5 Rules for Dating as a Single Mom

September 12th, 2011 - By madamenoire

If you’ve recently split with your husband or significant other how long should you wait before you hit the dating scene again? Does that number change when you add children to the mix?

Dating after the end of one relationship is tricky enough but when children are involved it becomes even more complex? When do you introduce your new beau to the kids? What do I tell my kids to call the new man?

These are a legit questions that Your Tango.com answers. There are even some additional ones I’m sure you’ve been wondering. Check them out over at Your Tango.com.

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  • selfishmensuck

    You should also think about this, how many of these child free people had abortions so that they could live their selfish lives. Alot more people would have kids if it were not for that. alot of women have abortions and walk around like they are perfect . So before you think child free mate is a good catch, ask them if they ever murdered a baby, or paid for it.
    I think it is pretty strong and sacrificial for a lady to have a baby alone. She did not cop out and kill the child, which i'm sure some of you would prefer. This has turned into a dumb topic, because nobody asked you guys anything. This was for people with kids to talk about dating. Not you guys venting your opinions about it. I mean you have no children, isn't there something better for you to be doing? Jeez . And again, i dont have kids and have NEVER had an abortion. Can you ALL say the same?

  • Mychildisagift

    Thank you…all these negative comments about single mothers and no one could reply back to yours because you proved them wrong. Yes, there are single mothers out there who aren't doing anything for themselves, but not all of them are like that. Like you, I have myself together and am doing right by my son. What makes these men think that we want or need any of their foolishness.

    • Big Mike

      Uh, read my posts below. ms Noscrubs is typical, she wants to SHAME a man into a situation he doesn't want to be in. Like calling all black men worthless is going to all of a sudden make these guys want to date single mothers. If they do – great, if they don't then move on. Grow up.

  • http://magistersthinktank2.blogspot.com MagisterVeritatis

    words from a single mom that nobody desires

  • JUDY C ANDERSON

    ALL OF NEED GOD IN YOUR LIFES.

  • Big Mike

    And how will the successful, single women with no kids feel if they start losing men to single moms? What more do you want them to do?

    Lets keep it real – men AND women, with kids or not, would much rather date a person with NO children. Who are we kidding?

    • selfishmensuck

      Big Mike, single people w/ no kids would much rather date people with no kids, not true. My sister cannot have her own children so she specifically wants to date a man with children. You guys make kids seem like the AIDS virus and that is sad. There are people that have excellent incomes, great educations,and all the things that you guys think means you are better. With all that ,you still have hate and judgement in your heart.SMH. None of that makes for a good parent or a better parent, some people have it all and have no maternal or paternal feelings. And stop trying to make everything a black or white thing. All races have hood rats and all races have dead beat dads. some more than others but every race has a shortcoming somewhere. And losing men to single moms? Thats like saying white men are losing white women to guys of other races. Dont be ridiculous ! If a guy leaves a single girl for one with kids, its because that is what he wants. If a successful single woman cant keep a man, trust me, its not because of a single mom, thats her fault.

      • Big Mike

        Uh, please don't confuse me with any other poster. I'm saying that men and women shouldn't be villified if they decide NOT to date single parents. The single parents should just deal with the cards they've been dealt. Trying to SHAME people into entering that type of situation doesn't work.

      • Big Mike

        And you are going to tell me that a woman who cant have kids wouldn't consider adoption, as opposed to dealing with baby mama issues? Surely you jest.

  • Big Mike

    This is the problem that I have with black women these days. They want to SHAME a man into accepting a single parent, just like thay want to SHAME men into marriage, and SHAME men for interracial dating, etc. Men and women BOTH should be able to make these choices for their lives without someone attacking their character. There is no right or wrong, really. You just have to play the hand(s) you are dealt.

  • Proudmama

    Headsmack you sound a little bitter towards single mothers and black women. Maybe you are suffering from a self hatred issue. I don’t think your anger has anything to really with us single parents…it is you. I’ll be praying for you and your future wife because some of the things you have said tonight you should be ashamed of. A difference of an opinion is one thing. Debating it is cool. But ridiculing others to prove a point is heartless and very immature. Shame on you.

  • Just another guy

    Actually I will be graduating college with an engineering degree in less than 6 months. It is not my fault the guys you encounter are complete lames which speaks volume on your choice in men.

    • HeadSmackeroni

      Exactly.

      Why is it black women blame their poor choices in men on OTHER MEN?
      TRY KEEPING YOUR LEGS CLOSED. Is that really so hard for most black women? lol

      Jesus, you don't have to spread them for every thug with a criminal record, and braids at 28, whose mother "stays with them".

  • guest

    Preach!!!!!

  • HeadSmackeroni

    What is selfish about not wanting to raise some other mans child, and date/marry a single mother? lol

    I am engaged, happy with my CHILDLESS beautiful fiance', I love kids and want some of own someday. I wouldn't marry a woman who DIDN'T want kids, but I sure as hell would never date or marry a woman with kids already. Me and my future wife will have plenty of our own.

    Btw there is nothing more 'hoodratish' than a single, black, mother.
    LOL.

  • HeadSmackeroni

    Let me add that if you are a single mother due to the death of the father, my comment does not apply to you.
    There are plenty of single young mothers today with children whose fathers who are being blown up in another country right now, not as many as in other wars – but they are still being killed every day while their wives wait at home to hear about their dead husband, boyfriend, whatever.

    But to you hoodrats…screw you.

  • HeadSmackeroni

    Why would any man date a single mother unless he himself was a single father?

    Some women amuse me, getting upset because SINGLE, no baggage (kids) having men don't want to date you? Why don't you go after SINGLE FATHERS, I am not raising or dealing with ANY other mans children in a relationship. Plus theres a reason even the father of your child couldn't put up with you.

    And if he's a worthless dude, that too makes you look bad for picking some hood negro. LOL

    No thank you.

    • NoSCRUBS

      Why do you assume that in every case the man left the woman?

      I left my ex because he was cheating with other women. I don't get upset because some shallow narcissistic douche doesn't want to date me.

      The problem with dating single fathers, they have kids they pay child support on. They are looking for single moms like me to live off of because they can't support themselves. It's not that I have any problem with a guy who has kids, I have a problem with him giving his whole paycheck to his ex and expecting me to pay his bills for him.

      You sit there and whine from behind your keyboard, proclaiming all single mothers desperate for a man with money to support them. News flash, There a lot of us out here now with educations, money and assets. We have to keep a sharp look out for creepers who just want a free ride from a well off woman.

  • Nobody

    Well i'm not that young…i'm in my mid-30's.

    There is absolutely no benefit for a single man with no kids to date a single mom. NONE! Oh, let me guess…single mom because of divorce or death…bullshyt. Being a single mom, in most cases, is a result of bad choices in men (they had swag, or charm, or some other crap that has nothing to do with raising a family).

    They made that mistake and now they have to live with it.

  • Hmmmmm

    I’m just going to assume that the men commenting on this post are 25 and under…

    • HeadSmackeroni

      What difference does that make?

      I'm going to have to assume most of the women commenting aren't responsible enough to keep their legs closed, or take birth control and instead of being a decent human being and putting more thought into bringing another human being into this world – decided to spit some little bastard out and expect single men, with no kids to want to date or marry you, and play step daddy?

      I am engaged, getting married very soon, and will have my own children with my lovely fiance'.
      I will not be raising some other mans kid in my home.

      • DontJudge

        Congratulations on your engagement. Some woman spit you out however many years ago and YOU are expecting your finacee to love you all of your negitivity, baggage, flaws and shortcomings which if she is marrying you she already does. Single parents desire nothing more and nothing less.

        • HeadSmackeroni

          Yeah my MARRIED mother, and FATHER.

          Who are STILL together to this day, have been together since they were both in college.
          There's not a day in my life that I had only one parent raising me.

          Sorry but your opinion on my 'baggage' is irrelevant, you are not my fiance' so her views of course are different.
          Single parent baggage isn't comparable to personality traits, emotional issues, or character 'flaws'. Because those unlike CHILDREN are things that can change, mature, and are of course subjective to each person.

          Your bastard children are just there, they aren't 'not there' to some other dude, they are there, and they are always there. If someone doesn't want you because you have kids so what? They don't HAVE to date or marry you. Go find some single father to put up with some other dudes bastards.

    • NoSCRUBS

      25 and under? oh hell I have met 35 year old's who think like this. This kind of stupid permeates black society. Black men don't want to be responsible for the children they father and certainly don't want to be a positive influence in the lives of any children they didn't father. It's been this way for decades and it's not likely to change.

  • http://magistersthinktank2.blogspot.com MagisterVeritatis

    And we shall avoid you at all costs.

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  • http://www.angrylarry.com Angry Larry

    I was talking about this before and wrote a article on it, I dated a single mom too http://www.angrylarry.com/2011/06/28/single-moms-…

  • ProudMama

    I forgot some other notable characteristics we offer.. women who are mother's have clear goals, they are strong, independent, more mature than women of their same age, financially conscience and wise in decision making.As well we offer stability. (All of this does not apply to all but to most!)

    • letsbehonest

      "women who are mother's have clear goals, they are strong, independent, more mature than women of their same age, financially conscience and wise in decision making.As well we offer stability. (All of this does not apply to all but to most!) "

      HUH?!?

      why do single parents always have to sh!t on single people without kids to make themselves look good? over 70% of all the black children born in this country are born OUT OF WEDLOCK,so we know that most of these single moms do not become so as a result of divorce or a dead spouse so you can miss me with all of that.

      a lot of the characteristics you noted DO NOT apply to most single mothers, and you know this. and a lot of those things can and do apply to a lot of single people as well, you don't have to have a kid to have clear life goals or be strong and independent,or wise in decision making. in fact it can actually be argued that they ARE NOT wise in decision making due to the fact that they are raising a child on their own (again, not addressing the widows and divorcees).

      sick and tired of this crap.

  • ProudMama

    If you found a women you were falling in love with you would pay those fees for a babysitter. What is $50 if you are taking trips at a moments notice??? And if your lucky she would have family that would do it for free or even better the children's father might take them on weekends and you know you will have that time to look forward to each week.

    Have you ever been in love before? Imagine that woman with a child. That woman probably loved you, took care of you cooked for you, laughed with you, dreamed with you, encouraged you, bought you gifts, massaged your ego, made you feel strong, needed and wanted. That is what a woman offers. If that women has a child it is you that would be offering a heart big enough to accept all of her. Her time and money would be shared but her love is invaluable. And ultimately if you date a women long enough and get to know her child what you will feel inside your heart if you allow it is a unique love that adds to the relationship, not take away from it.

    Now, can a single parent be broke and in need of a partner that could help her financially most definitely. Can a single mother have a successful career and able to contribute financially to her household and her mate of course. All I am saying is don't write off single mothers just because they have children. Family is a part of life, the best part of life. A single mother can offer you family, her heart is already there. If there is a man who's heart is in family too-it can be a beautiful thing.

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