8 Food Fights Every Couple Has
Food; we eat it three times a day if we’re disciplined, six times a day if we’re following that “eat lots of little meals” diet, or twice a day if we’re too busy to grab breakfast. Either way, food seems to come up every single day, so there are a lot of opportunities to argue about it in a relationship. In many cases, food can be bonding, sensual, and fun! You can cook together, try new restaurants together, or make one another surprise dinners. But after you’ve been with somebody for a while, meals become routine—a lot of the fun comes out of food and instead it’s served with a side of bickering. The good news is that it’s normal. The other good news is that one day you’ll be wealthy enough to have private chefs, and that’ll solve that. Just kidding. Here are eight food fights almost every couple has.
Your show your love with food. You make a mental note any time your partner likes a dish at a restaurant or tells you what his favorite treats are, and you buy those foods as a gift for him. You like to make him elaborate dishes when you know he’s had a long day. You like to pick ice cream up for him when you know he is stressed out. You feed him love with an extra helping of onion rings.
You’re fattening him up
It’s not uncommon that a man realizes he’s put on weight because his partner won’t stop feeding him! And then he gets angry at his partner for “making him fat.” She gets angry that he could be so ungrateful about her kind gestures. She says, “Fine. That’s the last time I make you any food.” He says she’s overreacting. They usually meet somewhere in the middle, with him coyly asking, “Will you make me that pasta I love?” as a peace offering, and her responding, “I’ll add more veggies, so it’s healthier” as a compromise.
His doctor says he needs less sodium and fat in his diet. His doctor can’t be with him for every meal, though, so you’re editing his orders at restaurants and throwing away his favorite foods around the house. You’re texting him and insisting he sends you a picture of his lunch at work.
Doctor becomes police
Your partner will quickly feel like he can’t enjoy a meal with you. He’ll feel under your observation constantly, and become insecure any time he grabs a pretzel. He will probably give you the dreaded, “You’re not my mom!” line and you will be equally furious and humiliated at the same time. You’ll give a deeply sarcastic, “Sorry I care about you I’ll just stop then.” He’ll grab a celery stick and make puppy eyes.
Taking things personally
Your partner might worry about your health, too! Even if you’re in incredible shape but you eat french fries every day (you lucky, lucky woman) your partner still might worry about your cholesterol and suggest you cut back on the fast food.
You’ll withhold affection
You become insecure, thinking he made that statement because you’ve put on weight. And now nobody is having sex for a few weeks until he proves to you that you’re the sexiest woman in the world. Oh, and you’re eating the fries in the meantime.
What to feed your kids
If you have children, then you have the enormous task of giving them wholesome, nutritious meals that will help their little bodies thrive! Of course, kids don’t want wholesome, nutritious meals. They want rice Krispy treats. You think they should get one a week if they do their homework; your partner thinks they should have them whenever they want because they’re so darn cute!
You become the police again
It’s no fun playing the bad cop in the kitchen! When your partner leaves it up to you to make sure your kids eat their vegetables, he gets to be the fun parent in their eyes; meanwhile, you’re fuming in the corner thinking, “He’s going to cause them child obesity, and they’re going to thank him for it!”
Takeout vs. cooking
You want to save money, but he doesn’t want to cook. When you suggest it’s his turn to handle dinner for the night, he immediately wants to order takeout. You say, “That costs too much!” and he retorts, “I don’t want to cook, though; it’s food either way!”
You end up cooking every time
You end up cooking because it’s the only way you two will have a home-cooked meal. Your partner doesn’t see why he should have to cook—he thinks so long as he puts food on the table, you shouldn’t dictate how he does it. You think his laziness is costing you guys $50 in delivery fees and tips every week.
Eating at different times
When life gets busy, sometimes the only time you have to catch up with your partner are meal times. But when your schedules are different, it can be difficult to coordinate meal times. Doing so usually forces one person to eat earlier than she wants, or one person waiting in starvation for an hour.
So you both cheat
Your partner sneaks in appetizers with friends before scheduled dinner with you. He isn’t that hungry at dinner, and you know he cheated! Now you feel like he’s just sitting through this dinner with you to be polite, and he spoiled your chances of enjoying it together. Of course if he hadn’t had the appetizers he would’ve been starving by dinner, and he would’ve exploded at you for being ten minutes late.
Needing a diet buddy
If you’re trying to lose weight, it’s hard enough walking by the chocolate store on the way to work every morning and avoiding the frozen food isle at the grocery store. You don’t also need your partner eating grilled cheese sandwiches next to your beet salad every night. But he is…he IS!
Blaming him for your diet fails
He doesn’t think he should change what he is eating just because you’re changing what you’re eating. You think he isn’t supportive because he is keeping junk food in the house. If your diet doesn’t give you results immediately, you tell him he is the reason it’s not working! He says you shouldn’t blame him for your lack of self-control. You say, “I have plenty of self-control. In fact, I see myself controlling my need to have sex with you for a long time.”
His secret diet
Maybe your guy wants to eat healthfully, and he comes to you for help. You make him vegan meals; you buy him healthy snacks like probiotic yogurt and dried prunes. But when his friends come over, he says the snacks aren’t his, and he teases the leftover vegan loaf in the fridge—saying it’s something gross you “forced” him to eat.
Where’s the gratitude?
Men put a lot of pressure on one another to eat cool. Yeah—that’s a thing. They’re all supposed to be slurping down stacks of ribs every night and pretending it doesn’t cause them indigestion. Meanwhile, they come crawling home to their partners asking for a light meal that will help them feel better. And what do you get? A man who is too cool to openly like your vegan loaf!