Real Men Like Real Hair – Why Weaves Don’t Work

June 22, 2010  |  

Courtesy of the

Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.

If you pay attention to the images portrayed in magazines and mainstream movies, most will have you believe that all men are stuck on the idea of their women having long hair. Whether it’s Beyoncé or Tamika up the block, achieving that look usually means getting a weave, tracks, wig, or whatever other follicle trickery beauticians use to fake the funk. That’s not to say that a black woman can’t have naturally long hair without assistance, but more times than not that sister with the ponytail is actually rocking a phony tail.

I for one am a man that appreciates natural hair. Be it locks, an Afro, curly tresses or even a low-cut Caesar, I admire a woman that is comfortable in her own skin and real hair. There’s just a certain sexiness and confidence I get from a woman that decides to defy the norm by rockin’ the hair God gave her. Again, that’s no knock against sisters that prefer a perm and extensions, but natural hair is more my speed. But maybe I’m alone in that distinction.

Mainstream media beats us over the head with images of longhaired women being the ideal form of beauty. From childhood ideas of beauty that defy our own African heritage are what we’re exposed to. Our daughters grow up playing with Barbie dolls that have silky smooth hair and watching cartoons that highlight the same features. Somewhere along the way our sons learn early on to pay more attention to the girls with “good hair.” A few parents make a concerted effort to teach their kids diversity, but for the most part we all wind up repeating the same cycle.

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  • Enough

    When black women do it, it’s self hate.

    When white women do it, it’s fashion.

    When it’s black women, black men hate it.

    When it’s white women, black men love it.

    I’m so over being a black woman in America.

    • Elijah Gwayumba

      Being a black woman in america is the hardest thing to do. There is constant backlash no matter what. I do believe that it is changing though. Black women are some of the strongest people on the planet and if any significant change is going to happen in america it will only happen with the support and backing of the black woman. Being a black man in my 20s, I am initially attracted to natural hair. But being an honest man, I do not fall in love with hair but with a person. There are still good men who will love you for you if you are looking for a partner. And if you don’t want a partner there are still many men and women who will love and support you for you as well. I agree, enough is enough. Time to make a change.

  • Masterpieced

    See the baby in the pic and how the texture does not fit its features? That is how ridiculous you look in a silky weave.

  • Masterpieced

    And you forgot–self esteem.

  • KC007

    I’m glad the author is Pro-Natural Hair. Natural hair is cute! With that said, there’s sooo many women that rock extensions, regardless of ethnicity… (braidless, sew-ins, clip-ins, etc.), and not only for aesthetic reasons. There are people who suffer from various types of alopecia, cancer patients, people who have been been through scalp trauma…the list goes on. And then there’s people like me…I have kinky curly hair that is sooo sensitive. 9/10 products that are commercially available damage my hair…I follow a pretty strict ayurvedic haircare regimen…but sometimes that gets tiring. So I weave it up, take care of my hair and the sew-in…four-five weeks later, voila, new growth.    

  • Maria

    I admire the author for at least saying,that he’d admire black women (visually or appearance wise,men and women are both visual creatures) for not wearing weaves or wigs,etc., versus him saying, women would look better with the weave than without . I think if more men applauded wigs/weaves ,we’d be a little insulted and say that he was a sell out. To me, he’s simply saying, you’re beautiful enough without having to resort to purchasing extra hair to cover up or add to the hair growing out of your head. But to each his own.

  • machinks

    First off, hey Anslem! Been a sec.since I’ve read u.

    I only read this because of its misleading title lol. This horse has great grandchildren that beaten are dead and in Elmer’s form. I only wanted to add 2things, and actually JL beat me to one of them.
    Ain’t nobody tryna look white.
    There is a strong vibrant African American cultural movement that has sprung up surrounding our hair, and we make it our own in a way that has nothing whatsoever to do with white folks.

    That isn’t to say that there isn’t a beauty standard issue that a lot of black ppl suffer from. But that brings me to my 2nd point. As a black woman who loves my naps as much as i love the weave i sew on top of it, i have to say.. i think these discussions ain’t really affecting the folks who really think straighter is better. I think at this point yall preaching to the choir.
    Respectfully, Machinko.

  • carolyn

    what people seem to forget is all races wear weaves,wigs, hair pieces they just call it different things weaves, hair extentions whatever black.white mexican asain you would be surprise how many different types of women were weaves, i am so sick of people always talking about african americans wearing them when we all know the white women started it all in the entertainment industry.

    • Masterpieced

      When others weave, they still weave in THEIR texture. We do not. We also choose to weave in THEIR texture. It looks ridiculous on us.

  • Hello.This article was really fascinating, especially because I was investigating for thoughts on this topic last Wednesday.

  • Criss L.

    That picture of the baby with the wig on looks too cute and soo funny. I'm sorry but that picture was just too distracting for me to read about what's being commented over of, it's just too dame funny I just had to really say something about this. What a best way in trying to catch people's attention on site. Now I'm gonna have to read this blog site. Thank you so much, peace.

  • JL

    That grease, wash thing may work when you're already natural but not if you're going natural and have medium to long hair. Its a lot of work if you have a lot of hair. And a lot of time if you have a full time career.

    The truth of the matter is everyone DOESN’T look good with short natural hair. That’s just the reality of life…just like everyone DOESN’T look good with long straight hair. Do what works for you.

    • Masterpieced

      Natural does not mean short always.

  • Chell86

    Although I know some say that men shouldn't be commenting on women's hair I appreciate this post. The term "follicle trickery" tickled me pink. I think the process of going natural can be disjointing in that it is not the mainstream depiction of hair. (Although I really believe that the internet is alive with blogs and other resources devoted to the topic) Personally, I just did the big chop a week ago and was told yesterday straight up that it was "unattractive" for a woman to wear short natural hair and that perhaps I should get a wig. I think that the beauty of black women is we can do whatever and still look fierce. I don't think the post was meant to be an attack of women who wear weaves, but more an attempt to give some loving to the natural sisters…and you know what…today I needed it.

  • JL

    @Manford446 I think its completely untrue that a woman with natural hair is more psychologically sound. I don't know where you did that research but brotha you are way off.

    For me, personally, I love my natural hair but my mother relaxed my hair when i was 14 and do not have the patience, time or money it takes to go back to my natural state right now. (its a lot of work. don't believe the hype) So maybe in a few years…

    I just hate that people automatically assume you have a condition of "self-hatred" because your hair is straight. Get a life.

    Aside from that i think its apart of Black American culture. I dont wear weave consistently, but i have in the past for fun. Its a great way to try different styles without damaging your own air. I've tried different colors wearing weave. You have black girls with the different unique asymetrical hair cuts, and the crazy updos, the multi-colored hair styles. You may not like them, but thats stuff WE invented. BLACK AMERICANS and it is often times achieved with weave. In fact, if a white girl had braids with extensions added or a beehive or something…we would say "she's tryna look black"

    I have NEVER wanted to be a white girl. Let me repeat…I have NEVER wanted to be or look like a white girl. I love being Black. I definitely dont think weave= self hatred. And people who think that are short-sided.

    And lets not talk about how white women want plumper behinds and lips in order to look like us…noooo let's just talk about the "self-loathing" black women.

    • Masterpieced

      Fewer white women plumb their lips or behinds than sisters who wear weaves.

  • Manford446

    Of course a black woman with alopecia and such conditions can still choose styles that complement kinky hair if they desire. We black men have indeed failed our black women by not strongly and consistently suggesting to them from day one that relaxing and weaving their hair beyond any recognition of its natural state is not automatically a beauty enhancing action. If 90% of Asian women decided that the only way for them to enhance the beauty of their hair is bleaching, clearly this would be a self hate condition of epedemic proportion. If 90% of white women decided that the only way for them to enhance the beauty of their hair is if it is processed until it is as kinky as black folk hair, or they weaved kinky hair over their naturally straight hair, again clearly this would be a self hate condition of epedemic proportion. I doubt if Asian folk or white folk would stand for anything so ridiculous and psychologically damaging to their races. The fact the 90% of black women believe that the only way to enhance the beauty of their hair is to relax and weave it beyond any recognition of its natural state is a self hate condition of epedemic proportion that should be addressed and corrected for the betterment of black folks.

  • black beauty

    "I am not my hair". There is more to me then meets the eye. I am a licensed cometologist and a RN. I have studied hair from a physical and medical perspective. Have we as a people forgotten that there are other reasons why people wear hair weaves or wigs for that matter. Where is the love and sensitivity for these people. I happen to have a condition that caused me to lose my thick, long and beautiful hair. It took me many years to accept what was happening to me. Having to deal with this very issue i'm reading about. This forced me to take a deeper look at myself. What I eventually saw was a Beautiful women both inside and out stairing back at me. Yes I wear hair extensions and it is well put together just like my soul. The problem for most people (black, white, yellow or brown) lies deeper then the eye can see. Men, you need to stop projecting your issues on black women and deal with them. Our hair is not your problem nor is it your solution. Learn to love your blackness.

    • Masterpieced

      Can you weave in kinky hair?

  • Manford446

    To me, a black woman that chooses to wear a hair style that is complementary to the kink is just usually more psychologically sound than women who choose to weave or relax their hair. She is more likely to be actively trying to overcome the effects of the slave's mentality that causes black folks to do alot of the ridiculous,self-hate things that we do. Indeed, how a black woman styles her hair often says a great deal about who she is, and where she is in this very important psychological battle.

  • JL

    Women- if you're happy with you're own hair be happy.

    Men- if you dont like weave, get a girl who doesnt wear any.

    Wow…that was easy.

    Aside from that, I do see alot of weaves that look like they're on life support, but people always fail to talk about the natural girls who look a mess too. Just like you have to do your hair even if you have a weave, you need to upkeep natural hair as well.

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  • Mimi

    P.S. The picture is hilarious.

  • Mimi

    "…They don’t care what style the hair is in. We care about the upkeep and the maintenance in the hair. Whether, its natural, permed, curly, dreaded, afro’ed. Just make sure its DONE! Having a weave doesn’t give you ladies an excuse to walk around with a janitors mop on your head after washing down the cafeteria…"


    I agree with you. I have seen plenty of women wearing hair weaves that seen better days, but they try to stretch it out as musch as possible.

    These women, walk down the street,

    not realizing they look more foolish with the weave, then without.

  • Kitty1026

    I've been natural for 2 years now, and I will never again perm my hair. With the exception of my mother, who seems to buy into the white man's standard of beautiful hair, everyone loves it!

    I've also noticed that I get way more compliments from the opposite sex. I always had long straight hair that was mine, even when I was relaxing it. I guess my curls are intriguing because they are so different. The first day I came to work after my big chop, my boss wanted to touch it, and I had to tell him to get his hands up out my head! LOL

    I always tell my male friends to not be distracted by the fakeness. Most women don't look like that when they wake up. I'm proud that I embrace my natural beauty.

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  • Que

    @Royaltree, actually, if you leave your hair alone in it's natural state it will loc up (Bob Marley). The locs you are referring to are cultivated locs (think Lauryn Hill) in which people manipulate the size of their locs.

    Most men I've run into prefer natural hair. They may not be brave enough to date a girl with natural hair, but they will quickly compliment a chick with natural hair and admire the beauty and confidence it takes to pull off.

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  • Sistah Hollywood

    grammar correction:

    "…what Black women do with their hair?…"

  • Sistah Hollywood

    *applauding Sasha* I concur.

    LMAO @ janitors mop

    Geezus dudes, please knock it off. I've never seen a topic analyzed, ripped-apart, and hypothesized to DEATH. (aside from "why successful Black women are single" *rolls eyes*) … Really, is there no other topic of interest or more importantly, of better value than discussing what Black women do with her hair? I always chuckle at this because Brothas who are so vocal about natural vs. weaves really act as though their hair-situation doesn't need to be addressed. LOL Really Fellas? Like none of you walk around with questionable domes?

    Additionally, when will the delusional-phuckery end that only Black women weave our hair? Stop it…do your research. Just because Black women dominate in purchase power of the hair market, does not mean other nationalities do not "weave" their hair, a la hair extensions.

    Bottom line, whatever your choice: natural or weave – keep it tight … it's YOUR hair … do what you wish with it and don't give a muddy monkey nuts what others have to say/feel/think about it. If the man you're dating/with feels some way about it or constantly has something to say about it – he can keep it movin; trust there IS a man who doesn't care what the hell is on your head – as long as looks like you keep it up.

    The End.

  • Kool

    As much as I like weaves and different looks and rock them faithfully, my hair is natural underneath and I ALSO rock the mess out of it!

    But I must say perming and coloring and all that DOES change who you are, it changes your NATURAL chemical make-up. I also read in a metu neter book that our natural hair and coils that look like a spring have something to do with our chakras and how we connect to Spirit??

    It intrgued me enuff to stay natural – but i do enjoy different looks from time to time and when I do HAWAIIN SILKY IT IS!!!!!

  • SigBat

    Well, just like the author's previous article there really is nothing controversial about this. All he's saying is that the weaving is a pernicious in it's affects on female self-esteem, particularly young black female sense of inherent ethnic self worth. But just like with the previous article I find myself not agreeing completely. The reality is there are just tons of things women (and men) do to their bodies to enhance our looks…for whatever motivation. Hair care, whatever the nature of it, is no different.

    So speaking as a man, I gotta say that, yeah, I don't know who has fake hair nor do I care much, but longer hair is almost always a more appealing attribute, but that is just in my eyes. It would not diminish a woman in my eyes if she used a weave, just as eye liner would not, or lipstick, or hair color, or high heels, or perfume, etc. etc. etc.

    • Masterpieced

      Perfume and high heels do not detract from ethnic origins.

  • Can

    Well ladies I think we should make it clear. There is natural as in not a weave and then there is natural as in not relaxed. To keep it real, I think most men want a women who has her own hair, but then on the other hand they down sisters who wear their own texture. So they want natural, but not too natural:)

  • Gabulous

    I agree Sasha–really agree. Oh and MrHealingHands6, I honestly don't want my man to be into makeup and fashion like myself (DL? That's another blog). An educated man is usually looking BEYOND appearances and to the soul and intellect of the woman he's interested in.

    • Quai Ontario

      The problem is these Women are so into their FAKE physical appearance, they neglect to upgrade their inner beauty, so the Man doesn’t see any intellect or soul…just a FAKE WOMAN

  • Royaltee

    This topic is like beating a dead horse. Men don't need to be concerned with what I'm doing with my hair. And for the record all race of women alter their natural hair whether they are bleaching it to become a blond when they are a brunette, hispanic women straigthen their curly locks and honestly Dreds are not natural because that alters the natural state of your head( your hair would not grow out your head like that…) Anyway black men sit online and in barbershops, sports Bars ect. just sitting around talking about all they don't like about black woman. WHO CARES! All woman alter or enhance their appearance be it a push bra, gurdle, hair extensions, make up etc. its what we woman do in the name of beauty and it makes of feel good and any man that can't appreciate that needs to get a life, IT'S HAIR DAMN IT YOU'LL POSSIBLY MISS OUT ON A GOOD WOMEN JUDGING HER BY HER HAIR AND P.S. MR. HEALING HANDS YOU SPEAK FOR YA SELF NO ALL "EDUCATED MEN" AND YOU SOUND GAY OR A LITTLE METROSEXUAL TO ME!! LOL

  • miss conception

    Personally, I perm my hair, and didn't have a choice. I can understand why my mother did it. It is hard to maintain natural hair if you don't really know how to treat it, and what products are right, and how to style it. I decided to keep my hair perm because I feel that despite this not really being my natural hair, I shouldn't be judged if everything else about me is "real" or phony. The deed is done, and I don't feel that going natural, putting weave in my hair, or relaxing my hair will make me change who I am.

    • Masterpieced

      It is not hard to maintain natural hair. That lie is as long as the lie that “I am part Indian”.

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  • FreshBills

    I just discovered this site today and man its as dead as a foreclosed home in detroit. yall need to get some people to this site.

  • @Really Tho?

    I concur, LMAO @Sasha P

    I don't get the self-serving comment though.

    Thanx Mr Healing Hands

  • Lette

    WOW… I think everyone has the right to how they feel and doesn't sound like he would want you in his life anyhow. Sounds more like he ruffled some feathers (or tracks… lol) if you ask me. Your comparison is hilarious. I've heard white men say they don't like weaves too.

  • Sorry to disappoint you two ladies, but there are tons of fellas that may not SAY anything to you about the condition of your weaves, but we certainly think it.

    Now, I'm not taking about the random dudes on the street that give you barbaric comments about your body as you walk by…..I'm talking about the brother that knows a lil bit about fashion, style, media, makeup. Not be pushing the homo threshold, just enough to be educated and speak eloquently on any topic.

    For the most part, (besides some exceptions), these educated brothas DONT LIKE weaves. They don't care what style the hair is in. We care about the upkeep and the maintenance in the hair. Whether, its natural, permed, curly, dreaded, afro'ed. Just make sure its DONE! Having a weave doesn't give you ladies an excuse to walk around with a janitors mop on your head after washing down the cafeteria.

    Whatever y'all get just maintain it!!

    • Lizaraine

      I agree with you 100%. Men don't care if the hair is long or short, just that it's tight. Some women don't know how to take care of their natural hair or they don't know how to style it so they just get a simple weave and don't worry about it. This goes for everyone no matter what race. Sure some women and men try to make thier hair look like someone else's, but other's really don't know what they are doing to thier hair health and style wise, so they go to extremes like using sodium chloride rich perms and spending 1000's of dollars on weaves. I suppose that the reason why some black men are still talking about weaves is because they still don't like them and they feel that black women look better with their natural hair.

  • Really Tho?

    LMAOOOOOO @ Sasha P! Yes, this topic is as dead as some dusty tracks laying in the street. Who cares?? Most men don't NWSO! So while you're trying to make good by appreciating natural sistas since you sh#tted on baby mama's last entry, know that this is all too self-serving.

  • Sasha P

    Does any other race of man take the time to comment on the personal and private hairstyle choices of women who share their race? Black men need to find something better to do with their time. Get a hobby. Go to college. Read a book (I suggest bell hooks). Get a life. I don't care what you think about my hair. It's on my head. I do what I want. You do what you want.

    • Charles Parris

      when they look as crazy and ridiculous as they do, we feel that it is our responsibility to tell them so, the other races are laughing at them and we (black men) have to look at those ugly wigs and weaves, period

      • Masterpieced


    • Masterpieced

      Yep. Heard of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”? it was a famous movie. Or, “Blondes have more fun”? This was a male originated campaign slogan.