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Let me first start off by saying this isn’t the 1950s. If a woman wants to stay at home and raise her children, it’s because she chooses to do so. But more and more women are out here running things. According to an article in Fortune magazine, a new report finds that the number of women-owned firms grew 1.5 times the national average, and Black women blow that number away. According to an article published by The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, Black women hold a significant edge over Black men in almost every facet of higher education. Black women currently earn about two-thirds of all African-American bachelor’s degree awards, 70 percent of all master’s degrees, and more than 60 percent of all doctorates. Black women also hold a majority of all African-American enrollments in law, medical, and dental schools. I say all that to say that women, especially Black women, have made some incredible strides in our professional lives. We are able to choose the paths we wish to follow and make quite a splash, but why doesn’t this same power trickle over into our dating lives? I mean yeah, we can walk up to a guy and get his number, ask him out on a couple of dates, have a few sleepovers, etc., but we generally aren’t the ones who initiate a commitment or marriage. Statistics even show that educated Black women are less likely to marry because of our social and economic standing.
Throughout my dating experiences, the pickings have been slim when it comes to finding someone who’s on the same level as I am regarding investing in education and career advancement. But even when found, I’ve learned that it is ultimately he who decides how far our relationship goes and whether a commitment is made by initiating it. I’ve learned that I can choose a guy and he may be “The One” of my dreams, but unless he decides I’m his “One,” the entire thing is null and void. So regardless of what the statistics say, and what I’ve experienced, I decided to survey a few guys of different ages and relationship statuses to see what it means for them to choose “The One” and what factors go into deciding to go forth and commit.
“For me it was totally different,” said a 31 -year-old married man who relied on his faith and waited for God to show him the woman he needed in his life. “I prayed and was like ‘God I’m tired of trial and error (even though it takes trial and error to better your understanding on certain aspects of a relationship),’ but I told God to give me a sign. Surely, as I kept my promise, so did He and when He delivered her, I just knew it based on what I saw from afar, it was something like no other. So it’s like something inside just lets you know she’s ‘The One.’ Every woman you date isn’t the one, so you only get the sign once, and when you do, follow it!”
“My girlfriend recognizes the strengths in me that I can’t recognize myself,” said a 25-year-old man who said he found “The One” as soon as he met his encouraging and passionate girlfriend. “She taught me how to love and be more considerate just by treating me that way. She demands excellence and is nagging, but I know it’s to push me. I appreciate that even though I get mad at times. I know it takes some people a good amount of time to find out whether they’ve found the right one or not and that’s fine, but I pretty much knew as soon as I met her.”
“A woman is worth the commitment if she shares the same values as you, and if you both are along the same path to be better mentally,” said a 26-year-old guy who believed that you know you’ve met “The One” when they make you want to do better and be a greater person. “Most importantly, you both make each other better in all areas of life. In my situation, I spent two years single and during that time, it became crystal clear to me what I wanted in a woman and where her head needed to be and to no surprise the moment I met my current girlfriend, and we had a conversation, I just knew it. We’re both finance professionals, and she’s my partner in crime. We host financial literacy workshops together, plan together, everything together.”
Another guy, 30, said it’s all about a feeling. “A person worth a commitment is a woman who can make you feel the way the sun does on warm spring mornings. That feeling of peace, a sense of serenity. It is a person who understands how to reciprocate. That love is equal and should be given only to them, that wish to give it without request. A person that is the right fit. Who can keep her cool, control her emotions and doesn’t push your buttons. There is something about having a woman you can count on that makes you feel invincible. There is no feeling like it.”
A 40-year-old man said that it took a bit more for him. Like bringing a child in the world together.
“Honestly, it took her having my first child for me to know she was ‘The One.’ I knew beforehand but I really knew afterwards. She’s a medical professional and at the time I met her, I was still trying to get my life together and she was patient with me, she pushed me to get different licenses and certifications and now everything I do is for her and my little family.”
Sometimes, ladies, “The One” is watching you, waiting for the right moment to make a move. “I had been watching her for a while via social media, admiring her from a distance because I just knew if I approached her, I had to have myself together first,” said another man, 35. “I could tell she wasn’t with the nonsense. She appeared to be so free-spirited, strong, people loved her and I knew I had to step correct. It took me a year to finally talk to her. It was the best decision I made. She pushes me out of my anti-social box. I’ve lived in my city all my life and never knew half the things were there until she showed me around and she ain’t even from here! She’s so calm during arguments and just wants to talk things out. She pushes me to advance in my career because for a while I was settled and unhappy. She’s goofy, and we have a good balance.”
And the last guy, 29, knew he found his “One” based on the way she would go out of her way to make him happy. “I quit my job working in education a few years ago to pursue a career in music. It takes up most of my time because of studio sessions and producing for people that I can’t really see her as much as I would like. One day she surprised me with a home studio in her house so that way I could work on my music there.”
Sometimes when describing the person you believe to be “The One,” it becomes more abstract than concrete. We think we want one thing and then are swept off of our feet by another. And many of the men I spoke to were attracted to women who pushed them to be better, and to do better. To come correct, both in their approach and in their professional lives. Whatever way the story unfolds, it’s nice to see when men are stepping up and laying the foundation for their love lives and to know what exactly many of them are looking for. The more you know…
