Real Men Like Real Hair – Why Weaves Don’t Work

June 22nd, 2010 - By admin

Courtesy of the FreshExpress.com

Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.

If you pay attention to the images portrayed in magazines and mainstream movies, most will have you believe that all men are stuck on the idea of their women having long hair. Whether it’s Beyoncé or Tamika up the block, achieving that look usually means getting a weave, tracks, wig, or whatever other follicle trickery beauticians use to fake the funk. That’s not to say that a black woman can’t have naturally long hair without assistance, but more times than not that sister with the ponytail is actually rocking a phony tail.

I for one am a man that appreciates natural hair. Be it locks, an Afro, curly tresses or even a low-cut Caesar, I admire a woman that is comfortable in her own skin and hair. There’s just a certain sexiness and confidence I get from a woman that decides to defy the norm by rockin’ the hair God gave her. Again, that’s no knock against sisters that prefer a perm and extensions, but natural hair is more my speed. But maybe I’m alone in that distinction.

Mainstream media beats us over the head with images of longhaired women being the ideal form of beauty. From childhood ideas of beauty that defy our own African heritage are what we’re exposed to. Our daughters grow up playing with Barbie dolls that have silky smooth hair and watching cartoons that highlight the same features. Somewhere along the way our sons learn early on to pay more attention to the girls with “good hair.” A few parents make a concerted effort to teach their kids diversity, but for the most part we all wind up repeating the same cycle.

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  • Maria

    I admire the author for at least saying,that he’d admire black women (visually or appearance wise,men and women are both visual creatures) for not wearing weaves or wigs,etc., versus him saying, women would look better with the weave than without . I think if more men applauded wigs/weaves ,we’d be a little insulted and say that he was a sell out. To me, he’s simply saying, you’re beautiful enough without having to resort to purchasing extra hair to cover up or add to the hair growing out of your head. But to each his own.

  • machinks

    First off, hey Anslem! Been a sec.since I’ve read u.

    I only read this because of its misleading title lol. This horse has great grandchildren that beaten are dead and in Elmer’s form. I only wanted to add 2things, and actually JL beat me to one of them.
    Ain’t nobody tryna look white.
    There is a strong vibrant African American cultural movement that has sprung up surrounding our hair, and we make it our own in a way that has nothing whatsoever to do with white folks.

    That isn’t to say that there isn’t a beauty standard issue that a lot of black ppl suffer from. But that brings me to my 2nd point. As a black woman who loves my naps as much as i love the weave i sew on top of it, i have to say.. i think these discussions ain’t really affecting the folks who really think straighter is better. I think at this point yall preaching to the choir.
    Respectfully, Machinko.

  • carolyn

    what people seem to forget is all races wear weaves,wigs, hair pieces they just call it different things weaves, hair extentions whatever black.white mexican asain you would be surprise how many different types of women were weaves, i am so sick of people always talking about african americans wearing them when we all know the white women started it all in the entertainment industry.

  • http://www.hlhkgkhjkgffjjjkcc.ca Micah Avilar

    Hello.This article was really fascinating, especially because I was investigating for thoughts on this topic last Wednesday.

  • Criss L.

    That picture of the baby with the wig on looks too cute and soo funny. I'm sorry but that picture was just too distracting for me to read about what's being commented over of, it's just too dame funny I just had to really say something about this. What a best way in trying to catch people's attention on site. Now I'm gonna have to read this blog site. Thank you so much, peace.

  • JL

    That grease, wash thing may work when you're already natural but not if you're going natural and have medium to long hair. Its a lot of work if you have a lot of hair. And a lot of time if you have a full time career.

    The truth of the matter is everyone DOESN’T look good with short natural hair. That’s just the reality of life…just like everyone DOESN’T look good with long straight hair. Do what works for you.

  • Chell86

    Although I know some say that men shouldn't be commenting on women's hair I appreciate this post. The term "follicle trickery" tickled me pink. I think the process of going natural can be disjointing in that it is not the mainstream depiction of hair. (Although I really believe that the internet is alive with blogs and other resources devoted to the topic) Personally, I just did the big chop a week ago and was told yesterday straight up that it was "unattractive" for a woman to wear short natural hair and that perhaps I should get a wig. I think that the beauty of black women is we can do whatever and still look fierce. I don't think the post was meant to be an attack of women who wear weaves, but more an attempt to give some loving to the natural sisters…and you know what…today I needed it.

  • JL

    @Manford446 I think its completely untrue that a woman with natural hair is more psychologically sound. I don't know where you did that research but brotha you are way off.

    For me, personally, I love my natural hair but my mother relaxed my hair when i was 14 and do not have the patience, time or money it takes to go back to my natural state right now. (its a lot of work. don't believe the hype) So maybe in a few years…

    I just hate that people automatically assume you have a condition of "self-hatred" because your hair is straight. Get a life.

    Aside from that i think its apart of Black American culture. I dont wear weave consistently, but i have in the past for fun. Its a great way to try different styles without damaging your own air. I've tried different colors wearing weave. You have black girls with the different unique asymetrical hair cuts, and the crazy updos, the multi-colored hair styles. You may not like them, but thats stuff WE invented. BLACK AMERICANS and it is often times achieved with weave. In fact, if a white girl had braids with extensions added or a beehive or something…we would say "she's tryna look black"

    I have NEVER wanted to be a white girl. Let me repeat…I have NEVER wanted to be or look like a white girl. I love being Black. I definitely dont think weave= self hatred. And people who think that are short-sided.

    And lets not talk about how white women want plumper behinds and lips in order to look like us…noooo let's just talk about the "self-loathing" black women.

  • Manford446

    Of course a black woman with alopecia and such conditions can still choose styles that complement kinky hair if they desire. We black men have indeed failed our black women by not strongly and consistently suggesting to them from day one that relaxing and weaving their hair beyond any recognition of its natural state is not automatically a beauty enhancing action. If 90% of Asian women decided that the only way for them to enhance the beauty of their hair is bleaching, clearly this would be a self hate condition of epedemic proportion. If 90% of white women decided that the only way for them to enhance the beauty of their hair is if it is processed until it is as kinky as black folk hair, or they weaved kinky hair over their naturally straight hair, again clearly this would be a self hate condition of epedemic proportion. I doubt if Asian folk or white folk would stand for anything so ridiculous and psychologically damaging to their races. The fact the 90% of black women believe that the only way to enhance the beauty of their hair is to relax and weave it beyond any recognition of its natural state is a self hate condition of epedemic proportion that should be addressed and corrected for the betterment of black folks.

  • black beauty

    "I am not my hair". There is more to me then meets the eye. I am a licensed cometologist and a RN. I have studied hair from a physical and medical perspective. Have we as a people forgotten that there are other reasons why people wear hair weaves or wigs for that matter. Where is the love and sensitivity for these people. I happen to have a condition that caused me to lose my thick, long and beautiful hair. It took me many years to accept what was happening to me. Having to deal with this very issue i'm reading about. This forced me to take a deeper look at myself. What I eventually saw was a Beautiful women both inside and out stairing back at me. Yes I wear hair extensions and it is well put together just like my soul. The problem for most people (black, white, yellow or brown) lies deeper then the eye can see. Men, you need to stop projecting your issues on black women and deal with them. Our hair is not your problem nor is it your solution. Learn to love your blackness.

  • Manford446

    To me, a black woman that chooses to wear a hair style that is complementary to the kink is just usually more psychologically sound than women who choose to weave or relax their hair. She is more likely to be actively trying to overcome the effects of the slave's mentality that causes black folks to do alot of the ridiculous,self-hate things that we do. Indeed, how a black woman styles her hair often says a great deal about who she is, and where she is in this very important psychological battle.

  • JL

    Women- if you're happy with you're own hair be happy.

    Men- if you dont like weave, get a girl who doesnt wear any.

    Wow…that was easy.

    Aside from that, I do see alot of weaves that look like they're on life support, but people always fail to talk about the natural girls who look a mess too. Just like you have to do your hair even if you have a weave, you need to upkeep natural hair as well.

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  • Mimi

    P.S. The picture is hilarious.

  • Mimi

    "…They don’t care what style the hair is in. We care about the upkeep and the maintenance in the hair. Whether, its natural, permed, curly, dreaded, afro’ed. Just make sure its DONE! Having a weave doesn’t give you ladies an excuse to walk around with a janitors mop on your head after washing down the cafeteria…"

    @MrHealingHands,

    I agree with you. I have seen plenty of women wearing hair weaves that seen better days, but they try to stretch it out as musch as possible.

    These women, walk down the street,

    not realizing they look more foolish with the weave, then without.

  • Kitty1026

    I've been natural for 2 years now, and I will never again perm my hair. With the exception of my mother, who seems to buy into the white man's standard of beautiful hair, everyone loves it!

    I've also noticed that I get way more compliments from the opposite sex. I always had long straight hair that was mine, even when I was relaxing it. I guess my curls are intriguing because they are so different. The first day I came to work after my big chop, my boss wanted to touch it, and I had to tell him to get his hands up out my head! LOL

    I always tell my male friends to not be distracted by the fakeness. Most women don't look like that when they wake up. I'm proud that I embrace my natural beauty.

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