Want to “Save” Black Marriage? Marry Interracially…

August 8, 2011  |  

 

It’s not a story we haven’t heard already. But the Wall Street Journal is the latest news outlet to jump on the “black women don’t get married band wagon”. Like the stories and articles before it the author, Ralph Richard Banks, gives a list of reasons why black women have the lowest marriage rate in the country. Incarcerated black men, unwillingness to date outside the race, discrepancies in education and even hesitation from other races toward black women all contribute to the reasons nearly 70 percent of black women are unmarried.

Again, nothing we haven’t heard before.

What we haven’t heard before is this author’s suggestion: black women, can actually save black marriage by dating and even marrying interracially.

Hmm… interesting indeed. I’ve never set out to save “black marriage”. I, myself am not married, but I imagine the time and effort it takes to sustain one marriage is more than enough work.

But if you’re interested in taking on this lofty goal, check out Banks’ suggestions here.

Trending on MadameNoire

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  • Hello, Neat post. There is a problem along with your website in internet explorer, would check this? IE nonetheless is the market leader and a good part of other people will miss your excellent writing because of this problem.

  • guest

    I find it annoying that these articles are continually published with the same tired theme, but what it states (black women dating interracially) is actually becoming a reality. I see it more every day, educated, pretty, well-balanced, non-ghetto black women are now more open to dating outside of their race and yes despite what hateful folks may say black women are very much wanted. It is very silly to limit your dating choices by race in this day and age.

    Not to mention, when black women do marry out of their race their marriages last longer than any other pairing. That's a fact, check the stats.

  • fingerbeans

    Marriage is good for whomever desires it. And good marriages are created they don't just happen I don't care what color the participants are. I just hate black men who believe they can't have a good marriage with a black woman. I think black women should give whtie men, asian men, every man a chance. There is a surplus of black women and they need to be marrying and not pro-creating and trying to raise boys alone. Doesnt' work.

  • Brenda55

    And this is why Black Women don't want you. You are violent.

  • dookie

    I wouldn’t even consider being friends with a disgusting female ape. As a successful member of the master white race, I find them very ugly and grotesque. I also find their ooking and screeching insufferable. And why do they all smell so terrible? Their stench is like a combination of zoo dirt, oven cleaner, and bad taco meat.

    • noneed

      don't get out much, huh, "Dookie"? At least your name fits your "thinking"

      • Brenda55

        Another bottom feeder heard from. You need to hang out with chocolateman. Just the opposite side of the same coin.

    • guest

      this is a black man, most likely lol

  • Adriana

    I intended to say, I would not hesitate for a moment to date outside of my race.

  • Adriana

    I am a black woman who is married to a successful black man for 23 years. We have 3 kids. However, I tell my daughters don't believe that the only way you can find love is with a black man. You find love/happiness with the person not with his skin color. I truly have come to believe that this loyality of black women to black men is not returned as group. I think it is social suicide for black women not to even consider dating outside of their race. Black men (young, old and in the middle) don't think twice about dating/marrying outside of their race. I feel blessed to have a good man and work hard everyday to keep my marriage. However, GOD forbid that my marriage ends, I would hesitate for a moment to date outside of my race.

    • Adriana

      I intend to say, I would not hesitate for a moment to date outside of my race.

    • guest

      you are the type of black man she and other parents are probably afraid that her daughters will come across. just hateful and ignorant

  • I think Amanda is Christeline the woman who runs this site she has an unhealthy love for white men and never fails to put down black men maybe she has issues with her father.This site is not for the advancement of black women.
    Who cares what other races are doing we need to uplift the black race and stop pretending that we will find salvation with white men.Most black women are not interested in this topic period.Most black men are not monsters you need a reality check Amanda/christeline.

    • Amanda

      Sweetie, don't pretend that you think:)

      I'm a member of the black race and moreover I'm a BLACK WOMAN (well, OK mulatta but who cares, most people see brown-skinned mulattas as black anyways) and I'm TIRED of black men coming to this site and spewing their nonsense. This site is not for black WOMEN and that means black women who are tall, short, single, taken, in love with a black man, in love with an Asian, in love with a white man, whatever! Black men do NOT have ownership over us and I'm sick of them trying to!

      If this site is not for the advancement of black women in your humble view (and really, telling black women to avoid the single most-likely to beat and abuse them group is most definitely FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF BLACK WOMEN), why don't you step off and find another one then?

      And NO, I am NOT Christelyn (I've seen her advertising blogs on FB though), there are plenty of black women who agree with her these days!

      • brian k

        Amanda you do the same thing that the stupid black men on this site do, you spew rubbish about other members of your ethnic group. Smart people try to rise above such petty shots and have constructive discussions even on the internet. You sink to the level of the very men you criticise and then expect to not be criticised in turn for making those stupid comments. Besides you are mixed and so have a completely different background and perspective. Do what you like but don't be surprised when others criticise your invective statements based on suspect data.

        • Amanda

          Oh, you mean suspect data like this?: http://www.chicagodefender.com/article-2110-domes

          I was raised by a BLACK woman, and I make no apologies for having the welfare of BLACK women in mind. The fact of the matter is, the black men who come here do not give a flying **** about black women's wellbeing. They are concerned about protecting their images and shooing off any potential threats of mate competition because they think they have ownership over black women while not taking responsibility. They want to play the "stats" game to manipulate black women? Well, I can play that game too, and believe me when I say that'll NEVER work out in a brother's favour! haha!

          • Daniel

            Sorry you feel that way Amanda.

  • Amanda

    Illegitimacy is not my main concern. Who is to say that an unmarried woman isn't still loved and happy? What's concerning to me is that black women are the most likely to be the victims of domestic violence. And the main reason for the discrepancy is that black women are the most likely to be involved with black men. White women who get romantically entangled with black men ALSO experience a substantial increase in the risk of violence or homicide. Dealings with black men, as a group, are dangerous. I love black women enough to warn them. They're not concerned about you OR "black love." They're concerned about their pride and it taking a hit when they see you with a man from another race.

  • Amanda

    Patently false. Asian men are the least likely to marry black women. And even if 78% of black men ARE married to black women (which the 2010 census revealed:), 22% of black men are interracially married), that doesn't change the fact that 70% of black men will never marry the women they have children with.

    • pop goes the honey

      Totally agree. White men are not the least likely to marry black women, asian men are. black women don't have anything in common with asian men anyway, so, who cares. white men have more in common with black women culturally and historically, so relationships between black women and white men work out better than those between asian men and black women, which rarely exist.

  • bhillboy37

    I am reposting because my link was off.

    I'ma break it down so that it is forever broke. Women you are scaring yourself single. There are good healthy, stable black men in this country. Look at the government statistics instead of making them up out of your head.

    We have jobs and are thriving. The median income is higher for black men- 44k versus 37k for black women. Three quarters of the way down the page. factfinder.census.gov/servlet/IPTable?_bm=y&-geo_id=01000US&-qr_name=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201&-qr_name=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201PR&-qr_name=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201T&-qr_name=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201TPR&-ds_name=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_&-reg=ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201:004;ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201PR:004;ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201T:004;ACS_2008_3YR_G00_S0201TPR:004&-_lang=en&-redoLog=false&-format=

    We marry black-87% of black men marry black women. White men are the least likely to marry black women. -http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/01/29/us/20110130mixedrace.html

    There are 1.2 black women for every 1 black man. Enough with the 8:1 or 20:1 ratio-Pick your city then divide 100 into your cities number of black men. That's your real ratio. -http://www.census.gov/population/www/cen2000/briefs/phc-t27/tables/tab05.pdf

    Black women make up 18% of those with a bachelors degree or over- black men 15%- Not a huge difference considering we make more on average (see first set of statistics). -http://www.census.gov/population/www/cen2000/briefs/phc-t27/tables/tab05.pdf

    Stop letting thes honkies game you into thinking black men hate you, aren't educated, and don't have a job. You are looking like complete fools to these yt's.

  • Daniel

    Running out of topics huh MN??

    Quick Question Ladies;
    What issue do you find of most concern as a Black Woman in America/World??

  • tpe

    It is also apparent that the WSJ article flew right over some people's heads.

    The article is saying there are more black women than black men period.

    If there is a surplus of women in the "black community" AND THERE IS, then that means there may be 10 women for

    every 1 man or maybe 5 women for every 1 man.

    This means that some women who choose to date only American black men are going to STAY single even if they

    want to marry. This also means that some black men in America will NEVER marry anybody because the numbers

    are in THEIR favor. They will stay unmarried all the while having sex,children by,and perhaps live in relationships with

    black women but they will NOT marry because they want access to all those other available women.

    There may also be a problem with infidelity even if he does marry because there are still many single women out there

    who are willing to degrade themselves by marrying way down and even compete for his affections.

    Allegedly there are almost 2 million more black American women than black American men.So the thought is if at

    least 2 million women sex, date, and marry outside of their race, culture, or even go international and marry a man from

    another country, this would mean that the numbers would no longer be skewed.You'll have less man sharing,less

    black women feeling the need to compete with other women for a small group of men.This will likely lead to more

    black men and black women marrying and possibly staying married.And other black women will be married to non

    black men,thus you will have less single black women.

    At least this is what I gathered from the article.

  • Amanda

    I don't care about statistics. I don't live with my white bf because "X percent of white men are not racist" or because "X percent of black women have the ability to appeal cross-racially" or because "X number of black men are in prison" or because "You can elevate the X number of black women who are married." I initially was attracted to him because I think white guys are hawt. At the end of the day, I don't care who agrees with me, it's not about numbers. And the same should go for black women who don't share my preference.

  • Sharock1

    Me too. My late black husband was a wonderful man and my current black man friend of 10 years is wonderful too. I have nothing against white men, but have never felt the need to turn to them in order to have a successful relationship. I think that women who choose white men because they believe that is how establish a stable relationship have issues that they need address.

  • btowne

    No more about this interracial stuff. I'm Happy. Can we please move on to other helpful topics.

  • ana

    these are root issues
    but MN doesn't want to think too deeply though these issues affect more black women and families (and therefore US society as a whole) then hysteria over "man shortage" and amazement over the previously unknown and undiscovered social quirk that non-black individuals are open to romantic relationships with black individuals :-O

    so we get the same articles every week (and I've only been aware of this site a month or so)

  • ana

    exactly!
    70% of black women are not married, 65% of black men (that means any race; the IR stats people fuss over 3% bw 9% bm are part of the paltry 30 and 35 percent of blacks currently married)
    42% of black women will never marry, 38% of black men
    black have higher rates of cohabitation with mates of other races than marriage

    as a group less likely to marry, have the lowest married reproductive rates, most likely to marry later in life, most likely to divorce

    number of population near and below poverty line, higher education rates, low socioeconomic diversity have high correlation with low marriage rates, high divorce and high OOW (also low in wedlock) birthrates and overall percentages.
    blacks are over represented in those categories

  • haitianbison

    Ladies and Gentlemen….dont believe the hype. Not all black men hate you…not all black men want to be perpetually single…not all black men are in jail or have aids or 3 kids by 3 women or are unemplyed or uneducated…..not all white men are the opposite…not all white men are open to dating you….not all white men want to get married. men are men…no more no less….

    I think the main beef is why tell me who to date while not given this "advise" to other women. Why is everyone so concerned about the black woman's bedchambers?

    As i said before…dont believe the hype, dont drink the Kool-aid and do whatever you want to because you want to…not because of a percieved shortage or and articles so-called facts.

    • haitianbison

      * employed
      * advice
      * an

      apologies for the typos…

    • Dee.O

      Ayiti is right, ladies don't give into the hype. I don't even understand what "save" black marriages means. Like WTF you don't see articles about yt decreasing his divorce rates. Let black women love whomever she so chooses to in whatever way she so chooses.

      I personally love black men, the darker the better, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world should be all up in arms if I choose to date Korean dude from around the way. As far as I am concerned there should only be one other person in my bedroom besides myself. The rest of the world can GTFO and stay out. sheesh.

  • BK Chica

    Why is this still a topic, who cares.. We all are human at the end of the day! But check out this article, Is having a baby to keep a mate considered entrapment http://t.co/LG6qmB3

  • tpe

    I don't see how black women can come here mad at this article.The opposite of not having articles about marriage to white men should NOT be to have articles about marriage to black men.

    I think some of you all are concerned that you come off as desperate for white men when you should be equally concerned with coming off as desperate to black men.

    Black men scream that they hate,do not want,do not like,do not value,do not love you all from the roof tops.It is MAINLY them doing this.

    I say have no focus on ANY man before you focus on black men.

    A lot of black online mags that showcase black love often get insulted by black men who CONSTANTLY troll their mags and blogs to state that MOST black men dont like and in fact hate black women.

    I would not want to be shown as desperate for ANY man but most especially not a BLACK man

    • btowne

      Oh yeah, and where are the black men hollering this hatred for black women from, prison? So what makes the black man so great that they hate black women?

  • THEWIFE

    So sick of this topic!

  • pfft…

    My mom has been with the same man for 23yrs. He asked her to marry him and she declined…multiple times. Never the less she is quite happy, they are happy. Not being married doesn't automatically equal single and desperate.

  • Kayla

    another article seriously??????

  • Jimmy Swaggered

    Black women: go to the club less, and go to your local bar more. You'll meet better men.

  • In All Honesty

    Hmm. Wait a minute, isn't what he's describing what's happening in the UK? A lot more Black women over there are married interracially than in the States. Does anyone know if Black marriages there are in better shape?

    • ana

      "black marriages" are actually increasing because African immigration is on the rest

      the larger the pool of black singles, the greater chance the person you connect with may be black. plus, 1st and 2nd gen immigrants from Africa often have cultural, religious and ethnic preferences and practices that make another Black Brit a more likely mate

      • ana

        rest = rise

  • seek2027

    Ish i dont know about the next man but i love Black woman me as a black man that all i have even been attacted to my entire life i cant see my self with no other race In my book there is no substitute for a black woman that’s just me

    • Black Excellence

      Nah, it's not just you, my brotha

      I <3 sistas!

    • btowne

      Thank you.

    • Daniel

      REAL REAL TALK!!! The reason why Black Women are the topic of conversation is because they are the most desired women on earth. What other races are doing is trying to figure out and angle to come at them, now they have realized is the only way to get with them is to convince them that black men dont want them. The old divide and conquer trick….yt doing what he does best.

  • I wonder why the same old same old keeps repeating itself on this website.Black women are 70 % children out of wedlock, 70% not married, chasing whitemen.It never stops and it is always the same stupidity.I thought for a minute that this would be a serious piece about black marriages and making them stronger.The owner of this site needs to let this issue go she seems to be very insecure with her white husband and will not accept that most black people will always want to be with other black people.Where are the black couples and stories on back marriage this is getting rather desperate.I for one accept that whenever a white person wants a black mate there is usually something not right with them-a reject, ugly or a sexual deviant.Why is there no highlighting how many black women have degrees, post graduate degrees. in professional occupations or starting businesses. I am beginning to wonder what the end game is, it is not black unity or black pride.

    • Oh wow; my White BF is not a reject, ugly or a sexual deviant! Are you serious?

  • Edward

    LOL!!!! No that 70% of black women cant be right. Not with most of them claiming to have a man and them not caring what anyone else thinks about them!!!! Liers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • btowne

      Oh my goodness, they've raised your bigoted A*S*S again.

    • ana

      70% of black women
      65% of black men

      that single statistic is for currently married

      not widowed, divorced, engaged, cohabiting, dating

      one can have a man/woman, and be part of that single stat

      • ana

        proof?
        numbers?
        stats?
        opinions and anecdotes aren't worth the energy it takes to type them

        38% of black men are never married
        lower than all other groups of men
        more likely to cohabitate, less likely to marry, most likely to divorce, less likely to remarry
        than all other groups of men and across interracial and intraracial mating stats

        if that is a choice, you are painting black men as triflin'

      • Reese

        I doubt that you even believe that. Because some black men have asked black women to marry them who have said no. I know alot of brothers who want to be married and alot of sisters who don't. Oh and the stats aren't even correct they have new ones that come out. And also 70% of all women are divorced or single. She brings up the stats to show that black men are in the same position we are in. duh

  • maggie

    Black people need to make black people in order to have black marriages. No other equation works.

  • btowne

    I am so sick and tired of the media and other races worrying about the black woman, the black woman. God created us all, yet it seems the whole world is (including the black man) against the black woman "DAMN."

    • Wow, the whole world including black men? Because of an article suggesting that maybe you should date other types of men. Would you care to explain how you came to that conclusion.

    • Emme

      Sometimes it feels like white men tie us up, white women tighten the noose, and black men kick our legs while we are hanging. I don't want them to like us, just leave us alone. Please!

    • pop goes the honey

      The only real way to deal with this issue is to date white guys in order to give black women some leverage against black men. i agree with the male writer Banks that black women need to date outside the race so that we can level the playing field, and the black women like myself who do date white men are doing just that, and i don't feel and dam bit guilty about it.

      • Tlavar34

        I agree with you Pop goesthe honey..if we Black Women do want more husband prospects we must be open minded.

  • Black women do not be fooled by the sudden interest the media has in us.The last 10 years have seen the media demonize and stereotype black men in the worst way and now we have too many black men who are not willing and able to sustain jobs and families.They have turned there attention to black women in a continued attempt to destroy the black family and the black community.This site and the woman who runs it Christyline is part of that she has a white man and is obsessed with white men.Every week there is a story about interracial marriage but where are the stories about successful black couples if this is a site for Black women.Do not be fooled they are trying the divide and rule tactic.

    • More like everyday

    • guest

      except black women aren't weak minded enough to start "failing" just because someone's talking bad about us. we fight harder and do better. that is where I think black men messed up, giving into the hate with their complacency, now they're all too willing to jump on the bandwagon to try to bring black women down too

  • White men are coming to save black women! Rejoice! Hip Hip Hooray! Now they are no longer subject to my bitter and pathetic rants.

    • KeeKee

      lol….NO dear. YT aint saving this black woman from anything. Believe me…yt aint my FIRST choice if I decided to date outside my race.

      Articles like this love to continue to conquer and divide blacks if you let them. Just like someone said earlier," Only on black sites do I see these STUPID articles." And that so true.

    • btowne

      I don't need the white man to save me from anything. The white man did not create me. God did. Therefore, only God can save me.

    • btowne

      The white man don't care about the black man either.

  • prettyLady

    I don’t know how to contact the editor but if anyone does please let me know.

    Dear MN,
    No one cares, some are tired, please move on (pick which ever you prefer) about this topic anymore. What you have posted about black marriage didn’t help anyone get married. You are telling us things 80% of us already know. Not only that but for some strange reason it is bringing out the worst in some of the black male commenters (just check).

    My point is you started off as a positive site to visit, now its down right depressing to read your “love and marriage” stories. There are plenty of other things for us ladies to chat about so please move on or take a break.

    Most respectfully,
    prettyLady

  • Why is the media suddenly these days so obsessed with what the heck is going on with black women? These stories are not a coincidence. Remember people, the media and these so called blogs are owned by mostly white people. There seemed to be a conscious effort to demoralize and undermine the black family. Despite problems in our communities. Please don't get it twisted. There is love between black men and black women. Obama and Michelle have destroyed the white man's perception of black marriage. So white people are hatin. If they can try to destroy our economy because they hate Obama, why wouldn't they try to use the media to hurt the black family. The Obamas seem to have the perfect fairy tail life. The worst thing that can happen to the white man is to have to deal with a black community built on the strong black family. They are trying to make sure we date outside our race and make black men distance themselves further from the black woman. Don't believe the media hype. There is still love between black men and black women.

    • Gypsy Flower

      Ok, I'm going to play along with your delusional, conspiracy theorist-type post. Since these blogs are mostly owned by white people (let's just say "the white man"), maybe the topic is being addressed so frequently because "the white man" secretly wants to be with a black woman. If he keeps putting it out there, then maybe black women will start dating "the white man." You've got it all wrong! "The white man" isn't demoralizing and undermining the black family. He just wants a little chocolate in his life.

      • bhillboy37

        The white man "wanting a little chocalate" kinda does undermine the "black" family.

  • Prissy

    Oh wow.. Is it REALLY that bad for us? Are we THAT hated that there are so many statistics against us? WHAT is it that we have to do? At this point it is not annoying… it is more so discouraging. WHY can't we get our Black men to love us unconditionally like we love them?? I really and truly do not get it. We are always the backbone.. But now it's we're too dark, too light, too fat, too skinny, no hair, long hair, natural , weaved, brown eyes , fake eyes. Like we get labeled so much these days it's like the entire world is against us. NO one is really pointing out that we do a lot for our men, children and community. Why are we so discouraged to mate with our own kind? *sigh*

    • bellatrice1

      Because they're not trying to mate with us. The author and others are not discouraging you from mating with your "own kind," but if marriage is what you want, then it would behoove you to date interracially. Most Black men aren't adamant about dating/marrying a Black woman, so if you ever want to get married, you might want to expand your horizons. That's all anyone is saying. That doesn't mean you stop dating Black men. You just have an open mind about dating other races, as well. You very well could still end up with a Black man, but holding out only for them isn't a good idea if you want to get married and don't want to eventually "settle" because you've reached a certain age and want to hurry up and have children.

      • extraordinary

        I concur with bellatrice1. Yet I don't understand the emphasis on marriage anyway.

  • coolrelax2

    The article is a tad over dramatic, but I get the point. By my definition, any successful marriage involving a Black person is good for Black people as a whole. While I understand that marriage is not a desirable situation for some people, let's get real: most Black women still want marriage. Right or wrong being unmarried past a certain age is seen as a failure for women. And a stable marriage is the best situation so raise children in. The solution here is not to discount the value of marriage. Addressing incarceration and drop out rates for Black men will help future generations, but what about today's "Single Black Woman"? Perhaps the reason why so many Black women are dealing with a lack of eligible Black men is because the previous generation took the stance that "Sistas ain't jumping on the marriage bandwagon anymore bc we don't have to!!!!!" Now many of us are trying to sift through garbage looking for a prince.

    • And Because I Know

      You should marry who you want too. I'm sick of black women getting mad because some men married a mixed, or any other chick other than black. SHE captured his heart, maybe you should worry about finding a man of your own. I dont care about black women marrying outside there race either, good for you.

  • Geena

    how are u saving BLACK marriage by dating interracially!?????? Please. Sistas aint jumping on the marriage bandwagon anymore simply bc we dont have to!!! There is no law that says your life is not complete unless ur married. This aint the fifties where u were a social outcast or a nanny if u werent married. So sick of these know-it-alls claiming theres something wrong because we’re not just settling for any old thing anymore.

    • bleh

      white and asian women would cry fearfully after reading your post. they live to be married. lmao.

    • Shouldnthave2say

      Black women would save black marriage by being married…

      By JUST BEING MARRIED. Duh.

    • Barack

      the plan is to dilute the black race….Make the black men want white/latina women and make the black woman look elsewhere as well.