What Would You Do If You Witnessed Domestic Violence in Public?

July 18th, 2011 - By Victoria Uwumarogie

There are so many articles and books out there about what you should do when you are the victim of domestic violence in a relationship. Some popular TV shows even do corny episodes addressing the very real problem. They all tell you who you should call in your situation, how you know you are even in a “situation” in the first place, and on and on. But they don’t give you any clear cut ideas about what you should do when you witness domestic violence, especially when it happens to a complete stranger. You would throw down for family of course, but for a stranger? The ABC show “What Would You Do?” has touched on the topic, but seriously, what’s a good way to go about helping? Call the police? Jump in? Join in the yelling? It’s hard to say what you would do until you’re in that situation.

I encountered the aftermath of an abusive episode between a couple just this past weekend and I’m still not sure if I handled it in the best manner–I doubt it. So I thought I’d pose the question to you all for clarity: what should you do when you are a witness to domestic violence? Maybe your answers can be of benefit to others and also aid you in the future if you come across a woman (or man, real talk) who needs you to step in.

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  • Nat Boles

    I saw a man punch the lady sitting next to him in their truck right in front of me at a red light yesterday. I was completely and utterly shocked!! I couldnt believe my eyes so I kept watching, and sure enough, he kept on hitting her and I could tell he was yelling at her as well. After I was done memorizing the license plate, I looked up and he saw me in his rear view mirror, I looked right him as I dialed 911. I did follow him for just a bit but then pulled off and parked where I could still see them crossing a bridge as the operater notified me that a police officer could see them, then I hung up. My question is, that while I know I did the right thing, how can I find out if that loser got arrested or not!

  • Sharon Thomas

    “All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.” Until you’ve been abused you never really know what they’re going through. So you do not have the right to call someone retarded. I personally haven’t been abused, but I know people who have. It’s very rarely as black and white as some people make it seem. I, for one, commend you for trying to help, however, please have your own back. Hope for the best, but go in prepared for the worst.

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  • BeatenFaceLast Time

    Unfortunately, I am a victim twice of domestic violence. Was married for 17years and thought I could change him. I cried out for the neighbors as he made sure to break all of the phones. I left him and everything of mine behind. Now I am 40 and swore I'd never get involved in another situation like that again. Well, been seeing a guy for a year, and just this weekend, he beat my face in, head butted me, and choked me. I live in upscale apartments, all windows open. I screamed for help as soon as he was done, NO ONE came to help, nor called the cops, I hid the phone in my bra and fled. He is now in jail and facing prison. As a victim, I cannot believe a lot of what I have read. If you don't want to help by looking out your window, call the cops, I only knew from what I had been through years ago to never leave the phone behind. I out smarted him, but face is a bloody mess. He has trial on Tuesday and I am scared to death. I will go and get a TRO on Monday. Yes, I do love him, it makes NO sense, other than I grew up with domestic violence and married into it as well. Help people…what has this world come to?

  • Victoria

    I've been a victim of this and I remember praying to God someone would hear my pleas and stop and help me. I was only 18 years old at the time. In the middle of Downtown Washington DC and although I had left my partner a while back he had decided to pop up out of nowhere (I guess he had been following me) and started off strong-arming me like no other. I tried to get away from him before the following beating or slap, or whatever may have you, followed. But as I tried to get away and screamed for help and practically begged people with tears in my eyes to help no one assisted. Now I definitely don't think every dispute should be intervened in because it could turn dangerous/deadly for you and the person being attacked. However if they person is clearly in panic and they're *begging you to help them, especially at young ages like 17/18/19 or what have you, I feel it's a very sad thing to keep walking by. Where's the sense of humanity there. There were cops and security guards who wouldn't even help me. It's sad to think that if the Lord hadn't intervened himself and saw me out of that situation in tact, I could've been beat to death right there and no one would've batted an eye.

  • torethamaliyah

    We have to try to treat each other as good neighbors. You might not know a person. But you know the feeling that someone appears to be over their head, when you see it. Keeping your distance and calling for help is important. But if there is no time to get help, what then?

    It's a personal choice and I'm proud that you stepped up for a stranger, despite the possible danger to yourself. You don't do it because it's easy, you do it because it's right. If sister girl getting hit didn't want anyone in her business, she shouldn't have been out with a knucklehead. How many news stories do you read about where a crime was committed, someone in the area and questioned as a witness and they saw they saw/heard what was going on but didn't do anything to try and help? Too many stories. Watch your own back, but this is a community issue.

  • anon

    I witnessed a beating like this, but much worse in college. A man beat a woman for a good 20 minutes, in the alley behind my house until she could barely walk. She screamed the entire time, but honestly I didn't want to get involved and hoped someone else would call for help, just like the Kitty Genovese story. I'm from Chicago, too. I knew much better than to go outside and intervene, but in the future I will call the police wrong or right whether I think someone else already has or not. Being in the city doesn't mean we have to be completely apathetic to the plight of our fellow humans.

    • Topics101

      Interesting story, and although I think she's right for protecting her life as well as her daughter's in the court of law she probably used what is considered "excessive force" by pulling the trigger. Perhaps if she had a "No trespassing sign, previous police reports from the past documenting actual abuse by him, and then he came into her house with a gun attempting to shoot then she probably would be free. She may need counseling to help her deal with her past so that she can recover and let a good man find her when the time is right -real men don't hit women, and not all men are bad-

  • Worldchanger!

    I've heard my grandma say, She knew her husband loved her cuz he beat her. I think thats the mentality alot of women still have. I've seen women roll on dudes and chicks alike who have stepped in when they were getting beatdown in public. I see the same with children as well. I saw a mom bloody her 5 year old son's nose and when sumbody asked if he was okay, he spit in that person's face. It's something alot of people accept and i'm not sure why.

    • JustAshley

      Yes!@ what your grandma used to say! I've heard the SAME exact thing. I had a girlfriend in high school whose boyfriend slapped her around like a rag doll. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. So when I asked her if she was okay she said, "Yeah I'm alright. Girl, he grabbed my arm super tight- like I KNOW Mike loves me sooo much!"
      *
      I stopped hanging out with that chick REAL REAL quick.

  • nursedred

    Where I grew up in south Philly people are quick to call the cops on domestic violence but not other things. 3 days later ol boy is back home but at least people cared enough to try to help out. Sometimes if the abuser is taken away that’s the push that woman needs to get out of the situation. Sometimes its not but I would hate for somebody to die because I wouldn’t dial 3 numbers. There’s no personal risk involved and you might save a life

  • Kayla

    No way i will call the police. As a woman how can i jump in with a big grown, muscular man beating on a woman. Call the police. And if it's a woman beating a man she more than likely has a weapon because he is usually bigger than him.

  • Ladyj

    Absolutely intervening…. Until you do right by me everything you think about gon fail…..there's just no reason to let a victim continue to be abused in ur presence…. That might be the only relief they get that day

  • Angie

    Ggg

  • Rosanna

    You don't necessarily have to intervene yourself. But, DEFINITELY call the police! It just may save a life.
    If you know the victim well enough, have a talk with her (or him) about what it is they really want and deserve.

  • 4PaigeLetter

    how r u a new yorker if u from chicago?? a real new yorker knows to stay out of it 0_o

    • Victoria U.

      I said I'm a "new" New Yorker…but thanks for reading!

  • Geena

    Wholeheartedly agree with JustAshley. You are not a hero! Call the police from somewhere where you can't get hit yourself! Only they are qualified to deal with these kinds of situations. Either that or be prepared for whatever happens when one of them turns on you. You NEVER know who has a gun/knife/taser/acid or whatever and will toss it on you because they "don't need you all in they business." This happened to a friend of mine in BK who tried to break up a fight outside a club between some crazed couple. He ended up with a bullet in his face and my best girlfriend lost her kids dad. It's not your business. Those women end up returning to the guy after the "i love you's" and then what? What exactly did you do to help????

  • JustAshley

    "I asked if everything was cool and THAT’S when homegirl decided to play me to the left after all my trouble. She acted like she couldn’t hear me again…."
    *
    And that is the typical retarded abused persons response. You NEVER EVER EVER get involved in a domestic violence situation. They could have just as easily turned on you and attacked you! Even cops will tell you that domestic violence situations are the MOST dangerous for even a cop to become involved in! The victim and the attacker often attack the cops!
    *
    I say call the cops anonymously from the safety of your home and let them handle it. Chances are:
    1. This is typical behavior for this psychotic couple
    2. Once you've intervened and put yourself in danger, or even caught a few left hooks trying to protect her – she will more than likely go right back to him the very next week.
    I've seen it too many times. You just can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. SMH

    • http://twitter.com/TCGalltin @TCGalltin

      First of all, I would like to apply to Just Ashley. Please do not call the victim of a domestic violence "retarded". That is totally uncalled for. Most domestic violence vicims are caught up in a vicious cycle of abuse and their psyche is battered, which keeps them in the relationship.

      I am glad the author intervened. That's the problem in today''s world: too many people don't intervene when something unjust is going down. I'm just glad she didn't get hurt. And I am grateful for her article. Maybe people will do more to end this insidious disease in our community when they see it.
      Sincerely,
      T.C. Galltin
      Author of the forthcoming novel Zaire's Place about three women whose lives converge at a domestic violence shelter in Baltimore, MD

      • JustAshley

        No its NOT uncalled for. Anyone who sticks with a person who beats the h*ll out of them is RETARDED. I don't care what your reasoning is for sticking with an abusive partner the reasoning is fractured and intellectually and emotionally challenged is the very definition of RETARDED.
        *
        I've seen the worst things, such as injury and EVEN DEATH come out of domestic violence situations where INNOCENT SAMARITANS try to intervene and help. Your a fool for telling the writer that you're proud of her for following he couple around the corner. SMH Being an author doesn't means a dayum thing if the advice you give doesn't help and only brings about the harm of others. SMH

        • JustAshley

          *excuse the typos* I'm just pissed.
          *
          Ya know, its not the 50's anymore where divorce is considered taboo or where a woman has hardly a chance in h*ll of supporting herself. There is no reason for a woman to stay in these types of situations. It bothers me on a personal level that someone would put themselves through that kind of bullsh*t.

          • http://twitter.com/syntactics Rachel Stark

            Victim blaming mentalities like yours are a huge part of why abuse victims stay in these situations: because people like you, under the guise of caring about them, blame them for their attacker’s repeated behavior and add to the feelings of low self-worth abuse already creates in them. So thanks for being part of the problem.

            And you also do a fabulous job of ignoring the frequency with which abusers murder their victims, ESPECIALLY after their victim has attempted to get out of the relationship. While I in no way mean to imply that an abuse victim *should* stay with their attackers, you need to be aware of and sensitive to the very real danger and justifiable fear that they face in attempting to escape.

            Most of all, stop being part of the problem.

    • seek2027

      I agree with @ JustAshley at the end of the day Its up the victim when they want to put an end to the violence a third party can intervene all day but if that woman refuse to leave that man who is beating her. Then every attempt you make outside of that would be in vain

      • numero uno

        I disagree.im not letting any man hit any woman in front of me wtf….I saw this at a bus stop once.

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