Corbis
Recently I had a revelation. My long list of pet peeves just might be keeping me single. From talking too loud to not talking loud enough, it’s the small things that usually annoy me when it comes to men I’m dating. While I know I’m far from perfect, these minor irritations are usually enough to turn me off. I have some nerve, right? Well, enter the latest small nuisance I’ve discovered about the newest man I’m dating. He’s funny, smart, and a gentleman. But I absolutely hate the way he talks. His accent (I won’t mention where he’s from as not to offend) in addition to his dialect, drives me crazy. He’s an awesome guy until he opens his mouth. But is his irritating voice reason enough for me to kick him to the curb?
Everyone has something about them that can be a turnoff to someone else. I get it. After complaining to a close friend about my revulsion to the way she speaks, she was quick to remind me that there’s probably something about me that he doesn’t find so swell as well. I concur. I am sure there are plenty of things about me that men aren’t particularly bragging to their boys about. However, we have to communicate to get to know one another better, and if his speech is a distraction, that could hinder us from being able to make that happen.
And then other annoyances are holding us back as well (including popping his toes too loud–who does that?!). And while I’ve tried to tell him how irritating some of the minor infractions are, when it comes to the big one, you can’t simply say to someone, “I can’t stand the sound of your voice.” That would just be cruel.
I understand wholeheartedly that many of my issues with him might seem picky and slightly immature to some. Sometimes I feel that I’m being petty about it all. I can even hear self-proclaimed relationship experts advising me to remember that his voice doesn’t determine his heart and that I shouldn’t eliminate a good man due to so-called minor issues, like speech. This could be true, but I also believe that a woman (or man) shouldn’t constantly be annoyed by many of their significant other’s actions. That’s a huge red flag. It’s unfair to both people in the relationship to pretend like you’re not. It’s not my job to try to change someone, and I agree that there are some things you simply have to ignore, if they are minor. But if you can’t ignore them, then what? Is there really an appropriate way to tell someone, it’s not you, it’s the sound of your voice that I can’t stand? You simply can’t, without it sounding brash and inconsiderate. So what is a woman to do? Would I be wrong to fly the coop over something like this?
But to be honest, it’s been a struggle to get past his voice, but I’m not completely over getting to know him. I hope that either my pet peeves with him will go away or simply won’t matter as much because his personality and big heart (and good looks) will shine through.
Everyone has their list of non-negotiables when it comes to relationships. Some women won’t date a man who doesn’t share their same religious or spiritual beliefs. Others may require a person to be gainfully employed with good credit. Having values and morals in dating is important and not choosing to compromise them is necessary; but what about the things that don’t interfere with your morals, but simply annoy you? How do you proceed?
This problem may seem minor to many, but could you do it? Could you date someone whose speech simply annoys you?
