Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

Hey Champ,

You are probably not used to getting questions from guys, but I’m in an unpleasant situation that I would love to get your opinion on. I met this young lady at the beginning of this summer and we hit it off. We both love talking and hanging out with one another. Our sex life is great and when we are around one another we just wanna be in our own little world. She has my full attention and I call her morning and night. I’m the kind of guy to give a girl I’m talking to my 100 percent attention. I literally make her #1 especially if she is also interested in me.

Recently, we have been having problems. It started when she didn’t call me one night that she went out with friends so I got pissed. I worry too much about her safety so when she didn’t call I called her 3 times but she didn’t answer. She later called me back few hours later but I was too pissed so we had a fight. The next morning I called her but she didn’t answer. She sent me a text that said “hi” and I told her she needs to talk to me over the phone. She didn’t reply so I kept calling until she answered and said I was a psycho because I called her multiple times in an hour. I explained to her that I thought she was still mad at me and I didn’t wanna lose her. She told me I was psycho and that I’m scaring her. She said she didn’t wanna see me again that weekend but I drove 3 hours to her state just to apologize to her. She mistook my action as trying to control her so she told me I was coming to control her and she got more pissed. I explained to her that was not my intentions that I just wanted to apologize and win her back but she didn’t believe me.

We eventually sort of worked things out but she told me she will never forget that incident. Currently she told me she needed her time and space but she still really likes me and doesn’t wanna lose me. She said she wants us to take things slow and see where it goes. She no longer make me a priority and I feel like she is trying to leave me but doesn’t know how. She suggested we just be friends a couple of times but I told her that wouldn’t work because I will need time to get over my feelings for her. I have asked some friends and they said she just needs space that she will come around but I’m still confused because she calls me multiple times a day and we talk on the phone a lot. We still hang out and have sex. She tells me she misses me but when I try to see her she feels I’m trying to control her. She said she doesn’t want a situation where if things don’t work between us we wouldn’t be able to be friends that why she wants to take things slow. We have been talking since the end of March and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I want a relationship. I am not talking to anyone else and I resist attempts from other females. I’m not a bad looking guy so getting a girl isn’t my problem…I just want her.

Prior to her I dated older women and they appreciated the attention I gave them so I feel like she just doesn’t understand the attention I’m giving to her and will eventually get it as she gets older. I don’t know if I should take it as slow as she wants or just be friends with her and move on. We are both 23 years.

Thanks,
Don’t Wanna Be a Desperate Dater