Are You a Future Wife or Forever Wifey?

July 25th, 2011 - By Dr. Phoenyx Austin

Hola chicas! Dr. Phoenyx here again! And today’s discussion is about “getting that ring”- or more specifically, “are you ever going to get that ring?” Now I’m not knocking women that want to do the “Oprah thing,” but I know there are many of you that do desire the bliss of matrimony. And if marital bliss with your boo is the ultimate goal, then you need to start being realistic about where your relationship is truly headed- if anywhere at all.

I’m a die-hard romantic, but I’m also a realist. I’ve seen many cases of women who truly desire marriage, and do everything to satisfy their men, only to ultimately fall into the “wifey” trap. Now “wifey” may sound all cute and reassuring, but it’s bogus terminology invented by men that want to “claim” women without really claiming them. “Wifey” is just a glorified “girlfriend.” And it’s definitely not a “fiancé” or “wife.” You know, the chick that actually has a ring on her finger?

Now I never like being the bearer of bad news, but I love my fellow ladies too much to lie to them. That’s why I wanted to share a few signs that will let you know whether a guy is really taking your relationship seriously and in the direction of marriage- or just stringing you along.

Here are five ways to tell if he’s never, eva, eva, eva going to put a ring on it. Ok… maybe using “never, eva, eva, eva” is a bit harsh (I did say I’m realist ladies). But let me soften up a bit and allow my romantic side to close this out.

Yes ladies, there are always exceptions to the rule. He may put a ring on it after seven years of dating, six years of living together, five kids, and constant harassment on your part–but do you really have time to risk and possibly waste on that small glimmer of hope? Think about it. And while you do, check out this list! Here are 5 ways to tell if you are a future wife or forever wifey:

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

Pingback: Wifey black | Jazminandhesam
CanadianGirl

Best advice I ever got was from my girlfriend who said be careful and notice the things you find cute in the beginning. They may just end up grating on your nerves down the road.
Indifferent to Love

Why does everything have to be "Black women this, black women that"? White women have
babies to "keep" their man too now, it's not only a sista afflictions.. ijs…
honour

With all due respect Big Mike, I don't think you actually want to get married. You want a woman who is completely unselfish and not witholding, but you won't even tell her that you want to get married… I can't imagine that you are open and honest about other things either. I am also positive that if you found the woman you are looking for you would invent some other criteria for her to live up to.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I am sure you are a great person… I just don't think you want to get married. I hope that you also understand that this causes a lot of unneccessary (sp?) frustration and drama in relationships. Be honest about your goals and intentions, but start off by being honest with yourself
Take care
Nicole

well after a few years of dating and NOT being a wife you should live together for a good 6months to 1 year , show him how it is to have you as a wife, this means cooking love making cleaning and whatnot.. if he doesnt marry yo azz after a year of living like a married couple, move on. Dont do this in any and every relationship of yours.. only the most serious out of them all. twice or 3 times in your LIFE time that is
- Jilliam
  
  Sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. I’m not gonna be auditioning to be someone’s wife. I will never degrade myself that way. I hope a woman would have more respect for herself than to purposely try to show a man that she is wife material. I would hope my daughters would not EVER do something that humiliating…
…

If a woman is not "worthy" of wife status then the honorable man should let her go rather than spending time and energy into the relationship.
A woman that is "worthy" won't be impressed with his long uncommitted relationship, less than stellar mate choices, lack of honesty and willingness to stay with a woman until someone better comes along.

Future marriage is 50/50. A woman has to stay in the relationship and she has to say yes. If she isn't impressed she won't make that commitment, same as the man. A "good woman" will leave if the relationship doesn't have the potential or doesn't evolve towards real commitment.

Those "good men" have bad traits; they chose poorly or missed signs, wasted time with the "un-worthies" and missing chances with women who had what they wanted, got caught up, have bad taste, settled for less, or never attracted the woman they felt they were entitled too
Or maybe they aren't as "good" as they perceive themselves to be. Maybe their standards are unreasonable, they aren't bringing as much to the table as they think, and they don't stack up to their idealized mate.

For every "good man" in a miserable, inequitable relationship, there is a "good woman" in her own.

A bad marriage is worse than no marriage. A marriage-worthy relationship is an achievement, not an entitlement.
ReppinNC

'Diary of a Mad Black Woman'…fellas, run!
tpe

I can name many women who lost at life because they were "unselfish"

1.Women choose "unselfish" jobs taking care of other human beings more than men and they are the first to get laid off not to mention the fact that they get paid less.

2.Women who are unselfish in a relationship and helps husband pursue dream career through putting him through college or financing or being the brain behind his career and when he finally makes it he leaves for another woman

I just can't get with the unselfish thing.But I do believe in reciprocity.Get what you give,no more no less.
No one gets or feels played during the relationship or if it ends
Edward

Its you black women begging to get married because you think your wifey material when your not. Just because you've been in a relationship with a man for 5 years dont mean that its time to get married especially if you arent takin care of home and respecting your man. Women base when they want to get married on time. Men base when they get married on behavior. If you dont have wifey traits then you'll more than likely to remain single. Like most black women are.
- …
  
  And its men constantly whining about the dearth of wife material women.
  A man shouldn't be wasting time in a relationship for five years hoping the woman improves to his standards or that the type he wants will just materialize for him with no work on his end.
  That reveals a lot about his character, morals, judgment and worth.
  
  Both time and behavior indicate whether a relationship is worthwhile.
  Both parties can throw away all kinds of personal and interpersonal potential waiting for a weak relationship to escalate or implode.
  And, damaged goods are not attractive to the marriage-worthy marriage-minded.
  
  Single-hood leaves more doors open to future gain than futile relationships
Edward

FINALLY!!!! SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!!! Ive been saying this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is black women now days!
Respect Dues

So many singles have been in girlfriend status for sooo long that they only understand that mentality. They don’t know what it takes to be a good wife in order to sustain a relationship and some parts of society promotes that. Such as ARTICLES featured on ONLINE MAGAZINES. This continues this "Crazy Cycle." We need to get the right information to make it right.
Just Saying Ladies

The sad truth is many of today's women are NOT wife material in spite of their own inflated opinion of themselves. Just because you've dated a man for 3.5 years with no ring may have nothing to do with the man being "trifling". Maybe he likes you, but he isn't convinced that she will meet all of his needs. Why is it naturally assumed that the woman is perfect and ready for marriage? Some women (in my personal case) are simply too moody, too difficult, not worldly enough, don't keep themselves up they way they should, and don't exibit the level of respect that a lot of good men require in order to make the relationship permanent. Ladies YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO MARRIAGE. It's a title that you must earn through good behavior and not "time". Learn how to cook, get in shape, know how to speak about something other than the latest happenings on your job or what happened on Basketball Wives. Convince me dammit that you can fulfill my needs. Learn what your man requires in order for you to be promoted from wifey to wife. Learn to take some constructive criticism every once and a while. Lose some weight. Ladies just have the humility to ask yourself what is it that you haven't done to take you relationship to the next level. If you have a good dude, often times he's waiting on you to convince him that you are it but you haven't done so yet and explains why you will never get that ring that you desire. Real talk.
- …
  
  If a woman isn't worthy of even marriage consideration a good man would kindly keep it moving. Why waste time with someone who isn't "the one", could never potentially be "the one"? If you're a man with morals and character you are wasting time you could be spending meeting women who are better suited to your tastes. Or, you are only a good man in name, stringing some woman along keeping her in a holding pattern while you keep one eye out for better prospects. Which is unfair to her as you are wasting her time too, and calls into question your values if you're hedging your bets, putting less than 100% into the relationship, and open at any time to some level of emotional cheating.
  
  Many men who think they are "good men" are in the same boat as women who think they are marriage material. If you meet and date only "substandard" women it says something about your taste, the type of circles you move in, and your personal characteristics if that is the best you can attract.
  
  Self-improvement and honest re-evaluation go both ways.
  Too many men think all the have to do is sit back and wait for the "good woman" to come to them, impress them, compete for them, prove her worthiness to be their potential wife without considering what they need to do to attract and impress such partners themselves
Pingback: 07/27.LADIES WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF WIFE OR WIFEY MATERIAL?… « Trapjuice.com

About Us • Advertising • Contact Us • Privacy • Your California Privacy Rights

MadameNoire is a sophisticated lifestyle publication that gives African-American women the latest in fashion trends, black entertainment news, parenting tips and beauty secrets that are specifically for black women. Black women seek information on a wide variety of topics including African-American hair care, health issues, relationship advice and career trends - and MadameNoire provides all of that.