Corbis
The urgency to be in a relationship plagues quite a few women as they get older. I know from experience.
“When will the right man come around and stick around for longer than a few months?” “Will I ever have children?” “When will I finally be a bride and not a bridesmaid?” These are all valid questions that pop up in the minds of women as we progress in age. And while it’s a normal reaction to your love life when you’re single and more than ready to mingle, those are not the only questions that should be asked. What about, “Am I ready to be in a relationship?” and more importantly, “What do I bring to the table?”
If we’re all honest, some single women could be in a healthy relationship by now if it weren’t for their long checklist of criteria for a man. Good job. Good credit. Six-figure income. He has to be a homeowner. His body has to be great and his sex even better. Oh, and he has to frequent church. Needs to know how to dress. Loves his mama, but not a mama’s boy. No children. College degree, and so on and so forth. These things are realistic expectations, just maybe not all in one man. And even if they are, every man will bring something different to the table in a relationship, as will women; but isn’t it unfair to require a laundry list of characteristics out of a partner when what you can offer is a far cry from what you’re asking for?
You want him to make six figures, but you’re just getting by living from check to check. You want him to have a body like he hits the gym every day, but you know you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since high school. His credit has to be over 700 but yours is damaged from an excessive shopping habit. Maybe a man won’t care if you are struggling financially or if your credit score is “childish,” but with that in mind, it might be best if you show some of the same understanding.
Outside of reciprocated expectations, you also have to consider if you’re really ready to be in a relationship, physically, emotionally, and financially. Is your debt stressing you out so much that it will interfere with your relationship? Will you have to depend on him to dig you out of the mess you were in before he even stepped in the picture?
Are you even emotionally available? Are you still sexually and emotionally tied to a man who is adamant that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, leaving you disappointed and secretly saying, “Men ain’t sh*t” in your head multiple times a day? If so, shouldn’t you get your outlook together first?
It’s not another human being’s job to save us or make us complete. While no one will be perfect before, during, or after a relationship, you should want to make sure that you are a whole person before preparing for a significant other to arrive. Consider what you can offer another person in a relationship, and make sure it’s more good than bad. Furthermore, isn’t it unfair to require someone to have it all together when you don’t have it all yourself?
