Image Source: WENN.com
What’s worse: White supremacy or Black respectability?
No, this is a serious question.
And yes, I do understand that without the White gaze, much of what we deem as “respectable” would not likely exist.
But concerning oppression, we all have to admit that the rules we hold ourselves and each other up to – for the sake of protecting ourselves from the gaze – can be just as damaging to us as what White folks do to us directly.
I find this particularly true of Black women.
And this is particularly the case for Karrine Steffans. If you haven’t heard, the famed video vixen turned New York Times bestselling author got herself into a bit of trouble with the blogs yesterday for a Twitter rant in which she allegedly called Oprah Winfrey a “hoe.”
At least, that’s how many of the blogs and news sites reported it.
But what she actually said (in a series of tweets) was the following:
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706709820787699712
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706710544145723392
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706711185362563072
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706729117341741056
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706732499414577152
Of course, the message here is that many of the women we rightfully look up to as successes and as accomplished in our communities have lived lives that are no different than many of the other less notable (but equally valuable) women in our community. Therefore, little brown girl with the bad reputation, don’t feel ashamed. You too are somebody – just like Oprah.
But of course, very few heard that. Instead, what they heard was “Superhead called Oprah a ‘hoe.’” Because that’s how folks tend to read things.
Later in the day, Steffans sought to clarify her already clear position by adding:
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706727424759721985
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706728019449131009
https://twitter.com/karrineandco/status/706728692316139520
Sounds clever enough. Yet folks still didn’t hear her. Even though Winfrey and Angelou were both very open and candid about their pasts, people couldn’t hear her. Even as male rappers continue to get love for acting like part-time “The Second Coming of Malcolm Newton-Garvey” revolutionaries and part-time “Gun-toting, lady-pimp, Uncle Ruckus-spouting” thugs, folks still refuse to hear her.
Perhaps the world has a hearing problem?
Or perhaps we have a hearing things from Black women problem?
I definitely feel like it is the latter…
Over the years, I have shared a copious amount of thought on how the image of respectability promoted by a few is working against the agency of all Black girls and women to get free.
That includes how we tell Black girls and women to be happy, smile, and be magical all the time, even when our innermost emotions dictate otherwise (and when the asker, usually male, isn’t smiling or inviting happiness into our spaces). And the selective outrage we have over the “negative” images of Black and Brown women on reality television shows while completely excusing similar “negative” images just because they are wrapped in nicer outfits and have better, mostly white-collar jobs.
Also, how we generally trash and devalue Black girls and women based solely on their socioeconomic status (because when we describe anything as “low class” we usually mean “low-social” class). And not to mention the continued erasure of successful Black women (including their color, their personal struggles, and their roots) to fit some archaic notion of what it means to be “strong” and “Black.”
I have taken issue with this because as a Black woman, I understand too well how our collective quest for respectability is harming us. It silences us. It maligns and marginalizes us. It causes depression in us. It gets us into bad and abusive relationships. It kills us. And more importantly, it strips away and hinders all of the contributions we have made – and have yet to make – toward the progression of our communities. And that includes that “hoe” money, which has likely fed, clothed and supported more Black people than all of the public assistance, Hotep revolutions, Greek-letter sororities and fraternities and social justice movements combined.
That’s why I am a firm believer that it is time for our community in particular to accept the fact that – just like the rest of humanity – Black women too have multi-faceted and complex lives. We are not one thing. There is no right way to do Black womanhood. There is no right way for a Black woman to look, act and behave. We are neither saints nor sinners. We are both as well as everything we choose to be in between.
As such, I can love, share a kinship with, and understand that the same spirit that once guided Winfrey through her promiscuous teenage years is the same spirit that is guiding her now that she is one of the most successful business women – of any color – of our time.
And if you still can’t hear me, check out this video from last year of Steffans giving a fantastic lecture at Dillard University for Domestic Violence Awareness month. I know many folks tend to have a visceral reaction to hashtag activism, but there is no denying the affirming power of the idea that yes, even #ICanBeBoth.
