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A Quora dating/relationships thread asked a pretty interesting question that gained a lot of responses. It was, “Women, would you date a man with longer and more beautiful hair than you?”
While most women said they would have no problem doing so, a few said they may find themselves feeling some type of way about giving a long-haired lover a chance. One woman even said she would be “annoyed” if he spent too much time on it, or was “inordinately proud of it.” You know, in the way many women spend a lot of time on and are extremely proud of their manes. As it turns out, the idea of dating a man who has a long, healthy head of hair that gets a lot of attention can turn some women off.
Like a writer I got to know at a hair and fitness event a couple of Saturdays ago. As we acquired free leave-in conditioners and other products from Cantu, she was telling me about her struggles with her hair after doing the big chop last year, namely, shrinkage. She tries to elongate her strands using a dryer every now and then and said that when she tries to wear her fro as is, wash-n-go style, she gets discouraged about the fact that it looks so small. “Girl, my sh-t puts the ‘tiny’ in TWA,” she said. “But what’s funny is my boyfriend has long hair, and when I tell you I feel some type of way about it? I really do.” When I asked her why she would go on to say that his hair gets a lot of attention from people, and standing next to each other, him with his long locs that he gets done every few months and lets sweep down his back, and her with her short afro, reminds her of how slow the growth process has been. She isn’t necessarily saying that it makes her second-guess her relationship, but it sure makes her feel insecure.
I couldn’t help but feel a little sad for her as I advised her to try different techniques and assured her that her hair, with its tight, defined coils was fabulous. But her problem was definitely a unique one. For me to hear, at least. While many women find long hair on a man to be sexy, which I’m sure my colleague did before she started going on her own natural hair journey, it’s now become a source of rancor for her. And while I know what it’s like to be somewhat self-conscious when trying a drastically different hairstyle, especially in a new relationship (these locs started off quite short, mind you), it’s a bit much to take her hair insecurities out on him. Like most of us who’ve worn ‘fros and had to get adjusted to their ways, she can either try new methods to help it grow or feel comfortable with her hair (again, twists outs, side parts, headbands, protective styles in the meantime) or it really might not be for her, especially if something as simple as hair is having an effect on the way she views her relationship. I mean, it might make sense if he made negative comments about her look, but if he’s supportive, which she said he was, then as I politely told her at that event, she needs to get over herself…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is she petty for being upset about her boyfriend’s long hair?
