When Your Child Has No Black Friends…

September 12th, 2011 - By LaShaun Williams

Until I was fourteen years old, I had one black friend. And she lived across the country. So, really, I had none.
Growing up in predominantly white suburbs, I spent most of my days as the only black child in my class—the only black Brownie in my Girl Scouts troop; the only black girl on my softball teams; and, the one with “poufy” hair at slumber parties. Before it was cool, I wore Vans and rotated 311 with Kris Kross. I spent my high school years fitted in (Abercrombie and) Fitch, far away from the “black table,” nestled in as the token.

Yet, not once have I ever been ashamed of my blackness or forgotten the history of my forefathers. One would think prolonged exposure to everything except majority black surroundings would dilute my sense of self, but it did quite the opposite. You see, the real world doesn’t look like an HBCU campus. America’s board rooms aren’t black. So, there is actually much to be gained from being “the black friend”:

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  • Kenya

    How can my child's friend provide him identity. I teach my child his self-worth from the day he was born. I do not care what color my child's friends are, I do not want them to be such a great influence in his world that they remove his self-worth. I have seen horrible examples of kids with just black friends doing all sorts of crazy things, but the main focus is he is around his own and would be considered "black"…REALLY. People open up your closed minds and eyes. We are different for a reason. We all bring something important to the human society.

  • Casey

    As a white woman (almost, anyway-will be 18 in two years), I would like to ask an honest question. There is a boy at school that has asked me to homecoming. He’s beautiful. Smart. Funny. Sort of perfect. There is a rule in my house that my parents have to meet him before I can go. When I told them he was coming to meet them, they asked his name. It’s Jamil. They refuse to even meet him. They say I can’t go. Because he’s black. What do I do? Should I tell him no? If so, should I tell him why? They say I can’t date a black boy. Will it be better for him if I tell him what they said? Or worse?

    • Kenya

      You should be honest to him. Unfortunately, even our parents can exhibit wrong behavior. This is a reality in our diverse world. I have heard alot of racist remarks on this blog. There is good and bad in ALL GROUPS of people. I have been categorized as black in society. I have been raised in a diverse setting all my life. I have been the only black in some of my classes because of my advanced classes. I currently am able to socialize effectively will all races. My childs father is racist. He believes our son can not be successful in a predominately white school because he can not relate to white people and need to be around his own people and taught by a man. I totally disagree. My son lives with me and I will not foster this type of hate in my child and reducing the the value of a women. I feel that family culture defines a childs identity not friends. There will always be weak and strong people. Do not blame the white environment to why your child is acting "white".

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LMDJBVQT7URMQNBISXGOF73QTU MixedUpSiciliano

      Well, this isn’t the place for this issue. 

  • Aloree

    To Victoria,

    I just graduated from a major private university with a student population of mostly folks of european decent. I use this terminology because i do not believe in race and folks like all of you above merely perpetuate it. Anyway, I am of east african decent. Across the board i witnessed students committing the same acts you stated above. This behavior is quite normal in many college atmospheres when you"re surrounded by 20 somethings on the path of experimentation and discovery. It's not related to what university one attends whether it be a HBCU or another place of higher learning. Furthermore, don't down the HBCU community merely because you had ill experiences. Relate them to the university you attended. I've visited a number of prestigious HBCU's and can say that behavior wasn't commonplace. In addition, i agree with the other statement you made. I also believe that using race as a means to identify one's self is destructive because it creates more separation within society. The day that folks stop referring to Barrack Obama as the first BLACK president is the first step towards race no longer being an issue. I think of myself as a woman and a professional first and foremost.

  • Alexander O.

    I hope you guys realize that she was just writing about how it was like when she was growing up. she isnt a sellout (whatever that means?!?!). She wasnt talking about how her life soo much better having little black frineds she wasnt saying that she wants to be white. She She is even saying that race isnt important when all we focus on is race we are limited when it comes to perceptions and that we must be free thinkers. So whats the big deal someone answer me that?

  • CHHHEEEAAA

    so u are judging the entire bi-racial population because you dated 2 who were angry? its goofs like you who feed into the racial stereotypes. get over yourself

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    As a black parent, you have to make sure your kids have at least a couple black friends. I'm an early -30's black parent, so I know what I'm talking about. And guess what… it's not that hard! Make sure that YOU as the parent have a group of BLACK friends. Eventually, through the magic of procreation, your friends will have kids! Or they already have kids! And guess what? Your kids will grow up with black friends. And this doesn't even count the black friends they meet at school on their own. I live in Los Angeles and most of the elementary school is mexican. There a few black kids, and my kids are friends with some and aren't friends with others. But on weekend afternoons when my wife and I go drink at one of our friend's houses, the children of my extended crew all play together. So not having ANY black friends isn't an option. So what's the point? If a child doesn't have ANY black friends, it's probably because the parents don't have ENOUGH black friends.

    Jim Swag… aka DADDY!!

  • HeadSmackeroni

    Thank you.

    I knew 5 people that attended "great" black schools – each one of them left for a NORMAL quality school.
    I toured Howard because I got accepted, and decided it was not for me. Went with MIT which is more fitting for my degree anyways which is in engineering.

    Those black colleges just seem so damn ghetto, even though most of the kids there probably are from the suburbs in reality. Just goes to show you that trash exist anywhere really.

    I would never hire someone whose graduated from an HBCU to be honest. Never.

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