Give a Brotha a Chance: Dating a Broke Guy

67 comments
September 1, 2011 ‐ By SisterToldja

 

Maybe your beau is struggling to find a job in this terrible economy. Or perhaps he’s on a fixed income due to graduate school or helping out family members or some sort of bad investment. Either way…he’s broke. Can you handle it? If you truly care about him, not just about being wined and dined, then a period of financial struggle shouldn’t be a death knell to your relationship. Now, if you two pay bills together or share an apartment, that’s gonna be a bit more complicated. But if both parties are committed, communicative and responsible, you can make it work. Check out our tips for dating a man who’s down on his luck.

More from Styleblazer

More from Mommynoire

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Jakiemalluckett

    Well said.

  • Jakiemalluckett

    I cant do it anymore because 9 out of 10, if they’re over 25 & jobless, carless, & staying with someone, most likely the only way they’re trying to get it is by someone handing it to them.

  • Pookie Rodriguez

    Holy crap does anyone see this as remotely racist? Tags are : African-American dating… That’s not very nice!

  • Mimi321

    If people actually read, they might realize most of the tips in this article were for folks already coupled up with a man who’s going through a financial rough patch….not meeting somebody brand new who’s dating while broke and trying to mooch

  • Fenrir_Lokison

    I personally think the author is right. The quality of a person is not what is in their wallet, but what is in their heart. A man without a job can be just as good a catch as a man with money.

    But, there has to be some wisdom and reason behind a woman dating such a guy. She should not be paying for EVERYTHING, especially if she is not married to him. He should be broke for some of the following reasons…

    1. Is out of a job, but is also actively seeking employment or suffering from an ailment that prevents him from getting a job.
    2. He is paying off temporary debt.
    3. Cost of living does not equal salary earned. I am not talking about guys who knowingly or foolishly live larger than their bank accounts.
    4. Is currently working on a plan and goals to allow him to do better with his finances down the line.

    These are but some reasons why dating a man who is broke, might be a valid decision.

  • Fenrir_Lokison

    Because, love can still blossom without the help of money. And just because one has money, it does not make them datable.

    And just because you have no ability to separate a good man, being a good man for you despite him not having money does not defeat the fact that if a person wants love, it should not matter what state they are in in matters that does not actually affect one's ability to give and receive love.

  • Pingback: How to Handle Your Beau Being Broke - Black Enterprise

  • Parisa

    I love my "broke brotha". Been with him for several years and he may not have money, but he has ambition. Women, worry about his drive – not his pockets. The ambition will create a good environment for a family, wealthy or not. And believe it or not, this is not just a "black" thing. I really wish black people would stop buying the media hype that their problems are exclusive to them. EVERY race and nationality of women and men have this issue. Trust me! I'm Iranian. In Iran, girls are worried about the same exact thing – if the man has enough money and good family background to be able to take care of you. It's normal!! But don't ever look down on a broke man, not if he has goals and things he wants to accomplish. He just might accomplish them one day and become very well off. And remember that money will not save you when you need emotional support or a good laugh or an ear to talk to. Money can't buy that stuff. Money only makes life easier – it doesn't make life itself. And black men are worth more than the money in their pocket!

    • Ricky

      Well said, Dear.

  • Pingback: How to Handle Your Beau Being Broke | Crayton Financial

  • Marie

    I think you're just another bitter jealous Black Man pretending to be a female to attack sisters that date and marry White guys…before you start talking about WM that are living off BW talk about Kim K..Cocoa..Elin..Khloe…Jlo and all those other White/Latino females that Have used BM for their money and fame to get ahead …You Negro Men slay me with this delusion that all Women love you for you…

  • Hmph.

    Thank God Michelle didn't do that! Not all of our boyfriends are Baraks either.

  • rtm

    i caution all of us to simply date people who we genuinely like, have mutual attraction to, who similar morals and ethics, and those who we can get along with. Trust me fortunes (and most definitely jobs ) can come and go in this life. Trying to time others fortunes cycles in life can be like trying to time the stock markets ups and downs. You simply can't do it. Interesting enough the vast majority of entrepeneurs and almost all successful entertainers were probably what we would consider broke before they had their big break through.

    • Am I a fortune teller?

      No, it is pretty easy.

      If a man graduated from a good law school, he interned at a white-shoe firm, and he is on partner track at his firm, he is probably pretty solid.

      If a man got some junky liberal arts degree, and is middle management at Kraft foods or Xerox, then more than likely he will never amount to anything.

      I dont have a crystal ball, it just makes sense. Man 1 is fine to marry, man 2 is worthless and I wouldnt even bother talking to him.

  • TheTruth

    My ex-boyfriend was broke, didn't have a job or a car. at that time in my life I was ballin' and the money wasn't the most important thing to me i was happy with him giving me all of his attention and time. However now that I'm a lil older and wiser I want to be with a man who has a good job and a steady income coming in so that we can build together financially towards a future so no more broke men for me!!

  • Mila

    You are so bitter, it's not even funny.

    Somehow you went from Thandie's husband is a white male to Thandie Netown's husband is hideous, evil, cheating on her, stealing her money, etc etc, all without actually having met him.

    This is why I stopped reading tabloids. This is just full retard.

  • Rosanna

    I'm not broke, and I have no desire to date a broke man. Love doesn't pay the bills. Money isn't everything. But, it IS on the list!

  • ermmm

    These comments are all from sad sad people.. i mean really…geez

  • Rhett

    I can do anything but broke. No, money can’t buy you happiness; it IS happiness. It’s a difference in being in a committed relationship & my man falls on hard times. I was created to help so I will help him in anyway I can to get back on his feet. But I’m not starting a relationship with a broke/struggling negro. That wooda worked if we met in our early 20s & built something together. But at 41, it needs to be built. NO excuses. As for why broke women should be accepted, it goes back to the 1st man & woman. Eve had nothing but her skin when Adam welcomed her into his garden (home) with all his animals (transportation & food). Women are to be treated as princesses. Society is trying to make us switch roles. But I choose to remain a lady. Problem is me & a broke man are looking for the same thing – a good hardworking man to take care of us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

    @ stanley…if youre having financial difficulty WITH a job, get cha mind right-and off of pu$$y-and find a better job and/ or hustle real hard
    and OFCOURSE broke ppl been in relationships (why so defensive, is this pertinent to you?), its slim pickings out there, but seriously if you had a choice…its not just in sexual relationships guys, even having broke friends and/ or relatives will hold you back…not saying securing financial stability isnt hard but if YOU got your sh!t together why kicked it wit someone who dont? america need to stop acting like people dont marry in there social/economic class(es)…like how many doctors YOU KNOW dating that basic chick/ dude from around the way that works at footlocker or suttin?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

    @ hot sauce committee…hot damn! you hit the nail square on…like WTF? how dey gonna give tips to dating a broke dude? aint no tip in that accept run for the hills!!! broke ni99az are for birds as are stingy ones (like dey got money but sitting on that sh!t, like, "you REALLY wanna fcuk??!!!!" ladies, if you even slightly consider it–i didnt even click thru the "tips"-get cha mind right mama, reevaluate your situation and then ask yourself "now why wud i even consider justifying dating a broke?" im sure you will drudge up some deep repressed psychological issues you are going thru

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

    @ hot sauce committee…hot damn! you hit the nail square on…like WTF? how dey gonna give tips to dating a broke dude? aint no tip in that accept run for the hills!!! broke ni99az are for birds as are stingy ones (like dey got money but sitting on that sh!t, like, "you REALLY wanna fcuk??!!!!" ladies, if you even slightly consider it–i didnt even click thru the "tips"-get cha mind right mama, reevaluate your situation and then ask yourself "now why wud i even consider justifying dating a broke?" im sure you will drudge up some deep repressed psychological issues you are going thru

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    Good comment Diana.

  • seek2027

    So true 1000000%

  • Jazz

    Don't give up. Its depends on the type of brokeness. My dude is a college student so he does not make the best income, basically he's broke. I make three times his salary because I graduated a year earlier than him. So currently im the breadwinner. But I know he is going to be VERY successful in the near future, he's brilliant and he's has alot of opportunities coming his way. So I look at it like an investment. He's even said "when I make it I'm gonna take real good care of you because of you what you do for me now". But if he's a bum, doesnt want to work or isnt trying to improve his financial situation, drop him!

  • omgfareal

    I dated a "broke guy" and never looked down on him. He was a really good boyfriend ..supporting and encouraging.. I was getting a professional degree ..but as I neared the end of my program .. things got a bit rocky.. I finished, graduated and he dumped me. I guess he couldnt take where I was vs. where he is.. Its hard out there sometimes for us educated women.. damned if you do .. damned if you dont.

  • P.B

    i've been with a broke man before & didn't have a problem w/his financial woes. my problem was HIS attitude about it. note to all of you men AND women. if you're broke please keep in mind that:

    1- i did NOT cause you to be in the situation you're in.
    2- if i try to offer some suggestions, you should be receptive to actually listening.
    3- getting pissed w/me is a sure way to not only be broke, but ALONE!
    4- just because i may spend a few dollars here and there on occasion, that does NOT mean i got it like that & should deprive myself to soothe your ego.
    5- i am not your personal atm!
    6- i cannot and WILL NOT do everything for you. some stuff you gotta press your own way through.
    7- i will never throw this back in your face (if i love you) & at the same token, I don't expect YOU to bring up the fact that i'm "kicking a man when he's down, blah, blah, blah" if i tell you NO CAN DO when you ask for help.

  • Jeanette

    that stuff works…put some thought into something, if your woman has a certain interest there are always ways to expose her to it…being broke is not an excuse for lack of creativity…Jimmy Swaggered, yeah those things can work….men, sometimes dont even want to go out tho cuz they feel they have to wine and dine all the time….find a woman that can appreciate simpler stuff, wining and dining when it can be afforded is nice tho…

  • Tone

    Not just Hollywood and Pro Sports. Its pretty much any guy who's achieved success in any given field. Lawyers, doctors, scientists, etc; they all harbor resentment for women who they perceive as trying to "obtain" success through a relationship with them.

    If a man is broke and women don't want to date him (doesn't matter if a woman is successful or not), then I don't see why he should bother with these women when he does achieve success. He should be able to choose some trophy chick that is just as fickle as the woman he may have approached when he was broke and she didn't bother. Whether he chooses the trophy woman or the one who is "fairweather" they are one in the same. Neither of them are checking for him broke. May as well be as superficial as they are.

  • Just another guy

    Meh its not just black women, black men do it when they go with some broke white girl that smooches off them for the rest of their lives. Example Tiger etc. Don't get me wrong I know some white girls are really into black men but still, a lot girls are gold diggers if they throw themselves at you when you have money like that.

  • hot sauce committee

    a sock and lotion my friend a sock and lotion

    • R.C.

      LMFAO!!!!

  • http://missymadame.wordpress.com Miss A

    "Broke" to me = man WITHOUT a plan AND poor money management skills. Both bad for actual relationships. He can be broke *shudder* – but he should have a realistic plan to not be so broke. Amen.

  • Brodie

    Broke people period are no fun to be around. Angry sex, having something to prove, taking their frustrations out on their family and friends, arguing about the little things, etc. For me it's not about him not having money for dates or buying me things, its about him being a kill joy and difficult.

    • hot sauce committee

      which is why depressed folk don't need to date. they just need to work on themselves until their situation improves

  • Franny

    That is why I stay away from dark skinned dudes. I only date chinese men.

  • Tamar

    There are two types of men I never date. Broke men and black men!

    • hot sauce committee

      you would probably date an old redneck white dude cause he got a truck and he'll kill you for your insurance and go live in mexico with a 14yr old that pedo really wanted in the 1st place. See ya on Dateline or 20/20.

      • Tamar

        Yea because white men are the only other option other than black men right? My man is PR. U can have the broke black men dear, there are plenty out there.

        • Huh

          and men from PR have money???? BUAHAHAHAHAHA

        • Trameka

          Is your man my gardener?

  • natural beauty

    thats whats up!!!!

  • Natural beauty

    Well same goes for women… I am in the process of applying to medical schools and move in with a friend to stay in a bedroom while I finish this process. This dude tolde me I am not a real black women, I am lazy and looking for a handout blah blah blah.I'm like ummmmm… I am applying to medical school. I will admit I am broke but not forever!!!!!!!

    • hot sauce committee

      good luck with medical school we need more black doctors

    • You need to check yo self.

      Applying to medical school? No! Go to medical school!

      I didnt “apply” to law school. I went and killed it! I made top 10%, went white-shoe, and was on law review.

      Dont talk about what you are going to do, go out and do it! I never begged for a place to stay with anyone. I made mine!

  • abcdefg

    Stanley I agree and Jimmyswaggered I agree

    Financial difficulties encompass so many different things …and if u can work it out now u probably never will have a long lasting relationship

    On another note both men and women should be careful and recognize game when ur being played by a gold digger or a jigalow

  • O johnson

    I dated a guy for 6yrs paid his bills and put money in his pocket but want to cheat drive my car with the next female and im suppose to put up with it had to kick the man to the curb even though he was out of work n down on his luck some folks u cnt help

    • naturalbeauty

      your stupid!!!!!!!!!!! 6yrs????

    • Brodie

      Yeah, you kinda brought that on yourself.

    • Fenrir_Lokison

      Something tells me he would of cheated on you even if he had money. He did not cheat on you because he didn't have money. He cheated on you because he has poor character.

    • Mahogonny

      I never would have even talked to him! Why would you even give a second of your time to someone so beneath you?

  • YMM

    might want to add one to this: your girlfriends do not need to know…

  • L-Boogie

    If I really like you – I will kiss on the first date.

  • Stanley

    Broke people having dating since the beginning of times. You view of dating will not change that.
    The article was not only talking about unemployed men. It was also talking about men with financial difficulty, like a man who is going through a divorce or a man who has to take care of his dying parents.
    Now, if you think people with any financial problem should not be in a relationship, you'll never be in a long lasting relationship. Because during a relationship it is almost certain for one partner to have some problem that will affect the relationship financially.
    I say, TAKE A CHANCE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, DON'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE. Michelle Obama took a chance with Barrack Obama. She didn't give him one, he was OK. He didn't need to be rescued. If you think buy taking a chance with a man you are rescuing him, please don't do it.

    • L-Boogie

      I agree Stanley. I agree. Everyone deserves a chance. Stop being so damn judgmental.

    • Jimmy Swaggered

      "Can I hit it in the morning without giving you half of my dough? And even worse, if I was broke, would you want me?" – Jay-Z, 1998

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

        nope, jay! and you ugly! heellll naw! (sheee-it i know i wasnt only one wit that answer in my head!)

    • hot sauce committee

      stanley im only talking about dating…im not talking about people already in a relationship and something unfortunate like a layoff happens. And remember Barack had a job( an entry level one but a job none the less) and a law degree already that's a big difference than the guy who doesn't have a job and is thinking about going to dental assistance school next year. Believe in my dating life i've ran across more than a few of those guys.

    • http://missymadame.wordpress.com Miss A

      Stanley,

      It's not about being broke, it's about wanting to stay-broke (if you will). I don't have a problem with an unemployed broham – I do have a problem with a man with no plan. It ain't pretty.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

      @ stanley…if youre having financial difficulty WITH a job, get cha mind right-and off of pu$$y-and find a better job and/ or hustle real hard
      and OFCOURSE broke ppl been in relationships (why so defensive, is this pertinent to you?), its slim pickings out there, but seriously if you had a choice…its not just in sexual relationships guys, even having broke friends and/ or relatives will hold you back…not saying securing financial stability isnt hard but if YOU got your sh!t together why kicked it wit someone who dont? america need to stop acting like people dont marry in there social/economic class(es)…like how many doctors YOU KNOW dating that basic chick/ dude from around the way that works at footlocker or suttin?

      • Stanley

        I'm an employer in here and in Haiti where I'm from at just 26.

  • seek2027

    I agree with stanley. Us as men take chances with woman who are not doing all so well when it comes to money and let’s be honest just because that man is broke now don’t mean he is going to be in that situation for the rest of his life

  • AmbiVictoria

    First of all, ladies dating / giving broke brothers a chance is nothing new. All through the past of time it has been done, the faithful, trusting and ambitious drive that things would get better and the couple / family would rise and succeed by love. And what is the majority of those results today?

    Modern times call for new better measures. Women have not always had the freedom to choose for themselves, but empoweringly we do now and are starting to do so even more, while seeing / living the world thru our eyes. So I ask is there anything new uplifting and unthought of in these modern times that you can offer ladies besides a “broke brother”?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

      word! preach guurrrl….

  • Pingback: Give a Brotha a Chance: Dating a Broke Guy | BlakNewz

  • Stanley

    It's not about giving a brother a chance. It is more about women giving and taking for themselves a chance with a broke men. We men, we know we're the ones taking a chance when we date some broke lady. Most of the time we get the return on our investment.

    • http://unemployedblackman.blogspot.com Samuel L. Blackson

      That depends on what they define as broke. To some women, if you arent in a certain income bracket, you broke. I don't date women who concern themselves with my finances too tough. If we meet, you see I have my own vehicle, I have my own house, I'm college educated, but I'm unemployed. The fact that I have my own completes flies over their heads, well, how do you think I survive? Everybody doesn't have to go to a 9 to 5 to make an income, and yes I would prefer work to Adsense, Admob, and Pubcenter. But right now, most IT jobs are being outsourced and its a bad economy, you do what you can, and if you dont want me, GREAT, you giving me an opportunity to find someone worth my time.