The Seven Deadly Sins of Dating

60 comments
August 17, 2011 ‐ By Toya Sharee

Maintaining relationships can be difficult business, and it only grows more complicated as the time and emotion you invest into a partner increases.  As expected, you won’t always get along.  There will be plenty of arguments over finances, the clashing personalities of friends and family as well as over little things like how he always leaves the quart of milk in the fridge with not even enough for a bowl of Special K.  If your relationship is strong enough, it will breeze right past the small stuff, but sometimes even the strongest relationships will find themselves at a point of no return.

What do you do when a particular situation leaves you sleeping next to the enemy, or even worse, transforms the person you’ve grown to love and trust into a total stranger?  What changes in a relationship to make it not even worth salvaging?  We all have a breaking point and while some women can forgive something like infidelity time and time again, there are many others who are willing to call it quits after the first ignored text message. Which of the Seven Deadly Sins of Dating do you think ends a relationship…permanently?

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  • Bobby

    Lack of support… failure to communicate. __Ouch__Yes, it is very tough to make it in the long haul.

  • MsMia

    I LOVE my black man & I wouldn’t trade him for anything/one! NO, he is not perfect, but that’s ok, because neither am I, but some how…IT WORKS!!! #teamblacklove…#teamreallove…#teamNOBODYIS PERFECT!!!

  • Tempermoves

    Wow, ALL of these are my last ex bf.  And I kicked him to the curb, as any sensible 26 yr old would.  I feel bad for his NOW 18yr old gf he’s been dating for two months off and on, immediately dating her after I booted him, (yeah, she was 17 until the end of last month, and he’ll be 28 in two months) that he now has knocked up, that poor, poor girl. :( 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001582873654 Shane Wielding

    First off, a white man is not every black woman’s dream. Secondly, just because you had a bad experience with a white man, it doesn’t mean you need to generalize and say “white men aren’t as noble as they appear.” That’s just stupid. The truth is, there are good an bad men of every color. Let’s get off the race bullsh*t.

  • No_email

    This article is clearly for the first timers out there. Infidelity, abuse, and dishonesty are a deadly sin in dating? What kind of woman isn’t already aware of that? This post is obviously to take up space on a website to ensure they still get a paycheck. I cannot see this enriching anybody’s life. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000595128061 Kbabercrombie Brown

      I’m Glad some one knows !!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U3RVDDDDOUDBE4DV65ADPTP3AQ Michelle

    And sometimes you try and try to communicate and finally just give up.  I’ve been married for 14 years now and often I feel like its a waste of time to even try to get him to listen.  Not going to happen.  This is definately a case of staying married for the sake of the kids.  I tried leaving once, but couldn’t make it on my own and ended up coming back because it was better than living in the minivan with the kids.

  • Sarah Eb2589

    I had one like this. But my relationship was only 3 yrs n I married him. I hated to leave cause he was great with my daughter n kept every promise he made me when we met. Just reading this, I know where we went wrong.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F5LUCS3JB3VC7UEGL5CMJIZ2SQ Anne Louise

    wow – the lack of support thing, never saw it put into words. Thats why I ended a 13 yr live in relationship last year. Basically, I felt alone and lonely with him laying right next to me. I have a new man, he lives 1200 miles away, we see each other for 7-10 days each month. He calls every day, and emails me everyday. Even though this is a long distant relationship, I feel like he has my back. I feel like I matter. 

  • JOJO TAYLOR

    imma give brothas some good advice!!! DATE WHITE WOMEN AND YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001582873654 Shane Wielding

      What an ignorant comment to make. That’ll help with race relations. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/donna.robinson.102 Donna Robinson

        Race relaions has nothing to do with the ignorance of 1 ignorant man he is who you should hold responsible and not the entire race!

    • Poetryandsarcasm

       As a white woman, let me assure you that this is total crap. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you pull stupid stunts, you’re on the curb. Just ask my ex.

    • im just me

      that is just stupid. you are obviously in a relationship with a very desperate woman, or not in one at all. damn!

    • http://www.wordflow.webs.com/ Invisible_Jester89

      Thank you, Jojo Taylor, for introducing me to the type of black man I would never want to date as a white woman – someone who thinks they can do “whatever they want” if they date a white woman. You give men in general a bad name, you pig. Go rot in a ditch.

    • http://www.facebook.com/donna.robinson.102 Donna Robinson

      Your an idiot, who obviouslyare too embarresed to admit you have a problem with self esteem, you lack the basic neccesities of common sense as well as the conviction to stand on your on two feet which is why you feel the need to have control.which by the way is clearly evidence of an abuser. My advice to you is to get treatment before you find yourself in some serious trouble and while your at it see if they can help you with your racial problem as well, Because for you to stand there and make the type of claim as above places you in the racist bracket!

  • http://halebobb.com/vote.htm Doc

    To sum up: Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you treat people badly, they will respond in kind.
    If you want a good relationship, be a good friend.
    Does this really take a whole article?

  • wolly

    without a doubt, infidelity and lying.They go hand in hand. Finish one, kindly, before starting another. It is fair and honest for all parties involved. Ouch.

  • http://www.TheSpinsterliciousLife.com Spinsterlicious

    Possibly the biggest mistake of all: putting up with behavior that is less than you deserve…because you think it's better to "have" him than not. Truth is, you shouldn't even want him.
    -The Spinsterlicious Life.

  • Ziggy

    Ziggy… I like and appreciate what DJ wrote. It was very poignant. It very much represents a great deal of the things that I felt after I read some of these pathetic comments… Thank you DJ

  • http://notevenifjesuswaspouring.com DJ

    The larger question isn’t the misperception that black+female= perfection or that all black women are gainfully employed or have no kids–divorce doesn’t count…with that stroke alone a man can just as callously as many of you here have done, dismiss the other sex. Perhaps the real question is why do so many American born women struggle with choosing idiots? And spare me on the supply issue. There are hurdles you place for black men to make them pay for YOUR choices that other-race men never have to battle. It is your responsibility to be a full woman. Black? Try spiritual. Tender. Willing to expand your reading beyond Ebony, Heart and Soul, O, and Essence.

    Its fascinating that so many single bitter women gain advice from other…single bitter women. Sad that even on this board when a man challenges your thought process your psyche turns to attack mode and deflection, clinical dispensations to latent poor self-image, depression, and co-dependency norms.

    Go back and find the women who seem happy about the man they are with.–not they either are perfect. Let’s be fair, unless you to have a solid degree or a few and have 0 kids, and are fit and heathly living (not obese or overweight but physically active), are well traveled, etc should you expect a man of the same ilk. You can’t be demanding to have Prince Charming if you act like the Wicked Witch of the East. Lol

    • L-Boogie

      You make some great points. :)

    • Brainyone27

      You sound like a very pensive and at-peace-with-yourself person.  You are so right on with your viewpoint.  The problem with some peeps reading your input is that they are not likely to understand your message.  Alot of people are lacking spiritual and well-rounded personal self-understanding and don’t see things as clearly as you do.  It’s unfortuanate that many people lack education of life matters, maturity and respect for others.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000595128061 Kbabercrombie Brown

      I Just wanna say i dont Know You nor Probably ever will. but You will Live a full Prosperous Life. Bless You Bless Your WISDOM…..I’ve been Saying “Some” Similar things before to people.

  • Jason

    Funny, I am a black man who once lived at home, with my parents, had no car and had kids. Fortunate enough that my wife, who was my girlfriend those 17 years stayed with me.

    She is now with a wealthy, not rich but, wealthy black man who is college educated man with his 9 cars, 3 homes and now has 5 kids with that same woman!

    I am not being racist,’I am just saying women don’t always be so quick to leave your brothers’!

    • Zolicia

      It’s great that she stuck with you and that everything has gone so well for you and your family. Just thought I’d point out, though, if you have 9 cars, and 3 homes…you ARE rich lol.

  • Yvonne

    Lies…. hate them

  • Nacobe

    Has anyone ever considered that Aaron aka BoomBoomRoom is mentally a woman? I looked at his fb profile and gaydar went off… Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending him for his misinformation but he might be giving bad advice from his experiences.

    With that being said, here’s another deadly sin for both men and women: It is a sin to enter a new relationship while you’re still mentally and emotionally in your old relationship.

  • numero uno

    How can someone make up a job? Now that is crazy…no pay stubs, uniform? To say someone made up people and places is a tad bit pushing it, if you are not around someone 24/7 that does not mean that they are a compulsive liar. And even after 7 years you are not fully aware of every person your partner knows. I have exaggerated the truth to impress a partner or keep her intrigued based on what I thought would make her happy or what "sounded" right at the time. Now I realize you should not have to try to hard to impress a person no matter how into them you are. If youre a good person they will love you for who you are.

    • http://www.facebook.com/donna.robinson.102 Donna Robinson

      And you are correct in what you state, you meet, you tell what career paths are chosen, you speak of other small talk, and if he or she finds this is unacceptable, no harm done you both move on, because if one tells one lie it has to continue and how can one base a relationship on that? you can’t., nor should you want to.

  • cynthia

    the worst thing is to be relationship and your partner lives in another state the understanding will be very difficult cause if trust and understanding is not established before living to another state there is nothing like peace throughout the relationship till one person has to say i can't continue

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  • numero uno

    Everybody tells small white lines! I've done it but I've learned it only discredits you no matter how unimportant the lie is. Using the word love when you don't mean it is a lie, that can destroy a person. Abuse isn't a sin, its a kill. There is no relationship without respect. Lack of communication is the most important, Come to me before yo go anywhere else.
    As far as the last part, I wont be involving my family or friends in any of my sh*t ever again. They give you information about what they THINK instead of what they know. And people are good for f-ing up a relationship just because they can do it.

  • Anna

    Hmm… something I absolutely cannot move past in a relationship?

    The talking stage. It seems that I can never get to the eras of the relationship that you are speaking about. None of these articles are any help to me…. I kinda getting tired of this site. They don't speak to any of the situations I deal with….

  • http://unemployedblackman.blogspot.com/ Samuel L. Blackson

    @BoomBoomRoom
    I think its sad that your life consists of going to different blogs to berate and belittle black men.
    I think its extremely tragic that you happen to be the very thing you hate.
    Get yourself some help, Aaron, self-hate is very destructive.

  • http://unemployedblackman.blogspot.com/ Samuel L. Blackson

    *women
    Gotten tried of them riding you on b-o$$!-p huh aaron?

    • http://www.wordflow.webs.com/ Invisible_Jester89

      Trolls can’t stand the combination of simple logic and trolling them back. It’s like their kryptonite. ;)

  • http://unemployedblackman.blogspot.com/ Samuel L. Blackson

    5 Deadly Sins for Men
    1. Dating a woman who expects you to do what her and her children's father won't do, like getting a job to support said child(ren)
    2. Dating a woman who thinks that your car is important enough for her to make a decision on what type of person you are.
    3.Dating a woman who does not pay her own bills, yet expects for you to pay them.
    4. Dating a woman who values herself by what type of man she can get with.
    5. Listening to a man, who pretends to a be woman (BoomBoomRoom/Aaron Sailor) give advice on a subject he obviously has no knowledge on. The woman here want straight man, you want bend ones, see the difference?

    Real men want real women, just because you have a list of demands, excuse me, qualifications, doesn't mean you are worth any man or woman's time, it just shows that you are a miserable person who needs another adult to cover your inability to function as a normal adult, which in that case would mean you need a parent and not a mate.

    Dislike away!

    • Kim

      Well said!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000595128061 Kbabercrombie Brown

      WoW …..very powerful….LOVED THIS.

  • EvaJ

    To cheat on anyone is the same as making decisions for the other person. Though it may be hard to hear it’s better to be in on whatever affects your life and well-being.

  • JustAshley

    Good list. I got rid of a guy whom everyone thought was perfect – because he was FOREVER lying. No big lies- that I found out about- just random small white lies about stuff that didn't even matter!
    *
    Lies are a "no-no" in my book and JUST as bad as cheating. I feel- if you're willing to lie over inconsequential little things then you'll lie about ANYTHING. I couldn't trust him, so I left.

    • Chris

      So you never lied?

      • http://www.facebook.com/flonominal.brotha Flonominal Brotha

        Exactly Chris you have soooo many woman that say they hate men that lie but their lies aren't major or important is that what we are to believe? Time and time again I hate me that lie, I hate men that cheat unless you are an ANGEL and have not done any and ALL of the things you say you hate that men do then go find a corner shut up. I have yet to see a woman actually admit that they lie just as much as men do IF not more.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000595128061 Kbabercrombie Brown

          DAMN……You Sound LIKE ME. STR8 DIRECT TRUTH.

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  • BoomBoomRoom

    5 Deadly Sins for women

    1) Dating a black man without a job
    2) Dating a black man without a car
    3) Dating a black man who live with his mom
    4) Dating a black man with kids
    5) Dating a black man!

    • Sade

      This made me laugh. Unfortunately I've dated all of these men at some point in my life. It's really sad.

    • Tia

      Really? Aren't you a black man? Everybody go to facebook and search Aaron Sailor this chinky eyes dark skinned OOGLY AZZ N*GGA!!

    • Well well well…

      SMH come down off of your high horses. A man can be all of that and still have ambition and drive. Seriously that is why some women fail. So what a man does not have a job is he a full time student maybe? So what if he does not have a car, maybe he's catching the bus to school each day in order to have a degree. So what if he lives with his mom, you to are just dating and you know nothing of their living arrangement. Perhaps he's saving in order to be stable. So what he has kids, like there arent women with kids. The last part is just racist.

      • Zombieunicorns

         Not to mention that many people are moving back in with their folks for one reason or another these days. And most cultures stay close with their families and continue living together or near each other for a long time. The idea that this is a bad thing is just a crappy American idea. There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents when you’re also a contributing member of the family.

    • Native Gear

      How about you drop the term "black" and just say, "Dating a MAN without a job… Dating a MAN without a car…." It would make more sense and make you look "smarter".

    • Boo hoo

      Wow I feel sorry for you. You must be having problems finding someone and by the looks of it, you still will for a long time to come!!

    • MEMBE

      wahouu u r a real woman ! that s so true !!!!
      im french, a black female french, and as long as i read some different blogs for black people i used to read all those negative things about black men by black female.
      I just dont get it ! you seem so complex about your black skin, all those light skin and dark skin comparisons are so stupid!!!! a thiink that your african ancestors would be very very sad to see how much you hate yourself this i so sad after all you've been throuhg in united states. wahouuu so sad
      im agree with you sandy to tell that you can be a white man and not be so magnificient as black female thought you are ! so so sad

    • Staci

      WOW!! have you stop to think that maybe you are attracting the wrong type of Man?? Men are Men across the board SUPPORT your Black Men!!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000595128061 Kbabercrombie Brown

        NOPE Staci….she OBVIOUSLY hasn’t…..Sounds like a TYPICAL BITTER BLACK Women Stiffing On Child Support…SMH.
        no Surprise here…..I’ll Be Moving Along To Greater Pastures…

    • Rosario

      This is coming from a black woman: You're an idiot. Go die in a ditch and rot.

    • http://halebobb.com/vote.htm Doc

      Bigot!

    • http://www.wordflow.webs.com/ Invisible_Jester89

      How about we not insinuate bad things about African-Americans on an African-American oriented website? That kosher with you, BoomBoomRoom? Because I’m pretty sure anyone with half a brain would have figured that out by now.

  • Stanley

    I can't deal with none of hem.