The Big Relationship Question: Where Is This Going?

September 9th, 2011 - By Erica Renee

So you have a new boo. Break out the champagne and call all your girls! Finally you’ve met someone you like, and more importantly, who seems to reciprocate the feeling. Unlike some of your last ‘situations’, you want to ensure that you’re not wasting time hoping for something to manifest out of nothing. Basically, you don’t want to wait around for a man who is either not interested in a commitment or not interested in you.

You don’t want to get serious about someone who isn’t serious about you, or worse, serious about someone else. Many times the signs are there, they just may be hidden behind the strong desire of wanting to be in a relationship or the serious energy put into trying to make Mr. Right out of someone who is Mr. All Wrong.

While every relationship is different, most are made up of similar components. There are no guidelines etched in stone when it comes to relationships, but there are things to consider when deciding if someone is in to for the long-haul.

There are things we should know and have experienced within the first month, three months, and couple of years. Consider the things listed in these phases if you’re asking yourself, ‘Where is this going?’

Of course these phases aren’t for the ‘friends with benefits’ or the ‘occasional flingers’.

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  • iRoqq

    Although I am still young (very young to most) I have been in a relationship with the guy I'm with for a year now. Although everything is going beautiful, and major discussions have been had, I know that I am still young and who knows what tomorrow may bring? My main concern right now is College and so is his. Just don't go into a relationship thinking that it will never end. Because when it does, get ready for a huge reality check.

  • Lady 1905

    Shannon, I usually don't comment on a person's relationship status ( especially someone I know nothing about) but your comment touched me and I feel the need to encourage you to folllow your heart and it sounds to me that you already know. I am a single, professional, 30 yr old with a longing for the man God Designed for me, however I refuse to put up with ANYTHING less than I deserve and sometimes it takes a "sista in the struggle" to keep it real with another…So, Again I say follow your heart, apparently it's talking to you! Blessings!

  • Anna

    I just hate it when the guy doesn't want to commit to you but less than a year later, you hear he MARRIED someone else… That's why I took myself off the damn market… I just don't understand men.

    • SoTrue

      See it as a learning curve; God has greater plans for you, that man clearly wasn't meant to be in your life. Don't be disheartened or generalise all men!!

  • raven

    I met my current boyfriend my freshman year in college we’ve been together for a year and a half and we are eachothers first serious relationships. the relationships great, Best friends, lovers, respect, commitment. His friends know me personally and his siblings know of me (they all live out of state) but he never told his parents about me! He said they’re old fashioned and doesn’t want him to have any distractions which I can believe given their background and age. Is this a red flag?

    • sophia

      I agree with him in a way especially if your still in college as your still young and its not nice when you meet parents then break up maybe you should wait for after college??

    • tgee

      I do kinda see where your boyf is coming from because the same thing happened to me in college and my ex-boyf's parents didn't visit him much there or were resistant to help financially sometimes (even though they have money). Especially when he dropped out and we both stayed in the college town. He kinda hinted to me that his parents were reluctant to help much because they thought I was the cause or distraction to him dropping out. Sounds like your boyfriend may be trying to protect you and your feelings, but I definitely think he should tell them soon about you especially if you reach 2 years and it becomes even more serious. Then see how it goes.

    • SoTrue

      I don't think it's a red flag. If I had a boyfriend whilst at university I would only tell my very close friends and maybe my siblings, simply because my parents will think I'm not concentrating on my education when I am!!

      The fact that his friends and his siblings know you is a great thing.

  • a real man

    Well ladies if the man tells you he doesn't wanna get married then you can't change his mind… if you date for 5 years and he doesn't ask you , he doesn't wanna marry you…be upfront about what you want and you will meet somebody who is on the same page… and to be completely honest marriage isn't as important to a man as money is… we fill like we need a paramount amount of money to take care of a wife so if he is not comfortable with his fnances he really won't be comfortable trying to be your mate

    • African_queen

      Well said, specially coming from a man.

    • sophia

      Thank you very true…

  • Bebe

    I totally agree with this.. I’m 26 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years(I still live with my mom and he has his own apartment). He says that he's ready for kids, that I’m the one he wants to spend his life with but won't give me a ring (he says he wants to accomplish more, and wants to be more financially stable..) I understand all of what he's saying but still.. Sometimes I wonder if I’m wasting my time staying with a guy who won't commit. He believes in marriage but it does not have the same importance for him as for me. We had a couple of fights because of this and I get so annoyed when people ask us what we're waiting for to get married.. especially when it's members of his family cause they love me a lot..

    • Kim

      Bebe, All though, you are still young, it is important to weed out the men that want to take up your best years of your life. Your 30s are important and it definitly explains why men are so far behind with accomplishing there goals now. Wasting time and trying to conquer the world ( women). If marriage is something that you want, go for me. Dont wait around for him, explore your options and find your market value…and net worth with someone else who can easily see it immediately.

      • Kim

        Excuse the typo, go for it! Sorry, I was typing so fast. NOT GO FOR ME.

    • sophia

      Bebe I know what your saying but how can he say he's ready for kids if he wants to be more financially stable before you get married kids cost a lot more than getting married you don't need to have a big expensive wedding. But having kids is much more responsibility and time so that whole wants to accomplish more but is ready for kids is a bit weird. If you want to get married you have to tell him or else your letting him make you give up your dream to satisfy his. But it is your relationship so its up to you.

  • Kayla

    So true, you always see the tragic example of these girls being with men for 5+ years and she wants to get married, they have kids together……. if you both dont want marriage fine. if she does, and he's not giving you a ring with an appropriate amount of time then she needs to bounce, before kids come in to play

    • sophia

      Thank you kayla thats the problem nowadays many men are convincing women that marriage isnt important then she agrees, then after 6 years together with 2 kids when she sees her friends getting married she starts getting jealous i think the threshold for marriage is 3 years.