Are You Coddling Your Son or Raising Him to Be a Man?

August 1st, 2011 - By LaShaun Williams

Too many of our boys are coddled into the real world, with Mommy there to play Mrs. Fix-It and defend poor choices made too late. Circumstances may not be the best, so instead of teaching them how to work with the cards they’re dealt, many mothers attempt to overcompensate by giving everything and accepting very little in return. Despite bringing home terrible grades for example, plenty of boys have mothers who work double shifts to be able to buy them new iPhones and more for Christmas. Although it’s done with the most genuine of intentions, it inhibits development and only entrenches them deeper into boyhood. The unconditional love of a mother can be blind and, sometimes, we have to take a step back and put things into perspective for the better. Ask yourself the following:

Am I constantly making excuses for bad behavior?

Do I just let things go?

What am I protecting him from?

Why aren’t my standards higher?

How much of what I give him does he earn?

Is failure going to boost his self-esteem?

Can he adequately speak for himself?

What are his goals and dreams?

When mothers “protect” their sons from failure and disappointment, boys are crippled. For misbehaving, they should be reprimanded—every time. Why? Bad behavior is just that, bad. For every action there is a reaction, better to learn the lesson earlier than later in a prison cell. Boys who like to test their limits may seem like they’re always in trouble, especially around ages two and three; but, consistency is essential. Start young and you will be able to rest better when they’re older. Boys need to understand that poor choices always have consequences; and, since no one really gets away with anything in the long run, it’s in their best interest to make smart decisions. No exceptions, no excuses.

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  • Allyce

    Great article. The other day my 15-year son joked I was supposed to do his laundry because I was his mom. That's the day I stopped.

  • Rob

    Here is my two cents on the matter.
    1. A woman is not able to teach a boy to be a man because she is not one BUT she can show him how to be a good adult (paying bills on-time/being respectful/study habits). Just as a man is not able to teach a girl how to be a woman.

    2. I can only tell my daughter what her cycle is and that is from reading a book but it takes another woman to explain to her what her body is goin thru.( I know all women experiences with cycle are different).

    I was talking with a sister about this same topic while we in jury duty. and one point I did express to her that shocked her was about love. She told me she was teaching her sons how to love and treat women with repect at all time and to treat a young lady on how they would want someone to treat their mother or sisters. which Ido agree with her women should be loved and treated with the up most respect. As I stated to her but I also told her that she is “teaching” them to love from the aspect of woman who has been hurt by men.

    I was in a single parent home it was me/moms/and two sisters. to me the biggest difference about me and some of my friends in the same boat my granddad/uncles/older cuz/coaches took me under their wings and help to mold me. I SAW/LEARNED from these men how to treat your wife/children/family. They were not saints but I did learn a few thing from them and I still talk to them to gain knowledge.

  • keepitreal

    I hate to read articles that say what a single mother or father can or can not do in raising children. My father was raised by a single mother and raised us as a single father. He provide, protected and nurtured as any parent would. To say that a parent has “failed” because two parents were not involved, is foolish.

  • Kayla

    i can see this. the relationships i've had with men. the ones that grew up with a father were 110% better then the ones i dated w/o one. That's why you need two people in the household. it takes two to make em so it takes to to raise him. instead of woman using the excuse " that's not my baby" or "my baby would never do that". They need to hold them accountable.

  • https://www.facebook.com/deedeerussell Dee Dee Russell

    Women raise boys.

    Men raise men.

    No offense to anyone but I believe that single B motherhood, all in all, is a failure. The BC is run by obese depressed women. Flocks of bastard children raising by mom with no dad= a success?

    • Chazaq

      You are dumb…no more words are need.

  • Kala

    OMG I wish my kids grandmother could read this article. She is one of those my son can do no wrong and if he does something wrong it is the fault of everyone else. She did everything for him and now he can't do anything without someone's help. So sad.

  • http://twitter.com/MsEdnaDotCom @MsEdnaDotCom

    I taught my one and only son to love GOD, to love himself and to respect himself. I also loved, respected and looked up to him. Consequently, he has never disrespected me and has grown into a proud black man that I am proud to call my son. I tease him all the time that I would be trying to marry him if he were not my son. His Dad and I divorced when he was just 5 years old, but I was determined to raise a man!

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