Bravo
On the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” he is known as Kenya Moore’s gay best friend/assistant.
But in recently Facebook rant, Brandon Deshazer wants the world to know just how sick and tired he is of the “gay Black friend” stereotype in general.
Posted in its entirety:
While Deshazer claims he is opposed to the shade, the example he provided sounds vaguely similar to a recent episode of RHOA when the cast sat around and made derogatory statements about the sexuality of fellow cast member Kim Fields’ husband.
Nevertheless, point taken and received.
I have written before about reality television’s particular propensity to use gay men as accessories for allegedly affluent women. More specifically in the post entitled, Are Gay Men the New “Mammies” of Reality Television?, I wrote:
“Like so many other reality TV show watchers, I have begun to notice the casting on these shows seems to be on reinforcing our expectations of a certain group. The loudmouth, angry black woman is probably the most notable – if not talked about – of these memes. But there are many, many others, including the non-threatening gay sidekick, which are just as pervasive.The irony is that the gay male sidekick is supposed to show how progressive and completely accepting of homosexuality these women are. However, watching these reality TV show characters tote these men around on their arms like the latest handbag would be just as bad as watching a character in an old black and white film, saying that she loves Negro people because, “I have a Black maid.”
But while I see where Deshazer is coming from, I do have one major caveat: How about we start addressing misogyny in general?
I mean, that is what is at the heart of all of this, right?
It’s not just about using derogatory words like “queen” and “delicate” to oppress Black male sexuality. It’s that words like “queen” and “delicate” are seen as derogatory and as weapons to begin with.
It’s that penetration, which is something that is only supposed to be done to women, is seen as feminine. It’s also that we tend to equate femininity with weakness.
And it is that the gay Black male community often and unwittingly plays into its own oppression when they individually co-sign, endorse and engage in any of the same sort of weaponization of women and our sexuality. My favorite example of this is how the shady term “fish” is used to belittle and devalue women specifically, and no one really bats an eye.
My point is not to devalue what Deshazer is saying here. I firmly believe that we are all entitled to respect. And I think that it is about time that someone not only remind the ladies of RHOA but Bravo executives themselves that gay, Black men are deserving of respect.
However, I do wonder if Deshazer would be as incensed by the oppression, if those reality show stars he mentioned were gossiping about some THOT?
