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When my sister was in college, she’d call me and tell me about this new friend she’d made. We’ll call her Krista. Initially, I was happy to hear that my sister was meeting new people and enjoying her experience. But the more and more she talked about this Krista, the more it became painfully clear that she was not all the way right.

I thought she was using my sister as more of a club buddy instead of showing any real, genuine interest in her. And there’s nothing wrong with that, especially in college. But she was the type of girl who would hit the streets to act a fool. Every time they went out, my sister came back with some story about the drama the girl found herself in. She’d make snide remarks which she always dismissed as jokes when confronted. I had suspicions about her just hearing the stories. But one weekend, when I visited my sister on campus, I was sure that I hadn’t been overreacting. And to make a bad situation worse, the girl’s feet stank. No lie.

I was done with her.

I told my sister how I felt about Krista. I didn’t tell her to end the friendship, I just told her I didn’t like what I saw and warned her that she should be careful.

It took a couple of months, but finally my sister saw what I saw.

She and Krista were coming home one evening after another night of clubbing. Krista, who was drunk, started talking about the ex-boyfriend she was still pining over.

“Girl, so let me tell you about the latest between me and Tristan.”

My sister sat straight faced, not really wanting to hear about the man she was no longer dating. He hadn’t been all that good to her when they were together. And now that they were apart and Tristan was very openly dating and living with someone else, my sister didn’t see the point.

Still, in her drunkenness, Krista didn’t notice my sister’s lack of interest. So she proceeded with her story anyway.

“So, girl we’ve been talking. And you know he was saying that his girlfriend is getting on his last nerves.”

“Umm hmm,” my sister offered, unamused.

“So after that conversation, he and I decided to meet up and we had such a great time. We talked just like we used to, like nothing had changed and no time had passed. We took a walk and by the time we were leaving each other, he leaned in and kissed me.”

Krista looked over at my sister, in the driver seat, and giggled, delighted with herself and the tea she’d just spilled.

My sister couldn’t just nod that one off though.

“Girl, he has a girlfriend. Why do you want to mess with that?”

Seeing that my sister wasn’t going to congratulate and celebrate with her, Krista suddenly became defensive.

“You know, I knew you wouldn’t understand. When you make love to someone, when you’ve been in a serious, long term relationship, you build soul ties. It’s hard to walk away from that.”

End scene.

You really don’t need to hear anymore. Y’all know how the story ends. Krista’s ex never broke up with his “annoying girlfriend.” And my sister realized that a woman who could disregard the feelings of another woman with not so much as a second thought, wasn’t the person she thought she was.

Truth is, Krista is not the only woman I’ve heard speak about soul ties. There are the churchy folks who believe that sleeping with a whole bunch of people creates spiritual bonds. (Which I don’t wholly disagree with.)

There are those who use the phrase soul ties interchangeably with soulmates. The phrase is used all over social media from the faux deep trying to offer relationship advice. But listening to the story from Krista was the first time I’d heard someone use the phrase soul ties as a way to rationalize kissing a man, even if that man was your ex, who was in a relationship.

And since I’m sure Krista is not an anomaly out here, let this be a word to the wise. A soul tie is not an excuse to stay with a man whose actions show he doesn’t want you. It’s not an excuse for you to attempt to steal him from his current woman. The fact that you slept with a man and now you can’t leave him alone is not a sign from God or the universe that y’all need together. It’s just messy.

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