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I’m a seasoned veteran when it comes to sending nudes. I’ve been e-delivering my goodies since before we all became terrified of iCloud and Twitter made National Send A Nude Day a “holiday.” I’m talking Sprint picture mail days when I probably should have been studying for my AP Spanish class, not snapping topless flicks for my boyfriend. Back then, I was careless with my unclothed body, unafraid of leaks and didn’t give a damn whether my boyfriend at the time had outright requested it.
Now, the art of sending a nude has become more sophisticated if you will. There’s much better technology and more tantalizing angles (no face, though). But I cringe if a guy ever asks me for one. It’s creepy. Trust me, I know. A man-child recently tried to solicit my nudes almost like a demand. “Send me a pic,” he texted me out of the blue. No question mark, no emoji, just a poorly timed and extremely premature statement, which I swiftly ignored.
First of all, asking for a nude tells me two things about a guy right off the bat: He’s corny and has a horrible sense of understanding the right moment. He’s also likely to be childish and arrogant. At this age, men should know that requesting a money shot is creepier than Rich Dollaz. And if he doesn’t know, well, that’s very telling. It’s not like we’re horny teens exploring our sexuality with wild abandonment and much less couth. Begging for a nude is awkwardly forward and disrespectful if we’ve never had sex, let alone never even had a proper first date. Am I supposed to be flattered that you find me attractive enough to want to see me undressed? Perhaps I’m supposed to swoon at the fact that you want to have sex with me? This brand of man pretty much disgusts me, so while he may not be receiving a nude picture from me, he will be introduced to my block feature.
Don’t get me wrong, the problem isn’t that guys want nudes. Shoot, who doesn’t from time to time? The problem is how they’re going about obtaining them. The first rule of Sending and Receiving Nudes 101 is to never ask. If you feel you have to ask then that’s a strong indication that you shouldn’t. If we were both comfortable enough with one another, you wouldn’t have to ask for one in the first place.
With men feeling entitled to my bare-naked pics, it takes the fun out of it. Typically, sending nudes is lit. I love sending them as if they’re “just because” flowers on a Wednesday afternoon to a guy I’ve been with for a while and trust. Totally unsolicited, flirty and fun. But sadly, more than a few grown ass men still don’t understand nude pic etiquette and, frankly, don’t deserve to see my birthday suit selfies.
Taking the perfect nude is too involved for me to just be sending it to anyone who comes calling anyway. Ask any woman and she’ll tell you a million things go in to stripping for an au naturel snapshot. How should I pose? Should I shave? Is my face going to be in it or nah? Is he in public right now? Will he like it? And the spiral of thoughts continue…
So with that being said, I’m not sending another birthday suit shot until I’m good and goddamn ready to. So any requests for them won’t be considered. The way it’s looking, I probably won’t send another one until I’m halfway down the aisle. But in the meantime, if another guy asks me for a nude, the only thing he’ll get in return is a read.
