Is ‘Race-Mixin’ the Solution to Black Love?

143 comments
August 9, 2011 ‐ By L. Nicole Williams

Black love, black love, black love…

It’s what black women’s magazines and blogs keeps feeding to successful, single black women—keep hope alive, stay loyal and, one day, the brotha of your dreams will find you. And, that’s why nearly 70 percent are single. Sounds promising when you’re 30, flirty and thriving; causes you to start reading up on artificial insemination when you hit 40. Preference is understandable; exclusivity has proven itself damning. In 2011, committing to dating “coloreds-only” is like signing the Black Woman’s Pledge to Remain Lonely.

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  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001331875734 Ambi Victoria

    Great article. Thank you for painting the view into the lives of many wonderful women who are seeking something that is not planning on coming to them- lest they get off their rotting chair and change to a more broad and hopeful course and road. Some people cant stand reading / hearing the truth even as so many others find this as the blatant reality by their personal experience and perspective. I dont understand why some would become angry when we have people out here who are truely concerned for black women in finding love-true get down on one knee, white dress, building our future together, we are faithful soul mates love! And we are worthy of it, it it be by a mate of the same color or other. Why get angry when we realize this and so do many others who bring it to everyone's attention?
    Black Women need the spotlight on us but in a permanent bright positive world view for a change. How history been so far for us is not to our liking and its way over due for a better change and loving acceptance and recongnition.

  • Umrao

    70% of Black Women ARE NOT SINGLE THAT'S A HUGE LIE.

    lipstickalley.com/f41/70-black-women-single-debunked-323778/

  • http://madameniore Tonia Grant

    Black love…its black on black that’s black love nothing greater than a nubian queen with her black king. That’s the way it should be!! That’s black love!

  • http://www.bossip.com Beauty

    To all the brothers and sisters question, A white woman only wanting to date/marry a white man is expected and not called closed minded so why are we calling a black woman closed minded for wanting whats natural? A black man..Black on black love is power Think blacks and whites would have voted for obama if mrs. obama was white..umm not. See Black love is power..

    • guest28

      People are usually only called closed minded when they disagree with "you". Also some people who consistently date outside of their own race, by their own definition can be considered closed minded towards their own race. Which to me would be of greater concern and indicative of deeper issues. Just food for thought.

  • meagan

    @ MissDeeDee08.. I realize that racism is still going on. My boyfriend is terrified to even hold hands with me in public because we live in mississippi. A man was just recently beaten and ran over, TWICE, just because he was black. My point is-is that this acticle and comments are promoting racism by downing black men. Maybe LaShaun has had some piece of s*** boyfriends, I get that. But that doesn’t mean they are all terrible. And some people’s comments on here are just aggravating and ridiculous.

  • thebeesknees

    refuse to read the article…but if I were single I would definitely date outside of my race. it is 2011 and why would you limit your search to black men who are endangered anyway:-) Ladies, if you are single and fabulous, I implore you to date whoever you are attracted to…i mean really, love is hard enough to find. Find a man who knows your worth and respects…and if he is white or latin or chinese…so what?

    • Russ

      While I agree with you that we should all find someone we love regardless of their race. We should also remember that we should respect each others choices for happiness. But the issue as I see it is interacial dating and relateships are being promoted one way. Black woman for a white man, constantly in commericials you see a white man and various types of women (black, asian, spanish and white). This is a attitude that is being sold to americans as the way it should be. I think we need to follow love and not what is being promoted by people who believe the advertising.

  • meagan

    First off.. I find it completely ridiculous that race still even matters today. Wake up.. It is 2011 now!! When you look at a person you shouldn’t judge them based on their skin color! You can call it a “preference” or whatever you want but uhh guess what? Choosing not to date someone because of color is RACISM. How do I know? Maybe because I’m a white woman dating a black man. And every day we leave our house we have people staring us down like its a taboo. We get the “utter disgusted” looks and the looks of hatred. The only reason people choose to make “race-mixin” an issue is because they are racist. The end.

    • MissDeeDee08

      Meagan-racism is alive and still exists. Let me school you; you exist in the PRIVLEGED group. I absolutely cannot speak for other Black people who have given you ugly looks, but I can say this: up until recently, Black men have been lynched, killed, maimed and everything else under the sun if there was a HINT of a thought of a White woman in his head. Black women and men have, and continue to bear these scars that have not been healed and manifest themselves in relationships. Now, I totally agree; it IS 2011; but old habits die HARD; old mindsets…die HARDER.

  • Guest

    But what % of bm are married at all…that is always left out. Their marriage rate is close to the bw marriage rate.

  • Janay

    AMANDA. I AGREE THAT BLACK MEN’S EGO TAKES PRECEDENT OVER everything including BLACK WOMEN’S PLIGHT. BLACK MEN HAVE NOT COME TO THE DEFENSE OF BW IN YEARS.

    • bhillboy37

      And black women have come to our rescue? Prove it. Post any link from Youtube showing more than one black woman standing up for black men on a network television program. I had to add network program because some chick in her living room doesn't have as much clout as one talking on ABC,CBS,NBC,CNBC,MSNBC,FOX.

      All I'm asking for is ONE LINK- preferably made in the last 5 years. No old Sally Jesse Raphael clips.

  • nick

    First of all people tend to date the types of people most like their families, friends, and co-workers which is why it seems people in "non-traditional" jobs like military, tv, sports, etc tend to be more open to dating outside of their race. As to higher income earning men not getting married. It's not only an issue of being able to be picky, but of their options. If they would prefer to marry a black woman, what are the chances of meeting one on the type of job where they earn 6 figures? The suburbs? The percentage of black men that marry out are still in the single digits because to a point we still have the same issue as our women- most "others" aren't open to dating out.

  • Janay

    Kisha when do black women chase men of other races? The whole point of this post is that they don’t

  • Janay

    Idk…The article isn’t that deep in my opinion. It’s just saying black women aren’t finding partners in black men so they should be more open minded. And a black man wrote it.

  • Janay

    Miss Dee right on. Black women have been too loyal for too long. So loyal that many misinterpreted it as desperation. It’s just a good time to open your mind even if It’s not your cup of tea its good to at least consider all options.

    • SPILL IT!!!

      I agree with everything you just said.

    • pop goes the honey

      yes miss dee. i agree/

    • bhillboy37

      You all can't be too desperate because I stay seeing men getting turned down at the club left and right. Ask a man if it's easy to meet women out here and see what kind of answer you get.

  • ana

    exactly
    dating should be about attraction and compatibility

    not fear, panic, paranoia brought on by fixations with stats, probability equations and obsession
    it is unhealthy, and leads to unhealthy social interactions and relationships on all levels, with people of all backgrounds

  • themanrightchea

    Look familiar?

    http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/01/29/us/… -Black men marry black women 87% of the time. White men marry black women 3% of the time.

    http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/IPTable?_bm=… – 3/4ths of the way down the page-black men make more money than black women. We have jobs and aren’t broke.
    http://www.census.gov/population/www/cen2000/briefs/phc-t27/tables/tab05.pdf -The real male female ratio. Find your city then divide the number of men into 100- That’s your real woman: man ratio.

  • bhillboy37

    Ms. Irwin, Managing Editor-The post I had a few minutes ago was taken down automatically even though it didn't have any cursing or name calling but I posted 2 last night(one to correct a link in the other) that were up and running on your site for over an hour. Neither comment had cursing or name calling. They were deleted without just cause. Difference in opinion do not make for a moderated comment. IMHO.

    • DemetriaIrwin

      Like I just said, we are looking into the issue of deleted comments.

      -Demetria

  • http://www.aol.com Kayla

    Not this stupid topic again, do not be fooled by the owner of this site she is with a white man and misery loves company.Please read the true stats for black marriage and black relationships.The wider community is just interested in divide and rule but we have to rebuild the black community and love ourselves.Black marriage rates have been going up the past two years after a steep decline an I am sure will rise this year as well.Accept it and move on.

    We marry black-87% of black men marry black women. White men are the least likely to marry black women. -http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/01/29/us/20110130mixedrace.html

    There are 1.2 black women for every 1 black man. Enough with the 8:1 or 20:1 ratio-Pick your city then divide 100 into your cities number of black men. That's your real ratio. -http://www.census.gov/population/www/cen2000/briefs/phc-t27/tables/tab05.pdf

    Black women make up 18% of those with a bachelors degree or over- black men 15%- Not a huge difference considering we make more on average (see first set of statistics). -http://www.census.gov/population/www/cen2000/briefs/phc-t27/tables/tab05.pdf
    Stop accepting false propaganda that is trying to divide us and to start the decline of the black population.Black love is alive and well.

    • bhillboy37

      Wow. They deleted my post with these statistics. I really can not believe it. Thanks you Kayla for putting them in your comment or else they'd be lost forever. If this is how the site is going to be run, maybe I should just go ahead and dip and leave the black man haters and white man apologists on here to talk amongst themselves.

      • DemetriaIrwin

        Hmmm, sorry about that. Not sure what happened there. I've heard a few commenters mention that their comments were somehow automatically deleted. We're looking into it. Sorry for the inconvenience.

        -Demetria Irwin, Managing Editor of MadameNoire.com

      • Amanda

        http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-….

        22% of black men who are married are married interracially. 70% of black men who have a child with a black woman did not marry that woman. Black women bear the brunt of domestic violence: http://digitaljournal.com/article/273772

        And white women who go with black men are 12x more likely to GET KILLED. YOU WANNA TALK FACTS, bhillboy37? Black men are dangerous – FACT!

        • bhillboy37

          The first link doesn't have the story on the page. The second link is a story without data and the third thing you talked about isn't backed up with a link or data. There are no facts in your comment.

          • Amanda

            From the first link: "22% of black men who wed, married a nonblack woman in 2008." Not my fault you have trouble reading,

            Stats on domestic violence and how black women are the most victimized out of all women due to their involvement with black men: http://www.chicagodefender.com/article-2110-domes

            As for the last point, you could Google it but I doubt you'd like the sources you find. Either way, you don't have to like the facts. They remain the FACTS. Black men are increasingly marrying outside of the race which is fine, because that means fewer black women are being victimized and more white/other race women are bearing the brunt of the victimization that results wherever black males becoming romantically involed with women. That's a good thing! That leaves more black women open to finding desirable partners!

            • bhillboy37

              I read it but what are you trying to say about the statistic. Is it wrong for black men to date out of their race? If so, is it wrong for black women to date outside of their race as well. 9% already wed outside the race. Or is it some bull—t in which black men are demonized for dating outside of their race but you encourage black women to date out? That's kind of a double standard. If it's unacceptable to you that 22% of black men marry out then why are you so intent on encouraging black women to marry out. Maybe you don't see the double standard.

              Also, some black men are abusers and so are some men of every other race. Marrying white doesn't guarantee you anything. It doesn't guarantee you happiness. It doesn't guarantee you a nice house or car. It doesn't guarantee you a nice family. Believing so just shows your self hate. You don't think black men are good enough because deep down SOME of you interracial advocates don't feel good enough. If you did you wouldn't be looking for someone to save you (black women).

              • Amanda

                It's NOT unacceptable to me that black men marry and/or date outside of their race. What's unacceptable to me is that anywhere you see a forum for black women to discuss doing the same, black men immediately intervene with their propaganda, manipulation, and even blatant objection, playing every trick in the book to prevent black women from doing so. THAT is what is unacceptable to me. I don't think they care whether black women actually form strong relationships with black men and continue "the black family." They just don't want to see black women dating outside the race because it bruises their ego. Well, who cares? I sure don't!

              • Amanda

                And please spare me the lecture on self-hate. Go bring that ish over to your black men site, please! They're the ones dating out at more than double the rate!

                • bhillboy37

                  Anytime a black man talks about IR there's a group of lblack women who protest and you're upset that anytime a black woman talks about IR there's a group of men who protest? Makes no sense.

                  • bhillboy37

                    I'll probably stop arguing with you because you are indeed confused. I don't know if you hate that black men date out or if you hate that black men don't want you to do out. If they date out that would mean you're free to do so if they don't that means they want you and want to form a strong black relationship with you. Or do you like that they date out and hate that black women don't as much? Your girl logic has me confused again.

                    • Amanda

                      I don't care about black men at all. That's the point. I would like to, JUST ONCE, come to a place of sanctuary for BLACK WOMEN to discuss other-race options and not see it run over with BLACK MEN who try to manipulate these women and make it all about them (which, of course, they always think it is.) I'm not concerned about black men and who they date at all. They are NOT my type AT ALL. I mainly refute their lies and bogus stats in the hopes that they'll go away and let us continue our conversation. Black women deserve better. That is all.

                    • bhillboy37

                      Hey, this is an open website. I don't hear black men complaining when we have a bunch of women all on our site. Black sites for women often have information and stories black men are interested in as well. With the internet being free and open you ought to get used to the other 53% of the worlds population commenting. Hey- why don't you create your own "He woman, Black Man Haters" club where you and your delusional hags can go and talk about how you love when white men skeet in your face-GhettoGagger.

                    • Amanda

                      I'll start that site as soon as you start a site where black men can discuss their love of having a "side piece" and their inability to pay child support:D

  • Janay

    Black women have this stereotype that we make horrible partners (rude, golddigger, ghetto, loud, unsupportive). Aren’t you tired of those generalizations? None of them rep me. But I bet if a few black women dated out, those stereotypes could change as whites latinos asiana figure it for themselves. That alone would help race relations.

    • bhillboy37

      They don't represent you but to think they don't represent a segment of the population that looks like you would be a stretch. I'd trade your stereotypes for mine any day. Try living with being stereotyped as uneducated, unemployed criminal. Scary, deadbeat dad, and closet homosexual. Anytime you wanna trade stereotypes, let me know.

      • MissDeeDee08

        BHillboy, I'm SO over that…and even with the 'scary, deadbeat dad, and closet homosexual' sterotypes you allegedly receive, hmm…do Black women portray you as such in the media? Do non Black women STOP flocking to you? I didn't think so. We are the ONLY race where our OWN MEN go OUT OF THE WAY to ridicule, degrade and make fun of us. The representation that is portrayed does NOT represent women like myself, and hell no, it doesn't represent a lot of those who look like me. As Janay mentioned, we are made out to be rude, goldigger, ghetto, loud and unsupportive, but what is more hurtful, is that our OWN MEN put this nonsense out there (i.e Albert Hayneworth), and because this guy is such a prominent personality because he plays sports, it is supported! . GET OFF THE GAS, MAN, I am too through. Then, these articles encourage BW to go outside of the race…*smh* on all counts.

        • Amanda

          You are whining that black men are getting stereotyped, and then you have the audacity to say the following: "Black women aren't concerned with black men until you see one with a white girl then you all have a stank attitude, and call him names…"

          HELLO? ALL black women? Are you serious? Many of us here do not give two flying ****s who you date! And evidently that bothers you because why else are you here trying to convince black women that black men are perfect little angels and not to consider opening up their options?

          You aren't concerned with the plight of black women, you are concerned with black men's egos and IMAGES.

          Oh, by the way, here is the HARD DATA on black men and domestic abuse: http://www.chicagodefender.com/article-2110-domes

          • bhillboy37

            I must have to get REMEDIAL on you. Nobody who makes a general statement means all, Genius. I hate to have to do this every time a man makes a statement a woman says "not me, not all". When men make any kind of general statement we mean generally speaking. Not including every single 17,000,000 women of african heritage. Only a much higher percentage than normal. I'm sure I'll have to go over this again at some point…Next up… the differences between ALL, MOST, MANY, SOME, FEW, and NONE.
            FIne. You convinced me of something I already know. When it comes to bad stuff blacks have a higher percentage. Congratulations. What really would have been interesting is if there were Zero (0) white women murdered by their significant other. So you now only have a smaller chance of getting choked out by a man high on ludes.

            Also I cared enough about the plight of black women to actually MARRY ONE. Luckily for she's the type that sees this fake, backwards, divide and conquer strategy for what it is. She's highly educated and has never had a problem meeting men or having a full relationship with educated, successful black men. She doesn't know how you all are having a hard time meeting men when she's average looking (her words). She thinks it might be how a lot of black women relate to men.

            • Amanda

              My opinion? Your "average-looking" wife settled for dating only black man because she had low self-esteem that made her think she would not appeal to men of other races, and she just happened to luck out in finding a half-decent one. Tell her I said congratulations.

              • bhillboy37

                She doesn't like white people period. Let alone white men. She doesn't like any of you so she'd probably date a moose before f–king with the Orlando Blooms of the world.

              • bhillboy37

                Wow, you almost managed a compliment. Half-decent. That's 100% better than what you've been calling all the other brothers. Considering I PROBABLY have more education and professional licenses and degrees than any white guy you've dated, I'm probably better than halfway decent. Also being 6'3, handsome, hung, and a great dresser, I'm pretty sure if me and your white boy had to tussle he'd probably sh-t himself before one punch was thrown. I'm a veteran, a father and all man. Have your white boy, I'm really not hating.

        • bhillboy37

          I've lived in medium sized cities in the Midwest, the South, and now in the Plains. If you didn't go to college in Miami, LA, ATL, or New York- they probably weren't "Video Vixens"- they were probably just attractive looking. Guys who chase these women can actually get them, meaning they cool, attractive, rich or a combination of these traits. Nerdy guys don't chase supermodel tail because they can't get it and they know it. Why are you chasing "popular guy" tail and you can't get it. Stick to your "pay grade." Maybe you aren't very attractive, or cool, or fun, and you are trying to date above your grade without success. That doesn't mean you can't snag a guy just that you might have to work on your positives instead of focusing on why you weren't popular. I went to a public college in a large midwestern city. Had an undergrad population of 25,000. Yes there are some men who date white women and I dated white women in college too. So like I said before, date who you like just don't tread on me to do it. While black women focus on the minority of the population, the majority go unnoticed. If you were a tutor, you probably tutored athletes because most black college students don't need a tutor, they just need study time. Maybe an athlete garners more attention from white girls on campus because of their status but most guys aren't on the team. They are just guys getting an education. Didn't your school have frats- I know for a fact that it is looked down upon for the Alphas, Kappas, Sigmas, Iotas, and especially the Ques to date interracially. I married an AKA- all of her sorors are married to highly successful black men. CEO of a major hospital, Duke law grad, Entrepeneur… and the list goes on.

        • bhillboy37

          I never once called black women loud, ghetto, or hoodrats. Also, I know you're proud to be the "nerdy girl in the corner" but that ain't no way to attract a man. I wouldn't date any nerd that stood in any corner. F–k that! Men don't like nerdy, socially inept women. We like fun, gregarious girls. It's a plus if she has sex appeal. My wife is highly educated from some of the best college in the country but she's no wallflower. I couldn't care less about her profession she was fun to be with so I ran with it. She has the big job and big credentials but she doesn't throw it in anybody's face. She loves black people and it shows in how she deals with black women and black men.

          If you aren't attracting the type of men that you want you could do a couple of things, get more attractive and fun or go after less attractive and coveted men.

    • ana

      we do?
      with who?

      black women already date a rainbow of men
      this is neither new nor revolutionary

      whites, asians, latinos with any sense have figured out we aren't all like Monique's character in Precious or the ninnies on those VH1 reality shows because they are reasonably intelligent people or have at least been around black individuals and come to the realization.
      those that haven't are sheltered, bigoted, stupid, OR rude and low c.l.a.s.s themselves… thus, they only know and a.s.sociate with the c.r.a.s.s types of any racial group
      …and no one should care about their opinion

  • Janay

    Showing one sided statistics still does not accurately display the reality that black men are ir dating way more than black women. That doesn’t keep into account newer generations of black men who view going outside their race as a life accomplishment. Seeing tocarra on tv does not change the fact that for every tocarra there is 20 other white,Latin, or light women represented although majority of blacks are dark skin. Black women’s refusal to Ir date will only further stereotypes about black womens “attitudes” in relationships which have been reinforced by black men. This article was written by a BLACK man supported with facts. What does he gain from this. Everything isn’t about hating and I wish that word would dead that saying. I have been on this site for a while and have said I have a wonderful black bf whom I love. I talk to him about these same issues. HE knows going forward I will be more open to other races. I don’t know why people are so offended by it. It’s a simple matter of supply and demand. Black women publically and privately show their demand for black men which places the value in black men. Black men publically and privately show their demand for non black women which devalues black women. The article is just stating the odds are not in your favor as a black woman because black men have way more options that they may not check for you. It’s just saying think outside your box. There is a stigma that black women are chastised for IR dating but BM aren’t? Just think about it is all its saying. Times are changing

    • bhillboy37

      My comment to you which was respectful and had no cursing in it was deleted by the admin before it was even up on the board. I hope it's just a glitch.

    • bhillboy37

      Trying this again.
      The statistics are not one sided. They are the facts. 87% of black men marry a black woman. What is one sided is the how black men are portrayed by black women. You think you have it bad because some black men say you have attitudes but you think it's okay for black men to be called, dumb, broke, drug dealing deadbeat dads, who are also closet homosexuals? That's how we are portrayed by black women. I'd take having an "attitude" any day. BLACK MEN, generally, DON'T CARE IF YOU DATE OR MARRY WHITE MEN! Just don't throw us under the bus by ignoring facts, like actual government census data, to do so.

      • Amanda

        http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-….

        22% of black men who are married are married interracially. 70% of black men who have a child with a black woman did not marry that woman. Black women bear the brunt of domestic violence: http://digitaljournal.com/article/273772

        And white women who go with black men are 12x more likely to GET KILLED. YOU WANNA TALK FACTS, bhillboy37? Black men are dangerous – FACT!

        • bhillboy37

          Is this the link you wanted? http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-
          Secondly it said 9% of all black women married outside of the race as well. So are black men wrong? Are black men right to date outside the race? Are black too late to the party or are they wrong for marrying outside of the race to the tune of 9%? You quoted the statistic so what is the statistic saying?
          The 70% of black men thing is a two way street. 70% of black women didn't marry the father of their child as well.
          The last one you can keep because it sounds like something a racist would say.

        • CRAIG

          And white men aren't dangerous? ROFL!!!!!!!

    • CRAIG

      Janay, if black men were truly showing their demand for non-black women, as you claim, then the marriage statistics between black men and non-black women would be sky high. As I've said, the vast MAJORITY of black men date/marry black women. I don't know why a lot of black women-yourself included-are having a difficult time accepting that, but it's a TRUTH you can't DENY.

  • Stallion

    Yeah, because white men have a history of treating Black women really well. LOL

  • Janay

    The fact that so many women come to the defense of black love, but can’t remember the last time a black girl was on tv, magazines, internet or videos is shocking. The fact that no blame or responsibility is placed on black men but instead is burdened on bw to save black people is a ma.ssive injustice. Black women are injusticed double fold by white America and black men. One they can see (white America).one they are completely oblivious to, or just in denial (black men)

    • bhillboy37

      Tocorra's on TV1 as I type this. TV1 is on tv.

      • Amanda

        http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-….

        22% of black men who are married are married interracially. 70% of black men who have a child with a black woman did not marry that woman. Black women bear the brunt of domestic violence: http://digitaljournal.com/article/273772

        And white women who go with black men are 12x more likely to GET KILLED. YOU WANNA TALK FACTS, bhillboy37? Black men are dangerous – FACT!

        • bhillboy37

          Is this the link you wanted? http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-….
          Secondly it said 9% of all black women married outside of the race as well. So are black men wrong? Are black men right to date outside the race? Are black women too late to the party or are they wrong for marrying outside of the race to the tune of 9%? You quoted the statistic so what is the statistic saying?
          The 70% of black men thing is a two way street. 70% of black women didn't marry the father of their child as well.
          The last one you can keep because it sounds like something a racist would say.

  • tpe

    why in the hell are my comments being deleted?

    • bhillboy37

      Mine got deleted too. No cursing, no name calling, and it got deleted as soon as it was posted. It didn't even get a chance to go on the board. It didn't even go for moderation. Just deleted like it never existed. And boy was it good. IMHO, that's probably why it got shat on.

    • ana

      did you use any words like
      a s s e s s
      p a s s
      a s s u m e
      m a s s i v e

      M a r v i n G a y e

      MN's filters are stupid as all get out, and you get no warning that your post needs to be edited or just not let you submit it. Nope, just deleted with you wondering where it went and what you did wrong

      and I'm totally serious on that last one

    • Guest

      pass

  • Kayla

    tomorrows lesson kiddies is 101 reasons why you should date white men…. then the next day's lesson is why black men love white woman…

    these articles are more and more predictible

  • cherokee

    Granted this is a recurring (perhaps a little tired?) topic on this site. But speaking from experience…growing up one of my best friend was the light skin, good hair type of girl. Believe me I know first hand this is the holy grail for black men. spending my dating years getting overlooked and ignored while guys made buffoons of themselves over her all but turned me off permanantly to black guys.

    Funny when i show pictures of her to my white friends i almost always get "she's pretty but not all that gorgeous." i guess they don't understand the context of what is valued by black men. These days I don't have too many problems attracting men of all races. It's a shame childhood experience has turned me off to my own :(

  • ALLiThom

    This is a very dumb and misleading article. This article makes black people look stupid, clueless and without a sense of identity. If people of other races are reading this type of article it will cause them to stereotype us. PLEASE print positive things about blacks so that those who don't have any contact with our community would be able to form some decent concept of who we really are.

  • In All Honesty

    Another hit piece on the Black Love… I guess it must be Tuesday on MadameNoire.

  • http://yahoo.com rose

    whta does fat or non skinny have to do with anything? There are fat, skinny , obese, ugly , pretty, loud , quiet, skanky, and non skanky in all races!! I had to shake my head at all the fat non black owmen i have seen.

  • Tia

    I agree with the premise of all of these interracial dating articles that black women who are OPEN to dating interracially shouldn't feel bad about doing so. I am a black woman who dates interracially, but I don't think that's the right choice for EVERY black woman. If some black women ONLY want to date black men, they shouldn't be made to think they're being close-minded or limiting themselves. If that's what they want, that's what they want! Yes, they may end up alone and unmarried, but that doesn't mean they should "settle" for men who they don't really want just so they won't be alone. Women who are open to interracial dating might end up alone too! I've dated several white guys and none of them were right for me. Not because they were white, but simply because we weren't compatible! It can be hard to find someone who you really connect with regardless of their ethnicity. No one is guaranteed to find the love of their lives these days, but everyone should go after what they want and not feel bad about their decisions. I can't be concerned about finding the solution to "black love" for everyone. I can only focus on my own romantic pursuits. Interracial dating is NOT the answer for every black woman, and at the end of the day, we all need to just follow our hearts and be true to ourselves.

    • Amanda

      While it's true that hard to find someone who you really connect with regardless of their ethnicity, you're a lot more likely to find that person if you include the other 87% of the male population in your search!

  • Amanda

    I don't care about statistics. I don't live with my white bf because "X percent of white men are not racist" or because "X percent of black women have the ability to appeal cross-racially" or because "X number of black men are in prison" or because "You can elevate the X number of black women who are married." I initially was attracted to him because I've always felt that white guys are hot. At the end of the day, I don't care who agrees with me, it's not about numbers. And the same should go for black women who don't share my preference.

    • Haynesworth

      "I don't care about statistics" , "It's not about numbers"

      LMAO I love that you wrote this but then yesterday you were posting STATISTICS repeatedly to try to vilify black guys.

    • Amanda

      Hello? Do you not get that I am just using your same tactics? If you don't care about who black women date/love/etc., why do you black men come to every IR article written about BLACK WOMEN, talking about how white men don't really want us, black men are really God's Gift to Black Women with supporting stats, etc. etc. etc. My initial comments are ALWAYS neutral. I basically throw your tactics when you come here to dissuade IR dating back in your face, and then you whine and cry about it. Black women deserve the truth, not manipulation.

      • bhillboy37

        See that's where you get off track…I'm not here to dissuade IR dating. I'm here to dissuade you from talking sh-t about black men to do so. When I dated IR- it wasn't because Black Women this that or the other. It's only because I met someone I liked who liked me back. I didn't have to have an excuse to date IR. If you love white men just do it. Keep your negative views of black men to yourself, if you please.

  • huh?

    Why is this the dominant topic on virtually every Black Women's blog? The one thing none of these articles acknowledge is the racism that goes into choosing a mate. The vast majority of white men DO NOT WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP with a black woman. I am not talking about casual and meaningless sex. I am talking about a relationship that leads to a lifetime partnership. Why does everyone keep pretending that white men are so openminded and postracial?

    • Franny

      I reported you to the site moderator. Hopefully you will get banned!!

      • Keep it Real

        Franny, why you mad boo. lol What did huh? say that deserves he/she should be banned. The truth is the truth

      • bhillboy37

        http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/01/29/us/

        The fact is less than than 5% of married white men are married to black women while 87% of married black men are married to black women. Get your mind right and stop being a Black Man Hater.

        • bhillboy37

          You know black women are delusional when my post with a link from the world's preeminent newspaper gets 2 (for now) thumbs down. Even when yt gives black women the facts, if it 's not to their liking, they will not accept it.

          • Amanda

            http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-

            22% of black men who are married are married interracially. 70% of black men who have a child with a black woman did not marry that woman. Black women bear the brunt of domestic violence: http://digitaljournal.com/article/273772

            And white women who go with black men are 12x more likely to GET KILLED. YOU WANNA TALK FACTS, bhillboy37? Black men are dangerous – FACT!

            • bhillboy37

              There's no corresponding story to your first link. There's no data in the story on your second link and the third thing you talked about isn't supported by a link or data. There are no facts in your comment.

            • bhillboy37

              Is this the link you wanted? http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Media/black-women-marry-….
              Secondly it said 9% of all black women married outside of the race as well. So are black men wrong? Are black men right to date outside the race? Are black too late to the party or are they wrong for marrying outside of the race to the tune of 9%? You quoted the statistic so what is the statistic saying?
              The 70% of black men thing is a two way street. 70% of black women didn't marry the father of their child as well.
              The last one you can keep because it sounds like something a racist would say.

            • ana

              re-read that
              22% of black men who married in 2008 married a woman with a different racial designation (no mention on methodology; issues of mixed race, multi-race, non-African American blacks, Latin Americans, "other"s and refusals; or how the data was obtained)
              that is one year, not ALL black men that are married

              68% out of wedlock
              is not the same as 68% of black women who are mothers and 68% of black men who are fathers being unmarried

    • ana

      why does this bother everyone?

      in the US most people marry someone who checks the same "race" on forms; yes, even Asian American women, 70+% of their marriages are with Asia American men
      and every group aside from Asian American women the majority co-habitate "intraracially" too; and even AA women still co-habitate with AA men more than with any other group

      96% of married white men and white women marry a white spouse
      93% of white men and 90% of white women who cohabitate are with a white significant other

      it just is what it is
      not a slam on non-whites with or wanting to date and marry a white mate
      just simple demographic facts
      why get salty unless you base your self-worth on being desirable (or high preference) to the majority of white American men or have set your dwindling faith in commitment on "a white man" choosing you as his special lady.

      it is the same reactionary approach that has created a m a s s hysteria over the "man shortage" amongst blacks.
      deal in individuals, not fantasies and you won't take it so hard

      • bhillboy37

        ana- again you're making too much sense. Congrats.

    • SportzNut21

      Don't hate me because I'm white and love black women.

  • Amanda

    OK, newsflash: Hot, skinny, non-ghetto black women do not require this lesson. We have always had our options open LOL.

    • ana

      people date within their social strata

      not all non-black men are middle c l a s s suburbanites and upper-mid urbanites
      non-black men are steady dating non-bw that come nowhere close to your criteria

      rural, country and "ghetto" non-black men have been and continue to date black women who share those backgrounds

      there are also plenty of homely, matronly, beauty impaired, overweight, ripped, brickhouse and obese black women with men who are not black

      please quit with the stereotype of non-black men automatically pulling the finest black women, having the so-called highest standards/best taste and only deserving "the best" or "the pick of the litter", while you think you're bragging
      like their non-blackness means they can date up (or are naturally good looking and doing well) and snag any beautiful, sophisticated, well education, well heeled BAP they desire
      because black women are ripe for the picking

      • bhillboy37

        I know. I just saw a beautiful black chick at the gas station a couple of hours ago chauffering around some homely white prick. Prick I say because not only was she driving him around, he let her pump her own gas. Not a big deal I know but if I know one thing a man can do for a woman it's at least pump her gas, not just sit in the car looking homely while she messes it up and has to clean her hands and make 2 trips into the store because the card reader was broke. That's basic sh-t to me.

    • pop goes the honey

      hell yeah amanda. its only the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, ugly sistas that require this lesson. in reality a beautiful black woman does not have to settle with just being with a BLACK MAN. she can date white, black, latino, asian, etc., not just black men. its only the black women rated down between 1-8 and who live in the hood, act hooooodish, and look ordinary and hoooodish who can't get a man of any race. LOL

      • REALLY?

        IGNORANCE PERSONIFIED.

    • Reese

      There are alot of black women who only like brothers in all walks of life. I get approached by all men and so do some others. If they want to wait for a brother, what is wrong with that.

  • Just another guy

    In other news, Jay Z and Kanye's Murder to Excellence is a deep track!!!

    • Liz W

      Thanks, ill make sure to listen!

  • http://yahoo.com rose

    after all those long post and all, i still will not date anyone out of my race, i love my black men and nobody is going to make me give up on them just because some date these white women, not all black men like white women and i will never give up on my black men.

    • pop goes the honey

      you probably to fat and ugly to date other than black men.

  • btowne

    "What the black man don't won't and what the white man don't want" Who cares? Black women are probably better off not having neither one of you as mates.

  • Black Excellence

    For the love of God, Ana, please stop it.

    You are making too much sense.

  • ana

    this is getting repetitive to the point of propaganda

    1) Men still do the approaching in this society for the most part. men approach who they are interested in, if they get positive feedback from women of all groups they'll continue to cast the net wider knowing rejection isn't inevitable. They don't need to be told to "expand their horizons" the reactions they get encourage or discourage their actions and preferences.

    2) Women by and large prefer their own race/ethnicity. Study after study in country after country. It isn't some particular flaw of black American women; being to narrow minded, racist, parochial to expand their horizons to other (white) men. It is something like 80 to 90+% for different American subgroups.
    Most cultures consciously or subconsciously program/raise women to prefer within group mating, to create children that remain in-group (since majority of cultures in human history were patrilineal). It is the men who venture out to bring back outside wives.
    Not saying we should be stuck back in patriarchal societies, but just clarifying that black American women fit the historical norm, we aren't being stupid or going against common sense or stuck in the past and shunning modern open/multiracial society or behaving idiotically in comparison to all other women.

    3) Non-white men have just as many if not more options than black men. It is true they don't have the captive audience but they can play games and avoid commitment to the max, the difference comes down to values. Many other groups put a different value and emphasis on marriage. Corporate leaders and politicians know they need the stable family man image. Bastardy is still shunned. Non-white men also have options if they break up or divorce. If you want a male population with few options and high likelihood to stalk… really appreciate the relationship with any one woman, move to rural China. I doubt young dudes there have bustling data schedules and tons of rebound opportunities.
    Black men are 6x more likely to cohabit with than marry their white mate.
    Let's stop acting like black men are in such overwhelming demand with non-black women. They are not stampeding towards them flinging hapless black women out of the way, targeting them or acting thirsty specifically toward them (which should be a hint for bw how to act towards non-black men, these repetitive articles here showing exactly how not to do it)
    The issue isn't about how stupid black women's preferences are, or how fabulous non-black mates are.
    The problem lies more deeply within us as a community. Both sexes least likely to marry (anyone) period, most likely to get divorced, marrying the latest while having the least in-marriage kids, and least likely to remarry after divorce.

    "Dating out" won't solve anything for "black marriage". Guys that don't care will continue to act however they want, the numbers will be in their favor for a long time and a man that doesn't want marriage isn't going to jump up and change simply because desirable women around him are getting married. Women who only/mainly prefer "their own" will likely not be overwhelmingly successful if it is really not their thing. Those who have limited intimate exposure to non-blacks will encounter difficulties outside their SES group, and resorting to "how to snag a white man" won't help them. Women in general will realize the dating pool is only so deep, just as marriage-minded black men looking for the right match still have to make an effort if they want a certain type of woman there is no magical panacea for datelessness.

  • Rastaman

    I know several black women who have had serious relationships with men of other races and from what I have heard I would encourage more black women to date non black men. If not for any other reason than to make them understand that men are men regardless of their race. Whether the man is black, white, Asian or hispanic he comes with his own sets of challenges.

    All brothas are not wonderful but neither are all sistas. Find love where you can but also understand that if you don’t the one common factor is still going to be you.

    • Just Me Always

      I know it can work regardless of creed. As far as I remember my mother have dated and married out of her race. She passed away when I was 9yrs yrs old, she was 26yrs old. My father Filipino and her Ex-husband is white. I have thought about dating out of my race (that's funny because I am of mix race) but my community is prominently black. I do ponder on the experience.

  • Topics101

    Black love will always be a beautiful thing, but the way these articles are being written you'd think all black men cheated, or failed at education and maintaining career jobs, and those that are successful, dont date black women.WRONG. When it comes to a relationship partner, finding that "GOOD" person in general is hard to find, regardless of race. Also, I don't think any man or women should lower their expectation nor complain when they can't find that good partner. Perhaps they're just looking in the wrong places. So I say this, date who makes you happy and willing to make compromises with you.

  • Mrs. Black Man

    *sigh* Oh Lashaun…..I should’ve known it was you. Lol

    Sweetheart how about you do what works for you and let other adults do what works for them….and while you are at it; stop bashing my future husband and father of my children. #blackloveinvolesblackpeople #aintdownwiththeswirl

    • Jay

      I applaud you!!!! Hands down, the best comment I read today!

  • nu10

    There is nothing in this article that puts anyone down. Only the cold hard truth.

    • Brighteye

      What is the cold hard truth, that we should be divided and conquered?

    • bhillboy37

      http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/01/29/us/

      Is this the cold hard truth. 3% of married white men are married to black women while 87% of married black men are married to black women. Does the truth hurt? It doesn't have to.

      • reese

        no, but even if every black woman married a black man there would be shortage of brothers(about 2million). The majority of white women are married to white men at married to white men, with about what 5% married to black men. The majority of white women in ir are with latino men. But that doesn't stop the brothers, but should stop black women.

  • SMDH

    This website is called Madame Noire
    Isnt it meant to be promoting Black Love
    I hate it when black people put black people down
    we're meant to stand for each other

  • Black Excellence

    Has LaShaun Williams outright said that she hates brothas yet?

    It's okay, LaShaun, I still got love for you!

    • btowne

      Maybe she had a bad relationship with a black man.

      • Black Excellence

        That's a given lol

        But that's still no excuse for her vilifying brothas any chance she gets, but, hey, i guess we're all prisoners of our own experiences…but it seems like it's eating her up.

        I'm glad I don't punish all sistas for the hurt that just one caused me.

        • reese

          I don't think she hates brothers. Granted I haven't read very much of her articles. I think she is one these sisters who believe that no brothers availible for us because of shortage or any other reasons. And so many of brothers choosing non black women that we have to look elsewhere. But it is really exaggerated. The overwhelming majority of black men are married to black women. And black women at a higher % is married to black man. And I get approached online from men of all races when I go out and online from all over the world and us just on facebook. I know I am not the only sister.

    • tpe

      How do you know Lashaun has any "brothas"?

  • http://unemployedblackman.blogspot.com/ Samuel L. Blackson

    Sigh……
    I suppose, that you know, giving a man what he wants is kinda taboo. Its like you write a list of qualifications a man must have, but damn it, he better not require more than Im willing to give. If women stayed in their place (the kitchen), we wouldnt have all these problems.

    I kid, I kid.
    Yes, they deserve to die! And I hope they burn in HELL!

    • btowne

      It's 2011.

  • MagisterVeritatis

    The solution to black love is black PEOPLE.

    MagistersThinkTank

  • Brenda

    There needs to be more articles regarding black women who have found success with dating interracially. Many black women don't want to and many of us are! Most of these articles are discouraging and not encouraging. The bottom line is that you have to find someone you are compatible with and that person may not come in the package you expect.

    • ana

      your last sentence is the only thing they ought to focus on: find someone compatible, consider that all the traits you prefer may not be in one person but focus on the ones most important to you and a s s i g n different priority to the rest

      not demoralizing stats that continuously paint black women as unattractive, unwanted, unloved

      not propaganda telling black women that their preferences are wrong and they need to be open to men who are:
      blue collar
      lacking higher education
      non-professional
      already fathers
      short
      fat
      skinny
      dark
      light
      don't share spirituality and religious outlook
      aren't of a race/ethnicity you prefer, are attracted to or would ever want to be with
      outside of your SES
      foreign-born

      and if they don't that (one preference) alone is why they are single and miserable
      proves they are irrational
      proves they are close-minded, c l a s s i s t, racist, prejudiced, parochial, stupid

      • ana

        a s s i g n
        c l a s s i s t

        good grief

        • Guest

          classist

    • CRAIG

      Brenda, you have tons of articles on Evia Moore's and Halima's sites. Mind you, both of these women have made careers out of bashing black men while extolling non-black men as Gods, if not the solution to the black woman's relationship dilemma. As a black man, I don't believe that I have to degrade a black woman in order to date a non-black woman, but that's me.

  • Just another guy

    This topic looks very familiar.

  • thatonegirl

    Wouldnt that defeat the purpose of BLACK love?……

  • kimberly

    correction, this site DOES post articles like what I mentioned above. but still…. c'mon son

  • btowne

    I have a sister-in-law that was married to a black man for about 17 years until she found out he was cheating on her with a white co-worker. They got divorced because of it. What's funny is when the white woman finally broke up the their marriage, she broke it off with my sister-in-law's husband. After their divorce, my sister-in-law is married a white man (married about 6 years now) and from what I can tell, they have a good marriage. Her ex-husband is now married to another black woman. Yet I wonder is he cheating on his second black wife with a yet another "white" woman.

    • SPILL IT!!!

      Wow… the ex-husband is probably still sleeping with white women. It is a fetish, just like gayness. Once you pop that cherry in your mind, you keep on wanting it.

    • e bony

      good for your sister-in-law :)

  • kimberly

    this is coming up way too often. I love black people , black men and the black family – why are some people hell bent on getting us to water this down??? there is nothing wrong with loving self and kind. Everybody else does it! How come i don't see articles of real solutions, like, self love or getting along with one another better or raising our children to stop the bad habits we as adults have? No, just – the black man is hopeless, so look elsewhere. smh

  • Madison

    i hate that this topic keeps coming up too Black Excellence. like seriously?

  • Madison

    i love good looking, good hearted men. Period. i don’t understand why this [imaginary] race thing is still an issue. most women are so quick to say “this isn’t the 50’s so don’t expect me to stay in the home cooking and cleaning everyday. i’m a woman of business.” but we never apply that to “race”. HELLOOO. this isn’t the 50’s! so why are we still restricting ourselves to our own race?? i don’t see the big deal in dating and marrying an asian man or a native american man or a hispanic man as long as the two people s compatible. things that should be similar when looking for a compatible partner are: interests, morals, values, maturity, maybe religion, and attractiveness for crying outloud. the fact that i have the same or DIFFERENT skin color as the fine man across the room has NOTHING to do with whether or not we’ll connect on a romantic or even friendly level. the only thing close-minded people are selling-out on is themselves.

    • ana

      it isn't a restriction, it is a preference

      96% of white men
      and 98% of white women
      choose a white spouse

      are they being close-minded?

      if people aren't interested, they just aren't interested

      race is no more a social construct than religion, socio-economic c l a s s, culture, ethnicity, nationality, gender roles, beauty standards and any other criteria that unconsciously inform people's preferences or are deliberately considered when looking for mates

      the berating nature of these discussion are starting to come off as focused h a r a s s m e n t of black women

    • Jay

      You know, every time I read about this topic, I shake my head at how unrealistic this is. You think its ok to date outside your race and thats because your a woman and deep down you think black men aint sh*t. Think about it.. you know its true on some level. When I decide to date a white woman, all I get is daggers thrown my way. This is the reality. Its ok for race mixing when the female is black, but let the couple consist of a black man and any "other", and its not cool. Its not the 50's, but trust me the reality is not that close to it.

  • Black Excellence

    Oh look, it's this topic again.

  • Prissy

    So basically we should just give up on our own and go out and find another? This stuff written on this site is getting more discouraging by the day. Geez. So what do folk propose Black women do? Change everything about ourselves? I can't be attracted to what I am not attracted to on a normal basis just because…. I LOVE Black men. *sigh*

    • guest

      Nobody's saying change anything. You can remain single as long as you want.

      • btowne

        Remain single and date white, black, or asian, as long as you're happy.

        • Prissy

          Thanks btowne… I like your response!

    • tpe

      that is not true.Yes you can change who you are attracted to.People do it every day.Even Malcolm X did it.You simply have to love yourself more than any color.

      Now it's different if you say you simply WON'T change who you are currently attracted to.But saying you can't is untrue.It has already been done MANY MANY times

      People may be attracted to certain people when they lead a secular lifestyle,they find some kind of religion or belief and become attracted to someone who simply shares that belief.I have seen men who only went for a woman who looked a certain kind of way go to church and marry a woman who was not their physical type in the beginning.Which is good because shared beliefs is more important than color or physical looks anyway.

      It happens all the time

    • RadioRaheem

      I think she is saying, in so many words, to be reasonable..not all of us are going to find that "black man." There is just not enough to go around.