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We all know that in this day and age of proud feminism and openly independent thinkers, many women are opting against solely taking their husband’s last name. While some women are proudly keeping calm and carrying on with their maiden name, others are hyphenating. But, of course, there are still many women who take their husband’s name and rock it as their own, whether it’s because they’re psyched at that perk of marriage, or because they just want to keep the peace.
But what is a bride-to-be to do when her fiancé’s last name isn’t a good fit with her own?
Like the commenter on WeddingBee who said she has a friend who isn’t so crazy about her married name: Carrie Larry.
Or my co-worker who said that as someone with such a unique cultural name, she isn’t excited about adopting the last name “Thompson”– no offense to anyone with that surname (it’s lovely).
Or this woman:
“I’m engaged to a guy with the last name Poots. and my baby will have the last name Poots. Nothings sounds pretty or cute with Poots.”
And this woman:
“I can’t decide whether or not to take my fiancé’s last name. I have a simple but unique monosyllabic surname that I like very much. I am also the last person in my family with the name- I am an only child and my father has only sisters. My fiance’s last name is boring and common- it is one of the top 3 last names in the US. I really do like the idea of our entire family (including future kids) having the same last name but I just don’t like his.”
And then, in a more somber situation, there’s this woman, who shared her story for The Stir. She took her husband’s name years ago, but still regrets it:
Twelve years ago, I was excited to dump my 10-letter mouthful of a maiden name for one that was half as long. I was ready to say goodbye to years of having to correct the spelling and the pronunciation of the very German name passed down through my father’s family for generations.
My new name was short and cute, and wouldn’t you know it, my husband and I now had the same exact initials — all the way through. And then seven years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl.
She got my husband’s last name, and I felt a twinge of sadness. The name I so proudly learned to write out in kindergarten had no business here. It had been erased.
So with all that being said, how does a bride-to-be deal with a name they doesn’t feel fits them? It depends on the situation–and the partner.
Some men are very progressive and understand that not every woman takes her husband’s last name these days, for reasons including personal preference and professional purposes. But then there are the guys who consider a woman not taking their last name to be a slight, as though she doesn’t want to fully unite with him. Depending on the situation, it’s good to just be as honest as possible when you feel like the name doesn’t work. I mean, “Carrie Larry”? I would have had to say something about that…
Then there’s always the option to hyphenate, which could create a mouthful, but might be the best way to go in some instances. Either way, I don’t think it’s something a woman should keep quiet about, especially if you worry that it could create some resentment down the line. Plus, considering that it takes quite a bit of time for brides to fully change their last names after the wedding (it’s a long process), you have more than enough time to stall while you figure things out.
It’s complicated, but what happens with your future husband’s last name depends on how you look at what’s in a name. Not to sound like a character from Roots or anything (though they were preaching), but some people consider their name to be everything. It defines you. But for others, taking a surname is but a small part of a bigger picture–becoming one with the person you love. Even if their last name is a bit on the fugly side…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. Where do you stand? Is this a petty issue? How would you deal with it if you didn’t like your future husband’s last name?
