15 Items To Hide When Living With A Man
You might be thinking, “My boyfriend came over all of the time before we moved in together. He’s seen my stuff. What’s he going to find when we live together that he hasn’t already stumbled upon?” Answer: a lot.
When you lived separately, he didn’t have free reign to go rummaging through your drawers, cabinets and boxes. If you found him doing that, you would accuse him of being crazy! But when you live together, all of your drawers, cabinets and boxes are his drawers, cabinets and boxes. He pays rent in your space now, so he has the right to turn the place upside down if he can’t find his passport or spare car key. And that is exactly when he might find some things he never found before when he politely stuck to his allotted shelf at your apartment. Here are belongings to tuck away when you live with a man.
Any sex toys you haven’t used together
If your boyfriend finds whips and handcuffs that you haven’t used together, his first thought is, “Well she used these with somebody!”
Your more aggressive adult entertainment
Be careful: if your man knows what you like to watch in adult films, he’ll think you want to do that in real life. And sometimes, you really don’t.
The diaries and journals that you wrote about past sexual experiences in, past relationships in, and even this boyfriend in. Remember when you were fantasizing about your wedding with this guy when you’d only known him for two months? Remember when you named your fictional baby in that journal?
Men don’t understand that plenty of women keep pregnancy tests around as a precaution. Sometimes, you see a two-pack on sale at the pharmacy, and you say, “What the heck? Couldn’t hurt to have them at home just in case.” If your partner sees these, he will go into the anti-pregnancy-freak-out mode, and you won’t get laid for weeks.
Boxes of old cards
You might be one of those sentimental types who keeps birthday and holiday cards. But don’t forget that in that box of cards are old love notes from old boyfriends. Storage unit, please!
You take them because they make your hair thicker, your nails stronger, and your skin glow. Your partner will not understand that if he finds these in your medicine cabinet. See the part about pregnancy tests.
Outfits from your clubbing days
He doesn’t need to know that you used to wear a dress that had a spiked bra and back that plunged halfway down your butt crack. That’s between you and your twenty-year-old bad-a** self.
Your flask/condom holder
That cool little contraption that would hold your whiskey and two backup condoms when you went clubbing! That thing was great! Your boyfriend won’t think so, though!
Because men don’t understand. They DON’T UNDERSTAND how much damned time it takes to brush our hair when it’s dry, then wash it, then brush it out wet, then apply the anti-frizz treatment and then wait for it to dry. We don’t want to wash our hair more than twice a week; we don’t need our boyfriends’ judgment about it.
That college photo album
It’s all fun and games and sorority pictures until, oops, you forgot about that time you walked naked through the halls during Spring Break.
Your little black book
If you are so cocky as to keep one, for goodness sake put that in storage with your ex-boyfriends’ love notes.
Your little self-love notes
It’s sweet and positive that you write yourself love notes like, “You are beautiful” and “You’ve got this.” But imagine what it looks like to your partner to stumble upon a note that says, “You are worthy, you’re a princess, you deserve the world.” He might clutch onto his wallet tight.
Your ducky shower cap
Because there is just no going back after he’s seen this bad boy. You will never get any action in the shower again if he witnesses the little duckbill you wear on your head.
Your bridal magazines
I just admire the designers, you say. I’m a foodie who loves to look at the cake, you insist. He’s not listening. He’s imagining the ticking clock in your head that is counting down until the minute he proposes.
Wedding invitations with former plus one’s
Wedding invitations from your good friends’ weddings are nice memorabilia. But remember, some of those may have been addressed to you and a past boyfriend. To the vault!