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I can decipher hair charts about as well as the periodic table, but I’ve been told I’m somewhere along the 3B spectrum — mostly by women who like to label my hair with that dirty G word Black women say they hate but still use regularly as both a mode of shaming those perceived to be less Black and self-deprication. I usually respond to those “but you got that good hair” remarks that are thrown at me whenever I complain about not knowing what to do with my own hair or I’m listening to someone complain about theirs by saying “more manageable” because “good” feels awkward and without hair struggles I am not.

The 2C, 3A/3B alphabet soup hair struggle is a topic that’s been on my mind for some time now, but I didn’t feel convicted to actually put my thoughts into a post until I saw the response to the #SaveMyEdges parody we posted on Monday. Thinking this lighthearted video would give all Black woman a good laugh, I was shocked to find a comment that read: “This comes off as disrespectful and mockery to me and I have full edges so it’s nothing personal. The fact that most of the women are biracial yet they mention “black women” makes it come off more mocking.”

I don’t have time to debate bi-racial Blackness right now (but I shall another day), what I want to discuss is the misconception that just because you don’t have course, kinky, or a so-called 4C texture means your hair care routine is a walk in the park. The fact is anyone with African Ancestry, no matter the percentage, is going to have to put extra TLC into caring for their tresses, and yes that includes preventing the endangerment of their edges, much to the surprise of the same commenter noted above who also posited: “Biracials seldom wear hairstyles that create lost edges.”

Tell that to my bi-racial best friend who rocks box braids in the summer and who just lost about 4 inches of hair due to color processing. I’m not bi-racial, but that 35% of European ancestry that’s apart of my DNA was not enough to stop a box braid from yanking out an entire section of baby hair on the right side of my head three years ago. And because I couldn’t stick to the Jamaican Black Castor oil routine recommended to me, I became that girl with partially see-through edges on one side until I left perms, braids, and super tight buns alone (for the most part on that last one because I still love a bun).

Just a few weeks ago a friend of mine was complaining about how she can’t do anything with her straight, fine hair that people also like to tell her all the time is “good.”

“It won’t hold a curl; it won’t do anything. That’s why you always see it like this,” she said motioning to the low ponytail that has become her signature style. Sure, she may not have to do anything to it to beat it into submission in that ponytail, but she also envies other women who can rock big, wild hair one day, or have large curls the next, or even a funky updo, which her straight hair won’t allow.

Even with my ability to do a wash n’go, I know I’m not putting my best foot forward; I’m essentially getting by because I’m too lazy to take the time to twist and pineapple my hair every night and have a luxurious curly ‘fro like other naturals. And as soon as I lay down on any part of my hair, it’s smashed and I have to start over from scratch — like soaking wet hair, apply product and air dry or blow dry with a diffuser scratch because that spray bottle stuff doesn’t work for me. There’s also the fact that when I straighten my hair, the mere suggestion of moisture instantly turns my straight bob into a puffy, frizzy mess by the time I get from my apartment to the office. And there’s still no skimping on all those pre-poo, shampoo, co-wash, detangle, moisturize, seal, style, dry steps if you actually want healthy hair. Okay maybe the detangling takes a little less time, but does anything about all of that other stuff sound overwhelmingly “good?”

I didn’t write this to have a digital woe is 3B party, I just need for Black women to find one thing we cannot be divisive about. I know hair as a whole will never be it, but it would mean a lot if we could at least acknowledge we all struggle somewhere along the hair care maintenance spectrum, no matter how wavy or course our texture may be.

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