There is no genre of memes I hate more than the faux-deep, build-a-bear-a** sayings bitter little creatures disguised as men create to shame women for having standards. Not sure what I’m talking about? I’m referring to those simple little memes that litter my timeline from time to time and read something like, “Shout out to all the women who aren’t afraid to build with a man.”
Are we building our first home together?
No?
So what you’re saying is this is some warped attempt to convince me I have no right to expect a man in my same age range who approaches me as a potential suitor to at least bring the same things I bring to the table?
Yeah, I’m not here for that.
In fact, I’ve wanted to write about the ridiculousness of said memes for some time now but I never found the right tone for a piece that wouldn’t make me sound like a man-hating you know what. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with “building” with a man if that’s what you want to do (and he demonstrates potential that leads you to believe you will actually have built something when all is said and done). But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling like you come to the table as a ready-made woman and you want a ready-made man. Sure, we can — and should — help each other get to the next level as partners. But what you won’t do is tell me my standards are too high if at, say 30, I don’t want to wait for Jason to get his GED and catch up on his child support to “see where things can go.”
I’m starting to sound like a man hater aren’t I?
Well let me stop there because there’s actually a meme that sums up my opinion on this topic better than I ever could in 1,000 words or more and this, my friends, is it.
Have you caught your breath yet?
Yeah, sorry fellas. You’re not about to have me out here with a left arm that has right-hand capabilities just to prove to you I’m ride or die and not superficial. In other words, this whole notion is a– backward!
It’s not a woman’s job to build a man, that was your mama’s and your daddy’s. If they didn’t do it, that’s not my problem to fix unless I so choose. Furthermore, when’s the last time you heard a man, in all of his innately visual being, say “I bet she’s gonna be fine one day. Let me wife her now”? Or “It’s okay you don’t have a job and still live at home at 32. I’ll take care of you. I see your potential”? And please note I’m speaking of regular, every day school loan debt having guys, not wealthy men and rappers who nip and tuck their girlfriends into “models,” “stylists,” and trophy wives whose only “job” really becomes popping out babies for them.
I’ll build up my husband any day of the week. What I won’t do is invest more in a boyfriend in 6-18 months of knowing him than he’s invested in himself in all of his years on this earth. Men, think about that idea for a second as you create these selfish expectations of women. Ladies, if you’ve ever been one of those types of women (and I can admit I have) just study this meme and see how that behavior has you twisted — literally. Everyone else, just have a good chuckle at the absurdity that is social media relationship advice and be glad you know better.
