Don’t Set His Things On Fire. Instead, Try These Healthy Tips To Help Get Over An Ex After Being Dumped

April 12, 2016  |  
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"Waiting to Exhale"

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When you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, where you can’t keep your hands off of each other, you’ve planned your wedding in your head (or via Pinterest) and determined the name of your would-be children, the last thing you think about is breaking up.  And then, one day, it happens.  You and Mr. or Mrs. Right are no more.  That’s when you’re in a different phase and place altogether.  Your heart is broken, you cringe at the sight of happy couples, and you want to erase every trace of your ex from your memory…and your phone.

We’ve all been there, and we all know that ending a relationship is tough (especially if you were the dumpee and not the dumper).  And depending on how things ended, sometimes you can’t help but feel, well, bitter after a breakup.  That infamous Waiting To Exhale scene comes to mind and suddenly lighting your ex’s stuff on fire doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.  But this is real life, and you’re no arsonist (I hope).  So how do you move on after being broken up with, and do so in a way that’s healthy?  Here are some helpful tips.

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Give Yourself Time

There’s an age-old adage that claims you can determine how long it will take you to get over an ex by dividing the amount of time you were together by two.  Then, voilà!  But when it comes to matters of the heart, there is no magic formula.  Allow yourself to feel however you’re feeling and know that with time and distance, those feelings will dissipate.  You will not only survive, but you will also move on.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Find The Lesson

There’s always a lesson to be learned after a breakup.  With reflection, you can determine unhealthy habits or triggers that you want to avoid in your next relationship.  What can you do differently the next time around?  You’ll learn something about yourself and the kind of partner you want to attract.

Corbis

Don’t Internalize

“If only I…” this or “Why didn’t I…” that.  Yes, you should take responsibility for your role in a breakup, but you don’t have to beat yourself up over what happened or what didn’t happen.  Again, find the lesson.

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Lean On Me

Turn to your friends, the women who have been with you and will continue to be with you through thick and thin.  They have your back and are there for you.

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Shutterstock

Look For Reminders Of True Love

Seeing happy, loving couples and being privy to their healthy relationships is a positive influence and reminder that such a thing can not only be attained but sustained.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Release Negative Feelings

You can’t exactly release negative feelings with the click of a button, but there are some things you can do to help the process along.  Meditation is a wonderful way to release mental tension.  If closure is on the brain, you can write a letter to your ex saying all the things that were left unsaid, and then burn it.  Something about that process is therapeutic and freeing.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Get Busy

Get busy living that is.  Occupy yourself with things you love.  Do things that make you smile.  These are things you should make time for, regardless of whether there’s a significant other in your life or not.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Stay Off Of Social Media

Things have a way of existing permanently on social media.  Even if you delete a post or a tweet, you don’t know who saw it or screenshot it or how that post can affect you in the future.  If you’re fine with that, so be it.  If not, beware if you choose to bash your ex and air your dirty laundry on social media.

Image Source: Tumblr.com

Image Source: Tumblr.com

But If You Must Go On Social Media, Unfriend Them

Unfriending or unfollowing your ex is not as drastic as it sounds.  There’s nothing worse than seeing your ex pop up in your timeline, all happy and moving on.  That can set off a chain reaction of emotions that can hinder your healing process and trigger a desire to reach out to them.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Avoid Messy Texting

Sometimes we experience “and another thing!” syndrome after a breakup.  What better way to get those feelings across than to text your ex?  In the middle of the night, nonetheless…while drunk.

But what exactly does incessant, bashing texting invite?  And what if your ex doesn’t respond?  In all likelihood, you’ll feel even worse then and wish you hadn’t hit send on those texts.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Cut Them Off Cold Turkey

Unless you and your ex have children, cutting off contact with them can allow you to heal.  If you want to remain friends, give yourself the space you need first, then see if that’s even possible.

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