids got here…if he said he didn’t want the kid that’s own u.

  • Amelie

    this author seems to have a gargantuan chip on her shoulder..wonder why….

  • Denise

    what is it with ppl being so politically correct about anything and everything instead of just calling a spade, a spade! getting married and having children IS the right/ideal way. Do you think those single parents out there planned to be single parents? Sh** happens in life and they soldier on raising their children. Ppl divorce, or they don't find the right partner as age creeps up….. life happens and thank God there are options. But lets be clear. Getting married and having children is the ideal way. We don't have to sugar coat EVERYTHING.

  • TexasWildflower

    Beyonce did it the right way. She's a role model for many young girls and I'm glad she has sent a great message.

  • Peaches

    U might not hate beyounce but it seems like u hate single black mothers. Her pregnancy is not being used to look down on single women, seems like u are tryin to sterotype and look down on single women yourself. I am a Single/ Widowed WOMAN so exactly what are u tryin to say HATER!!!!

  • Miss G

    I don’t down any single parent because it’s a hard job but I must say in this day and age it’s a blessing for a man and woman to be in a healthy committed marriage before having children. It’s an ideal situation but as we all know life’s not perfect and things don’t always turn out as planned. All the single mothers keep your heads up and don’t compare yourselves to Beyonce’s situation or anyone elses for that matter. We all have our own cross to bare and nobody should be judging u but God

  • Mila

    I totally agree with Kisha.Seriously the only full proof way to make sure you won’t end up. A statistic is by abstaining from sex untill marriage.Birth control is not full proof and neither are condoms.So what happens if you end up pregnant and your partner doesn’t want to commit and marry you?Oh yeah,that’s right you will be a statistic also.Or wait you will get an abortion because you don’t want become the statistic?GTFOH with that bs.I got married after my 1st daughter was born 3yrs ago and am happily married now,but if we seperate today or tomorrow that would make me a single mom now wouldn’t it?

  • Vicky

    wow, angry black woman mad that somebody behaved responsibly for once?

  • lrobinson6

    Stop Hating!!!!

    • lala78

      That isn't hating OMG SMH!! You don't have a clue what hating is! The truth must hurt thats why u say she is hating. Hating is when you are jealous and obviously you didn't comprehend Nicole's comment clearly.

  • november

    Ummm….. isn’t her sister Solange a single mom? Let’s see: she dated, got pregnant, got married all before 17….and was divorced by 21…. and now a single mom. Yeah…..

    • Jamie

      Your point?

  • It is what it is

    Say what u will, it is very important to have balance with in ur children’s lives period. That means a present and active mother AND father. I’m sure we have all seen the product of some sigle family homes. Whether single father or mother, the child is always missing something, without something, wanting. It’s a terrible feeling. Black households and households all over the world should work very hard to end the sigle parent epidemic. It’s pointless…

  • folabi

    Ummm. Black America needs more positive role models. The fact that Jay is a 41 year old crotch grabber and B may dress and/or dance in a sexually suggestive manner does not take ANYTHING away from the fact that they are GOOD role models. By getting married, staying married and having children they intend to raise together.

    In fact when will the majority of black america realize that even though these artists/celebrities may have negative messages in their content either now or in the past, they do live positively.

    These are the kind of Role Models black america needs. Infact the reason there are so many single mothers out there is a result of negative role models (gangbanging, drugslinging etc etc etc).

    Thank God and pray for them.

  • MiMi

    I am ecstatic that a woman of color and also a woman thats always under the spotlight has does something that is so very life-changing the way that God intended it to be. People have become so numb to the way it is SUSPOSED to be done, always trying to “make our own rules” and wonder why our children have such disregard for consequences. Marriage wont make it perfect but atleast TRY to give your children an even playing ground to start from. Plant the seeds of family values in them and at some point they may be able to slow this awful trend of boys graduating into the system and girls producing multiple children before even graduating high school (if they ever do). Look @ the stats. They are harshly against children who come from single-parent homes, particularly fatherless homes.

    So I say congrats 2 Bey and her Husband!

  • gina

    NATRURE WILL TAKE IT’S COURSE …OK….maybe he does have a baby mama. Idk or care.

    However, females must use the most effective means to try and prevent unwanted pregnancy and try to protect thher off springs status in society. Single Mothers love their children as deeply as married mothers. I HAVE SEEN SINGLE MOTHERS “SOME” DEMONSTRATE COURAGE, ACTS OF VALOR AND STRENGTH THAT I THANK GOD I DID NOT HAVE TO DO BY MYSELF! WOMAN TO WOMAN, MOTHER TO MOTHER ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD

    ARE OURS.

  • Guest

    NEWS Flash – Women who pop out a few babies without getting married or even going steady SHOULD be ashamed and stigmatized.

    • ohplease

      People who try to judge others should be taken out and shot!

    • dliteful

      What about the women who kill their babies, so their not ashamed?

  • Alisha L. Gordon

    Good article and you're right –there was a HUGE undertone of "single mother bashing." I'm a single mother, and, according to this "standard" I didn't do it the "right" way, but when we say the "right" way, are we talking about some socially accepted right way or a more spiritual/religious right way? If the former, Bey would be the minority, not the majority. If the latter, assuming her and Jay weren't abstinent during their dating, there's an aspect that wasn't done "right" because they didn't wait til marriage to have sex.

    I saw this blog post that kind of took the latter half discussion and explored the underlying issues with the outcry for Black women to do it the "right" way and how the "Keisha's and RayRays" of the world needed a voice too. http://findthepieces.com/2011/08/29/bey-jay-vs-ke… <<The link. Check it out.

    • Jey H.

      AMEN

  • SayItLoudHD

    Single parenting is not a bad word, it is a choice or, a NO CHOICE for that matter. We live in a LIBERAL America and do what we want to do more than what is ideal and expected of us to do. Nothing is wrong with single parenting and its immoral or unethical. BIG UPS TO ALL SINGLE PARENTS.

  • Guest

    get the freak outta here. there is no thanks to be given to those who choose to do things out of order and further perpetuate the stereotypes of baby mamas, baby daddy, illegit bay bay kids etc. whether there was a carter or smith family to model, we all know what the right thing to do is and that is get married then have some children. it's a sad state of affairs when doing it wrong has become the norm and doing it right is taboo.

  • SayItLoudHD

    Bey and Jay is not the life of everyones life plus her family unit and that of Jay z is such that it was a close knit one that influenced her life and upbringing. Other peoples happiness and view of ideals work for her with Jay z and wealth is a factor and so on . . . Single parenting is not a bad word, it is a choice or, a NO CHOICE for that matter. We live in a LIBERAL America and do what we want to do more than what is idel and expected of us to do. BIG UPS TO ALL SINGLE PARENTS.

  • http://blackboyinkimchiland.blogspot.com/ blackchild

    This article was complete an utter nonsense. Black women should feel ashamed and stigmatized when they don't do it the right way. She worked hard for 15 years on a financially lucrative career. Met a mature man with his own significant resources dated and then married that man. Then decided to have a child . Just because some of you raggedy hoodrats couldn't accomplish that there is no reason to throw shade.

    • Peaches

      Jayz has 2 children by 2 different mothers that he didn't marry so what is your point????

      • Jamie

        Where are they? I haven't seen them. Unless youre a baby mama, then you can sit the hell down.

      • Dove

        So he replies absolutely no stigma? None at all? Because it's perfectly okay to sleep around if you're a guy, but definitely not if you're a girl?

        Wow, don't you just love those tasty double standards?

        Stop referring to your fellow black woman as if they're all trash and there are only a few good ones out there. You end up looking just as trashy as you think the women are you look down upon. Chill out.

      • Jey H.

        That is so true Peaches…she is a "baby mama" number three to be exact? She just got "wifed". However, I dont think shes any better than me or any other woman who has children….some gals are blessed to marry their kids fathers and some arent..LIFE happens.

    • Guest

      This broad has been a glorified booty-poppin', heavy weave-wearin step-n-fetch it female for 15 years- who married a dude whose initial come-up was to rap about dope-dealin', supremely opulent lifestyles and being an italian wanna-be AND who ALREADY HAS A CHILD OUT-OF-WEDLOCK with some woman in the carribean. Neither she nor her husband have any talent. They never sung or rapped or promoted education in anything that they did, entertainment or otherwise. Beyonce did it the right way how? Her and Jay-Z are just like any old Shaniqua and Dre married couple in the hood- only with more money.

  • MadameBacchus

    Doesn't matter how correct and eloquent this article is, Beyonce is the most high and still praised. I agree completely with this article.

  • saywhat!

    Kisha let’s be real. We all know tht most these single mothers aren’t products of divorce or being widowed. We are talking about none other than the baby mama nation out here. It’s like women pride themselves on being baby mamas, which is sad. It’s like the post above said why should ppl feel sorry for some silly girl who doesn’t use birth control and gets knocked up by a no good clown. Pulease….. I’m tired of statistically black women being baby mama machines. Then got the nerve to talk like they deserve a badge of honor for making poor choices. I waited til I was married and made damn sure not to get pregnant b4 then, no matter what some guy tried to tell me about how much he luvvvv me and want me to have his baby! Gtfoh! Never make urself a baby mama then act like oh well things just happen sumtimes?o_0!

    • Jamie

      Dang, you went in and I cosign 100% You don't deserve a badge bc you laid with a dog and he left you with fleas.

    • knobrainer

      Right on, saywhat, tell it like it is! people got to cop to their stupid decisions and stop making lame excuses

  • Renae

    First off Congrats to Beyonce and Jay! But my comment is in response to My Two Cents I’m pretty sure a lot of women share your view in regards to not having a child out of wedlock. But the truth of the matter is that LIFE is unpredictable. You can take every percaution to not become with child and can still end up that way. Nothing is full proof! Unless your a virgin! So to say that the girl should be on birth control etc…… Anything can happen. Also its not just “Black girls” who have children out of wedlock. Things happen to everyone, Life happens not always the way you plan.

    • Jennie

      You can Kanye shrug your way through life if you want to, but I can guarantee it won't get you where you want to be.
      Suppose we applied that attitude across the spectrum of life. We'd never get anything done.
      Try saying "Things happen" to your landlord or mortgage company a few times. See if you don't wind up homeless.
      Will you be alright with a "Things happen" if your employer absconds with the payroll and your bills are due?
      Say someone accidentally rolls over your foot with a car, and toots their horn and says "Things happen" before dashing off.
      Nothing is fool proof but there is a such thing as being prepared. As a single woman, I bought my own condoms and I enforced condom use. I would close up shop faster than Flo Jo if there was no condom around.

    • blaquemajic

      Uh yeah….@Renae. I think you're in Nevereverland with that comment.

  • Ambrose

    Wow, I think you have taken this topic way too far and too seriously. People SHOULD be happy to finally see a couple (whether they be celebrities or not) have a child together after actually getting to know each other. These two have been together for almost ten years now and have proven their love towards one another. Now, they have reached a point where they both feel ready to have a child. It's great, especially in the black community where we are all seen as being raised by single mothers, to see a couple thrive and do things right. It shows how mature they are and I'm glad that they didn't give in to people who thought that they should have had a baby years ago when they knew they weren't ready. Kudos to them!

  • AngelaIse

    What's the big deal about these two having a baby? People married, single, etc have had children since the beginning of time. She's nor MARY, it's not an immaculate conception. I am very happy 4 HER. However, he always has a child, and I hope it us not a GIRL that's looks like him.

  • YeezyTaughtMe

    No parent is better than the next unless he/she is not taking care of their responsability. Life happens and while women would love to do it “the right way” sometimes it doesn’t!!! Anyway, love BEYONCE & JAY and wish them nothing but the best in their careers and personal lives :)

  • Tammy

    Well I am going to go the biblical route GOD-HUSBAND-WIFE-CHILDREN and yes she did do it the right way I did it the right way, My Parents did it the right way, My Grandparents did it the right way but does that mean I look down on single parent hood absolutely not. God put an order in place for a reason. I applaud single parenthood just as much as having two parents. It's hard raising children either way. I feel we should be happy for her and Jay this is a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • lilkunta

      tammy: So that means you are just going to say "this is mu husband, this is my wife" and not get the governement involved? Bc in biblical times one did not need to go to the courthouse for a marriage license and then a church for a marriage ceremony.

  • Guest

    Those who took offense to the statement "right way" are insecure! That doesn't demean anyone, it just praises the two of them for trying to accomplish things in a certain order. It takes NOTHING away from anyone's parenting skills. Be confident in who you are and not compare your life to a celebrity's life! DANG! Every thing is not always controversial!

  • Kisha

    It seems like a lot of people are so ready to bash the single female who got pregnant and had a child and is raising the child by themselves. There are many single parents out in this world who were married and gotten a divorce or their husband had died. Regardless of who the female became a single parent just know that they are raising their child. Yes Beyonce has done it the right way. She dated and then got married and now she is having a child. I just don't like when people put down single mothers because they automatically think that they have dealt with a no good man. There are many reasons why there are single mothers just don't assume that they just dealt with some no good man. What about the husband that decides that they don't want to be a family man no more is it the wife's fault. Lets not make this thing a bashing of single mothers. And to be very honest with some of you that are commenting there are some married mothers who have to act as a single mother because their husband is really no good. So married or not don't judge just encourge these single mothers. And once again Congrats to Beyonce and Jay Z

  • Rosanna

    So, a married woman has a baby, and single mothers feel bad. Boohoo! Single black women have babies ALL the time. It's not even a big deal anymore b/c it happens more often than not. Then, they expect sympathy when the man they KNEW was no good beforehand isn't around to help. There is a reason marriage is supposed to come first. I am the product of a single parent household, but was always taught that's not the way it's supposed to be. Congratulations to Beyonce and Jay! We don't see LEGITIMATE black families nearly enough!

    • Peaches

      So what happens if u are in a abusive marriage which is not good for u or your children u stay and get beat up along with your children just so u don't become a single parent. And it doesn't matter if u are married or not a a man is suppose to support and be there for his children. Don't put all of this on the woman when the man has to be just as much responsible too. What planet do u all live on!!!!!

    • SayCheese

      exactly.

    • Papa Banks

      Blackpoet here are bible references on marriage
      Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7
      Legitimate was a term is to describe the children and man had with his wife, his name was on their birth certificate, there were legal heirs. Why is that whenever one defends or support the traditional marriage, people behave like they are some how indicting, single or other forms of parenting. Being a good parent is not based on marital status, but it is proven that children raised by a two parents married couple generally fare better.

    • Noy

      Amen. You are right here.

  • Annie

    So on point my thoughts exactly…….

  • My Two Cents

    I kinda understand what the author of this article is saying but you cannot deny that Beyonce did do it the right way. It wasn't until the last 1970's that african american households were seeing less father figures and more single mother households. Unlike my other friends and and associates I aspire to be in a committed marriage before I even think of having children. Im sorry but kids are baggage regardless of how you see it. When a woman meets a man they have to get to know one another but with kids involved it just makes more obstacles for the couple. Black women have this notion that they can be that superwoman and take care of their kids on their own well more power to them but all of that would have not even been the case if they just went to planned parenthood and got some brith control in the first place. I do not look down on single mothers I just know that I want to bring my future child(ren) into this world in wedlock just like me and all of my siblings. I wont settle for less and these black girls out here need the realize the same thing. You are seen as stock to men the more kids you have the lower your stock goes.

    • Peaches

      Oh please white woman live this life also u people are really prejudice against single black mothers why hate on them like that!!! Don't see nobody making the black single father responsible also!! Besides people can live their lives the way they want too, and if u don't like it then too bad!!! mind your own business!!! dam u all are haters!!!

      • My Two Cents

        Peaches you must be mad because you are a single mom. Thats understandable I would be mad to if I had to look my child in the face everyday and realize that their father is somewhere else making a family or establishing his life. It still doesn't take away from the fact that too many children are being born out of wedlock today regardless of race. Now I dont know about the white community because I am not white. People can live their lives the way they want but who would want ot be a single mom? And Im not talking about divorcee's or widows Im talking about the babymamas who strive to get pregnant. I know alot of females who have had babies with men just to have them or trap them only to turn around the face the burden of raising the child themselves which is stupid. Just like I said before I will have my kid (s) with my husband. Having a child means that for the rest of your life you have someone to depend on you. I would rather share that responsibility with my husband instead of Ray Ray from up the block wit the pretty hair. Smh at these brainwashed baby mommas your stock is going down as I type this.

        • lala97

          I totally agree with you nuff said!!!

      • Guest

        STFU you just mad you did stuff the wrong way and now you gotta live with your messed up life. Don't hate on folks who have enough common sense to not bring a child into this world when they know they aren't ready. And marriage is NOT I repeat NOT just for white women you stereotypical trick.

      • PrissyPumps

        It's not that people are hating Peaches… Yes, single parents are common. No one is discrediting you, nor saying that you are less than. I am a product of a single parent household. I turned out just fine. My mother raised me alone and VERY WELL. However, the bible does state that you should be married before you have children. I commend you for being a single mother, and I am sure you are great at it. But, YES, Bey and Jay did do it the right way. No one is putting single moms down. They are just giving credit where credit is due. That is all. I won't make the same mistake as my mother did bc I did miss not having a father in my life AT ALL. At least marriage will give you a CHANCE at a mother/father household. It doesn't always work out 100% but at least I can say that I tried.

    • sunshine

      I'm glad someone can understand and relate to my sentiments exactly. . .

    • Annoyed

      Ignorant. Look at you right there assuming single moms all just accidentally got pregnant and decided to go it alone. News flash, I got married and was as sure then as you are now that your marriage will be everlasting and stable. We have a child, he became abusive. I left. My "baggage" is the result of a loving marriage at the time. Please God don't procreate until you see children as other than baggage and stop stereotyping. Divorce happens. Widows happen. And by goodness NO birth control is 100% effective, even if they get it at planned parenthood:) Hope you and your future wife are as perfect as you hope!

      • Guest

        Yet, OP clearly stated she wasn't talking about divorcees or widows…reading is so fundamental.

      • Blaquemajic

        Yeah she really did exclude widows and divorcees. Guess you missed it…smh.

  • Mscpa2u

    Wow didnt know I would be deemed a failure because it worked out for here! Joking congrats to her an Jay but really all parent who take the role seriously should be commended! No one has to do what society feels is the proper way! Im happy for her but that doesnt make me any less of a parent because it doesnt always work out for everyone in this fairy tale manner!

    • Peaches

      Thank u these people are some haters against single black mothers!!!

    • sexistwomanistbohemian

      Being a single mother usually means your kid is lacking something… like a married father.

      Just look around at the black community, it's a failure due to the out of wedlock rate, no daddies and even a fool knows that black kids without fathers in the home fail, and are jailed at a much higher rate

      • Traceu

        It's not the lack of marriage that causes failure. It is the lack of one or both parents to be there for their kid and to encourage them. I didn't need my dad to be married to my mom but it would have been nice to have him be better at showing that he cared and being in my life on a more consistent basis.

        One doesn't need to rely on that piece of paper to build a family but the same purposeful intent to build something together would be excellent and most beneficial to a child.

  • smokie

    Nice article. Kuddos to Bey for doing it right!

    • Peaches

      who really cares how bey does it everybody has to live for themselves and no one else dummy!!

      • Jazzi

        Smokie, you clearly missed it.

        • PrissyPumps

          Exactly. People are missing the point!!!